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Date Posted: 01:15:07 07/25/02 Thu
Author: mt. healthy mountaineer
Subject: The Male Rules - A Guide for women to understand men

THE MALE RULES
> We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
> Now here are the rules from the male side.
> Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
>
> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
> it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
> complaining about you leaving it down.
>
> 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
> we can find the perfect present yet again!
>
> 1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
> 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
> tides. Let it be.
>
> 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
> than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is
> that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck
> with her.
>
> 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
> it that way.
>
> 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
> do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
> Just say it!
>
> 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the
> calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
>
> 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
> we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
> with your dress?
>
> 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
> question.
>
> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
> what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> 1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
> 1. Check your oil! Please.
>
> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
> fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
> 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
> us to act like soap opera guys.
>
> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
> refuse to answer.
>
> 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
> ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
> done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do
> it yourself.
>
> 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials.
>
> 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
>
> 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
> months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
> girlfriends.
>
> 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
> Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a
> fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
>
> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
> mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
>
> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
> nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
> the hassle.
>
> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
> you don't want to hear.
>
> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
> Really.
>
> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
> discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
> trucks.
>
> 1. You have enough clothes.
>
> 1. You have too many shoes.
>
> 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
> together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
> 1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
>
> 1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>
> 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
> couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
> camping.

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