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Date Posted: 13/07/06 11:33pm
Author: Nue Foundlove
Subject: Re: Unauthorized site change - my excuse
In reply to: PC Nigel Noseointment 's message, "Unauthorized site change" on 13/07/06 12:07pm


It was the aliens that made me do it.

The first time they abducted me and used the anal probe was scary. There I was vacuuming my goldfish when there was a knock at the door and before you know it I was on my back with my feet in stirrups. I said that this new aggressive approach by the NHS was unnecessary and that I had a doctors appointment next Wednesday.

I was out walking my cheese when they abducted me the second time, claiming they didn't do it properly the first time. So there I was in the stirrups again with this large shiny metal thing quietly throbbing as it snaked towards me.

Well the second time was better, but still not quite right, and it took me a long time to find them again, and I had to chase after them the third time. They weren't very happy and muttered something about stalking was wrong, and your not supposed to like it, and why were they assigned this stupid planet when their friends got to survey Preax Minor with its lovely purple skies.

So here I am sitting in my backyard, broken hearted, wondering what it all meant, and totally confused by the instructions that came with my new telescope.

Nue Foundlove

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Replies:

[> [> Re: Unauthorized site change - my excuse -- Z41^, 14/07/06 9:27pm

Nue,

I have contacted Ng7, as he is the one in charge of anal probes on your planet. He has no record of probing you, he suggested you may have run across some students from university, you know the ones always making those crop circles.

When I read "when their friends got to survey Preax Minor with its lovely purple skies." I can now see your probing was definitely terrestrial as everyone knows the Sky of Preax Minor is aquamarine with streaks of crimson.


Gorkthrob,

Z41^
Marketing Director
"Future Junk"
Today's trash is tomorrows profits!

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[> [> [> Re: Unauthorized site change - my excuse -- Nue Foundlove, 16/07/06 1:37am

Thanks for the update Gorkthrob.

You don't sell those anal probe things do you?

Not for me of course, no.

A friend of mine would like one, purely for scientific purposes you understand - interested in all things alien he is. And some of the lubricant gel stuff that it oozes too, that stuff feels real good, er ... would assist with the scientific investigation of this device.

So if you do have one for sale let me know, and my friend will give me the money to give to you, and then when I get it I'll give it to him, because I wouldn't want to keep it for myself, oh no.

Nue

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[> [> [> [> Re: Unauthorized site change - my excuse -- Z41^ ("Future Junk" Today's trash is tomorrow’s profits!), 16/07/06 7:49am

Nue Foundlove,

Perhaps you do not understand, as Gorkthrob is an adjective, not a salutation! Stupid earthlings!

Well anyway, since you are on planet z3-346x in the nebulas xenon, in what you think is 2006, it may just be possible for you to obtain the required probe. As My name is Z41^, Marketing Director of Future Junk, I would stake your life on it! As our company’s says "Future Junk" Today's trash is tomorrow’s profits!

If I were you I would go to the Kattle Klub in Brainburn on the 17th of this month, according to my inventory there will be said device hidden in the third gents WC from the right, along with a large supply of some of the lubricant gel stuff that it oozes too.

I must caution you however, upon leaving the gents you will be beaten savagely by several Tibetan monks who think you are trying to rob them. But the good news is once you fully recover, the hospital will return your personal effects and you will have the probe your friend desires.

If there is anything else you need in the future please let me know, by the way that beer can you just tossed away will be worth 12,000 groba by noon tomorrow.

Gorkthrob,

Z41^
Marketing Director
"Future Junk"
Today's trash is tomorrow’s profits!

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[> [> [> [> [> Re: Unauthorized site change - my excuse -- Zarb Zenaphor7, 16/07/06 8:59pm

I was warpreading your spread when I came across a subject close to my throbber. As you know, we XXOOBS are descendaned
from Tibetan monks. My savage great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-great-great grandcapoodles were indeed Tibentan - and even more indeed - Monks.
Taking the above into account do you think that I dispaly psycopathic tendencies, and if so - why?...
WOOPERS! TO YOU ALL!!!

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Unauthorized site change - my excuse -- Z41^ ("Future Junk" Today's trash is tomorrow’s profits!), 17/07/06 7:35pm

My good Zarb Zenaphor7,

Although I am not qualified to give medical advice I’ll do it anyway.

XXOOBS are not naturally psychopathic, even though descended from Tibetan Monks. I wonder if your diet is too rich in Scrotsausage, from "Hamidi Azzizi", aka "The Dog Castrater" aka "Sharp Teeth Hamidi" aka "The Dog Testicle Collector" aka "The Sausage Maker" Hamidi’s sausages do contain a large dose of rottweiler testicles which have been shown to cause the psychopathic tendencies you describe.

I think the only cure or at least to alleviate the symptoms would be to teleport to Snarkblog 3 and Goffel the heads off of the small rabbit like creatures that live there. Goffeling the heads of teletubbies was once thought to be effective but the BBC and EU prohibit that.

Gorkthrob,

Z41^
Marketing Director
"Future Junk"
Today's trash is tomorrow’s profits!

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