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Date Posted: 27/01/07 9:50pm
Author: Professor Lincoln B. Tripeman MD
Subject: Re: Fat-U-Ditch Pill
In reply to:
Phil Esteen
's message,
"Re: Fat-U-Ditch Pill" on
27/01/07 4:23pm
Hi again Phil
I`m glad you like my ideas. Of course it`s no problem for me to raise the ex gratia payment to £7.50. With me it`s never about the money, more about the pleasure I get from seeing something completely worthless sell like hotcakes to the masses. My father said to me when I was about ten years of age, "Son," he said, "Money can buy you lots of thing but one thing money can`t buy is all the wealth in the world!"
I think what he was really saying was once one has X amount of money one should be content with what one already has -
mad bastard my dad!
Can, Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. of Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall be trusted only i`ve heard that a few habeus corpus `corpses` have turned up in the thames weighed down with a blacksmith`s anvil or two in relation to this company? I don`t wish to cast aspersions upon them but do we really need to cut Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. of Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall into the deal?
After all we have our overheads to think of and also our good name to protect..
I think I may have an answer to the problem with the glasses lenses. When we ship the glasses to the customer how about we put in a note along the lines of "We apologise profusely but we are out of lenses at present. We will send you a pair post haste as soon as we receive them from our factory in China." (I hope you agree Phil by mentioning China this indicates tranparency and honesty and the punters will come back to order again and again once they see how sincere we are. Ok, we are selling them a buch of crap but we are upfront and honest about it!
I have taken the liberty of writing to Mel Gibson. I did`nt mention the Spec-U-Thin glasses but craftily I asked him to autograph a blank piece of paper. Little does Mel know that the paper he would have put his moniker to is actually a binding contract between him and us. I will type in the details when he sends the signed piece of paper back.
I can`t say too much at present but let`s just say Mell will be working day and night for us and won`t be getting a bean for his efforts.
I was very sorry to hear about your Range Rover ending up in your neighbour`s duckpond but have you mentioned the wonderments of our Spec-U-Thin glasses to hi or her - after all you have your foot in the door so to speak?
All the best Phil
Professor Lincoln B. Tripeman MD
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Re: Fat-U-Ditch Pill -- Phil Esteen (Soup! I didn't order any soup!),
27/01/07 10:46pm
My Good Professor Lincoln B. Tripeman MD,
You do seem to be a clever chap so I see no reason why not to put my trust in you. I think we could exclude the Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. of Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall, always wondered why he had me bringing round a few blacksmiths anvil’s to the docks at midnight. Funny he always insisted I wait a few block away till I heard the signal, a small caliber handgun being fired and then drive in straight away without head lamps on. However for what he was paying me I would have swum across the Thames with the bloody things tied to my waistcoat.
Re: Mel Gibson, I do hope he is not in such a state where he can’t sign his name, seems since he go onto the "religious filmmakers" bandwagon he’s been pissed more often than not. Since my Range Rover ended up in my neighbour`s duckpond twice in a weeks time I felt it best not to rush into a sales pitch till things settle down and some of the hedge grows back.
If for some reason Mel Gibson does not supply the needed signature we may need to cut in the Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. of Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall. His associate Anthony Kneebreaker has a way with getting cooperation from almost everyone.
Phil Esteen
Inventor and avid collector of trolley car memorabilia
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Re: Fat-U-Ditch Pill -- Phil Esteen (Sueman, Kneebreaker it's just business),
28/01/07 11:41am
Lincoln,
Are you really an MD? Reason I ask is it seems the Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. has been following our little plan and well Anthony Kneebreaker just came by and er… cut off my finger. Seems he dropped it into a DHL express delivery package addressed to you. I would be ever so grateful if you could re-attach it at once. Seems like a clean cut but Kneebreaker made some mention of keeping it on ice. I’ll be over as soon as I can staunch the bleeding, I’d drive over now in the Range Rover but it seems I have three flat tyre’s and I’ll have to take a hansom cab to your flat.
Just in case Shlockman has sent someone to your place don’t answer the door till you hear "rutabaga" that will be the password.
Phil Esteen
Inventor, with nine fingers and a penchant for gelatin (especially lime or orange)
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