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Date Posted: 19/04/07 6:32pm
Author: Stanley
Subject: Re: Exchange wanted
In reply to:
William Storey
's message,
"Exchange wanted" on
17/04/07 7:10pm
William,
Unfourtunatly I don’t have a Ming vase, I do have a Yuan Dynasty vase however and would be keen to trade for the dozen plastic clothes pegs. I will understand if you don’t want to include the last Tuesday’s Wigan Weekly and a packet of mouldy bird seed. I also have a mummified leg that I could throw in to seal the deal. Let’s just say I came across it by way of a schoolboy prank. If this is agreeable to you meet me in Chorley by the clock tower at midnight.
Stanley
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Re: Exchange wanted -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.,
20/04/07 7:12pm
Stanley,
Without asking too many questions about the mummified leg in your possession, let me just say I have a client who believes this may be his. It seems the old sod was napping in Wigan when someone stole it right out from under him. I would be willing to make an offer of say, 3 dozen plastic clothes pegs for its return. I might even sweeten the deal and throw in some “Vintage Victorian” wooden pins and a galvanized washing board for it’s safe return.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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Re: Exchange wanted -- Stanley,
20/04/07 7:25pm
Roger, may I call you Q
I think we can do business but I will need a plaster cast of your clients missing leg. Would you happen to have one at your disposal? Assuming your answer is yes I will accept your offer of 3 dozen plastic clothes pegs. Would you happen to have them finished in indigo violet? Assuming your answer is also yes (i`m very good at assumptions) can we arrange a meet at the corner of Frith st and Wensleydale Terrace? Assum.. forget it.. I have been searching high and low for "Vintage Victorian” wooden pins and a galvanized washing board so the deals a good`un to my mind. Please respond with the relevent PO Box address and a good time to call.
Regards
Stanley
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Re: Exchange wanted -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 20/04/07 9:24pm
Stanley,
I assume your intentions for wanting the cast of the missing leg are not for purposes of fraud or counterfeiting. My client would not want facsimiles of his missing appendage appearing in the odd curio shops run by foreigners, I am sure you can understand this is rather personal to my client. He was rather upset when the inspector investigating it’s disappearance in Wigan said “move along now there is nothing to see here” to curious onlookers.
I think we can accommodate your rather odd requests and indigo violet it is. If you would go down to the corner of Frith St and Wensleydale Terrace, making sure you are wearing a red Macintosh, a green Tyrolean hat with a single ostrich feather on the left side and carrying a pan of bangers (uncooked) we will meet to make the exchange. I would rather this was low key as to not attract any attention.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
It would be alright to call me Q, but please not in public.
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