Advice for helping my dyslexic wife -- Dyslexia Adults Link

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Subject: Advice for helping my dyslexic wife

Author:
william (concerned)

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Date Posted: 05:48:34 10/01/10 Fri

2 years ago my wife and I married after some 30 or so years of knowing each other, firstly as students then as an on/off relationship while I lived/worked abroad and we both married others and so on. Anyway, we are now in our mid-fifties, very committed and happy. My point is I believe my wife is more dyslexic than she pretends to be, and I need to know how best to react. As a former infant school teacher, she hides it very, very well. Where domestic friction occurs is when she asks for my help mostly in spelling, composition, spatial perception (and, yes, that old chestnut, map reading!), and aspects of reasoning. When I go through matters like these with her by way of trying to be of help, her normal placid character can change to one of varying degrees of petulance and verbal aggression, as if I shouldn't be challenging her or that I am exposing/ridiculing her sensitivities in some way. As regards myself, my wholly commercial career has entirely depended on a high command of English, plus working in 4 other languages, and verbal/written dissemination of facts - I guess I am as far away from being dyslexic as it is possible to be, so I am frequently astonished at the need to point out or correct frequently simple and repetitive errors. To summarise, I want to help her, but to do so in such a subtle way as not to provoke or embarass, or "expose" her well-hidden dyslexia. I have tried humour with sporadic success, mostly the response is that I am belittling her own efforts. Any advice from anyone out there would be gratefully received. Thank you for reading this.

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[> Subject: Re: Advice for helping my dyslexic wife

Author:
Laura
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Date Posted: 17:31:46 12/20/10 Mon

William, I completely understand where you are sitting. My fiance suffers from dyslexia and it can cause some friction between us. My fiance also has the problem of having to supress his dyslexia due to lack of support and acknowledgement from his parents and friends in his earlier years.
When we started seeing each other, I became very interested in helping him, but in a very subtle way. I bought the Davis Dyslexia book and read this from front to back to try and understand myself, what dyslexia is all about. This has really helped me undersyand ways in which people with Dyslexia can respond to you and your suggestions.
I would firstly suggest trying to find a copy of this (my appologies for not knowing the exact title).
In regards to assisting, I try to bring myself down to his level and take a step back with the speed of how I assist him. If he asks me how to spell something, I don't tell him, but ask how he thinks it should be spelt, then assist by saying there is one too many letters etc. I found this helped him slightly improve his spealling and he enjoys the interaction and connection we have due to this. I sense that he feels embarrassed, so I make him feel comfortable and encourage him to ask me. However there are times where he pulls away.
William this is a difficult situation but I think the most important key is to be supportive in any way possible.

[> [> Subject: Re: Advice for helping my dyslexic wife

Author:
Drew
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Date Posted: 05:56:00 12/24/10 Fri

Imagine being a smart person and being capable in every way, sometimes even more than just capable, but then not be able to do the most simplest of tasks like remember your own phone number or misspell the same word over and over again for your entire life. Undiagnosed dyslexics (and ones that are in denial) feel dumb when they can not do the simplest of tasks that they know they should be able to handle. That is why we hide it. We hide it because we feel nothing is wrong with us and in some way we must be dumb, but there is no way we are going to let anyone know this.

The worst and most common help I would receive is when someone would say:
"This is how I would do it and when you do it this way it's really simple."

This is telling the dyslexic person that we are just like you and if we can't do it this simple way then we must be stupid.

After receiving this advice it would make me hide my dyslexia even more. Because I was just told that an idiot could do it this way and me "supposedly" a capable smart person could not do it.

Bruce Jenner has a nice 2 hour documentary that I saw on TV and I'm sure you can find it on the internet. Get her to watch it and see if she can identify with it.