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Date Posted: 9/06/06 1:35am
Author: Concerned
Subject: Re: Public Alert: Urgent Health Warning
In reply to: Dr. Walkslikeaduck 's message, "Public Alert: Urgent Health Warning" on 9/06/06 1:33am

Doctor,

I discovered that if I insert a carrot up my bum, put might right index finger in my left ear, and suck my left thumb I feel very silly. Is this a symptom?

Signed
Concerned Cyberchondriac

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Replies:

[> [> Re: Public Alert: Urgent Health Warning -- Dr. Walkslikeaduck, 9/06/06 1:39am


CC,

The carrot-up-bum-right-index-left-ear-feeling-silly is a classic symptom of this virus. As a temporary stop gap I suggest you put a scoop of ice cream on your head, a rasher of bacon around each wrist, a slick of limberger cheese draped over each sholder, and stand on a kipper to prevent the situation getting worse.

Dr. Walkslikeaduck

PS. Additionally a long dress with bonnet hat doesn't provide any medical assistance but it will make you look less silly, though it won't do anything for the smell.

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[> [> [> Re: Public Alert: Urgent Health Warning -- Engleberg Engleberg, 9/06/06 7:47pm

I have had the symptons you listed for many years but just put it down to hayfever or possibly bronchial pneumonia with intermittent episodes of ventricular fibrilation spliced with acute bradycardia.

Taking this into account should I drag myself to the nearest quack instantaneously or ould you recommend I commit hari-kari using a makeshift dagger made from some stolen flotsum and jetsome?

Shoe size 8 by the way..

Sincerely
E. E.

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[> [> [> [> Re: Public Alert: Urgent Health Warning -- Dr. Walkslikeaduck, 9/06/06 9:51pm

>I have had the symptons you listed for many years but
>just put it down to hayfever or possibly bronchial
>pneumonia with intermittent episodes of ventricular
>fibrilation spliced with acute bradycardia.
>
>Taking this into account should I drag myself to the
>nearest quack instantaneously or ould you recommend I
>commit hari-kari using a makeshift dagger made from
>some stolen flotsum and jetsome?
>
>Shoe size 8 by the way..
>
>Sincerely
>E. E.

Size 8 shoe, hmmmmm ..... thats a difficult one.

The size 8's are always tricky.

I'd go with the hari-kari, perhaps using a fresh mackerel, and maybe a bean salad.

If that doesn't work, then I'd go straight off to my local vet and get him to take a look at it.

Dr. Walkslikeaduck

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