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Date Posted: 27/07/06 9:12pm
Author: Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Subject: Re: Worldwide shortage of cappucino froth
In reply to:
Meat Free Chicken Casserole
's message,
"Worldwide shortage of cappucino froth" on
27/07/06 10:54am
My Dear Friend MFCC,
How good of you and Kind and Caring Problem Solvers to put your evil genius to such a noble cause. Why just yesterday I sent a staffer out for cappuccino and it arrived frothless! I was outraged and sent Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije of Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije Ltd. to "pay a visit" to the shopkeeper. A short time later a malfunction in some of the cappuccino brewing equipment caused a fire reducing his business to ash.
I have another client Hamidi Azzizi, with whom I am sure you are familiar with for his sausages. He often receives delivery of "sausage meat’s" that just don’t measure up to his high standards. Hamidi would be more than willing to pass these along so you may increase production of froth. In return his only compensation would be you ask your customers to serve his sausage products exclusively. I am sure Kind and Caring Problem Solvers would have no problems with these sort of negotiations.
If there is anything more I can do let me know, I do know of a vacant lot nearby where you could set up your froth operation. The owner I am sure would be more than willing to donate the property as he has indicated his desire to leave town immediately. Seems the poor chap has had a run of bad luck, with his shop burning down, finding a severed hand in his post box and the lorry filling his automobile with cement last night.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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Re: Worldwide shortage of cappucino froth -- Meat Free Chicken Casserole (extremely average),
27/07/06 10:17pm
Dear Roger,
Its good to hear from you.
Sorry to hear of your cappucino problem - its a worldwide epdemic that can only result in further business owners leaving town. We will have to convince our staff to curtail their firebug tendencies as it is so much harder to make money out of a business that has been burned to the ground. Perhaps the owner's desire to make a quick sale and leave town could be used to our mutual benefit to build up a portfolio of investments.
I will be in touch with Hamidi and I am sure that the local business in my area would be happy to sell his product on an exclusive basis. I'll let them know of this arrangement shortly.
The vacant lot sounds ideal, and I'm sure we'll have no problems getting a council permit for a thousand barking dogs in a quiet residential area.
On a related manner Kind and Caring Problem Solvers (KCPS) owns one of two local petrol (gas) stations, but we are having difficulty convincing the owner of the other station that there is mutual benefit in discussing a pricing arrangement. KCPS would attend to this matter themselves, but as the owners of one of the petrol stations its not very professional. If you were to acquire the other petrol station, we could come to a mutually beneficial arrangement, and stop the confusion of changing petrol prices brought about by competition.
Regards
MFCC
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Re: Worldwide shortage of cappucino froth -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. (Frothless with worry),
29/07/06 9:20am
My Good Friend MFCC,
Hamidi is elated at your good news, he has gone to collect the "outcasts" as he calls them, slavering foaming mongrels if I say so myself.
I have taken the liberty of having some Polish laborers erect a cement block wall in the lot, it has a iron door for entry and it is designed to keep out prying eyes. Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije of Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije Ltd. assure me this is exactly what they used in the old country.
As for the council, I have a large file of photographs and negatives which without disclosing the private affairs of those fine people will most assuredly will result in a favorable outcome.
My associate Anthony Kneebreaker, went by the petrol station today and it seems the owner is eager to sell it to us. Funny how a visit from Anthony has that effect on people. It could be his fine automobile, the 1960 Cadillac Coup De'Ville he drives does seem to influence some people.
Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije of Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije Ltd. have this crazy scheme where they are planning on pumping petrol out of all the other stations and delivering it to ours. Zvonimir mentioned something about strafing anyone who entered near their pumps. So it seems all that is left for us to do is raise the price say by 10% per day and watch the profits grow.
I do trust you will likewise share your profit from the froth as we have provided at least 400 froth producing canines and the containment walls.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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Re: Worldwide shortage of cappucino froth -- Meat Free Chicken Casserole (dogged), 30/07/06 4:53pm
Roger,
Profit sharing as per normal arrangements.
Froth production will start ASAP.
Good news re petrol prices - I think we'll introduce a self service fee, a full service fee, and various levies related to the use of garages and pumps. Oh, and following the example of the airlines, a fuel surcharge.
I was thinking of a tag line for the froth marketing people. Possibilities -
1. "dog froth - you'll like it and want seconds"
2. "only dog froth is good enough"
3. "dog froth - like french kissing your mutt"
4. "dog froth - mmmmm, its creamy"
5. "dog froth - with a hint of horse meat"
6. "dog froth - the smell will knock you out"
7. "dog froth - mostly from dogs"
MFCC
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Re: Worldwide shortage of cappucino froth -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 30/07/06 9:43pm
My good Sir MFCC,
I am elated at how well this has all worked out, Hamidi will be able to pay me now, profits from the petrol station should be astronomical and the shortage of froth will undoubtedly be able to be controlled to our mutual benefit.
I was on my way to Lyme Regis to watch the annual conger cuddling display when I heard it had been canceled, sad business but there may be a way for Hamidi to process the unused conger or we could run a "special" at the petrol pumps where the customer tried to stand on top of the pump while some burly attendants knock them off with a conger. Should in the unlikely event they manage to stay up on the well greased top, we could give them 5 liters of low grade fuel.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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