REALLY REALLY CONFUSED -- Question/Answer Board

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Subject: REALLY REALLY CONFUSED

Author:
Salma

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Date Posted: 00:46:15 12/24/02 Tue
Author Host/IP: cache-sio.midco.net/24.220.0.48

Salaam alaikum

OK I have a bunch of questions as I am TOTALLY CONFUSED on how to do this whole marriage thing at all.

I'm adopted, so I understand that under Islamic law, I DON'T have a mahram. I've chosen to leave the whole subject of finding my biological family alone, I think there is a reason ALLAH chose things to be as they are. If I'm supposed to find out who they are, it will happen. If not, well, it won't matter WHAT I do or HOW MUCH money I spend, it's STILL not going to change Allah's will.....so there you go.

So first off, I know I'm supposed to have a guardian.
HOW do I choose one? As far as I know we don't have ONE recognized leader at our mosque, which I've read is the first option, so what do I do? Can I just choose someone who I trust? That's what I've done, but I want to know if I'm right or not.

And CAN I meet with the brother with his wife present since I don't have a mahram? We're obviously not alone if his wife's there but I've also heard that the wife isn't sufficient, it's got to be a mahram. Obviously, that's a problem too then since I don't have one.

And travel. As I said, I don't have a mahram. I also live in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. There are NO single brothers out here to marry, literally, I've checked. What do I do?

OK, I'll stop for now inshaAllah, I may find that some of my other questions are answered when someone responds to these.

Shukran
Salaam alaikum

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: REALLY REALLY CONFUSED

Author:
Laila Nasheeba
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Date Posted: 03:32:00 12/24/02 Tue
Author Host/IP: dhcp024-210-181-243.woh.rr.com/24.210.181.243

As Salaamu Alaikoum,

I dont know what you are confused about. Your being adopted doesnt have anything to do with you needing a wali because the wali must be Muslim.

Yes the wali can be any Muslim man whom you trust. Yes you can meet with the wali with his wife present... as long as there is a 3rd party nothing is wrong with this. You can even meet in a public place.

Your living in what you call "no where" means nothing either. Many women and men are having a hard time finding people to marry.. even those who live around others. There are masjids all over the US. If there are no men in what you call, "No Where" you can have your wali pick up the phone and call other Masjids accross the USA and have the imam of those masjids announce that there is a woman living in "NO Where" who is such and such an age who is looking for a husband and if they are interested to contact your wali.. very simple.

Also, if it bothers you to live in No where you can always move to somewhere else..and NO you do not need a Mahram to move to somewhere else.

Islam is very easy do not make it hard on yourself.

AND ALLAH KNOWS BEST

Laila Nasheeba