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Bush Telegraph
Rhodesians Worldwide
Some old, some new... -- James., Tue, 09 Feb 2010, 2:12:11 (CPE001d606325dc-CM00252e2694a6.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com/99.254.31.185)
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1. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
2. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
3. A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
4. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
5. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
6. The batteries were given out free of charge.
7. A dentist and a manicurist got married. They fought tooth and nail.
8. A will is a dead give-away.
9. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I will show you A-Flat miner.
11. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
12. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
13. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
14. Police were called to the day center when a three year old was resisting a rest.
15. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
16. If you take your laptop for a run, you could jog your memory.
17. A bicycle can't stand alone. It's two tired.
18. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
19. The bloke who fell on the upholstery machine was fully recovered.
20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
21. When she saw her first strands of gray, she thought she would dye.
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Monckton the Answer to Gore Mania -- Ray, Thu, 04 Feb 2010, 17:06:29 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Yeah Monckton has his head screwed on right!!!
"After U.S. Senators Rockefeller and Snowe wrote a letter to the Chief Executive Officer of ExxonMobil asking him to stop funding scientists who reject global warming, Lord Monckton wrote a letter to the senators reminding them of the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution and calling on them to reverse their position or resign. In February 2007, he published an analysis and summary of the IPCC Fourth Assessment Report on climate change."
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. -- Ray, Thu, 04 Feb 2010, 17:00:24 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Septics and Mockton? Appropriate words for a looney climate change farce.
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Do you agree with Lord Monckton? -- Bob, Wed, 03 Feb 2010, 23:43:43 (everyw.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.118.114)
While the emissions trading scheme bill continues to dominate parliament, the climate change debate has ramped up again. The collapse of Copenhagen and the spotlight on several embarrassing slip-ups by the United Nation’s International Panel on Climate Change has charged the sceptics with fresh energy. One of the most colourful sceptics, Lord Christopher Monckton is currently on a speaking tour in Australia. Lord Monckton has a devoted following and spoken to packed audiences across the country.
Transcript/Video
Climate wars- Lord Monckton visits Australia
http://www.abc.net.au/7.30/content/2010/s2809518.htm
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. -- Ray, Wed, 03 Feb 2010, 18:27:52 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
When the ANC signed the FIFA worldcup agreement the agreement stated that only Budweiser beer could be sold in the stadiums, and importing it in sufficient quantity has become a problem. Unfortunately we now can reveal what happened at the last conference of beer producers..
At the end of the day, the presidents of all beer companies decide to have a drink in a bar.
The president of 'Budweiser' ordered a Bud, the president of 'Miller' ordered a Miller Lite, Adolph Coors ordered a Coors, and the list goes on. Then the waitress asked the president of SA Breweries, ou Norm, what he wanted to drink, and much to everybody's amazement, he ordered a Coke!
"Why don't you order a Castle" his colleagues asked
He answered "Ag nee man, If you guys won't drink beer, then neither will I."
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Great Dane.. -- James., Wed, 03 Feb 2010, 15:14:22 (21Cust222.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.222)
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What do you get when you cross a Great Dane dog with a bicycle pump?
I don't know, but it sure puts the wind up the postman!
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(: -- jigwell, Wed, 03 Feb 2010, 10:31:01 (CPE-58-169-254-148.lns2.wel.bigpond.net.au/58.169.254.148)
Origin of the term S H I T
Before the invention of commercial fertilizers manure was transported in large quantities by ship. It was shipped dry as it weighed a lot less than when wet. In rough seas water would dampen the manure. Not only did it become heavier but the process of fermentation began which produced methane gas of course. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen. Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the instruction ' Stow high in transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane. Thus evolved the term ' S.H.I.T ' , (Stow High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
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(: -- jigwell, Mon, 01 Feb 2010, 23:39:53 (CPE-60-228-241-119.lns2.wel.bigpond.net.au/60.228.241.119)
Q. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guinness got in common?
A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
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Japanese joke? -- James, Mon, 01 Feb 2010, 22:56:18 (21Cust217.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.217)
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Japanese Hotel Service.
A salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo, Japan.
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.
"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."
Skeptical, but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whir. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.
Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures, $20.00." Why not?, thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whir. Fifteen
seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.
The next machine had a sign that read, "This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents."
The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the fellow let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit... which now had a button sewn neatly on the end!
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Monday Funnies -- Ray, Mon, 01 Feb 2010, 17:42:45 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
A young girl is going on her first date. Granny calls her and tells her what to do.
He is going to try and kiss you and you will like it but do not do this one thing will lead to another.
Yes said the girl.
Said granny he is going to try and feelup your titties but do not let him do this you will like it but one thing leads to another.
Yes said the girl.
Said granny he is going to try and get on top of you and have his way you will like it but do not allow it, it will bring shame to our family.
Yes said the girl.
The next morning granny asked the girl how did it go.
Good it went great, I got on top of him and brought shame to his family instead.
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. -- Ray, Mon, 01 Feb 2010, 16:52:23 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Er, no cats were harmed in the previous post, sentences were for illustrative purposes only.
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. -- Ray, Mon, 01 Feb 2010, 16:12:27 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Hi James, "Daardie" is "Die" in Dutch and is "Diese" in German not Deinen.
So "kick that cat" is "Skop daardie kat" in Afrikaans, "Kick die kat" in Dutch, "Stoß diese kat" in German.
It is also possible to say "Skop die kat" in Afrikaans or kick the cat, but when referring to a specific cat you will say "skop daardie kat" or kick that cat.
"Stoß deine/n kat" I think would be kick your/their cat.
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Dare To Live Trust Yourself a book on Africa that you will enjoy. -- Diane Carter (nee Southon) also Downing, Paterson (Extremely happy), Mon, 01 Feb 2010, 5:32:03 (CPE-143-238-106-169.lns9.cht.bigpond.net.au/143.238.106.169)
Dare to Live – Trust Yourself is telling wonderfully inspiring stories of life, narrated by the very people who lived through them. It is easy to be swept away by admiration for their courage and determination. These stories drill to the core of the human condition and bring into focus the boundless potential that lies within each person’s mind. The stories will encourage you to start nurturing your own Mindset Energy, the stuff of legends we hear and read about, the inner strengths that can propel a human being to overcome adversity and incredible odds, to carry on with life and make it even better. As human beings, we are blessed with the ability to make choices. The stories told in this book will leave you in no doubt that it is your attitude that is the key to getting the most out of life.
About the Author
Diane Carter’s current life in suburban Brisbane is just as exciting as the stories she tells in Dare to Live – Trust Yourself. The reason is her ever present positive attitude and the Mindset Energy she nurtures to deal with life events that come her way. Diane spreads her message that Attitude is Everything at public speaking events, which has her audience in raptures of emotion and laughter, uplifting their spirits to find strengths within them they had forgotten they had.
www.dianecarter.com.au
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Zambia -- maggi, Sat, 30 Jan 2010, 23:28:14 (ppp121-44-221-131.lns20.syd7.internode.on.net/121.44.221.131)
Good luck Lindsay, I do hope you move your property in Livingstone.
Got family in the UK, they are all pretty happy. My sister recently obtained her pom citizenship. Good luck
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Daai... Daardie? -- James., Thu, 28 Jan 2010, 22:54:00 (21Cust222.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.222)
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Thanks for the daai/daardie explanation... Below is the
effort my Dutchman put into the question! I will send on your explanatin to him. James.
.......................................................
Could "daai" be a way of saying "your"? In Dutch people sometimes say, "de jouwe", literaly "the yours" for "yours" - "de jouwe" sounds like 'djowu'.
Maybe more to the point, German for "your" is "deine" - if the "n" had got lost that would sound just like "daai", and Afrikaans differs from Dutch and Low German especially in having clipped off a lot of letters. Afrikaans
wouldn't be the only Germanic language to have done that (dropped an "n" from a Germanic rootword "deine" meaning "your" - English made "thy" of it, keeping the "n" (in "thine") for "yours". It would fit the meaning - but
that doesn't mean I'm right, of course! Tell me if you get an explanation, please.
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Do you listen to Radio National? -- Gill, Thu, 28 Jan 2010, 22:50:42 (NoHost/202.90.207.2)
Radio National is an Australia-wide non-commercial radio network run by the Australian Broadcasting Corporation.
Radio National broadcasts national programming in areas that include news and current affairs, the arts, social issues, science, drama and comedy.
You can listen online, or download podcasts.
Have a look!
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/
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. -- Raymond A Schep, Thu, 28 Jan 2010, 20:04:29 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Lindsay your' nuts, exchange this beautiful place for cold dark and rainy mud isle?? By the way just as humid and hot in Mud Isle in summer if not more..
How much do you want?
Do the natives make a lot of drum, and screeching noise at night time?
(Ray digging in and shaking his pockets)
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This or That, Hierdie of Daardie, Hirrie of Daai.. -- Ray, Thu, 28 Jan 2010, 19:59:31 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
James it is a casual pronunciation of "daardie" or " that".
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Daai? -- James., Thu, 28 Jan 2010, 18:47:01 (21Cust206.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.206)
RAY: I got the second padda joke OK, but the word 'daai' in it puzzles me.
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Land for Sale Zambia -- Lindsay Hovell, Thu, 28 Jan 2010, 14:40:36 (NoHost/66.36.213.57)
Hi All
I was wondering if anyone was looking to relocate to Livingstone, Zambia. I have a 17 acres property with a three bedroom, two bathroom house on the banks of the Zambezi River which I am selling as I want to relocate to the UK.
If anyone is interested or know of anyone who may be interested please email me on privateguideworldwide@zamtel.zm
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deportation almost impossible -- Bob, Wed, 27 Jan 2010, 23:23:40 (NoHost/202.10.83.31)
The consequence of the Supreme Court ruling is very possibly that almost any illegally resident African woman can stay in Ireland by claiming -- no matter how spuriously -- that she will be genitally mutilated if she returns home. The legal obstacles to her being deported will probably be too complex and time-consuming for the State to undertake.
Moreover, the recently revealed Balto-Punjabi marital axis adds a fresh dimension to immigration. Nearly 500 Pakistanis applied to live here in 2009, based on their marriages to Estonians, Poles and Latvians. Nearly 240 Nigerian applications to live here were similarly based on wedlock to an EU citizen.
Touched as one is by this burgeoning evidence of young love across the continents might there perhaps not also be a financial motive for Juliet, and a residential one for Romeo? The British government failed to stop marriage being used as an open-hangar door to unregulated immigration.
http://www.independent.ie/opinion/columnists/kevin-myers/kevin-myers-it-wasnt-our-tds-plan-to-make-deportation-almost-impossible-2033018.html
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China: The panda in the room -- Bob, Wed, 27 Jan 2010, 22:52:11 (NoHost/202.10.83.31)
A discussion about the implications of China 'hijacking' the climate change negotiations in Copenhagen; the growing disputes around intellectual property rights and industrial espionage in China; and the Chinese government's measures to deflate a domestic 'credit bubble'.
listen | download
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/latenightlive/
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. -- Ray, Wed, 27 Jan 2010, 15:14:59 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
James that is just what Afrikaans girls call the thing between their legs, my padda. Sometimes the word koek (cake) is also used.
Here is another padda joke:
Gatiep loop die straat af en sien Meraai met die styfste paar jeans aan what hy nog ooit gesien het.
Haai Meraai, is jy nie bang Fauna en Flora kom agter jou aan nie? sê Gatiep.
Waarom? sê Meraai.
Antwoord Gatiep: Jy verwurg daai padda vreeslik!
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My Dutch pal... -- James., Wed, 27 Jan 2010, 2:44:08 (21Cust198.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.198)
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RAY:
Below is what my Dutch pal makes of the joke - he knows no Afrikaans...
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My guess at a translation is as below - but I don't get the padda derivation (in standard Dutch a 'pad' is a toad).
A blonde rushed into a police station and shouted, "Quick, help, someone has just made a grab at my pussy!"
The sergeant shouted, "Constable Koos, you run up the road to the right, and constable Piet, you take the left and see if you can catch the bloke. I'll stay here and take fingerprints."
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But does the sergeant have his finger up his bum? And I don't see the connection between frog and pussy... J.
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I'm beaten... -- James., Tue, 26 Jan 2010, 20:44:15 (21Cust239.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.239)
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RAY: I’m sure that Jimbo too will ken the auld Scots word for a Frog is a padda or puddock.
But what has a padda to do with a pussycat? Why a padda on her Tshirt? It makes no sense to me to say, “I have the frog and I make the rules...”
.................................................
The blonde runs into the police station and cries, “Quickly, help me! Someone has
stuck my (nou net aan?) on my frog!
The sergeant yells, Constable Koos, run up right side of the road and Constable Piet,
take the left side and see if you can catch the (ou?)
I’ll stay here and get ready to take finger prints...
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Paddas -- ray, Tue, 26 Jan 2010, 19:36:52 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
James it means "beggars and originality" the answer to the next question is yes.
The T shirt is saying ek het die padda (frog) ek maak die reels.
It is pronounced "Pahrra"
The correct English version of this T shirt, meaning the same thing will be "I have the.. (picture of a pussycat) I make the rules."
So now I think you may enjoy this joke!
I will let you see if you can translate it..
Die blond hardloop by die polisiestasie in en skree "Gou, help, iemand het my nou net aan my padda gevat."
Die sersant skree "Konstabel Koos hardloop jy regs in die pad af en konstabel Piet jy links en sien of julle die ou kan vang.
Ek sal hier bly en vingerafdrukke vat."
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Looking for -- Audrey Bird - Artist, Mon, 25 Jan 2010, 23:55:24 (NoHost/220.255.7.229)
Looking for any one who knew or can give me any information on a lady named Audrey Bird. She was quite a well known artist in Rhodesian. She would have been born in the 1920's. Moved out of Rhodesia to South Africa around the late 70's
She had 2 daughters, one sadly was killed in a car crash.
The other was called Geraldine.
Last known whereabouts was in the Germiston area.
If anyone knew her, please be in touch.
Many thanks. Her niece.
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Sorg dat jy voor bly... -- James., Mon, 25 Jan 2010, 21:26:07 (21Cust203.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.203)
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RAY: While we're at it, I went over the captions which came with Jimbo's photos and am stuck on:-
Bedelaars, and Oorspronklikheid.
I assume that 'Sorg dat jy voor bly' means, 'Be careful to stay ahead.'
I am puzzled by the lady who has 'Ek het die.... Ek maak die reels' on her t.shirt. After 'Ek het die' is a depiction of what looks like a frog, or could it be a crab?
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Ah, drol! -- James., Mon, 25 Jan 2010, 20:48:21 (21Cust169.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.169)
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Ah! Drol... The word is not in Savage's Tweetalige Skool-Woordeboek. What do you think the derivation of the word is?
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. -- Ray, Mon, 25 Jan 2010, 17:14:00 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
James, sorry you did not know, but a "drol" is an Afrikaans word for a turd.
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Trolls... -- James., Mon, 25 Jan 2010, 16:42:55 (21Cust165.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.165)
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RAY & ANN.
Clarkson is a bit off the wall. In some ways he epitomises the arrogant Sassenach, and invariably mocks the Welsh and Scots. But he has the saving grace of being perceptive, original and funny. I think he is 6'4" tall, so is maybe a shade big for a 'drol' (troll?). How tall are trolls?
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. -- Ray, Mon, 25 Jan 2010, 15:24:35 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
James your quotee has just been rather,er. insulted...
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. -- Ray, Mon, 25 Jan 2010, 15:20:12 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Rugby It’s just not rugby
by Dan Retief | 25 January 2010 (08:52)
One of the funniest sights I’ve seen on a rugby field occurred during an experiment to trial the effectiveness of two referees and the opposing teams were simultaneously awarded a penalty.
It happened at Stellenbosch after Doc Craven decided to trial the efficacy of having two match officials in the quest to ensure accurate, consistent and reliable refereeing.
The referees involved were South Africa’s leading duo at the time; Freek Burger, later to take on the role of head of referees at SA Rugby and former Springbok centre Wynand Mans.
It seemed to be going quite well until, at a melee in front of the grandstand, both officials blew hard on their whistles, raised their arms aloft and with their backs to each other awarded both sides a penalty.
For a moment Burger and Mans seemed to be at a loss on how to resolve the comical situation but then decided to go with the first offence even though there was some doubt as to which of the teams had committed it.
It was not the outcome Doc Craven had hoped for and the upshot was that the “two referees” idea was shelved and, even though there have been suggestions that it should be re-visited, I have never seen it tried again.
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James -- Ann, Mon, 25 Jan 2010, 10:41:40 (NoHost/209.212.99.44)
James, not only are Jeremy Clarkson's sayings "droll", imho he himself is a drol.
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On top of the world in the country that won Lotto -- Bob, Mon, 25 Jan 2010, 6:56:46 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Tomorrow is Australia Day and our newspapers are full of opinion pieces on the subject. One in particular hit the nail on the head. It is by ROSS CAMERON and it's headed, "On top of the world in the country that won Lotto"
The first paragraph reads, "After sober reflection, it is my duty to inform you that Australia is the greatest country in history. Of the 192 members of the United Nations, the United States, with a 200-year head start and 14 times our numbers, takes line honours, but Australia wins on handicap. Donald Horne may be embarrassed about his Lucky Country epithet but he shouldn't be - Australia has won Lotto."
http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/on-top-of-the-world-in-the-country-that-won-lotto-20100124-msik.html
I can only agree!
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Anthony Wolf -- Rob Hilton, Sat, 23 Jan 2010, 22:13:38 (syd-adsl2-205.idx.com.au/210.56.71.205)
Searching for Anthony (Tony) Wolf, was with the Rhodesian Air Force, 34 LAR (1975).
Warwick Leaper also of 34 LAR is searching for Tony.
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Droll? lines... -- James., Wed, 20 Jan 2010, 15:47:43 (21Cust27.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.27)
CLARKSONISM'S.
Affectionately referred to as Clarksonisms, Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson's quips are the stuff of legends among car enthusiasts...
- "I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch."
- "The last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany."
- Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom."
- On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: "there is a word to describe this car. It begins with 's' and ends with ‘t' and it isn't soot."
- "The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite."
- "The air conditioning in a Lambo used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw."
- "Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?"
- "This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.'"
- "I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?"
- Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: "Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong."
- "Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe... probably because they don't have wheel-chair access."
- "Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show… so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!"
- On the Lotus Elise: "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory."
- "Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for a murderer."
- "I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time."
- "There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching... on their face."
- "Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps."
- "You cannot have this car with a diesel. It's like saying, I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!"
- "Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports car... in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President."
- On the Porsche Cayenne: "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis."
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The End Of ObummerCare?? -- Ray, Wed, 20 Jan 2010, 15:19:19 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Obummer loses in a State with only 21% registered Republicans.
Is this the beginning of the end of Obummerism?
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Excellent! -- Pam, Wed, 20 Jan 2010, 1:45:09 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Terrorists, do, after all have rights, the same as the rest of us.
Thank you for the posting.
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Rag Heads -- jigwell, Tue, 19 Jan 2010, 5:29:44 (CPE-60-228-241-119.lns2.wel.bigpond.net.au/60.228.241.119)
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike
on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to
in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda management have so far
failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number
of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut
by 25% next January from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was
the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a
subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organisation of Occupational
Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was
unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike
action. General secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members
are literally working themselves to death in the cause of jihad. We
don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this by management
is a kick in the teeth."
Mr Amir accepted the limited availability of virgins but pointed out
that the cutbacks were expected to be borne entirely by the workforce
and not by management. "Last Christmas Abu Hamza alone was awarded an
annual bonus of 250,000 virgins," complains Amir. "And you can be sure
they'll all be pretty ones too. How can Al Qaeda afford that for
members of the management but not 72 for the people who do the real
work?"
Speaking from the shed in the West Midlands where he currently
resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathise with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not
in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting
the realities of modern-day jihad, in a competitive marketplace.
Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of
virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing
expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd
hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow
themselves up." He defended management bonuses by claiming these were
necessary to attract good fanatical clerics. "How am I supposed to
attract the best people if I can't compete with the private sector?"
asked Mr. Bin-Laden.
Talks broke down this morning after management's last-ditch proposal
of a virgin-sharing scheme was rejected outright after a failure to
agree on orifice allocation quotas. One virgin, who refused to be
named, was quoted as saying "I'll be buggered if I'm agreeing to
anything like that........it's too much of a mouthful to swallow".
Unless some sort of agreement is reached over the weekend, suicide
bombers will down explosives at midday on Monday. Most branches are
supporting the strike. Only the North London branch, which has a
different union, is likely to continue working. However, some members
of that branch will only be using waist-down explosives in order to
express solidarity with their striking brethren.
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Thu, 14 Jan 2010, 21:09:13 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
tulpe, this is not as disturbing as the leftist socialist movement, of which the Obummer is part, to control Americans by the government instead of Americans controlling the government as mandated by the constitution.
To paint those that want to prevent this as racists is pretty cynical.
[Edit]
White Power USA -- tulpe, Thu, 14 Jan 2010, 4:10:43 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Almost a year ago the inauguration of President Barack Obama was hailed as a turning point in US race relations. The country was said to be entering a new era of post-racial politics, on the path to a future of greater diversity and tolerance.
But while crowds flocked to Washington to witness the swearing in, others were refusing to join the party. Racially motivated threats against Obama rose to new heights in the first months of his presidency, with the US seeing nine high-profile race killings in 2009.
Meanwhile white supremacist and neo-Nazi groups claim their membership is growing and that visits to their websites are increasing.
Is the racial undercurrent that has long structured US politics reasserting itself?
Filmmakers Rick Rowley and Jacquie Soohen went inside the white nationalist movement to investigate.
Some of the images seen and opinions heard in the film are disturbing.
This episode of People & Power airs from Wednesday, January 6, at the following times GMT: Wednesday: 1230; Thursday: 0130, 1400, 1930; Friday: 0630, 1630; Saturday: 0330, 2030; Sunday: 0030, 0530; Monday: 0830.
http://english.aljazeera.net/programmes/peopleandpower/2010/01/201015124739316797.html
[Edit]
. -- SAPA, Wed, 13 Jan 2010, 16:18:30 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
SA farmers get to keep Zim land
Pretoria - South African farmers in Zimbabwe will not forfeit their land or investments as a result of a bilateral agreement still to be signed, a Pretoria judge ordered on Thursday.
Responding to an urgent application to halt the signing of the promotion and reciprocal protection of investments agreement (Bippa) Judge Roelof du Plessis congratulated both parties for reaching a settlement.
"This is a big step the government [of South Africa] has taken. I believe this order is going to go far in assisting our citizens who have investments in Zimbabwe," he said.
Land reform programme discriminatory
The order also upheld government's assurance that it honoured a Southern African Development Community (SADC) tribunal finding that Zimbabwe's land reform programme was discriminatory.
This means that while the order protects investments from the time of the signing of Friday's agreement, South Africans who have already lost their land to expropriation will have to cite the tribunal finding in claims for compensation.
Lobby group Afriforum who brought the application alongside Zimbabwean farmers said the Bippa was generally understood to exclude the enforcement of the SADC tribunal's orders, and to exempt Zimbabwe from liability for past human rights' violations.
They believed it contravened South Africa's Constitution and international law and had been unable to discuss it with the trade and industry minister.
Speaking outside the court, Afriforum's legal representative Willie Spies said it was a "huge victory".
"It's a victory for the rule of law and it has spared the South African government the embarrassment of being unable to sign the agreement. It's a good day for Zimbabweans."
Spies said, however, it had been unfortunate that the government had been forced to court to hear the plight of its citizens across the border.
"It is actually a pity, unfortunately we only got this settlement after filing papers," he said.
'Not unrealistic' about Zim
Farmer and applicant in the matter Louis Fick - who faces prosecution for failing to vacate his farm in Zimbabwe - said he was "very relieved".
"We have been trying to get the government involved," Fick said adding that farmers had been battling for nine years.
"I am relieved that our protection has been granted. As we speak, three farmers have been klapped [had their farms taken away). It's never stopped in Zimbabwe."
When asked if he felt the ruling might aid in his defence against a prison term he said: "I hope so, but I'm not unrealistic about Zimbabwe."
The tribunal referred to took place in November 2008. It said Zimbabwe's land reform programme "constituted racial discrimination, an infringement of the right of access to courts, and an arbitrary taking without adequate compensation, each in breach of Zimbabwe's treaty obligations".
- SAPA
[Edit]
ticket sales world cup south africa -- dawie, Wed, 13 Jan 2010, 11:02:40 (vc-41-27-84-138.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.27.84.138)
so only one third of the tickets have been sold trouble is you need a credit card to buy and the average south african black has not got one clever that from the south african football assoc i thought. fnb bank dont help either thats where you need to get the tickets. this is going to be fun here
[Edit]
Joke? -- James., Tue, 12 Jan 2010, 16:46:55 (21Cust252.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.252)
Sipho's Granddad was reminiscing about the good old days...
__________________________________________________
"When I were a boy, my mother would send me down to the corner shop with a
rand, and I'd come back with 5kg of potatoes, two loaves of bread, three
pints of milk, 1kg of cheese, a packet of tea, and half a dozen eggs."
Sipho: "Eish you can't do that now..... Too many security cameras."
________________________________________________________
[Edit]
life's a bitch -- Doug, Tue, 12 Jan 2010, 15:54:38 (NoHost/24.91.243.18)
That woman must have been a real bitch hey!!!
[Edit]
. -- ray, Tue, 12 Jan 2010, 15:11:50 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Dawie we did have photo's some time around 1999, but some student from the University of Zimbabwe posted photo's of a woman without clothes and a dog. The dog did not have any clothes on either.
[Edit]
lurker -- dawie, Tue, 12 Jan 2010, 13:14:17 (vc-41-28-186-61.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.186.61)
ja i dont think the people are lurking we need some excitment scandle a own in a pink safarie suit a few years back that was realy funny. when pete was talking about a scooter i thought it was a moter bike he was on about but was a coloured girl and he explained they nice to ride but you dont want to be seen rideing one. a few people have also moved on or are away where the internet is hard to get to or expensive. i personaly think if one could send pics and have a bit of fun with that this site may pic up.
[Edit]
Sharks were not interested in Ray - -- Pam, Tue, 12 Jan 2010, 12:16:35 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
the sharks prefer tender morsels, juicy young flesh!
Glad to hear you are fit and having a good time.
[Edit]
. -- Shellfish Crabby Ray (.), Mon, 11 Jan 2010, 17:16:25 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Pam, this site has seen great days in the past, but not much happening lately.
My fitness training for rugby yesterday was as follows
Eat 20 raw oysters, 20 mussels, 20 crabslegs with 5 glasses champagne at the Golden Nugget Casino buffet in Las Vegas.
To the pool, heated of course. Run up three flights of steps as fast as I can. Zip down waterslide that goes through the shark tank. Before the Sharks can blink their eyes crash into pool. Swim entire length of pool, get out and run backup the steps as fast as possible. Repeat the whole cycle twenty times.
Warm down in Jacuzzi with Margarita. (note caps)
[Ha ha got ya. Sharks cant blink their eyes.]
[Edit]
Iris Robinson Kirk McCambley -- Bob, Mon, 11 Jan 2010, 5:55:14 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoKjTST0HeI
[Edit]
Lurking... -- James, Mon, 11 Jan 2010, 4:27:53 (21Cust86.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.86)
________________________________________________________
I suspect that many posters have become, like me, lurkers...
James
________________________________________________________
[Edit]
I am happily heterosexual . . . -- Pam, Mon, 11 Jan 2010, 1:43:23 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
yet could never call myself gay???
Helllllllllooooooo oooollleh hello?
Where have all the posters gone?
Long time passing . . . . .
[Edit]
Mrs (Iris) Robinson -- Iris, Sun, 10 Jan 2010, 4:03:55 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
http://gay-girls-guide.blogspot.com/2010/01/mrs-iris-robinson-spoof-hilarious.html
[Edit]
. -- ray, Wed, 06 Jan 2010, 14:54:05 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Thanks Dawie, if we get ill I have a book coming out how you can cure yourself with food and herbs, An Apple A Day The Kitchen Pharmacy. In there I also I expose the trash pharamceutical companies would smear down on you.
[Edit]
titanic pete -- dawie, Tue, 05 Jan 2010, 11:36:22 (vc-41-27-46-127.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.27.46.127)
ja so had few mails for pete want to print them all out so anymore please send to my mail should see pete thursday. ray this sounds mad but if you have us dollers and fed up with what ever and went to zim to retire good idea except when you get ill. the place is humming people have come out of the wood work from every where. its a changed place for now. you cant get a plane ticket into harare.all not settled down yet still hassels to go there.
[Edit]
Blasphemous Quotations -- Bob, Tue, 05 Jan 2010, 3:38:27 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
25 Blasphemous Quotations
By Atheist Ireland | Published: January 2, 2010
http://www.atheist.ie/
[Edit]
Atheists lash out against Ireland's new blasphemy laws -- Bob, Tue, 05 Jan 2010, 3:37:25 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Atheists in Ireland have lashed out against the government's new blasphemy laws which took effect from 1 January as part of the Defamation Act.
A spokesman for the organisation Atheist Ireland has called the new laws both 'silly and dangerous.'
Guests
Elaine Edwards
Journalist with The Irish Times
listen now | download audio http://www.abc.net.au/rn/breakfast/stories/2010/2784674.htm
[Edit]
Titantic Pete -- Morag, Tue, 05 Jan 2010, 3:36:23 (adsl-71-136-233-209.dsl.sndg02.pacbell.net/71.136.233.209)
Pam, how I agree with you regarding the appreciation of those nursing him. Hope Pete recovers soon with the help of the people he is surrounded by.
[Edit]
Ok - soooo Pete's new name . . . -- Pam, Mon, 04 Jan 2010, 23:25:22 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Titanic Pete - The Tit!
May he heal fast and be active again soon.
May he also show appreciation for all those who help in his recovery.
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Sun, 03 Jan 2010, 17:41:07 (adsl-75-56-196-1.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.196.1)
Dawie enjoy your stay in Zim, what do you think of the possibility of retirement there with US dollas retirement income.
Great name for Pete would be Titanic Pete, as I heard he has also had some shipwrecks in his time..
[Edit]
bionic pete -- dawie, Sun, 03 Jan 2010, 11:09:03 (vc-41-27-105-98.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.27.105.98)
sorry failed to say he has ribs made of titanian thus tit pete, he does not know this yet die man from stahn bionic pete ray pass on to him your message once his moved to a ward get him on line . the first thing he said to me friday was "hell of a thing this" tough own i tell you dawie
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Sun, 03 Jan 2010, 9:26:16 (adsl-75-56-196-1.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.196.1)
Tell Pete tit I wish him well and to get well soon
[Edit]
jo zim bots now tit pete -- dawie, Sun, 03 Jan 2010, 8:18:44 (vc-41-27-233-243.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.27.233.243)
good new yesr to all, pete is sitting up talking but has good and bad days, there is brain damage for sure,bevs taken a lot of flack in the last few months but is hanging in its now two months down the line physical his fine but time will tell he improves every day. his going to rehab next week so thats good news. he knows whats going on as well. he cant read but and mails sent to me i will read to him info@shinoharaafrica.co.za iam off to zim for two weeks from the 11th got a cottage there now as iam spending a lot of time there. the property market has gone up anyone want to sell a house do it now as you can get us dollers if you wait you may get your price but if they bring back the zim doller you got a problem. well 2010 in soth africa i dont know hey nothing happening this side
[Edit]
Drugs to make you smarter -- Bob, Sat, 02 Jan 2010, 4:43:28 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Neuroscientists are developing drugs to help improve cognition among people with dementia and Alzheimer’s, but increasingly these drugs and other cognitive enhancers are being taken by healthy individuals keen to improve their performance. Barbara Sahakian, Professor of Clinical Neuropsychology, believes it’s time for an open debate about the ethical issues surrounding the use of new types of drugs which could in the future be used to make us all clever, well-behaved and sociable.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00pfp8j
[Edit]
And a Happy 2010... -- James, Fri, 01 Jan 2010, 21:06:18 (21Cust98.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.98)
______________________________________________________
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with..
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8.. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
13.. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4 esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n.. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
_________________________________________________________
[Edit]
UK Confidential -- Sam, Thu, 31 Dec 2009, 1:28:07 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
As tens of thousands of previously secret government files are released to the public, Martha Kearney, in conversation with former government ministers, reveals the truth behind the headlines from 1979.
Listen now (60 minutes)
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00pg52f
[Edit]
It's comin'... -- James, Wed, 30 Dec 2009, 21:51:20 (21Cust50.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.50)
__________________________________________________________
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, while waiting for their respective flights..
One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East .
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.'
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?'
The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl...
'Because we ain't played "Cowboys and Muslims" yit - but its a comin'...'
________________________________________________________
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Wed, 30 Dec 2009, 21:05:17 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
As a token of generosity, I will leave the hard work part for you...
[Edit]
. -- ray, Wed, 30 Dec 2009, 16:35:19 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
yes James, peaceful isnt it?
Pam I will take the health and happiness parts....thanks
[Edit]
Delihjted -- James, Wed, 30 Dec 2009, 16:13:52 (21Cust160.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.160)
_____________________________________________________
Delighted, absolutely delighted, to say good-bye to Hank!
_____________________________________________________
[Edit]
Poor James -- Lurker, Wed, 30 Dec 2009, 15:26:54 (adsl-71-136-244-32.dsl.sndg02.pacbell.net/71.136.244.32)
Poor, poor, James you never seem to get Hank off your mind. Must be dreadful for you! Why don't you give it a break. He doesn't seem to show up here anymore and you always have to have a Hank comment. You must be very tormented! Have a great New Year and say good bye to Hank.
[Edit]
Radio Podcasts -- Nigel, Wed, 30 Dec 2009, 9:16:26 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Find a podcast by radio station or genre
Radio Stations
Radio 1
Radio 2
Radio 3
Radio 4
5 live
5 live sports extra1Xtra
6 Music
Radio 7
Asian Network
World Service
Radio CymruRadio Scotland
Radio nan Gaidheal
Radio Ulster/Foyle
Radio Wales
BBC Radio
Local Radio StationsGenres
Children's
Comedy
Drama
Entertainment
FactualLearning
Music
News
Religion & Ethics
Sport
http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/
[Edit]
Happy New Year to y'all -- Pam, Wed, 30 Dec 2009, 3:15:06 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Wishing you all hard work, health and happiness for 2010.
[Edit]
Mushrooms, darkness, manure... -- JAMES., Wed, 30 Dec 2009, 1:36:13 (21Cust73.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.73)
________________________________________________________
RAY: Mushrooms, darkness, manure... Crikey, we could end up with dozens and dozens of wee Hank the Wankers with a set up like that! He seeme to be lying low this weather, but who is complaining?
________________________________________________________
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Tue, 29 Dec 2009, 21:22:38 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Or farm with mushrooms, no light needed. Just manure.
[Edit]
. -- ray, Tue, 29 Dec 2009, 18:30:08 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
James believe me you do not want to hear the transcript of the farmer calling up Escom who lost hundreds of gallons of milk due to Escom power failure. It would hurt your ears.
The dom Japie should get a diesel or petrol electrical generator. He could even use the methane generated by composting manure.
Or he should go into pig farming instead.
[Edit]
Questions re UK Premium Bonds (Site):- -- James, Tue, 29 Dec 2009, 5:47:09 (21Cust183.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.183)
_____________________________________________________
A site re questions about UK Premium Bonds:-
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/premium-bonds
____________________________________________________
[Edit]
Premium Bonds -- James, Tue, 29 Dec 2009, 5:37:48 (21Cust183.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.183)
Don't believe that you need a UK address to buy Premium Bonds. However, I believe that you need to send a cheque
in Sterling drawn against a bank in Britain.
[Edit]
Order your Season Tickets by calling 1-800-222-8587 -- Sam, Tue, 29 Dec 2009, 4:26:48 (NoHost/202.90.207.2)
Premium Bonds are fun, but you need a UK address to buy them.
If you live in the US, you can play the Massachusetts lottery games, you don't have to live in massachusetts, they will ship your season tickets to anywhere in the US.
I have a subscription for each game, Mass Cash, Megabucks Doubler and Cash Winfall and I renew them every year. I haven't won anything big yet, but I have won several small prizes. For the sake of a few hundred dollars it's worth a shot. And the state benefits for all the revenue raised.
HAVE A BIT OF FUN, HAVE A GO!
SPECIAL DISCOUNTED PRICES
November 15, 2009 through January 2, 2010
The Lottery's $1 Jackpot Games
Megabucks Doubler is drawn two times a week
3 Month Season Ticket = $23 (26 drawings) - SAVE $3
6 Month Season Ticket = $45 (52 drawings)- SAVE $7
1 Year Season Ticket = $90 (104 drawings)- SAVE $14
Mass Cash is Drawn 3 times a week
3 Month Season Ticket = $35 (39 drawings)- SAVE $4
6 Month Season Ticket = $68 (78 drawings)- SAVE $10
1 Year Season Ticket = $135 (156 drawings)- SAVE $21
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Lottery's $2 Jackpot Game
Cash Winfall is drawn 2 times a week
3 Month Season Ticket = $45 (26 drawings)- SAVE $7
6 Month Season Ticket = $90 (52 drawings)- SAVE $14
1 Year Season Ticket = $180 (104 drawings)- SAVE $28
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Order your Season Tickets by calling 1-800-222-8587 or visit your local Lottery Agent. You will receive your Season Ticket two weeks after placing your order. The Lottery will contact Season Ticket Winners when they have won a prize.
http://www.masslottery.com/games/seasontickets.html
[Edit]
Khan Academy Channel -- kahn, Tue, 29 Dec 2009, 3:04:36 (NoHost/202.90.207.2)
Ex-Hedge Fund Analyst Finds Calling On YouTube
These days you can learn just about anything from a YouTube video: tying a bow tie, playing the piano or learning math. Salman Khan, a former hedge fund analyst turned online tutor, has produced more than 1,000 YouTube videos ranging from basic multiplication of fractions to polynomial approximation of functions.
He says his Khan Academy Channel started when he worked as a hedge fund analyst in Boston and began tutoring his cousin in New Orleans.
Listen to the Story
All Things Considered
[7 min 47 sec]
Add to Playlist
Download
Transcript
Blog
Read The All Tech Considered Blog
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121978193
[Edit]
Eaten by a shark... -- James, Mon, 28 Dec 2009, 23:47:53 (21Cust68.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.68)
__________________________________________________________
My understanding is that with lotteries you have the same chance of winning as being eaten by a shark or struck by lightning. Best 'lottery', in my opinion, is the British Premium Bonds. No tax on winnings, AND you get your original stake back at any time! Can't beat that; it's a win-win lottery.
James.
________________________________________________________
RAY: Boy, was that Boer farmer roused in the audio clip!
Wish I had a transcript.
________________________________________________________
[Edit]
Mass Lottery -- Matt, Mon, 28 Dec 2009, 3:32:17 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Time Is Running Out!
SPECIAL DISCOUNTED PRICES ENDS ON JANUARY 2!
http://www.masslottery.com/games/seasontickets.html
(If you live in the US, you can participate in the Massachusetts Lottery games, you don't need to live in the state)
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Sun, 27 Dec 2009, 23:29:42 (adsl-75-56-196-1.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.196.1)
James you out do your self.
Pam the true astrological astronomical new year started on December 21 at 17:47 UT or Greenwich time.
The Incas in the Soutehrn Hemisphere disagreed, their observatories indicated June 21.
The ancient Egyptian Priests, I read, announced this time to the people, holding a newborn baby in their arms.
[Edit]
Wandering mind... -- James., Sun, 27 Dec 2009, 18:42:43 (21Cust199.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.199)
___________________________________________________________
For Pam:
Wandering Mind :
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
~~~
I had amnesia once -- or twice.
~~~
I went to San Francisco . I found someone's heart. Now what?
~~~
Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
~~~
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
~~~
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride side saddle.
~~~
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
~~~
Someone told me I was gullible and I believed them.
~~~
Teach a child to be polite and courteous and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
~~~
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
~~~
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
~~~
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
~~~
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
~~~
The high cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
~~~
How can there be self-help "groups"?
~~~
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
~~~
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.
~~~
Is it just me--or do buffalo wings really taste like chicken?
__________________________________________________________
[Edit]
Ha Ha Ha - nice one James -- Pam, Sun, 27 Dec 2009, 14:21:20 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
According to Doc Ray - the new year would have started on about 22 December - and the days are getting longer.
[Edit]
Video -- hyhlk, Sat, 26 Dec 2009, 0:01:07 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Did you watch the video? He seems very uncomfortable talking about it!
VIDEO
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/sportvideo/6863613/Rugby-star-Gareth-Thomas-says-he-is-gay.html
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Gareth Thomas says he is gay -- hyhuuu, Fri, 25 Dec 2009, 23:55:18 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Rugby star Gareth Thomas has said he hopes that by coming out publicly it will "send a positive message" to the sport.
Thomas, 35, who captained Wales, played for the British Lions and still plays for Cardiff Blues said he decided to make his sexuality public at the weekend and said the positive reaction should encourage others to do the same.
Video
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/sportvideo/6863613/Rugby-star-Gareth-Thomas-says-he-is-gay.html
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Hogmanay is coming! -- James, Fri, 25 Dec 2009, 21:14:00 (21Cust6.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.6)
___________________________________________________________
A Scotsman visited London for his annual holiday and stayed at a large hotel. However, he didn't feel that the natives were very friendly. "At three o'clock every morning," he told a friend, "they hammered on my bedroom door, one the walls, even on the floor and ceiling. Sometimes they hammered so loudly I could hardly hear myself playing the bagpipes."
___________________________________________________________
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Marry Christmas -- Morag, Fri, 25 Dec 2009, 3:57:33 (adsl-71-136-244-32.dsl.sndg02.pacbell.net/71.136.244.32)
Merry Christmas to all.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS -- Doug Gorton ((Festive)), Thu, 24 Dec 2009, 13:19:25 (NoHost/24.91.243.18)
Merry Christmas to all who visit here
and may 2010 bring you all that you wish for
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Since many of the new surfaces are tarmac, -- Pam, Thu, 24 Dec 2009, 12:09:13 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
- it is very hard to bury bombs in them quickly and undetected.
Same as in the bad old terrorist days in Southern Africa????
Same old, same old sh!t.
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zim pete -- dawie, Thu, 24 Dec 2009, 4:50:33 (vc-41-26-225-220.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.26.225.220)
yes pete is awake have not seen him but will today they have moved him to a chair and he is talking keep you all up dated.been in zim for a week or so instaling a new printing press. bev and girls spending xmas with jean and i. well merry xmas to all next year should be worse in africa as it always gets worse hey dawie
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Christmas wishes for all -- Pam, Thu, 24 Dec 2009, 3:51:57 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
May you all enjoy these holidays.
Chat to you next week.
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Zim Farmers in the news -- FrankLJ, Wed, 23 Dec 2009, 21:19:53 (NoHost/95.146.140.151)
helmlandblog.blogspot.com
[In Afganistan], Haj Talib, known as the local Mr Fixit, bustles over to the huge figure of Ray Watson, 50, a former Zimbabwe tobacco farmer who has become a key figure in an exotic agricultural organisation called Rift Valley Agriculture.
This was formed by a band of farmers thrown off their farms by war veterans in Zimbabwe over the past 10 years.
They are now known as experts in "extreme agriculture", helping farmers in lands battered by communal violence and war.
Now subcontracted to the British development ministry, Ray and his friend Fanae Ferreira, 51, whose Zimbabwe farm was confiscated in 2000, go out on the ground in places such as Marja to show the farmers new techniques in crop husbandry.
"The opportunity for different crops is huge - potatoes, pomegranates, wheat, alfalfa, tomatoes, you name it - the problem is getting it to market" said Ray.
"We show them how they can do better, and the increase in yields has been huge."
New roads are gradually being built across Afghanistan - shortish stretches at a time, and often under heavy security by British and Afghan forces.
The traffic between Lashkar Gah and the commercial centre of Gereshkt, and on to Kandahar has gone up visibly these past few weeks.
The roads are a big challenge to the Taliban because most people want them and are prepared to travel them even at the risk of being held up at Taliban, gangster or even renegade police roadblocks.
Since many of the new surfaces are tarmac, it is very hard to bury bombs in them quickly and undetected.
[Also see Private Eye #1252, 25dec-07jan 2010, pg.9]
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James from Hogtown - I amstarting to wonder about him . . . -- Pam, Wed, 23 Dec 2009, 12:07:16 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Quite an evil joke - and a good motivator to lose weight.
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“The Unipolar Moment and the Culture of Imperialism” -- Bob, Wed, 23 Dec 2009, 5:11:07 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Noam Chomsky delivers the 5th Annual Edward Said Memorial Lecture: The Unipolar Moment and the Culture of Imperialism at Columbia University School for International Affairs.
Listen
http://www.democracynow.org/blog/2009/12/17/noam_chomsky_the_unipolar_moment_and_the_culture_of_imperialism
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Credit for the joke... -- James, Tue, 22 Dec 2009, 22:20:30 (21Cust27.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.27)
RAY: Credit for the joke below goes to our broadminded friend, Jo. Not sure how often she checks into BT.
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. -- Ray, Tue, 22 Dec 2009, 17:13:47 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
This one from our friend James...
A chap calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program..
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up..
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program
'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone... 'This is our most rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular fellow standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck
that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'
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haha -- nevermind, Mon, 21 Dec 2009, 15:44:13 (CPE-60-231-241-120.lns2.wel.bigpond.net.au/60.231.241.120)
To my friends who enjoys a glass of wine....and those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria.
In a number of carefully controlled trials,
scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli,
(E. coli) - bacteria found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming
1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when
drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whisky or other liquor), because alcohol has to go through a purification
process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember:
Water = Poop, Wine = Health .
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service.
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Gary Hocking -- Rhodesian motorcyle fan, Mon, 21 Dec 2009, 15:02:16 (adsl-71-136-244-32.dsl.sndg02.pacbell.net/71.136.244.32)
In loving memory of our hero, Gary Hocking. You have been gone so long - but you will be in our hearts forever. Thank you for all the great memories and great pride you brought to Rhodesia. Until we meet again . . .
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. -- ray, Mon, 21 Dec 2009, 14:44:45 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
A Mother had three virgin daughters.
They were all getting married within a short time period.
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the
honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
1) The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.
The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!
She went to her kitchen and got out the
Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop".
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
2) The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans".
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack:
"Extra Long. King Size"
3) The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town . Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways".
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst,and finally found the ad for South African Airways. "Ten times a day, every day,both ways."
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Massachusetts Lottery Subscriptions -- Sam, Mon, 21 Dec 2009, 10:29:40 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
You can buy lottery subscriptions or give them as gifts. You don't need to be a resident of Massachusetts, wherever you live in the US, you can participate in the Massachusetts lottery games.
Give the Perfect Gifts This Year.
Give Lottery Season Tickets!
Order your Season Tickets by calling 1-800-222-8587
http://www.masslottery.com/games/seasontickets.html
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BEST WISHES -- John Baldwin, Sun, 20 Dec 2009, 11:21:53 (124-197-20-24.callplus.net.nz/124.197.20.24)
Here is to all on the post, Cheers and a very merry Christmas and may you all have a good time.
To Zim Pete,(thanks to Dawie and co) may your health come first and that we will hear of your steady progress in the new year.
Themba, I hope you didn't miss fried flying ants ( eishwa in season) this year and that you had enough salt to enhance the flavour. I enjoyed them and I'm not black !!!
Pam, you have just burst my bubble about Santa not being able to handle the deliveries. I also was told that 3000 people were fed from three fish and five loaves of bread. Who can I believe now ???
Do you think when Bob goes to hell that he will become a president/fat cat down there ? LOL
Have a good one as Kiwi's would say.
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Do you give lottery tickets as Christmas gifts? -- Sam, Sun, 20 Dec 2009, 4:38:40 (NoHost/202.90.207.2)
If you don't know what to get someone, I think they are a fun gift to give. I got a subscription to the Massachusetts lottery for a friend. If he wins, I do hope he will remember me!
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Lord Hattersley is a blubbering idiot! -- Bob, Sat, 19 Dec 2009, 5:21:15 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
I just listened to Any Questions?, and he was upset because his dog died, and he "wants him back, but can't".
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00p99n7#synopsis
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:)))))))) -- Pam, Fri, 18 Dec 2009, 1:29:38 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Seems as though there were quite a lot of wimmen . . . .
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. -- Ray, Thu, 17 Dec 2009, 23:53:58 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
If a mere mortal like Tiger Woods can get a Congressional medal for Service to America(actually mainly women), then a professional like Santa can certainly handle his job..
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Rebuttal of the aforeposted passage -- Pam, Thu, 17 Dec 2009, 1:57:45 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Santa Claus: An Engineering Analysis
REBUTTAL
If people are going to attempt to apply science to the question of Santa, the least they can do is to get it right. The so-called "Engineer" that wrote the paper suggesting that Santa Claus is dead had it all wrong.
A) In paragraph 5, the Engineer states that "600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance." Assuming that this true, it may well be that the reindeer are protected by some sort of heat shield, which is the basis of the "red nose" legend. More to the point, the "air resistance" theory is a vast oversimplification, and a sloppy one at that. In comparing a parachute to a javelin, one can see that there is no simple, direct, predictable relationship between the weight of an object and its air resistance. The air resistance theory completely ignores many possible configurations of Santa's team that could greatly reduce air resistance.
Paragraph 5 is invalidated all the more when one considers paragraph 1, which states that most of the 300,000 unclassified species on the earth are insects and microorganisms. This suggests that it is overwhelmingly probable that any unknown species (such as flying reindeer) is extremely small (possibly even microscopic), with correspondingly low air resistance.
Also, note that various small species (e.g. bumblebee) have been known to accomplish feats of aviation that have proven quite difficult for science to explain. Furthermore, many small species (e.g. ants) possess strength that is immense proportional to their size. Also note that every known species has a body structure capable of withstanding whatever stresses are created at the top speed at which the creature is capable of traveling.
Therefore, contrary to the Engineer's conclusion, the possible existence of unknown, very small, very strong, flying creatures is indicated, and all of the Engineer's statistics on the mass, speed, capacity, and durability of standard Reindeer are therefore irrelevant.
B) If we accept the notion that Santa moves from East to West (an assumption that the Engineer makes in Paragraph 3) then we must also assume that he is moving in a vaguely North-South traversing path as he works his way West. This implies that, if he chose to, he could make several stops at the Pole to re-load the sleigh, and therefore it is not necessary for him to carry the entire payload all at once as described by the Engineer.
The reader may raise the objection that most depictions of Santa's procedures include a single annual departure from the Pole. However, one must also consider that these same depictions contain many other omissions and simplifications, such as the implication that Santa spends several minutes on each delivery. Even using unrealistically favorable figures, this is mathematically impossible. This and other examples force us to consider these depictions to be strictly allegorical. This makes sense, since a documentary would not be much fun for the target audience.
C) Consider that most chimneys are too small to accommodate an average-sized man, let alone a 250 (plus) pound man. This implies that Santa has a way of entering and exiting dwellings through access paths much smaller than those that would otherwise be required. If the same technique that Santa uses to transport himself and the gifts past locked doors also decreases mass (or makes it irrelevant), then the payload problem is completely solved. (Note that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.)
D) If we accept the notion that Santa's intelligence gathering is good enough for him to determine who is bad/good, sleeping/awake etc., then it stands to reason that Santa also knows enough about health problems, travel plans, hurricanes, floods, drive-by shootings, fires, volcanoes, earthquakes, bus crashes, burglaries, etc. etc. etc. to be able to defer or advance some of his deliveries for days or even weeks, thus considerably extending the 31 hour time limit (as mentioned by the Engineer in paragraph 3) for perhaps 3 to 5 percent of children.
E) In paragraph 3, the Engineer admits to the assumption that Christian homes are randomly distributed over the entire surface of the planet. In reality, a majority of the earth's surface is covered by the oceans, and a great portion of what is left is covered by mountains, deserts, forests, jungles, glaciers, smaller bodies of water, and other natural and man-made features that render the space uninhabitable by humans -- or at least extremely sparsely populated by Christians, who largely tend to live in communities with homes placed in neat rows on level ground, or in densely populated vertical blocks in urban areas.
Also, many families tend to gather for the Holidays, thus decreasing the number of Christian dwellings that are actually occupied on December 24-25. Therefore, the aforementioned assumption leads to an *staggering* overestimate of the number of times Santa must travel distances exceeding 60 feet. Also note that this more realistic model includes trans-oceanic voyages during which Santa could take a "bathroom break."
F) In paragraph 3, the Engineer says that Santa has a very short time in which to "park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. "In the previous paragraph, I dispensed with the notion that Santa must actually park and exit the sleigh, enter and exit the dwelling, and then enter and drive the sleigh for each delivery. As far as the snacks go, it is clear that between the households where the parents eat the snacks prior to Santa's arrival and the households that don't leave snacks at all, Santa has to deal with a snack in only a small proportion of cases. This means that at every stop Santa must, at a minimum, fill stockings and distribute gifts. The other tasks are performed in much smaller proportions.
G) In paragraph 2, the Engineer presents the assumption that roughly 10 children out of 35 are "good." Given my personal observations, I conclude that this would lead us to overestimate of the number of Christian households containing at least one "good" child by an order of magnitude at the absolute minimum. This, more than anything else, decreases the number of stops that Santa must make.
In conclusion - all of the Engineer's calculations are based on figures that are massively skewed, always choosing the worst-case value. The distances to be traveled, the number of stops to be made, the amount of work to be performed, and the amount of cargo to be carried are all FAR smaller than the Engineer estimates.
Santa has NOT been burned to a cinder, he has NOT been squished by the acceleration of his sleigh, and (though I'm quite certain he won't be visiting that Engineer's house,) Santa Claus IS coming to town!
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One week until Christmas -- Pam, Thu, 17 Dec 2009, 1:56:24 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Engineering Analysis of Santa
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 380 million (per the Popluation Reference Burea).
At an average (per the Census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that amounts to 108 million homes, assuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours in which to complete his work, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming that he travels from east to west (which would appear to be logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
This is to say, that for each Christian household with one good child, Santa has about 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, get out, slide down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the other gifts under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, onto the sleigh and move to the next house.
Assuming that each of the 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which we know is false, but will accept this for the purpose of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom breaks and stops.
This would mean that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second - 3,000 times the speed of sound. For comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulyses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second and a reindeer can run, at best, at 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element to the calculation. Assuming each child receives nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (weighing 2 pounds), the sleigh would be carrying 500 thousand tons, excluding Santa.
On land, a reindeer could pull no more than 300 pounds. Even allowing that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job cannot be done with eight or even nine reindeer. Santa would need 360,000 reindeer, which in turn increase the payload, excluding the weight of the sleigh, to 54 thousand tons - the weight of a large seafaring ship.
So, 554 thousand tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous wind resistance - which would heat up the reindeer in the same way as a space-craft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would each have to absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second. In short they would burst into flames instantly, exposing the pair of reindeer behind them, in addition to creating sonic booms. The entire reindeer team would be vapourised in 4.26 thousandths of a second - right about the time Santa reaches the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 117,500 g's.
A 250 pound Santa (ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4.3 million pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs, reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore if Santa did exist, he is dead now.
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Christmas Wish -- Wendy, Tue, 15 Dec 2009, 13:17:52 (wblv-ip-pcache-8-vif1.telkom-ipnet.co.za/198.54.202.250)
Its holiday time at long last. May you all have a Great Christmas and a Fantastic New Year. Please spare a thought for Jo Pete and his family over Christmas. Have a great one.
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Adolf -- Themba (heppy), Mon, 14 Dec 2009, 21:13:47 (mail152.anonymouse.org/193.200.150.152)
When I do call should I address you as Dad or Baas, Baas?
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A scotsman 'phones a dentist... -- James, Mon, 14 Dec 2009, 16:28:41 (21Cust114.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.114)
_________________________________________________
A Scotsman 'phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction.
"£85 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied. "£85! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"
"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.
"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?"
"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off.
"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without ananesthetic?"
"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop to £40"
"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, huv yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?
"It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist, "and it's going to be very traumatic, but I'll charge you £5."
"Och, man , now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman.
"Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then...
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You May Be Taliban If -- Jimbo, Mon, 14 Dec 2009, 5:02:04 (NoHost/120.155.181.156)
1.... You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
2.... You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3.... You have more wives than teeth.
4.... You wipe your bum with your bare hand, but consider bacon "UNCLEAN".
5.... You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6.... You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
7.... You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8.... You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9.... You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
10.... You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
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. -- Ray, Mon, 14 Dec 2009, 0:00:21 (adsl-75-56-196-1.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.196.1)
The real Jimbo: I would'nt complain if I were you, the fake Jimbo is doing a pretty good job...
The Asian Lebanese one is a riot...
eh James??
Themba I had to eat Mopani worms myself during travels in Zambezi valley..
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Dog could hardly hear... -- James., Sun, 13 Dec 2009, 23:33:14 (21Cust45.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.45)
____________________________________________________
My neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears so he cleaned both ears and the dog could hear properly again. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from re-occurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in its ears once a month.
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her: "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady says "I'm not using it under my arms."
The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady says, "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The druggist says: "In that case, stay off your bicycle for a week."
--------------------------------------------------------
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Themba -- Adolf (happy), Sun, 13 Dec 2009, 12:24:42 (mail125.anonymouse.org/193.200.150.125)
Themba my boy, I have some good news and some bad news for you.
The good news is I think I am your Father; the bad news is you have maningi brothers and sisters because I slept with lots of nannies in my time. We must all get together one day and do some bonding, call me.
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Grandpa -- Jimbo, Sun, 13 Dec 2009, 8:29:59 (NoHost/120.152.139.82)
The TAXATION DEPARTMENT decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the Taxation Office.
The Taxation Office Auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his solicitor.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Taxation Department finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the solicitor. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me fifty thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'
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joe pete -- dawie, Sun, 13 Dec 2009, 6:18:43 (vc-41-28-125-211.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.125.211)
sorry it was meant to be pete is breathing on his own
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joe pete -- dawie, Sun, 13 Dec 2009, 6:16:09 (vc-41-28-125-211.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.125.211)
good news pete has improved his physical side is good , he responce is good tho his sort of half in the coma and not breathing on his own. the doctors seem there is brain damage but cant tell how much yet. bev has been under pressure but is copeing petes kids arrived from harare yesterday for a few days to see him, think this will make a change as well. iam off to zim monday keep you all informed. what is the other site you have all gone to some one mail it to me please. see bob wants more power to zanu an election has to be had soon hey dawie
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Only The Super Rich Can Save Us -- Bob, Sun, 13 Dec 2009, 5:56:30 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
The "Atlantic" magazine has described Ralph Nader as one of the 100 most influential figures in American history. This consumer activist dominated headlines in the 1960s, 70s and 80s. He was at the pointy-end of much of the progressive legislation of the time in the US, which so reverberated elsewhere, including Australia - ranging from the Clean Air Act to the establishment of the Environmental Protection Agency.
He is most remembered for his bid for the White House in 2000 which split the non-conservative vote and effectively handed the world George W. Bush.
He has now brought out a novel called 'Only The Super Rich Can Save Us', which coming from him, the eternal dissident, is interesting.
Ralph Nader's 'practical utopia'
listen now | download audio
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/saturdayextra/stories/2009/2768825.htm
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??? -- Jimbo, Sun, 13 Dec 2009, 3:41:00 (NoHost/120.152.227.186)
An Interesting Event in Bankstown and Auburn
Local Lebanese and Asian leaders there are upset at the the Liberal Party for threatening to send back the illegal boat people and to Restrict Immigration . So this weekend they boycotted all Australian owned businesses in the Sydney area as a demonstration of their economic impact on the community. The boycott was declared a success by the Leb communities, noting that revenue in Aussie owned businesses was down by 19%.
However Aussie business owners also declared the boycott a success , pointing out that shoplifting was reduced by 77%, money orders sent out of the country were down by 97%, the cost of daily clean-up and trash collection was down by 84%. Shoppers reported that they could actually hear English being spoken throughout the community for the first time in recent memory, and customers actually paid for purchases with real money, not government debit cards or fake credit cards.
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False Jimbo -- The real Jimbo, Sat, 12 Dec 2009, 2:43:41 (220-253-150-41.VIC.netspace.net.au/220.253.150.41)
Note folks that the Jimbo posting has no host at the head. I don't post on this site any more, only to highlight the imposter, too much white trash. Note the host at the head of this one as against the fake one.
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BT -- Jimbo, Sat, 12 Dec 2009, 1:59:47 (NoHost/120.155.82.124)
Van der Merwe had never been out of South Africa . While on holiday in
Australia he decided to spend an afternoon visiting Bondi Beach .
As he sat on the beach looking out to sea he saw a long line of black
dots out in the water and said to an Aussie, who was sitting close by,
"What are all those little black things out there?"
"They're buoys," said the Aussie.
"Boys?!" replied Van der Merwe. "What are they doing out there?"
"Holding up the shark net," the Aussie told him.
"F*ckin great country!" said Van der Merwe, deeply impressed.
"We'd never get away with that at home!
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BT -- Jimbo, Fri, 11 Dec 2009, 23:08:23 (NoHost/120.155.210.43)
My favorite is a warm fish milkshake before going to bed in the evening.
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mmm, -- Themba, Fri, 11 Dec 2009, 22:01:44 (v03-04.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.51)
Sounds lekker, all I got is mopane worms, mud pie and chongololos for pudding.
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. -- Ray, Fri, 11 Dec 2009, 19:56:03 (adsl-75-56-199-46.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.199.46)
One nice chunky beef soup with hot sourdough bread and salted butter...
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Great one - Jimbo -- Pam, Fri, 11 Dec 2009, 3:55:52 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
I must remember that for tomorrow night.
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BT -- Jimbo, Fri, 11 Dec 2009, 0:20:00 (NoHost/120.155.190.142)
A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's
Voice from the kitchen.
What would you like for dinner Love ? Chicken, beef or lamb ?
He said, Thank you, I'll have chicken.
“F#^k You. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat.”
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... -- ..., Wed, 09 Dec 2009, 22:59:29 (v02-14.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.45)
Jimbo, best joke! Gay people would'nt appreciate that one 'less they play a race card.
Nobody loves a black (?) man from Hawaai/Kenya
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. -- ray, Wed, 09 Dec 2009, 19:09:01 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Three guys at the bar were talking about their youth.
Guy one said I can remember so far back, I remember breast- feeding.
The next guy said I can remember so far back I almost strangled during delivery, the umbilical cord was tangled around my neck.
The third guy said that's nothing, I can remember so far back, I went to the drive in with my dad. Then I came back from the drive in with my mom.
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Hank -- Watcher, Wed, 09 Dec 2009, 18:40:34 (wsip-70-166-17-114.sd.sd.cox.net/70.166.17.114)
Who said Hank is asleep?
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Fever is gay -- Straight guy (Happy), Wed, 09 Dec 2009, 15:18:29 (host-92-11-50-244.as43234.net/92.11.50.244)
Fever asked mi to go to bed with him I said NOWAY so he kicked of again
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Hmmmmmmmmmm -- Pam, Wed, 09 Dec 2009, 11:56:08 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
I bet that he is now hoping that the carriers of Hessian Sickness will help him during his recovery and rehabilitation . . .
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hessian sickness -- dawie, Wed, 09 Dec 2009, 6:06:47 (vc-41-27-180-222.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.27.180.222)
one from joe pete told me he had hessian sickness just before his accident i pondered for a few beers and asked how he got it not knowing or heard of this before. GET IT FROM SLEEPING WITH OLD BAGS.
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jp coming good -- dawie, Wed, 09 Dec 2009, 6:01:01 (vc-41-27-180-222.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.27.180.222)
yes things are improving bev is chuffed when i spoke to her yesterday going to take a long time. ray its fine to go to bots to see the falls but its a long way around two lots of borders ja fly in is better. to hire a car in harare is now 200 us a day thats why i drive the roads are getting better since the toll roads have been put up. 0ne us at each toll there are four tolls between messina and harare costs nothing and in the last three months the pot hloes have started to go although the rains have made more. anyone up for xmas dawie
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BT -- Jimbo, Wed, 09 Dec 2009, 5:59:02 (NoHost/120.155.241.172)
There were three black nannies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time. The first nanny said, "I don't know 'bout y'all but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I gets on dat plane."
"Why you gonna wear dem fo?" the other two asked.
The first replied, "Cause, if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first.."
The second nanny said, "Well, I'm a-gonna wear me some floe esant orange panties."
"Why you gonna wear dem?" the others asked.
The second lady answered, "Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first."
The third nanny says, "Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties.""What? No panties?" the others nannies asked in disbelief.
The third nanny says "Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't wearin' any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look fo da black box first."
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Wanker back... -- James, Tue, 08 Dec 2009, 23:33:58 (21Cust93.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.93)
Crikey, all this barking will wake our wee Bozeman Wanker, Hank, and then where will we be? Ignore rude people; they just want attention.
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Stooping so low -- Stooping, Tue, 08 Dec 2009, 22:27:58 (wsip-70-166-17-114.sd.sd.cox.net/70.166.17.114)
My father had a great saying - "He is so low they will have to dig him up to bury hiim!" It appears to apply here.
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Themba - these people are a little mixed up -- Themba's friend, Tue, 08 Dec 2009, 22:24:56 (wsip-70-166-17-114.sd.sd.cox.net/70.166.17.114)
I think someone here is a little mixed up! Can't we just be nice to one another - Themba does not deserve to be treated this way - whether you like it or not he is a Rhodesian/Zimbabwean just like the rest of us - he just happens to have better manners.
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asdf -- asdf, Tue, 08 Dec 2009, 21:44:24 (NoHost/212.138.69.19)
?
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b'nDo vaThemba -- Interessad, Tue, 08 Dec 2009, 19:45:39 (v10-03.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.162)
Themba, Sorrowful, Potlick, I have crawled a lot lower than a stoop. If you can't take it, take a hike. Don't complain when yo Mom's morals get called into question, or your parents gave you to the garden/house-boy, cook to look after. Why did yo' Ma not look after you herself, Sorrowful? Too busy doing tricks?
Tell me yöu haven't asked anyöne to look after your kids,
with all the trust that involves? Or do you mean they should have paid möre?
You defeat your own arguments, even as your racist brain-cells try to cönnect.
As I said, ...
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Ray -- Ray, Tue, 08 Dec 2009, 19:33:37 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Dawie re Vic falls, tell people to drive through Bots to Kazangula then to Livingstone, they can see the falls from Zambia side, or walk through the border if they want to see the falls from Zim side, no car fines, tax, insurance etc. Chobe is also spectacular.
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road blocks -- dawie, Tue, 08 Dec 2009, 4:48:47 (vc-41-27-45-255.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.27.45.255)
ja they are manned by at least ten policemen thats 270 around the country. i drove bulawayo to harare and back to south africa. its a case of drivers licence t.i.p and insurance that they want to see. looking for diamonds guns etc. if anyone is driving up make sure you have the reflectors on the car white on the frount and red on the back not standard on south african made cars. buy them in messina fine is about rand 50 every time times 27 road blocks. met a couple on there way back from honeymoon at vic falls never again they said she was nearly in tears were ripped off everywhere got a ticket for a dirty car even. i love the adventure hey dawie
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Europeans -- Saddened, Tue, 08 Dec 2009, 3:51:28 (adsl-71-136-224-232.dsl.sndg02.pacbell.net/71.136.224.232)
Themba, please do not judge all white Rhodesians by the dreadful people showing up here. Growing up in Rhodesia was such a wonderful experience and I have such love and admiration for the people who helped shape my life - it was not my biological mother who would brush my hair, dress me, and take me for walks, it was my beloved nanny, Esther; and then the "cook boy" who would make cakes for my friends; it was the "boy" who washed and ironed my clothes; the boy who worked and worked in the garden. I am ever so grateful for those people who made such an impact in my life. I was fairly young when I started realizing that I was lucky to be white and not black. Themba - please forgive these people who do not appreciate those who made their lives so "cushy."
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stooped so low -- themba, Tue, 08 Dec 2009, 3:15:14 (host2.davita.com/65.213.142.2)
Have we(Rhodies) all stooped so low?Hell yes!One clown here even suggests copulating with my mom(supposedly an ape).You lot have always been low--just that you are damn good at disguising stuff.
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27 roadblocks? -- James., Mon, 07 Dec 2009, 17:02:14 (21Cust249.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.249)
DAWIE: 27 roadblocks? What on earth are they hoping to find? It seesm a bit excessive!
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jp up date -- dawie, Mon, 07 Dec 2009, 7:08:51 (vc-41-26-107-221.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.26.107.221)
hi all sounds like some improvement been away in zim for a week but bev and jean say his responding now still in coma tho. physical stuff looks good and had scan i believe going to see him tueday arve. zims realy on the mend food in shops even flyers handed out at the robots. spent an evening at the sherwood golf club harare run by chris rollet realy got the place going well from nothing. drove messina to bullys and then harare and back to messina. 27 road blocks waved on tho most of the time. border four hours each way now. south african side worst loads of zims pouring into south africa.antone up for xmas stick you to a beer iam there till 19th dec from next monday. dawie
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. -- ., Mon, 07 Dec 2009, 3:24:57 (dsl-202-173-135-149.nsw.westnet.com.au/202.173.135.149)
Have we all stooped so low
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Disgusting Rhodesians -- Ashamed, Mon, 07 Dec 2009, 2:02:49 (adsl-71-136-224-232.dsl.sndg02.pacbell.net/71.136.224.232)
Sometimes I am truly ashamed of my fellow Rhodesians. You disgust me.
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Hell... -- f'ever, Sun, 06 Dec 2009, 23:31:10 (v08-08.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.135)
Heh, let the Potlick shag Themba's ma. The Devil outlawed a sense of humour in Hell, you see.
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Potlicker -- Adolf, Sat, 05 Dec 2009, 21:16:32 (CPE-58-169-235-181.lns1.wel.bigpond.net.au/58.169.235.181)
There is no pretending! most of us are Rhodesian born you cock smoker, you are not making any sense,F#*k off to Zimbabwe where you belong.
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. -- ray, Fri, 04 Dec 2009, 17:39:36 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Potlick, I am not a Rhodesian, just someone who lived across the border and traveled a lot in the country. When it was still a country, of course.
My great grandfathers boet, tho fought the matabeles and was the first of the BSAP.
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If there was justice in the Universe -- Patrick, Fri, 04 Dec 2009, 16:53:11 (co01.wbs.co.za/41.213.126.12)
Adolf, ellyoikfant??, Ray and the rest of you racist clowns that pretend to be proud Rhodesians, but are in fact ignorant oiks, would wake up black and destitute.
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Mayor made chieftain in Nigerian hometown -- Rotimi, Fri, 04 Dec 2009, 2:56:21 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Mayor made chieftain in Nigerian hometown (But he claims he was forced to leave for reasons of religious persecution)
The Mayor of Portlaoise Cllr Rotimi Adebari was made an honorary chieftain of his hometown of Okeodan in Nigeria during a recent trip home.
Mayor Adebari had returned to Nigeria with his wife Ibironke on the sad occasion of the funeral of her father last month.
While there he was approached by town officials and informed that His Royal Highness King Alaycluwa Oba Oluwarotimi Fagbenro and representatives of the Ogun State Government and the town Chief Lere Bamgboye wished to hold a ceremony in his honour on his achievement of becoming Mayor of Portlaoise. Over 1,000 people attended the ceremony, which was held in the town’s market square
http://www.immigrationcontrol.org/portlaoise.html
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. -- ellyphint, Thu, 03 Dec 2009, 20:38:04 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."
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. -- Allyphint, Thu, 03 Dec 2009, 16:15:15 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Why does Tiger never listen to the Beatles?
He does not like Norwegian Woods.
What has Tiger learned from all of this?
Keep your nine iron out of the bushes.
And to use a driver.
Never use your putter on the wrong hole.
Be careful with intercourse.
What is his wifes slogan as the new spokeswoman for Taylormade?
"Use our clubs to beat Tiger."
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. -- Allyphint, Thu, 03 Dec 2009, 14:43:56 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
What do you throw a black man who is drowning?
Another black man.
(Who cant swim)
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Themba types -- Bushpig, Thu, 03 Dec 2009, 14:03:03 (mk-airlines-rtr-e1.hiway.co.uk/195.12.0.225)
Hey Themba and I quote......"the world would be a better place if some types of people were to just vanish".......Wow that would be great....Now that would mean that us Honkies can go back to Africa and be the majority, your words not mine...
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BT -- Adolf, Thu, 03 Dec 2009, 3:23:54 (CPE-124-182-20-225.lns5.wel.bigpond.net.au/124.182.20.225)
Tiger Woods has been dropped by Gillette after admitting that his crash was the closest shave he had ever had. A movie is being developed based on events, titled "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant". EA Sports are releasing new Playstation Game....."Tiger Woods 2010, Grand Theft Auto" What does Tiger Woods have in common with baby seals? They both get clubbed by Norwegians. Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one. What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 300 yards. Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par. What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning?They went clubbing Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron. After a wayward drive, Tiger Woods found water before nestling behind a tree.
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Closer to the truth. -- fever, Thu, 03 Dec 2009, 0:11:33 (v11-06.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.181)
There are even jokes about Black racist women with no dress-sense...
REPORTER: Your husband's
presidential campaign has
been hampered by his
connection to Jeremiah
Wright, a militant anti-
white preacher in Chicago.
Rumor has it that there is a
video tape of you going on
a racial tirade against
whites, at
Jeremiah Wright's church.
Does that video exist?
MICHELLE OBAMA
(indignantly): Absolutely
not. I know for a fact that
Rev. Wright's video camera
was not working on the
day of my racial tirade.
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Chew-toy -- fever, Wed, 02 Dec 2009, 23:47:52 (v11-06.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.181)
Lighten up, Themba! 'Tis the season to be jolly!
Q. Why won’t Obama
laugh at himself?
A. Because it would be
racist.
I know some good blonde jokes too.
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No problem -- The Joker, Wed, 02 Dec 2009, 23:45:13 (220.253-226-170.VIC.netspace.net.au/220.253.226.170)
Themba my boy, you can tell as many white jokes as you like and we will probably laugh at them. The big difference is that we honkies, whites or whatever you want to call us don't get upset at the white jokes because we do not suffer from an inferiority complex a like other colours. e.g Irish jokes, van jokes etc.
[Edit]
Pure Evil -- themba, Wed, 02 Dec 2009, 22:36:18 (adsl-88-48-85.asm.bellsouth.net/98.88.48.85)
If anyone had any doubt about the evil that lives in the hearts of some Rhodies, the jokes about munts is your answer(my apologies President Obama)!Sure, it sounds like an innocuos joke to share with one's peers but when you dig deeper into the actual meaning behind the joke, it reveals a murderous, evil spirit.The suggestion is, the world would be a better place if some types of people were to just vanish!
Of course it would not because people like Adolf would still be in it!
You know, I have some very "funny" jokes about white people that revolve around greed and mean-spiritedness and the fact that white women have flat backs.I am not going to repeat them here because it is far easier to destroy than build.The irony of it is that people like Adolf would be the first to gloat about how white people have "built" the world and yet cannot see further than their pink noses.And no, I am not going to leave you alone like I said I would.The time to be silent is long past.
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ex RLI get together -- jed, Wed, 02 Dec 2009, 12:09:54 (host81-154-14-58.range81-154.btcentralplus.com/81.154.14.58)
Ex RLI get together, Sat 5th December, 'The Globe' pub, opposite Baker Street tube station, from 5ish, all ex Rhodies welcome. JP get well soon. Cheers, Jed.
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BT -- Adolf, Tue, 01 Dec 2009, 23:52:41 (CPE-124-182-151-5.lns5.pie.bigpond.net.au/124.182.151.5)
2 munts in a Toyota tarago drove off a cliff in Sydney, Officers at the scene said it's an appalling tragedy, as this vehicle is capable of seating 7.
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. -- Allyphint, Tue, 01 Dec 2009, 21:39:37 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
A twelve year old boy comes home from school at 7pm, His dad says "where were you? ""I was playing with Elise." "Go to your room and don't come back so late again.
He proceeds and picks a snack off the table and says "These
fishcakes are lovely. "Dad replies"Wash your hands son; they're donuts."
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any more news - J/P -- Maggi, Tue, 01 Dec 2009, 20:28:17 (ppp121-44-243-194.lns20.syd7.internode.on.net/121.44.243.194)
Dawie, thank you for the updates - any more news in the last day.
J/Pete, you had better get out of that bed soon, no excuses now or we'll haunt you.. seriously, we're holding thumbs. Maggi & John
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Adolf -- Aghast, Tue, 01 Dec 2009, 17:43:22 (wsip-70-166-17-114.sd.sd.cox.net/70.166.17.114)
How dreadful of you!
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BT -- Adolf, Tue, 01 Dec 2009, 0:16:08 (CPE-121-221-209-223.lns7.pie.bigpond.net.au/121.221.209.223)
Got my xmas lights out last night, they remind me of coons! all chained together, hardly any of them work and they look good hanging from a tree.
[Edit]
The news about Hell-Raising Pete is good -- Pam, Sat, 28 Nov 2009, 14:54:23 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
but he still has a long and tough recovery ahead.
[Edit]
PETE ON THE MEND -- John Baldwin (Thanks), Sat, 28 Nov 2009, 11:54:27 (124-197-20-24.callplus.net.nz/124.197.20.24)
Thanks for the update Dawie. I'm sure Pete is at the right hospital, I shudder to think of the state of affairs in Paranyatwa/Andrew Fleming is like now.
I see there has been a plane crash in one of China's main airports with a Zimbabwe Cargo plane catching alight at the end of the airstrip. 30 flights cancelled, Shem !
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Fri, 27 Nov 2009, 19:46:04 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Good news about Pete, Dawie, when you can tell him I am keeping tabs..
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zim pete -- dawie, Fri, 27 Nov 2009, 12:49:56 (vc-41-28-63-107.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.63.107)
well owns some good news pete is better than i expected his off the vent and beathing on his own still got the traci in him. the rib job looks good and the op on his jaw also his head is still swollen tho. all the signs are good. i told him the rugby news and he nodded his head his one eye is sort of open but its hard to tell if he can see you bev said he was better today and improving every day. told him everyone around the world were thinking of him. told him jack daniels had closed down and he squeezed my hand knowing i was talking shit. time will tell.
[Edit]
jo pete -- dawie, Thu, 26 Nov 2009, 13:52:36 (vc-41-26-9-226.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.26.9.226)
hi back from zambia, going to see zim pete friday with bev going to try and see the doctors. bev says he is nodding his head and squeezing her hand when asked questions so good news. keep you all up to speed in the arve friday. gee zambia has improved so for how long tho. dawie
[Edit]
YO Pete -- John Baldwin (concerned), Thu, 26 Nov 2009, 11:45:26 (124-197-20-24.callplus.net.nz/124.197.20.24)
What bad news to hear of Pete. You are in our wish list to get better pronto. There are too many of us wishing you well via friends and family. I hope you get strength from the old core team.
I'm sorry I haven't been putting my nose in very often to add my two cents worth. But there are some fellow BT'rs who I have known and my apologies if I haven't followed up on but the official routes are open ! I'm paying for my patch of land here in NZ and time is money in the bank !
God speed Pete, we want you back on your feet soon. Best wishes Johnny B
[Edit]
Zimbabwe women rise up for peace -- Bob, Thu, 26 Nov 2009, 4:19:12 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
AS Americans count their blessings, it is useful to remember women who count their beatings -- in the once-fair country of Zimbabwe, cursed by Robert Mugabe.
Magodonga Mahlangu and Jennifer Williams, leaders of Women of Zimbabwe Arise, sit at a table at the Robert F. Kennedy Centre for Justice & Human Rights, in Washington, recounting acts of courage that should be shouted from rooftops. "We are very ordinary people," says Williams, about a movement of about 75,000 women who have engaged in more than 100 non-violent protests - protests that often end in a hospital or prison.
more
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/opinion/zimbabwe-women-rise-up-for-peace/story-e6frg6zo-1225803843308
[Edit]
BT -- Uncle Jungle (From Florida Umtali), Thu, 26 Nov 2009, 2:02:47 (NoHost/120.152.184.118)
Howz'it Gentiles reptiles and crocodiles.
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Undoing all the Good work Done. -- Ray, Wed, 25 Nov 2009, 21:09:23 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Themba you really got it right.
[Edit]
Obama -- themba, Tue, 24 Nov 2009, 21:50:09 (adsl-88-77-79.asm.bellsouth.net/98.88.77.79)
How stupid would you have to be to believe this "birthers" crap!Even Bill O'reilly will tell you that Obama was born in Hawaii.Were it not so, he wouldn't be President today.Do you really think the Clinton AND the McCain campaign machineries would have missed this "obvious" fact?So much for white supremacy.The self-confessed racists amongst you should really be mad at this idiot because he is undoing all the "good" work you have done.
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Coffee machine, made in China, President, Made In kenya -- Ray, Tue, 24 Nov 2009, 18:01:53 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Bob Good luck bringing down Obama.. he has an army of judges, attorneys and naturalization officials in his back pocket.. the Bobbie would have better luck getting Zuma thrown out..
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Tue, 24 Nov 2009, 16:50:27 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Today’s update on Pete (via his daughter Lesley via Ann Donnelly):
Good news on Pete. He moved his legs today which he hadn’t done before, so no damage to the spine. Is coming awake slowly. Not as active today as he has a bit of a temp so they doing cultures to be able to administer correct anti-biotic to fight infection. Looking good though.
[Edit]
. -- ray, Tue, 24 Nov 2009, 14:58:43 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Dawie I have always been concerned that the accident may be stroke related.
[Edit]
DEAR Swapo “Government” -- Bob, Tue, 24 Nov 2009, 10:40:57 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
20.11.09
An Open Letter To Swapo: DEAR Swapo “Government”
Before I decide who to vote for, I would like you to answer the following questions. Will you respect these basic human rights?
• The right to an education, even when I’m not related to a Swapo government minister.
• The right to a political association, after you label opposition party leaders as “treasonous” and when they are physically attacked by your supporters when they legally gather.
• The right to a safe environment. No, don’t answer this one. I’ll just pay for my own security.
• The right to healthcare.
• The right to own property. With your pro-Mugabe attitude, can I have your specific assurance that the property I buy with the money I have earned through honest and hard labour each day will indeed remain mine until I choose to dispose of it?
• The right to employment. Will you appoint me based on my talent, hard work and education, or will you rather appoint someone on the basis of his/her skin colour and according to who his/her parents were?
• My right to live. When the Father of my Nation threatens to shoot me in the head?
• The right to dignity. Read The Namibian SMSes of 12/11/09. There was an SMS from a man in Katutura who is disabled and has no family, at least not in Government. He cannot buy a wheelchair for himself. We don’t want bicycles for all, we just want the basic necessities. We don’t want you to drive luxury cars when some of us cannot even leave our houses.
• The right to travel safely. I’ll excuse you if you didn’t hear me over the wail of your sirens. You will drive us off the roads we paid for, in the cars we paid for with the petrol we paid for, but you won’t even stop. Do you know what will happen to me if I do that with MY boss on my way to work?
• The right to equality before the law. I wanted to start a business, found a white investor with the right credentials and the courage to risk his own money to prove himself. You declined the application for a work permit. You who never worked in a commercial business before, let alone ran it profitably. Yet construction sites are overrun with common Chinese labourers that contribute nothing to the Namibian economy. Show me their tax registrations. You can’t, because these poor people are not governed by the same minimal standards you yourself set to prevent the exploitation of workers. They cannot pay tax because they do not earn enough. Yet you look the other way when the perpetrators are brownish instead of pink? Equality? You sentence a stock thief to a minimum of 20 years in prison yet you steal millions more, but there is no minimum sentence for your kind?
• My right to privacy. When you promise to employ the struggle children in the spy factory? When you could have used them to improve service levels in basically every single governmental department and parastatal? When you could have used the opportunity to teach them internationally acceptable skills? This clearly shows that you plan to spy even more and better on those who pay you. But you, ladies and fat gentlemen, you have the transparency of those black Volvos you drive, the ones with the tinted windows; you can see me but I cannot see you.
• Freedom of speech. Lift that criminal ban on The Namibian, and we can talk.
• The right to be treated with respect. You stand there, before the crowds which we feed, denouncing me and my forefathers, just so that you can drive a shiny car? What have you done to uplift these people? You take what is theirs and use it as your own.
You are not even in Parliament when the laws get passed that decide their future!
I’m a child of this country too. I pay my taxes and I paid for my crimes.
Now you stand down and do the same. Let someone else do the job. For 20 years we stood helplessly on the sidelines, witnessing how you destroyed and squandered not only infrastructure and our natural resources, but the very fabric of an entire nation by your constant hate talk.
We have endured enough accusations about our forefathers. They have messed up our past and we cannot change that. But you are messing up our future! We have earned the basic human right to a competent, honest and caring government. Right now this is not you.
Phone that person in Katutura. Get him a wheelchair, now! Earn my vote, because, contrary to what you think, you cannot steal everything forever.
Arthur Götz
Via e-mail
http://www.namibian.com.na/letters/full-story/archive/2009/november/article/an-open-letter-to-swapo-dear-swapo-government/
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The former British bobby who wants to bring down Barack Obama -- Bob, Tue, 24 Nov 2009, 9:46:38 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
But never has he handled anything quite as monumental as the investigation that is absorbing his energies today.
Sankey is pursuing what he believes to be fraud on a gigantic scale — a conspiracy, no less, to infiltrate and destroy the free world by putting a foreign imposter into the White House.
Sankey is a member of the fringe alliance known widely as the Birthers (he dislikes the expression, considering it pejorative). Together with other activists, he seeks to prove that Barack Obama is not a true American and is therefore ineligible to be president.
Over the past year Sankey has been at the centre of some of the most aggressive efforts by the Birthers to unseat the president. At the end of last year he tried to block Obama's inauguration by contacting all 538 electoral college representatives who formally elect the president. More recently, he has carried out his own probe into Obama's personal identification history which has revealed, he believes, a suspicious multiplicity of social security numbers.
Birthers against Obama: 'An illegal president, a foreign imposter' Link to this audio
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/nov/22/barack-obama-british-conspiracist
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. -- maggi, Tue, 24 Nov 2009, 7:24:19 (ppp121-44-123-141.lns20.syd6.internode.on.net/121.44.123.141)
Dawie, thanks a lot for the update re Pete, geez, I actually do not know what to say, just stay strong for him and we have him in our thoughts daily.
Pete, I said a few weeks back, we are hoping to get to SA in the foreseable future, and you had better be there for a drink and some more stories.
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pete g -- dawie, Tue, 24 Nov 2009, 4:56:29 (vc-41-28-181-190.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.181.190)
yes ray i spoke to bev last night she said there is some improvement but dont think they will take him out of the coma yet. was going to see him today but bev said friday would be better. keep you up to speed. the doctor thinks he has had a stoke maybe it was at the site when he was run over but we dont realy know.i think he has brain damage tho time will tell.you do so much with your life fall off motor bikes get shot at sail the atlantic roll cars drink like a mine kaffir smoke the best stuff marry too many times get malaria and then get run over by a grader yip enjoy it while you can.
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. -- Ray, Mon, 23 Nov 2009, 14:39:27 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Dawie I have heard they are planning to take him out of coma this week.
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up date jo pete -- dawie, Mon, 23 Nov 2009, 13:04:52 (vc-41-28-89-183.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.89.183)
greetings all just returned from zim, zim pete is still in a coma they have fixed his ribs and face has been opperated on but he remains in a coma. have not been to see him since getting back will tuesday in the morning. no change wish i had better news. will up date wednesday to all. dawie
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Lol -- Themba, Mon, 23 Nov 2009, 12:32:20 (adsl-232-121-138.asm.bellsouth.net/74.232.121.138)
Fuckufever:thatswhatIgot, I am Laughing Out Really Loud!
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Thea Litscha Koen is known as the White Witch in Swaziland -- Bob, Mon, 23 Nov 2009, 3:35:42 (NoHost/202.90.207.2)
She is a professional snake catcher and her prey is the black mamba - a snake whose bite is so deadly it's called the kiss of death.
In Swaziland thirty to forty people die from snake bites every summer month.
The biggest killer is the black mamba.
They grow up to thirteen feet in length and are strong enough to rise up above the ground to look you in the eye.
Their venom is so deadly that without the swiftest medical treatment victims always die.
And in Swaziland, where the snakes can appear anywhere and medical care is limited, the danger is reaching crisis point.
However Thea and her husband have made it their business to protect people. They're on call 24 hours a day to remove the snakes when they get too close for comfort.
Matthew Bannister spoke to Thea and asked her about her deadly passion for the black mamba snake.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/programmes/2009/11/091119_outlook_black_mamba.shtml
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Santa Themba -- Fuckufever:thatswhatIgot, Sun, 22 Nov 2009, 1:50:25 (v02-05.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.36)
Santa gonna make sure Themba arrive with his Call-center pay packet to save the country.
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What will Santa bring Zimbabwe? -- John Sandford (Most Depressing), Fri, 20 Nov 2009, 7:43:15 (tvwt-ip-ccache-1-vif1.telkom-ipnet.co.za/198.54.202.182)
Themba,
Read Eddie Cross's letter, on this Website. "What will Santa bring Zimbabwe?"
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. -- Pooboy, Fri, 20 Nov 2009, 0:48:26 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet.
His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while. Billy says: "I'm fine, mommy ... I just haven't pooh yet." Mother says: "Ok, you can stay here a few more minutes. But Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
Billy says: "Works for the tomato sauce bottle."
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It's a lie! -- Themba, Fri, 20 Nov 2009, 0:44:21 (host2.davita.com/65.213.142.2)
John Sandford, you are lying!There is no longer a thing called Zimbabwe Dollars!They were rendered obsolete way back in February of 2009.
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Wrong Bank on River -- Ray, Thu, 19 Nov 2009, 14:26:40 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Deposit credit card receipts in Zambian bank. Cash, don't deposit at all.
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Stolen Funds US Dollars and Rand -- John Sandford (Very Depressing), Thu, 19 Nov 2009, 13:24:17 (tvwt-ip-ccache-1-vif1.telkom-ipnet.co.za/198.54.202.182)
A business associate of ours who runs his own boat and motor repair shop in Johannesburg, has just returned from Zimbabwe, attending to repairs of outboard motors at 4 newly established Lodges on the Zimbabwe side of the Zambesi River, near the Vic Falls.
The Management of the resorts reported a good turnover of Overseas Tourists paying in U S Dollars and Rand. They had participated in a fishing competition held there.
When my friend submitted his accounts for the repairs, the Management found that all the US Dollars and Rand they had banked had been removed from their Bank Account by the Zim Government, and they were replaced with worthless Zim Dollars, and now the Management cannot pay the salaries of the Lodge Staff, except in the Zim Dollars, which have no purchasing value whatsoever.
Just to keep you all updated.
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. -- Ray, Wed, 18 Nov 2009, 20:12:22 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Patrick you say we are only what we are because we have the benefit of thousands of years of infrastrucure.
Who created that infrastrucure or did it just appear out of nowhere???
Huh???
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Patrick and Heritage -- Disgusted, Wed, 18 Nov 2009, 14:44:18 (adsl-71-136-239-23.dsl.sndg02.pacbell.net/71.136.239.23)
Patrick: You are so right. Who do these people think they are? Also, why doo we always have two pick on people'z speling and gramar - you seem to be able to read what they have to say! Can't we just live in harmony? Sometimes, I am ashamed of my fellow Rhodesians.
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