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Date Posted: 4/11/06 2:44pm
Author: Murphy O`Shazzlehandle
Subject: Re: Distributors needed
In reply to:
Professor Barnswallow
's message,
"Re: Distributors needed" on
31/10/06 9:43pm
Professor Barnswallow
You may not be aware but I am currently undergoing a legal battle with Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd after they stole one of my ideas in March of 2003. Having patended my idea , which could best be described as a labour saving device for birds of prey, they, Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd patended an identical device in April of the same year.
The similarities between my device and theirs is strikingly similar. My device is a large piece of 4 by 2 with holes in either end (and in the middle), it also doubles as a pair of long range field-binoculars - as does theirs. My device is totally automated with manual option override fitted as standard, as is theirs, and my device is enscribed with the acronym B.O.B.D (Bird of Prey Device)in luminous mouve indelible ink, as, coinicidentally, does theirs.
My device is also a handy draft excluder, as theirs is too, and my device can be modified to use as a makeshift rounders bat, the same as theirs. My device has a storage facility for arms caches (theirs too) and my device is a shoe horn with a built-in fm radio, so`s their one.
My device is a barometer and geigercounter (ditto theirs) and my device can test the authenticity of 24 Karat Gold from 12 metres whilst submerged in Olive Oil and/or distilled penguin`s piss, it also teaches one how to yodel: "I belong to Glasgow" in D minor, in 3 easy lessons - theirs (incredible though it may seem).. likewise.
My device also picks-up satellite television totally free of charge and every shopping channel, weather bulletings, and live coverage of the London to Brighton Milk Race whilst serving you with a running buffet and copious amounts of the finest wine - all free of charge of course - their`s does too!
Based on the above information do you think we have a strong case?
Kindest regards
Murphy O`Shazzlehandle
Nightclub Doorman and Proud Inventor Extraordinaire.
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Re: Distributors needed -- Professor Barnswallow (Quality Products without Warranty),
5/11/06 6:50pm
Murphy,
You certainly present a good argument in the similarities between your device and the one sold by Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd. However in talking to Beloved Leader we both are mystified how you came across Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd’s device.
It seems our distribution network has some explaining to do, these were made specifically for export to only a few locations as they did not meet EU standards. These were only available in the Tuamotu archipelago and Antarctica from July to August by special order. They are no longer in production due to failing to get EU and ISO approval and generally sluggish sales. If we had done any market research we would have realized that shoes were unheard of on the Tuamotu archipelago and distilled penguin piss freezes at 28 degrees Fahrenheit. In addition in several instances the shoehorn has caught fire due to a fault in the FM radio’s Sony supplied battery pack. The Antarctic tests went equally as bad with ice forming in the holes and explosively flying in all directions when used as a rounders bat, and a malfunction in the 24 Karat Gold detector caused at least 14 deaths when in the extreme cold it started giving false readings of sheathbill droppings causing these unfortunate explorers to drift off on ice flows.
Best of luck with the doorman job and keep up inventing, Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd. is always looking for new products.
Professor Barnswallow
Senior Sales Representative
Bedbeger International
Industrial Supply Sales
Nottingham Region
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Re: Distributors needed -- ILL EAGLE (all smelling evil nose),
6/11/06 9:00am
Murphy,
As an expert on the viscosity of fresh bird droppings (particularly albatross) I feel I am well qualified to comment on your case which involves a highly specialised area of intergalactic patent law.
I think the pivotal point in this case is, what type and model of "Bird of Prey" are we talking about? The Klingons made many different types and models. What was the crew capacity, gross weight, fastest warp speed etc ...
Unfortunately, you have fallen into the trap of all amateurs, and failed to recognise the salient points.
Feel free to consult me again, on matters of intergalactic law.
ILL
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