[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message ]
Date Posted: 22/05/06 9:31pm
Author: Compress-a-Cat International
Subject: Grand Opening
Hairball Express Grand Opening
Hairball Express will be opening in several locations this coming week. Look for a flyer in your post for a location near you.
Here is how our process works, rather than have your cat hocking up hairballs all over your home bring kitty into Hairball Express. We will place your cat in a stainless steel pressure vessel which is wound with carbon fiber for added strength, a space age polymer sealing collar seals the neck allowing for precise aiming of the hairball. Once kitty is installed in the cylinder our patented system pressurizes the cylinder to 20,000 atmospheres guaranteeing all offending matter is expelled out of your cat. Neat, clean and economical.
Franchise opportunities available for modest investment.
More information:
Compress-a-Cat International
Postfach 46 07 05
D-80915 München
Germany
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Replies:[>
Re: Grand Opening -- Marvin Westmuler,
23/05/06 7:29am
Do not take your kitty to Hairball Express, I took my beloved Fluffy to one of their "demonstrations" last week and now all I have to remember Fluffy by is a stinking litterbox.
The staff although quite pleasant took my Fluffy, restrained her in a steel cylinder and before my eyes expelled all of Fluffy’s internal content about 1500 feet. Fluffy was returned about 15 minutes later and turned completely inside out, not to mention dead.
Marvin Westmuler
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Re: Grand Opening -- Winifred Grimes,
23/05/06 11:00am
I am currently suing Hairball Express in the small claims court. After seeing an ad in our local shop window which read: "Hairballs removed from your moggy in the blink of an eye - and cheaply to boot" I took my beloved Herman along to have the "treatment."
Being a senior citizen and spritely for her age I was waiting in the waiting room when I heard some awful screaming bordering on SCREACHING actually. It turned out to be poor Herman. He was frothing at the mouth, lurching back-and-forth, eyes rolling, paws quivering, tail wagging erratically and generally looking like he was possessed. I asked Mr Abramaski the head-vet if this was usual who repled "relax madam, this is just the first stage in the lengthy process, Herman will also be reacting VIOLENTLY in a moment this is just the calm before the storm so to speak."
The upshot was that Herman died later that evening in my arms and I did`nt even get to say goodby to him. It is so sad, when I think, we adopted Herman as a kitten because no other bugger wanted him, he was a little sod really, always fighting with other cats, chasing birds and pissing in the sink etc but he did`nt deserve to go in such an undignified and horrific way. My advice is, stay away from these people and if necessary have your cat shaved from head to foot so hairballs won`t be a problem. Your cat will be an outcast and look a complete prat but at least he`ll survive!
Yours Faithfully
Winifred "Winnie" Grimes
Tahnk you...
[ Edit | View ]
[> [> [>
Re: Grand Opening -- Boris Schultz, 23/05/06 1:57pm
Dear Winifred
I`m very sorry to hear about the events that took place and the eventual sad loss of poor Herman but you are either a very STUPID COW or a born LIAR in my book as I have nothing but good things to report regarding Hairball Express.
Here is MY story:
My cat was suffering from a severe, prolonged, bout of melancholic depression when I saw the advertisement that Hairball Express was running in the Exchange & Mart.
Since having the treatment "Adolfio" (my half-tibetan half-siamese pedigree cat) has found a new lease of life it seems. To my mind Hairball Express (who incidently also offer a free shampoo and nail-clip to every 500th customer) are the best company of their genre in the entire world and for you to slate them like this is really beyond human comprehension.
Hairball Express are a young company, it`s true, and as such like any other new company have had their teething problems, but again I reiterate, for you to make Hairball Express a "scapegoat" for the death of your diluted-breed feeble excuse for a feline is almost too much to bear.
I note from the transcripts of your case you stated that you were`nt given a copy of Hairball Express`s eloquent terms and conditons, "WELL DID YOU ASK FOR A COPY???".. I thought not. Had you done so you will have no doubt read section 27 paragraph 53, line 14, where it clearly states: "We the afore mentioned company ~ Hairbal Express ~ cannot and will not be held responsible for any misdemeanors, deaths and/or mutilations to any living creature whilst said creature is in (or out) of our custody... The terms and condition are there as clear as day for all to see with a standard, off- the-peg, electron nanoscope.
like a lot of old people these days you want to blame the "young entrepreneur" for your woes and play the "i`m just an helpless old codger" card, when in fact you should be getting off your lazy fat aged arses and doing something for yourselves for a change. Anyway, i`m sorry if i`m being perhaps a tad over-zealous but it makes me bloody angry to think that such a wonderful, customer/cat friendly AND whatsmore cost-effective company like Hairball Express should suffer because of the odd, batty, eccentric individual, with nothing better to do with their time than to take out lawsuits willy-nilly!
Ends.
P.S. Out of the goodness of your heart would you re-consider
suing my company.. sorry.. I.. I.. mean Hairball Express?
Sincerely
Boris Schultz
Former proud owner of Hairball Express.
[ Edit | View ]
[>
Compress-a-Cat - Trademark violation notice -- Meat Free Chicken Casserole,
24/05/06 12:06am
Catomatic Global Corp herewith issue this notice of trademark violation, regarding the "Compress-a-Cat" name, and ask you to cease and desist from using said name.
Catomatic Global have long had a product by the name of Compress-a-Cat, though we have had limited commercial success. Our product is a franchise for use at airports.
The Compress-a-cat franchise offers travellers an easy way to carry their feline companions with a minimum of space and fuss. Simply put, the franchisee sets up his stall in the airport, just before the security check in, offering the service to departing travellers.
The process is simple - place the cat in the Compress-a-Cat machine and push the red button. The machine reduces your cat to a cylinder roughly the size of a shoe box in under 30 seconds. Occassionally there is some ooze as the piston moves down into the cylinder, but the majority (50.01%) of customers are happy with the results. Said feline is then decanted into a plastic carrying bag, specially designed for the cylindrical shape, and you're ready to go.
Look for Compress-a-Cat at your airport before you depart. Compress-a-Cat - "the future in feline travel".
Catomatic Global Corp
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Re: Compress-a-Cat - Trademark violation notice -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.,
24/05/06 2:21am
My dear MFCC,
On behalf of our client Boris Schultz, we assure you there was no intention to infringe on your Catomatic Global product trademark Compress-a-Cat machine. From your description there is little similarity between the hairball removal treatment and your companies product. Per your letter you state: "The process is simple - place the cat in the Compress-a-Cat machine and push the red button. The machine reduces your cat to a cylinder roughly the size of a shoe box in under 30 seconds. Occasionally there is some ooze as the piston moves down into the cylinder, but the majority (50.01%) of customers are happy with the results. Said feline is then decanted into a plastic carrying bag, specially designed for the cylindrical shape, and you're ready to go."
As my clients process uses compressed gas to eject the contents we feel it is a very different process, aside from requiring a plastic carry bag after processing in both cases. As Boris would like to keep a low profile until his new identity is ready he has agreed to change the name to either "Hairball Express" or "Kitty-Flator" Boris would like to know where you purchase your bags however as his current supplier is a bit of a twit.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
[ Edit | View ]
[ Contact Forum Admin ]
Forum timezone: GMT+0
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.
|
|
Feedback: 