Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 02:02:59 09/09/07 Sun
Hi, Claire,
I am glad you came.
It is clear to me that you were never told some critically important things about prenatal tests and Down syndrome. First of all, those tests are NOT reliable. There are too many false results. I will talk about Down syndrome in a minute.
Another thing they should have told you is that there is a waiting list of parents who want to adopt children with Down syndrome. How can that be? Well, it's because children with DS are actually a wonderful blessing, and a lot of people know it. If I were younger, I'd be on that waiting list myself.
I have a nephew with DS. He has been an incredible blessing to our family. Not only did his membership in our family prove to be very healing, but his family has been able to be very supportive of other parents. There is no question that raising a child with DS is a challenge. However, it is also true that the task of raising a child with DS is NOT what most people imagine. First of all, DS is NOT a guarantee of mental retardation. Far from it. The reason so many youngsters with DS seem to be mentally retarded is because most "experts" simply do not understand what they are trying to deal with. A child with DS tends to be very laid back. Such a child simply doesn't care! This means that the curiosity you see in most children has to be taught to the child with DS. If you can teach that, and teach love for learning, DS children will achieve. Another problem is that because everyone believes DS children will be mentally retarded, they make no attempt to train the child intellectually. I once observed a Montessori class that had a student with DS in it. You couldn't tell him from the other students; he was performing on the same high level as everyone else. Our problem is NOT that they are mentally retarded; it is that the environment we provide for children's learning is all wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong!
Here is a web site that will show you a little bit about the potential of these children:
www.veras.org.br
In English: veras.org.br/old_site/ingles/default.htm
Unfortunately, most of the site is in Portuguese, but you can get an idea.
Raymundo Veras was associated with Glenn Doman of the Institutes for the Achievement of Human Potential, in Philadelphia. Doman did not believe that DS children can achieve, but Dr. Veras' parents kept begging him to help their children. Doman told Dr. Veras that if he could show him one child who could achieve, he would prove his case. He wrote a book called Children of Dreams, Children of Hope. In it, he talks about how he invited Doman to Brazil to see one of his patients. This was a girl with very clear markings of DS, who was still a preschooler. She could read four languages, and play the violin! So Doman said, yes, DS children can be helped. I won't go into all the details of the best methods for helping them here; I will just mention that it IS possible.
This page is about my nephew:
www.seghea.com/becky/down/downsindex.html
My nephew has a gift in languages that truly boggles the mind. Doman has charts that are used to measure the achievement of children in languages. According to Doman's charts, a gifted child will be speaking in two word phrases at the age of 13 months. My nephew did it at 11 months. My nephew was carrying on elaborate abstract conversations with his siblings while still a preschooler. I have a videotape of one such. At the age of 3 1/2, he had the achievement of a 5 year old in language. He is now 17. Unfortunately, they did NOT teach him as they should have (more about that in a minute), but in spite of that, he still has a tremendous love for language. As a preschooler, he had memorized the words to hundreds of songs, and the complete script from several movies. Nowadays, he is interested in foreign languages, and I am beginning to teach him words in these languages. A couple of nights ago, we went to a Chinese restaurant, and after he ordered, he asked us how to say "thank you" in Chinese. We told him, and he made it a point to thank the waiter in Chinese!
I am excited about teaching him foreign languages. I love languages myself, and I can help him learn several.
Now about the challenge of raising a child with DS: there is no question it is a challenge. It may or may not be one you were ready to meet, although for the most part, mothers aren't ready to meet the challenge of motherhood to begin with, no matter what kind of child they are expecting. The reason why raising a child with DS is more of a challenge than average is because we don't supply the right environment for them! They are quite capable of learning and functioning on a high level. But because all the emphasis is on helping them develop physically, the mind is neglected. Thus, between their lack of apparent curiosity, and the lack of opportunity, they seem not to develop normal mental skills. This should not be so!
I do not find it surprising you are torn apart by your decision to abort your son. It is not a natural thing to do. And the fact you wanted your child makes it that much harder. Healing of your emotions is possible. There are counseling services available, as well as retreats. I urge you to find a local crisis pregnancy agency, and get some counseling!
Let's stop abandoning these wonderful children to abortion! They have the gift of unconditional love, and that is one of the things this planet desperately needs. At the very least, let's let parents who want to experience this blessing, have that chance. Please learn about DS, and see if you have it in your heart to speak out on their behalf.
We will be here for you, to help you through this. We love and care about you, and we will be praying for you.
Hugs,
Pat
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