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Date Posted: 17/04/07 7:10pm
Author: William Storey
Subject: Exchange wanted

Would anyone like to exchange their extremely rare ming dynasty vase for a dozen plastic clothes pegs? I will also throw in a copy of last Tuesday`s Wigan Weekly and a packet of mouldy bird seed.

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Replies:

[> Re: Exchange wanted -- Meredith Ng, 17/04/07 7:17pm

I have a moderately rare ming dynasty ashtray. It has a few scratches and dents but other than that it`s in pristine condition. I will gladly swap it for the stuff you mentioned but would you be willing to stamp on the mouldy birdseed wearing a pair of steel toe capped thigh lengthed jodpurs?
I have a fetish for this you see and am also a keen amateur bobsleigher.

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[> [> Re: Exchange wanted -- Daphne (`Daf`) Osbalderstein Nee` Blenkinsop, 17/04/07 7:36pm

I would like to sell my new ebook "Ebay for Beginners." I paid £15 for it 4 months ago but will sell it for £14.76. This is a real good saving on the list price and you could earn yourself a fortune if you follow the instructions to the letter. I have`nt earned a brass farthing so far but it`s early days and i`m a bit of an optimist at heart. I love ebay don`t you..

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[> [> [> Re: Exchange wanted -- Oliver Sarmy, 17/04/07 7:50pm

I hate to be forward but would you take £1.50 for the ebook?
I need it for a project i`m doing at school titled "How the dumbest of people are making a mint from selling worthless trash on ebay."

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[> [> Re: Exchange wanted -- Q, 24/04/07 8:17am

Meredith,

How fortuitous to hear from you again, after the bobsled accident I though I would loose touch with you forever. How fondly I remember that night, me in the steel toe capped thigh lengthed jodpurs dancing about and cracking walnuts, you in your pixy costume giggling and laughing and throwing petrol on the fire. Of course later on when all the guests had left and you brought out the tallow and goose feathers, it was a memorable evening. I can still hear your shrieking and the whip snapping when I close my eyes at night. I trust that you are well and I am looking forward to seeing you again, perhaps in Belgium next October for the bobsledding finals and the goose & grease festival. Q.


Sincerely,

Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law

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[> Re: Exchange wanted -- Stanley, 19/04/07 6:32pm

William,

Unfourtunatly I don’t have a Ming vase, I do have a Yuan Dynasty vase however and would be keen to trade for the dozen plastic clothes pegs. I will understand if you don’t want to include the last Tuesday’s Wigan Weekly and a packet of mouldy bird seed. I also have a mummified leg that I could throw in to seal the deal. Let’s just say I came across it by way of a schoolboy prank. If this is agreeable to you meet me in Chorley by the clock tower at midnight.

Stanley

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[> [> Re: Exchange wanted -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 20/04/07 7:12pm

Stanley,

Without asking too many questions about the mummified leg in your possession, let me just say I have a client who believes this may be his. It seems the old sod was napping in Wigan when someone stole it right out from under him. I would be willing to make an offer of say, 3 dozen plastic clothes pegs for its return. I might even sweeten the deal and throw in some “Vintage Victorian” wooden pins and a galvanized washing board for it’s safe return.


Sincerely,

Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law

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[> [> [> Re: Exchange wanted -- Stanley, 20/04/07 7:25pm

Roger, may I call you Q

I think we can do business but I will need a plaster cast of your clients missing leg. Would you happen to have one at your disposal? Assuming your answer is yes I will accept your offer of 3 dozen plastic clothes pegs. Would you happen to have them finished in indigo violet? Assuming your answer is also yes (i`m very good at assumptions) can we arrange a meet at the corner of Frith st and Wensleydale Terrace? Assum.. forget it.. I have been searching high and low for "Vintage Victorian” wooden pins and a galvanized washing board so the deals a good`un to my mind. Please respond with the relevent PO Box address and a good time to call.

Regards
Stanley

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[> [> [> [> Re: Exchange wanted -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 20/04/07 9:24pm

Stanley,

I assume your intentions for wanting the cast of the missing leg are not for purposes of fraud or counterfeiting. My client would not want facsimiles of his missing appendage appearing in the odd curio shops run by foreigners, I am sure you can understand this is rather personal to my client. He was rather upset when the inspector investigating it’s disappearance in Wigan said “move along now there is nothing to see here” to curious onlookers.

I think we can accommodate your rather odd requests and indigo violet it is. If you would go down to the corner of Frith St and Wensleydale Terrace, making sure you are wearing a red Macintosh, a green Tyrolean hat with a single ostrich feather on the left side and carrying a pan of bangers (uncooked) we will meet to make the exchange. I would rather this was low key as to not attract any attention.

Sincerely,

Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law

It would be alright to call me Q, but please not in public.

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