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Bush Telegraph
Rhodesians Worldwide
What will Santa bring Zimbabwe? -- John Sandford (Most Depressing), Fri, 20 Nov 2009, 7:43:15 (tvwt-ip-ccache-1-vif1.telkom-ipnet.co.za/198.54.202.182)
Themba,
Read Eddie Cross's letter, on this Website. "What will Santa bring Zimbabwe?"
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. -- Pooboy, Fri, 20 Nov 2009, 0:48:26 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet.
His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while. Billy says: "I'm fine, mommy ... I just haven't pooh yet." Mother says: "Ok, you can stay here a few more minutes. But Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
Billy says: "Works for the tomato sauce bottle."
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It's a lie! -- Themba, Fri, 20 Nov 2009, 0:44:21 (host2.davita.com/65.213.142.2)
John Sandford, you are lying!There is no longer a thing called Zimbabwe Dollars!They were rendered obsolete way back in February of 2009.
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Wrong Bank on River -- Ray, Thu, 19 Nov 2009, 14:26:40 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Deposit credit card receipts in Zambian bank. Cash, don't deposit at all.
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Stolen Funds US Dollars and Rand -- John Sandford (Very Depressing), Thu, 19 Nov 2009, 13:24:17 (tvwt-ip-ccache-1-vif1.telkom-ipnet.co.za/198.54.202.182)
A business associate of ours who runs his own boat and motor repair shop in Johannesburg, has just returned from Zimbabwe, attending to repairs of outboard motors at 4 newly established Lodges on the Zimbabwe side of the Zambesi River, near the Vic Falls.
The Management of the resorts reported a good turnover of Overseas Tourists paying in U S Dollars and Rand. They had participated in a fishing competition held there.
When my friend submitted his accounts for the repairs, the Management found that all the US Dollars and Rand they had banked had been removed from their Bank Account by the Zim Government, and they were replaced with worthless Zim Dollars, and now the Management cannot pay the salaries of the Lodge Staff, except in the Zim Dollars, which have no purchasing value whatsoever.
Just to keep you all updated.
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. -- Ray, Wed, 18 Nov 2009, 20:12:22 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Patrick you say we are only what we are because we have the benefit of thousands of years of infrastrucure.
Who created that infrastrucure or did it just appear out of nowhere???
Huh???
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Patrick and Heritage -- Disgusted, Wed, 18 Nov 2009, 14:44:18 (adsl-71-136-239-23.dsl.sndg02.pacbell.net/71.136.239.23)
Patrick: You are so right. Who do these people think they are? Also, why doo we always have two pick on people'z speling and gramar - you seem to be able to read what they have to say! Can't we just live in harmony? Sometimes, I am ashamed of my fellow Rhodesians.
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Partick -- Thistle, Wed, 18 Nov 2009, 12:36:18 (host86-160-57-255.range86-160.btcentralplus.com/86.160.57.255)
Partick
I am ashamed of your heritage too.
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. -- Ray Ray, Wed, 18 Nov 2009, 5:00:07 (adsl-75-56-199-46.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.199.46)
Patrick you hit the nail on the head.
You are so brainwashed that you have no self esteem whatsoever and ashamed of your heritage. I have no such problem, I am damn proud of the White race the most accomplished and successful product of evolution that has ever appeared on earth and the creator of more wealth and technology than any race on earth. We put a man on the Moon, we found gold and diamonds where munts could only find gourds,employing millions of them, we created roads, dams and boreholes to irrigate huge farms with so much food causing the damned ungrateful coons to explode in population like never in the history of their sorry ungrateful lives.
I feel sorry for you that you allow evil people to remove your self esteem and make you think that you should feel ashamed so that they can control you and keep you suppressed.
Don't come over here and spout your sorry whining, this is not the place your ass will get kicked.
Get on your knees and give thanks to me that I gave 45 seconds of my precious time to try and get you straightened out you fool, probably a waste of my time anyway.
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BTW Patrick -- John W, Wed, 18 Nov 2009, 4:49:01 (adlgw1.baulderstone.com.au/203.37.164.2)
Patrick, you refer to me as a moron !
LOL
I suggest you run along and learn some grammar and spelling.
Also, BTW, it would be interesting to know what your old man thinks of your viewpoint.
He is probably a realist like me, whereas you are not.
TTFN
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Each to his own -- john W, Wed, 18 Nov 2009, 4:43:23 (adlgw1.baulderstone.com.au/203.37.164.2)
Patrick.
It has taken me many years to reach my conclusions and you, you little 'whippersnapper' and the likes of you, have no effect on me, or will convince me to change my attitude.
Just as the pink liberal PC leftists of this world will never change either, no matter how much evidence is all around them as to what has been done in Africa and why.
So just carry on in your own world and I'll carry on in mine.
However, I will not stop voicing my opinion where and when it is due.
Those who don't like it what I think or say - just scroll on by !
TTFN
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Moronic Spoutings -- Patrick, Wed, 18 Nov 2009, 3:49:10 (co01.wbs.co.za/41.213.126.12)
Why is it that most racists are rude, ignorant oiks?
John W and Ray should zip it. All you do is validate the claims the all white Rhodesians are racist biggots and make me feel ashamed of my heritage. Since on an individual level you are neither more phisically or intellectually endowed than many black people, you are no better. Quite simply you have had the benefit of thousands of years of infrastructure to get where you are. If you had been born and orphaned, then brought up in a black community you would be indestinguishable apart from your complexion and external characteristics. You have no right to claim the acheivements of the entire European civilisation because you happen to share some of the genetics therein, rather consider your own personal acheivements or lack thereof. Generalisations about race are are dangerous and abhorrent.
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JW -- Oom Dawie, Wed, 18 Nov 2009, 1:49:10 (h12.123.131.174.dynamic.ip.windstream.net/174.131.123.12)
Well..what can I say? I am a little surprised to say the least.
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Howzit BT -- John W, Tue, 17 Nov 2009, 22:13:51 (adlgw1.baulderstone.com.au/203.37.164.2)
No imposter, Oom Dawie.
The real me, with my foul language and dubious intelligence, reserved for idiots and people I don't like.
TTFN
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Last of the Rhodesians – The Legend of the Three Silly Junk Bikes -- lore, Tue, 17 Nov 2009, 17:33:34 (host86-152-64-255.range86-152.btcentralplus.com/86.152.64.255)
This is a story about a middle class white kid’s experience in the last African colony.
This memoir is a huge difference from the usual run of the mill - ‘Cry the Beloved Whitey’. This one is insane!
Excerpt –
Once upon a time, deep in darkest Africa, there lived Three Silly Junk Bikes named Lockwheel, Quasimodo and Die-Swiftly. They had all been Made in Rhodesia and, before they were nearly kicked to death, they had lived in a cave called Manica Cycles on Second Street in Salisbury.
Every now and then, a Troll, called Simon the Terrible, who was stocky, balding and had a pencil moustache, would enter the cave and roar out -
‘Who goes squeak, squeak, squeak, over my wallet?’
And the Three Silly Junk Bikes would, one after another, be purchased by the Troll for his son, because they were on a special offer. Unfortunately they were each in their own ways demented, for they had been designed to try and exterminate any one who attempted to ride them.
Read more and weep –
www.lastrhodesian.blogspot.com
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. -- Ray, Tue, 17 Nov 2009, 14:49:11 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
No news is good news I suppose, Pam..
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Is there an update on Pete's condition? -- Pam, Tue, 17 Nov 2009, 12:17:54 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
No word in a week?
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JW -- Oom Dawie, Tue, 17 Nov 2009, 12:09:46 (h12.123.131.174.dynamic.ip.windstream.net/174.131.123.12)
Wens.....
methinks there has been a "JW" imposter on the site.......sounds remarkably like Adolf......foul language and dubious intelligence....
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Dear Adolf -- Wens, Tue, 17 Nov 2009, 5:27:24 (wblv-ip-pcache-8-vif1.telkom-ipnet.co.za/198.54.202.250)
No Adolf, never did I say who is welcome and who is not welcome on this site,I am no the Admin of the site but it has really been nice without your comments.
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Wens -- Adolf, Mon, 16 Nov 2009, 23:08:21 (CPE-60-230-218-135.lnse1.wel.bigpond.net.au/60.230.218.135)
Wens I never went away, and old slappers like you won't be saying who is welcome and who is not on BT.
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Sam -- Friend, Mon, 16 Nov 2009, 22:58:18 (220-253-23-172.VIC.netspace.net.au/220.253.23.172)
Sam for you an old Rhodesian saying for your chronicles. "When the Jews go you are still OK. When the Greeks go you are too late."
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? Themba -- wens, Mon, 16 Nov 2009, 13:28:08 (wblv-ip-pcache-8-vif1.telkom-ipnet.co.za/198.54.202.250)
Themba, I thought you were hoping admin would delete your positings and you were going to disappear, please do so cause you just irritate alot of people on this site, just go away like Adolf did. Thank You
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We won't be another Rhodesia -- Sam, Mon, 16 Nov 2009, 10:02:39 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
In a desk drawer of his room on the seventh floor of the Prime Minister's Office, Meridor keeps an old bundle of papers that are like his personal "Guide to the Perplexed." They are the records of the December 1977 Knesset session in which Prime Minister Menachem Begin first proposed an autonomy plan for the occupied territories in the framework of the peace agreement with Egypt. Begin also addressed the question of granting Israeli citizenship to Palestinians in the territories. "We will not become another Rhodesia," he grandly declared, referring to the African state, today's Zimbabwe, that at the time was ruled by a white minority. "Whoever desires Israeli citizenship shall receive it."
http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1122910.html
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Recording the history of the Zimbabwe Jewish Community -- Sam, Mon, 16 Nov 2009, 9:55:24 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
This web site aims to celebrate over 114 years of Jewish Communities in Zimbabwe and help record the history and details of a unique period for the benefit of both current and future generations. From a peak of some 7,500 Jews in the early 1970s - the total Zimbabwe Jewish community in 2008 is approximately 200 souls (from 294 in 2005). This is the story of a once vibrant community that settled for many different reasons in what was originally Rhodesia - later to become Zimbabwe. Time however, is of the essence as the numbers of those that can "tell the story" and the remaining community dwindle.
http://www.zjc.org.il/showpage.php
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. -- Ray, Sun, 15 Nov 2009, 20:27:42 (adsl-75-56-199-46.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.199.46)
Pemba you are correct, there are black people who are very capable, Mbekis brother is an example. But on the majority, the black race is far behind and is like a child compared to the white race. The Europeans built magnificent cathedrals and the Greeks and the Egyptians (Semites NOT blacks) built structures that present engineers would hard pressed to repeat. Yet when the whites came to Africa, all the blacks were living in mud and grass huts. And Credo Mutwa, zulu historian admits that the zimbabwe ruins were not built by blacks.
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Howzit BT -- John W, Sun, 15 Nov 2009, 13:20:34 (CPE-121-210-241-87.jbcz1.woo.bigpond.net.au/121.210.241.87)
Themba, you speak like a half civilised Zot.
Just piss off will you.
You just spout the same useless 'Kaffir Speak' I have heard for too long.
Get real.
You are not real.
Neither is the whole of Africa real.
Africa is a Fuck up, because of your ilk.
Africa is a fuck up because of kaffirs.
Just acknowledge that fact.
Now do you get the message?
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Matebeleland -- Maggi, Sun, 15 Nov 2009, 8:31:08 (ppp121-44-123-141.lns20.syd6.internode.on.net/121.44.123.141)
Themba, you matebele ?? You talk about the evil of Mugabe 2 years into independance, it is and never will be water under the bridge. My husband had to treat with whatever he could, those who through sheer will power and the dead of night crawled through the bush and got to Mpilo, young men and women, beaten, tortured, raped and treated like nothing better than scum. He listened to their stories, and he will never forget. Pity those who may just have the power to do something live under this excuse of "diplomatic immunity", nothing more than a cop out if you ask me.
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rhodesia -- themba., Sun, 15 Nov 2009, 6:40:46 (adsl-88-52-24.asm.bellsouth.net/98.88.52.24)
Oh, ok John W, now we get to the, Blacks-are-all-stupid-except-when-they-are-not territory.Very nice indeed.You see sir, you are pitiful.All you have is hate.That's all you ever had.You say you LOVE Africa.This is quite unbelievable in itself because Mother Africa says, "Love me, love my dog!"You are not going try this one on us.You will not come into a Continent full of wonderful, loving, simple people and then conviniently label them as savages(to set the stage for exploiting them) and then proceed to treat them worse zebras and elephants and then turn around and say, "See Africa, I love ya!"
Not gonna happen!
I gave Botswana as just one example.Fact is, the whole of Africa is on the march.Paul Kagame is doing wonders in Rwanda.Nigeria is cleaning up the cesspool that Lagos used to be.Angola is turning around.
Now turning back to the land that you and I know so well, you should know that Robert Mugabe was NEVER a good leader.He came in with divisive, horrible politics.But then, that's a natural by-product of democracy.A politician does his "demographics" and finds the best way to win an election.In Africa demographics start and end with tribes.We(as in the Matabeles) knew this evil bastard's ways 2 years into Independence but no-one cared.Oh, Look at them savages killing each other, they said.Well, if someone had put their foot down then, Mugabe would not dared do what he did to you people.But that's all water under the bridge now.If you are a racist, you did the right by leaving.That act alone saved you a lot of hassle.There are vast areas in Europe where Blacks aren't allowed.You don't have to worry about "munts" in Europe.
If you want us to talk about Civilizations, we can do that too.We will examine how, for instance, it had take Romans to invade and build roads on the Island of Britain when there already were natives(whites) living in it.Civilization or lack of it is not a preserve of a racial group.I am sure you do see that.
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Real Jimbo -- Nel, Sun, 15 Nov 2009, 6:32:01 (CPE-60-230-218-135.lnse1.wel.bigpond.net.au/60.230.218.135)
Jimbo you old pophole joller give us a call.
Cheers.
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Howzit BT -- John W, Sun, 15 Nov 2009, 2:11:55 (CPE-121-210-241-87.jbcz1.woo.bigpond.net.au/121.210.241.87)
Shame Themba.
Can't stand the heat?
Then you had better Hamba, Themba.
Of course I'm generalising, and there is always an exception to every rule.
Now what about the rest of Africa????
Mmmmm?
BTW the only reason Botswana is seen to be successful is because there is only one tribe and it is a virtual dictatorship.
Most of the people are poor, while the ruling elite garnish their Swiss bank accounts from Diamonds and Cattle.
Botswana also practices reverse racism, like any other African Country, where whites are not liked and those that are there are merely tolerated for what they can do to help run the country.
Nothing more, nothing less.
You see, Blacks are also Racists.
It is part of nature and natural selection.
Animals always prefer their own company.
The trick is that humans should learn from the Animals and live in peaceful co-existence.
This does not happen unfortunately.
So Themba, yes I'm a Racist and a Realist.
I have been part of Africa all of my life and I am sad at what has happened.
I am also angry.
Bitter ?
No !
Just a realist.
Africa needs another thousand years to get out of the mess and poverty that its own people have created.
But by then, the Chinese and Muslims will have taken over.
Hamba gashe, Themba.
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rhodesia -- themba, Sun, 15 Nov 2009, 1:14:57 (adsl-88-52-24.asm.bellsouth.net/98.88.52.24)
Just like a hero to the rescue, John W, comes in and helps put a lot of clarity into my post.My blood used to boil when I heard such racial garbage.Not anymore!Now I know this is a shrill voice of a fearful, desperate "man".Blacks do not eff up everything!This is absolutely not true.Look no further than Botswana to get a good example.They have managed their mineral wealth as well as ANY country could have.And they were barely colonized themselves, so we cannot characterize their organizational skills as a gift from some benevolent European colonial power--as always happens whenever ANYTHING good comes out of Africa.
I really hoped my original post wouldn't degenerate into this.Perhaps for the good of everyone, all my posts be deleted by the admins.And I promise to never bother you again.
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Howzit BT -- John W, Sun, 15 Nov 2009, 0:44:45 (CPE-121-210-241-87.jbcz1.woo.bigpond.net.au/121.210.241.87)
Aahhh Patrick, you are wise beyond your years.
Next thing, you will tell us you have discovered the meaning of life, or where the Universe ends.
Don't come with your leftwing and idealogical bullshit here ie. that we are all equals.
We are not.
As IDS said - "Never in a thousand years....."
The blacks ARE thousands of years behind, and everywhere they go, or have been exported to, they fuck up big time - Jigga, Jonjo, Manga ie. Fuck, Steal and Lie.
It IS a racial thing.
They ARE inferior.
They are like kids and should be treated as such.
The only good munt is one who is told what to do and is issued an attitude correction from time to time.
The Munts have fucked-up a good continent, because of their inferiority and ineptitude and greed.
They cannot create anything except wire toys (stolen wire) and carvings (chopped-down hardwood) and they consume everything (like termites) and do not replace.
Here endeth my lesson.
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Silly Old fools -- Patrick, Sat, 14 Nov 2009, 16:03:33 (co01.wbs.co.za/41.213.126.12)
Working togther Blacks and Whites make an excellent team. The problems come in when simple minded folk, get superiority complexes based on their race. I believe superiority is an individual merit not a racial one. Ethere are plenty of blacks and whites whom I would be happy to call friends and as many whom I wouldn't. We Europeans have had the benefit of thousands of years of civilisation in which to develop as a society and technologically, whilst blacks were less fortunate this does not make blacks bad people or give whites the right to feel so superior. After all you will fiind many individuial black people who are far superior to you physically or intellectually.
Racial prejudice on both sides simply creates division and hatred. In RSA today we whites face institutional racism everyday, it is wrong. Individual merit is the only basis on which people should be judged.
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. -- Ray, Sat, 14 Nov 2009, 5:20:26 (nv-71-50-73-130.dhcp.embarqhsd.net/71.50.73.130)
JW is not afraid to tell it like it is.
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Howzit BT -- John W, Fri, 13 Nov 2009, 23:55:46 (CPE-121-210-241-87.jbcz1.woo.bigpond.net.au/121.210.241.87)
LM you are on the spot and even Patrick, except for your assertion that ZANU are totally to blame and your last few words re your Dad.
Basically, any Black Govt. would fuck up a great Country and Yes, your Dad can blame the Blacks.
TTFN
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Themba - Racism -- Patrick, Fri, 13 Nov 2009, 15:50:26 (co01.wbs.co.za/41.213.126.12)
Themba, I suppose the attitudes and opinions on this site have been shaped by history of a dispossessed people, together with the black Rhodesians we carved a great country out of bush in 50 years. We then fought and died together for that country only to have it wrenched away and destroyed. Many blame blacks for that, I don't, I blame Zanu-PF the greedy communist terrorists who created a kleptocracy based on greed, but cloaked in socialism. My own father souts racist drivel, but i know that beneath this veneer, he has a good heart, but lost everything and has to have someone to blame.
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. -- ray, Fri, 13 Nov 2009, 9:56:03 (nv-71-50-73-130.dhcp.embarqhsd.net/71.50.73.130)
Subject - Camilla's New Shoes
Camilla bought a new pair of shoes for her wedding which got increasingly tighter & tighter as the day went on.
That night after the festivities were finally over, she & Charles had retired to their room at the palace.
Camilla flopped on the bed and said 'Please remove my shoes darling, o nes feet are killing one.'
Ever obedient, the Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigour
But it would not budge.
'Harder' yelled Camilla.
'Harder?' Charles yelled back, 'I'm trying darling! But it's just so bloody tight!'
'Come on give it all you've got ' she cried.
Finally when it released, Charles let out a big groan, and Camilla exclaimed 'Oh God, that feels so good.'
In their bedroom next door The Queen turned to Prince Phillip and said, 'See, I told you she would still be a virgin with a face like that!'
Meanwhile back in the other bedroom Charles was attempting to remove the other shoe when he cried out 'Oh god, darling this ones even tighter'
At which point Prince Phillip turned and said to the Queen:
'That's my boy, Once a Navy man, always a Navy man!'
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themba -- london mike, Fri, 13 Nov 2009, 8:31:33 (62-50-217-118.client.stsn.net/62.50.217.118)
Yes, Themba, you were not clear. But now you are. Once again, it is all about race (yawn). Some Rhodies use the word munt in public, others do not. But this site is not a talking shop about racism, probably the most boring and overworked subject on the planet. I have been on various Zim-related forums, including Facebook, and found PLENTY of very unpleasant anti-white racism. So what? Post-1980, the whites in Zimbabwe have endured racism on a daily basis, not from the man in the street, but from ZANU-PF and allies. So what? They choose to stay there because they love the place despite all this. That is their indaba. Thankfully, most Zimbabweans have got over it and moved on. Some, like you it would seem, have not. I suggest you do what I do and avoid it, I have more pressing matters in my life. It is my observation that too many people worldwide blame racism for their problems rather than first examining their own inadequacies. You could use your time far more profitably than scouring a site like this one searching for the word "munt". Really.
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One nice Rhodie -- themba, Fri, 13 Nov 2009, 7:20:07 (host2.davita.com/65.213.142.2)
Sorry if I was not clear.Let's try this again.We all know the history between Blacks and Whites in Zimbabwe.While still living in Zimbabwe, I never met a local white who could relate to me as one human being would to another--NEVER!No doubt they do exist; I just never had the chance to meet one.
So, excuse me for coming to the conclusion that most Rhodies are ill-bred.I say so because, in my book, racism is the ULTIMATE form of RUDENESS.Racism is plain disrespect!And to see people laughing WITH a racist when he is spewing that vile nonsense makes those people complicit and therefore no better than that loser.
I am a frequent visitor to this forum even though I don't take part.The word "munt" is a staple here.We all know that.But no-one in here murmurs a word of disapproval.So, I made the logical conclusion that you guys(Rhodies) are a bird of a feather.
Excuse me therefore, for the pleasant surprise that awaited me on the other end of the line the other day.
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Themba needs to explain further -- Pam, Thu, 12 Nov 2009, 23:57:44 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Past bad experience or simple prejudice against Old Worlde Rhodies?
Worse still - confused Rhodies with their horrible southern neighbours? :))
We are waiting . . . .
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Howzit BT -- John Winter, Thu, 12 Nov 2009, 22:39:14 (adlgw1.baulderstone.com.au/203.37.164.2)
Well said Maggi and LM.
However, we only really judged people according to which School He/She went to.
The best, of course, being PE.
TTFN
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Themba -- london mike, Thu, 12 Nov 2009, 22:07:49 (62-50-226-44.client.stsn.net/62.50.226.44)
Themba, I am surprised that you are surprised. Most Rhodesians were taught (although some on this forum have forgotten) that whatever your views, good manners cost nothing. Even if you visit Zimbabwe today, as I did recently, you find that most Zimbabweans of all races still observe this credo. One of the reasons why, despite everything, the country is so beloved.
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Now! -- Roger, Thu, 12 Nov 2009, 21:35:40 (NoHost/122.58.106.216)
Hey "We Remember" I enjoyed your 'you tube' posting a lot, sad to think it has turned into this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rd_V2PVZbA&feature=related
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Hope I can answer -- Maggi, Thu, 12 Nov 2009, 19:44:40 (ppp121-44-123-141.lns20.syd6.internode.on.net/121.44.123.141)
Themba, you truly do not have to brace yourself for anything. We were bought up to be decent, polite and have an unbeatable spirit within a people scattered world wide. Never been forced to hide who I am, where I am from. Honestly never had a problem.
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comments from themba -- makariba, Thu, 12 Nov 2009, 17:06:46 (5ad5d820.bb.sky.com/90.213.216.32)
Very odd posting to say the least! Why should anybody have to brace themselves and prepare for the worst when talking to a Rhodesian?
Kindly clarify the question "have been forced to conceal by our leftist adopted countries".
We dont hide and we dont conceal and we most certainly follow the line of political correctness.
A VERY VERY odd posting
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Greetings! -- Themba, Thu, 12 Nov 2009, 14:58:11 (adsl-232-8-61.asm.bellsouth.net/74.232.8.61)
I hope I find evrybody well.Last night I had a truly astonishing experience.I answered a phone call from a Rhodesian who lives in Arizona.[I work at a call center].I know he is Rhodesian because the accent was unmistakable.I immediately braced myself for the worst.What followed was something that will live me with me forever.The decency, the politeness and the political correctness, of course, made everything seem unreal.
This brings me to my question.To what degree have you people been forced change or conceal your ideology by your generally Leftist adopted countries?Australia might be an exception.
This is a genuine question by the way, so let's not focus on petty things such as my grammar!
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. -- ray, Wed, 11 Nov 2009, 17:10:22 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Happy 60 th Birthday ole Titanium lungs hang in there.
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We Remember -- We Remember, Wed, 11 Nov 2009, 15:07:22 (S010600173f9e4985.hn.shawcable.net/24.65.226.101)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsZ6E7uHbjo
Our prayers also go out to Pete and family
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Happy Birthday -- Benny, Wed, 11 Nov 2009, 13:12:31 (NoHost/41.181.23.21)
Happy Birthday to one of the greatest countries that ever existed.
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Rhodesia -- Ozzie, Wed, 11 Nov 2009, 6:54:42 (d122-105-87-249.adl4.sa.optusnet.com.au/122.105.87.249)
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we'll remember them
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Jo Pete -- Wens, Wed, 11 Nov 2009, 5:21:35 (wblv-ip-pcache-8-vif1.telkom-ipnet.co.za/198.54.202.250)
Happy 60th Birthday! Get bettter soon!!!!!
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No host -- Jimbo, Wed, 11 Nov 2009, 1:15:17 (220-253-31-122.VIC.netspace.net.au/220.253.31.122)
Don't forget to check the server on the entries by the fake Jimbo. If it hasn't got netspace.net.au it is the resident arsehole whatever his/its name is.
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JoPete -- Ant, Wed, 11 Nov 2009, 0:57:02 (adsl-74-14-168.aby.bellsouth.net/98.74.14.168)
I was shocked to hear the news about Pete(via Facebook and here).
He is probably being looked after by my brother-in-law who is a first class doctor.
Hang in there Pete. Our prayers are with you and yours.
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Independence Day -- Picanin, Wed, 11 Nov 2009, 0:07:19 (cpc1-ely14-0-0-cust570.cdif.cable.ntl.com/86.0.10.59)
Today, as on every 11th of November, I say thank you to every single member of the Rhodesia forces who gave their lives so that I could have an idylic childhood in a wonderful country.
Thank you to all of you. Your sacrifice will never be forgotten.
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Rhodesian Independence Day -- Tim Murphy Kirkwood, Missouri, USA, Wed, 11 Nov 2009, 0:02:17 (NoHost/150.199.171.219)
Kirkwood Public Library will be closed tomorrow in honor of Veteran's Day so I wanted to take this chance to wish everyone on the Bush Telegraph Happy Independence Day!
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"Crazy Journalist" -- Bob, Tue, 10 Nov 2009, 8:53:27 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
I use a pseudonym "Pagal Patrakar" to write news, which is a Hindi word meaning "Crazy Journalist"
Perhaps there aren't many Hindi speakers in the newsroom of Glasgow's Daily Record. But the point is, Mr Roushan had no intention of fooling the media.
In fact, when his amusing bit of satire started popping up all over the world as a true story, Faking News wrote to Unilever in India and put out this press release:
http://www.abc.net.au/mediawatch/transcripts/s2737707.htm
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John W -- Jimbo, Tue, 10 Nov 2009, 1:35:36 (NoHost/120.155.194.210)
Jassie John! your new name should be "Full of Shit"
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Howzit BT -- John W, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 22:28:43 (adlgw1.baulderstone.com.au/203.37.164.2)
Caro, you stole my words !
TitPiet !
It was the first name I thought of :D
BionicPiet or TerminatorPiet, also came to mind.
Anyway, we will have a laugh on him later, but in the meantime all thoughts and prayers are with him for a successful OP and pulling through OK.
Jslaaik, but JouMoerPiet's gonna be like a Bear with a sore arse, eh !
TTFN
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Pete -- Caro, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 20:34:05 (77-100-197-31.cable.ubr07.wiga.blueyonder.co.uk/77.100.197.31)
TitPete or Pete the Tit
But glad he is a bit better than he was.
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We dont like Bob! -- Phil Harris (Funny), Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 20:10:28 (host81-147-43-222.range81-147.btcentralplus.com/81.147.43.222)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ig7yRv4kzAA
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. -- Ray, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 14:29:46 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Glad to hear that about ole Petit. They must have confidence in his recovery if they are doing that.
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Nah - "Pete of Tit" for short? -- Pam, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 12:08:28 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
We are on a roll . . .
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new name -- Jimbo, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 9:18:14 (NoHost/120.155.250.218)
what about Pig Iron Pete ?
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Pete -- Morag, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 8:20:08 (adsl-71-136-225-189.dsl.sndg02.pacbell.net/71.136.225.189)
So glad to hear Pete is "well" enough to have surgery. Think we should call him "Titanium Pete." What a story he will have to tell when he is back on line. Thinking of his family and wishing Pete a very speedy recovery.
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JoPete -- Barbara, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 7:50:06 (CPE-121-210-243-80.jbcz1.woo.bigpond.net.au/121.210.243.80)
Jeanie thank you. Please give him our love. Prayers being said.
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stay strong -- maggi, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 7:41:19 (ppp121-44-123-141.lns20.syd6.internode.on.net/121.44.123.141)
stay strong Iron Man, our thoughts and prayers with you daily.
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JoPiet -- Annie, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 7:22:08 (NoHost/209.212.99.44)
They're fixing him with titanium??? Jeez, we will have to think of a suitable nickname once he's recovered. IronMan Piet? Man van Staal?
God bless you all.
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op will be done today -- jeanie, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 7:20:08 (wblv-ip-pcache-8-vif0.telkom-ipnet.co.za/196.25.255.250)
hi all, pete will be having his op today. they are draining his lungs and rebuilding his ribs with titanium.
they will bring him out of his induced coma as well.
All prays are with him!!! jeanie
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Howzit BT -- John W, Mon, 09 Nov 2009, 2:30:32 (adlgw1.baulderstone.com.au/203.37.164.2)
Have been away from BT recently.
Very shocked and upset about ZZLLPDRCJouMoerPiet.
dawie and jeannie, please pass on my best wishes to Bickie and Pete when he is compus and even if he's not!
Like so many of us, I'm rooting for Pete to pull through this scrape in his life.
I will keep checking in for some news.
TTFN
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Mange infested Hank has been lost in action -- Pam, Sun, 08 Nov 2009, 22:55:40 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Any news of Pete's condition?
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. -- ray, Sun, 08 Nov 2009, 21:44:51 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Quickly and to deprive Hank the pleasure of commenting the same.. I am responding that not much else is there.
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. -- Ray, Sun, 08 Nov 2009, 20:43:52 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
I have stomped all over the Mozambique bush between Beira and the Zambezi looking for birds. So when I got your post Bob I counted and all legs, toes,and feet are still there. Thanks for reminding me anyway.
The trains wreckage left behind is awesome tho. Must be thousands of tons of scrap iron there.
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Remembrance -- London Mike, Sun, 08 Nov 2009, 9:22:58 (5ad043a9.bb.sky.com/90.208.67.169)
Howzit Jed. Will do, leaving in about 30 mins. Shame you can't make it.
Jeannie, any news on Jo Pete? We're rooting for him.
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A Rat's Tale -- Bob, Sun, 08 Nov 2009, 2:52:51 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
After decades of civil war, and years of work clearing up after it, Mozambique is slowly moving towards being declared free of land mines.
But clearing land mines is a painstakingly slow and costly process.
While dogs have long been an industry standard in helping sniff out landmines, Ginny Stein discovers that a new animal looks set to challenge the canine’s position as a deminer’s best friend.
WATCH/TRANSCRIPT/COMMENTS
http://www.sbs.com.au/dateline/story/about/id/600242/n/A-Rat-s-Tale
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Howsit. -- Jed., Sun, 08 Nov 2009, 0:26:23 (host86-168-120-175.range86-168.btcentralplus.com/86.168.120.175)
Havent been here for a while, just to say howsit to old friends. Sorry to hear about Jo Pete hope he pulls through. Cant make remembrance day tomorow but will raise a few glasses etc. London Mike, do me a favour if you there, look out for Irish Tony wearing RLI beret, it belongs to me, make sure he doesnt sell it!
Cheers, Jed.
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.. -- Maggi, Sat, 07 Nov 2009, 8:02:14 (ppp121-44-123-141.lns20.syd6.internode.on.net/121.44.123.141)
you're in good hands J/Pete - hopefully when we get to your part of the world again, a glass of wine and some of your hilarious stories would go down well. Stay safe. Maggi & John
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Not me -- Jimbo, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 23:19:30 (220-253-34-146.VIC.netspace.net.au/220.253.34.146)
The posting below is not from me. I don't intend posting anything on here about JoPete. Too many scumbags with no breeding or compassion.
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???? -- Jimbo, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 22:39:32 (NoHost/120.155.96.105)
Does anybody know who's fault it was, Jo Pete's or the grader operator?
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. -- Ray, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 21:57:17 (adsl-75-56-199-46.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.199.46)
So then Caro, outside of infection, the main concern seems to be the head injury then..
Sadly due to lack of knowledge they will not address infection by upregulating phagocytic activity with ascorbate.
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Ray re... -- Caro, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 15:01:59 (77-100-197-31.cable.ubr07.wiga.blueyonder.co.uk/77.100.197.31)
Ray just read your comments re strokes. Just to say blood clot/s in the lungs post rta (road traffic accident) are common. The lungs being a mass of thin blood vessels tear and bruise easily. As they bleed the chest fills with blood that then clots. Blood and clot distort the lungs.
Given time the body reabsorbs the blood and no doubt they are giving drugs to help but l do not know human protocol. Certainly in animals we would not do anything to pull them off as the damage that was blocked with clots would probably start to rebleed not a good situation.
With ref to the heart Pete has probably got a heart that has had a hammering from booze and cigs over the years so is not in great condition. (despite his claims to the contrary) The pressure on the lungs and inside the chest strains the heart and causes pressure problems, however as blood is reabsorbed it should stabilise.
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jeannie -- jeannie, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 14:49:05 (vc-41-28-186-12.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.186.12)
hi iam jeannie dawies wife his away for a week in zim will update you on the weekend about zim pete
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430 friday some good news -- dawie, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 14:42:56 (vc-41-28-186-12.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.186.12)
yes some good news neck spine ok after he had a scan and blood pressure stabilised. ray its an induced coma but brain scan results we will know tonight.cant pass on regards but bev knows. iam in zim from the morning will keep up dates my internet does not work there too well delayed my departure when this happened, but have to go saturday.dont want to bug bev with this so iam going to get jean my wife to keep everyone up dated as she is in contact with bev and family. i think the the old bugger is going to make it next few days hey.
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Best wishes to Pete -- Caro, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 13:51:40 (77-100-197-31.cable.ubr07.wiga.blueyonder.co.uk/77.100.197.31)
Just found out the news. Dawie please pass on my best wishes and thought to Bev and the family. Met Pete when he and Bev came over.
Caro
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Jo Pete -- London Mike, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 10:30:53 (NoHost/213.1.224.215)
Well, he survived the night,one step at a time, I guess. Thanks for the updates Dawie, appreciate it.
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JoPete -- Audrey, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 9:54:55 (nicotine.yoafrica.com/196.44.177.244)
Dawie, Please give Bev my best wishes, and we can all hope that pete will be okay. I am still in shock.
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. -- Ray, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 8:04:22 (adsl-75-56-199-46.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.199.46)
Urrgh worse than I expected. Dawie can Bev ask them what is he on the Glascow coma scale, 3 worst 15 a normal person.
I am told coma rarely lasts more than 2 to 5 weeks so the next week or two is critical
But they may have also induced a coma...to help him recover quickly, that would actually be better.
Is there any chance that he may have had a stroke that precipitated the accident?? I heard something about a clot.
The best is to ask the doctors what their predictions are... they will know the best.
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JoPete -- Ann, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 6:39:05 (NoHost/209.212.99.44)
Thanks for the update, Dawie. Shame, man, what a horrible time for the family! Please let them know that all their Rhodie mates are thinking and praying for them. Eish.
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update friday 6th nov on jo pete -- dawie, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 6:15:44 (vc-41-28-225-13.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.225.13)
spoke to bev petes wife this morning no change his on a venterlator in a coma and getting blood and andrenalin they say they cant scan until his blood pressure is down , ray what you think he has serious head and chest inguries.all his kids are here today from uk and from zim and cape town. i fear the worst altho his a tough man to keep down. i know the first thing his going to tell me is give that driver a klup, i hope so.
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DAAAA WEEEEE!!!! -- Ray, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 6:07:36 (adsl-75-56-199-46.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.199.46)
Dawee! please 4 hourly updates on Pete!!!!!!
I dont have your cell phone number, lost it when Susan put my cellphone in the washmachine!!!!
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haha -- nevermind, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 5:14:21 (NoHost/120.152.109.254)
THE DUCK IS DEAD
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your Duck Cuddles has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the
dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill."$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00."
[Edit]
Old - but still a good one -- Pam, Fri, 06 Nov 2009, 0:17:50 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Any news of Pete's condition?
Hope he recovers soon. A very sobering event in our lives.
[Edit]
haha -- nevermind, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 23:09:48 (NoHost/120.155.202.153)
A twin-engine
plane has one of its engines fail,
altitude and air
speed are rapidly decreasing. The
pilot speaks over the
intercom. 'I'm sorry it had
to come to this folks, but
unfortunately we're gonna have
to jettison baggage in
order for the aircraft to remain
airborne.'
Baggage is
thrown out, but the plane's
speed continues to decrease.
again the pilot gets on the
intercom. 'I hate to
have to do this, but now we're
gonna have to start
off-loading passengers. The
only fair way to do it
is alphabetically, so
we'll start with the letter
'A'.
'Africans, any
Africans on board?'
No one answers
ok then,
'B'.
Black people,
any black
people?'
Again,
silence.
'C' -
Coloured
people, any Coloured people on
board?
Silence.
A little black
boy in the back turns to his
mother. 'But Mom,
aren't we African?, aren't
we Black? Aren't we
Coloured?'
'Yes son, but
for the purpose of this exercise we
is Niggas. Let dem
Mexicans and Muslims go
first.'
[Edit]
Jo Pete -- lore, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 16:48:28 (host86-171-204-22.range86-171.btcentralplus.com/86.171.204.22)
Terrible news, I am sure he will pull through, I mean - jeez, he gotta be the toughest Rhodie on the planet. Stick in there pal.
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 15:29:50 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Dawie give my best wishes to Pete, and wishes of strength to Beverly, he is a tough old bird, I am sure he will recover well.
[Edit]
Jo Pete -- Wens, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 14:33:46 (wblv-ip-pcache-8-vif0.telkom-ipnet.co.za/196.25.255.250)
Dawie, please pass on my best wishes to Pete, this is shocking news and very sad to read. I hope he gets better really soon.
[Edit]
Jo Pete -- London Mike, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 14:25:59 (NoHost/213.1.224.215)
Good Lord, Dawie, this is grim news, but thanks for it anyway. Please keep the sitreps coming, and pass on best wishes to Pete. Is he conscious?
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up date jo pete -- dawie, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 14:15:45 (vc-41-28-103-18.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.103.18)
jo pete is in icu milpark joberg his got crushed ribs a clot on the lung and damage suspected to his heart they say his blood pressure is too high to have a scan they want to do and need to stabilise that first. his head injury they dont know yet.the next twenty four hours i guess are critical.
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JoPete -- Ann, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 13:50:08 (NoHost/209.212.99.44)
Dawie - please pass on my best wishes to JoPete for a speedy recovery. Helluva thing.
[Edit]
no joke -- dawie, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 12:50:17 (vc-41-28-21-113.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.21.113)
no joke his been upifted to milpark by chopper two hours ago he has upper body and head injuries.time will tell keep you all informed. was meant to have a party saturday for his 60th,spoke with him yesterday and was in such high spirits for the weekend coming up, was going to miss it as was going to zim canceled for now.
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Jo Pete -- Ozzie, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 10:41:43 (d122-105-80-12.adl4.sa.optusnet.com.au/122.105.80.12)
How's the grader doing?
[Edit]
zim jo pete -- dawie, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 8:37:59 (vc-41-26-6-146.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.26.6.146)
Hate to be the one to tell all ,zim pete had a major injury this morning with a grader south of johannesburg. his been up lifted to a hospital in van der byl . bev has gone there this was two hours ago.keep you informed. dawie
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haha -- nevermind, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 8:29:43 (NoHost/120.152.73.136)
Pam ignore that negative comment from the so called Rhodesian, he goes by many aka’s but he is best known on BT as Patrick a CIO informer, his isp gives him away every time.
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Feeble Jokes -- nevermind, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 8:16:16 (NoHost/120.152.73.136)
Don't pick on Pam because she enjoys a joke,there is nothing funny about picking on women, decent Rhodesians all know that.You are in no position to have ago at anybody elses humour when you dont have one yourself.
[Edit]
Punch line awol -- nevermind, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 8:01:40 (NoHost/120.152.73.136)
Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was
invited over to see the baby..
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the
baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking
of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a
cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will
have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnnie,"cuz he'd be f_cked if he needed
glasses".
[Edit]
haha -- nevermind, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 7:59:37 (NoHost/120.152.73.136)
Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was
invited over to see the baby..
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby had no ears.
His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the
baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking
of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a
cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will
have 20/20 vision."
[Edit]
Newcastle NSW -- Kevin Johnson, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 4:51:41 (NoHost/125.255.112.10)
Hello Ex Rhodies
We mananged to get out of the UK (Thank God) and now living in Newcastle NSW Australia. We lived in Hillside Salisbury when we lived in Rhodesia / Zimbaboon days and I frequented all the usual dives etc and even the dreaded club behind the Nitestar driven. Is there any hooligans from Kok dor or other mifit hangouts that live in Newcastle now?
[Edit]
Some whorey, old wench! -- Pam, Thu, 05 Nov 2009, 1:46:19 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Try adding pleasant conservation here, instead?
[Edit]
Feeble jokes -- Rhodesian, Wed, 04 Nov 2009, 23:58:31 (mail125.anonymouse.org/193.200.150.125)
Who is this "Pam" who chortles hysterically at each of these hoary old jokes?
[Edit]
Holey Moley - lots of good jokes here -- Pam, Wed, 04 Nov 2009, 22:50:42 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Keep going . . .
[Edit]
Apple does it again! -- James, Wed, 04 Nov 2009, 22:26:28 (21Cust28.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.28)
_________________________________________________________
Apple does it again!
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
___________________________________________________________
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Wed, 04 Nov 2009, 19:47:47 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
The Lone Ranger's Last Request
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...
"In honor of the Harvest Festival,YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request ???'
The Lone Ranger responds,"I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, The blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse","But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request ???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears
over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise,
Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed..
"You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???" The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, ..... ALONE."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent..
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
Listen Very Carefully !!!!
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
I SAID ...
"BRING POSSE"
[Edit]
I always wondered what made the siren noise on firetrucks -- Pam, Wed, 04 Nov 2009, 12:04:13 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
There must be a string tied to each fireman's nether parts - anchored to the pole in the firestation!
[Edit]
fireman -- Roger, Wed, 04 Nov 2009, 9:18:38 (NoHost/122.58.106.216)
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides & a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog & her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer & noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar & to the cat’s testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said. "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren".
[Edit]
Still in the crate . . . . -- Pam, Wed, 04 Nov 2009, 0:50:04 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
That is very funny - still in its crate.
Just watch for any splinters.
:))
[Edit]
haha -- nevermind, Tue, 03 Nov 2009, 22:40:43 (NoHost/120.152.60.169)
>>>A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.>>>> Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he >> took himself to the doctor.>>>> He said 'How bad is it doc? I'm 20, going on my honeymoon next week and >> my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way'>>>> The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it >> heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.'>>>> He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, >> and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.>>>> The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their >> honeymoon.>>>> That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her >> beautiful breasts. She said, 'You're the first; no one has EVER touched >> these.'>>>>>>>> He immediately drops his pants and replies, .....'Look at this, ....still >> in the CRATE
[Edit]
Interesting!! -- Wens, Tue, 03 Nov 2009, 11:39:05 (wblv-ip-pcache-8-vif0.telkom-ipnet.co.za/196.25.255.250)
Simon Mann, Nick du Toit and 3 other South Africans released from Equatorial Guinea on humanitarian grounds - what about the others??????
[Edit]
haha -- nevermind, Mon, 02 Nov 2009, 22:49:48 (NoHost/120.155.16.112)
Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked What you sell?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'we're selling ass-holes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'You doing velly well, only two left!'
[Edit]
The ethnic cleansing of East Jerusalem -- Josh, Mon, 02 Nov 2009, 7:05:30 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
If you're after a microcosm on the entire Israeli-Palestinian conflict, look no further than East Jerusalem. In the past year, hundreds of Palestinians - many of whom have been living there for decades - have been displaced by evictions and demolitions carried out by the Israeli authorities. This week, after another round of evictions, the UN called for "an immediate and unconditional halt", asserting that the Israeli evictions run counter to international law. The Obama White House, desperate to re-ignite the stumbling peace process, described this week's events as 'unhelpful'. For some months, Dateline's Sophie McNeill has been filming in this hotly disputed part of the city that both Jews and Palestinians claim as theirs.
WATCH/TRANSCRIPT/COMMENTS
http://www.sbs.com.au/dateline/story/transcript/id/600247/n/Hot-Property
[Edit]
Geez - Ray - you're the meanest man in the hills -- Pam, Sun, 01 Nov 2009, 21:56:50 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
We left the lights switched off so that we could cycle to Seneca Avenue and enjoy the street party there for Halloween.
Mostly middle-aged to elderly people for our neighbours. Not many children live on our street.
Seneca Avenue was not as busy as in prior years - especially near the home where an ex-DJ usually has his driveway setup as a disco and plays good dance music.
Mebbe next year . . . .
[Edit]
I scare trick or treaters. -- Ray, Sun, 01 Nov 2009, 19:18:20 (adsl-75-56-199-46.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.199.46)
Pam I dealt with trick or treaters very easily. I offered an apple, pear or orange. Immdiately the first ones to come, saw this, plucked out a cellphone and texted an emergency warning out. No more trick or treaters appeared after that.
Do not dare to offer chocolate truffles, the queues will be ALMOST as long as the swine flu vaccine queues.
[Edit]
um err -- umm err, Sun, 01 Nov 2009, 3:01:14 (host86-160-57-255.range86-160.btcentralplus.com/86.160.57.255)
BTW what is a Fire Force ?
[Edit]
stan -- Stan (stan), Sun, 01 Nov 2009, 2:58:10 (host86-160-57-255.range86-160.btcentralplus.com/86.160.57.255)
fev, why is everywhere something"stan"
just a quest-tion-o-stan
[Edit]
asdf -- asdf (asdf@adsf.com), Sun, 01 Nov 2009, 2:49:05 (host86-160-57-255.range86-160.btcentralplus.com/86.160.57.255)
fev ole fruit,
you are such an amusing thing to toy with.
testes aplenty - testosterone to waste on you? nix
i made use of the padres words: have never stooped to being a call centre operative or a garden boi
[Edit]
Dikkie, btw... -- f'ever, Sun, 01 Nov 2009, 1:42:56 (v02-02.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.33)
You obviously want a punch-up, see you 08/11/09, after Remembrance Day service, if you got the balls, which I very much doubt.
[Edit]
fever -- temp=low, Sun, 01 Nov 2009, 1:40:15 (host86-160-57-255.range86-160.btcentralplus.com/86.160.57.255)
less of the vagina refs: you may be surpised
ps: suprised or not - you still are a
[Edit]
Dikkie, u stupid cunt -- f'ever, Sun, 01 Nov 2009, 1:26:08 (v02-02.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.33)
You tit, you mean that site run by Bill in Canookistan, ruled by that 1/2 assed so-called chick Kathy Hall and BroAndy? Lol. Yes, Peterhouse does mourn its' dead, Martin Betts for one, how much Fire-Force you do, u anonymose cunt?
[Edit]
Pam -- dikkie dah dit, Sun, 01 Nov 2009, 1:26:17 (host86-160-57-255.range86-160.btcentralplus.com/86.160.57.255)
worry not about fever. he is a pr!ck.
booted off most rhodie sites. had a spell as an (national service - no disrepect guys) troopie in 2 cdo.
despite having had the befit of a rhodie (indeed private - oh those halceon days in 'delas -dude)
cannot string coherant wdz together.
peterhouse mourns
[Edit]
Pam -- f'ever, Sat, 31 Oct 2009, 23:48:16 (v02-02.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.33)
Leave the fingers till last, you no finish your meal, otherwise.
[Edit]
Yo f'ever - need to be a little polite when addressing Rayoo -- Pam, Sat, 31 Oct 2009, 22:28:25 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Ray - sometimes you need to preview / edit the items before you post as they may be in column format.
Now - get ready to serve the potions you have been brewing in your lab - the Hollywood monsters will soon be knocking on your door for their treats!
[Edit]
Happy Halloween -- Pam, Sat, 31 Oct 2009, 22:24:32 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Must remember to eat the fingers separately . . . .
[Edit]
Cheer up, Pink... -- f'ever, Sat, 31 Oct 2009, 21:59:42 (v06-13.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.108)
Do zombies eat popcorn
with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers
separately...
[Edit]
haha -- nevermind, Sat, 31 Oct 2009, 13:10:57 (NoHost/120.152.22.163)
THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.'
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in
front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will
this take?' I asked.
They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I
stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without
missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your ass, didn't it?'
[Edit]
testing -- BT, Sat, 31 Oct 2009, 6:57:35 (ppp121-44-123-141.lns20.syd6.internode.on.net/121.44.123.141)
screen keeps coming up black, my computer or is everyone experiencing this. Only way to read the contents to hi-light.
[Edit]
Ray, -- f'ever, Sat, 31 Oct 2009, 1:14:36 (v05-04.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.83)
Well, it scrolls just fine on my phone and that's all that matters.
P!nk, gr@b your @rse with both h@nds @nd look for a sense of proportion in the grand scheme of things.
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Sat, 31 Oct 2009, 0:47:24 (adsl-75-56-199-46.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.199.46)
sheez how about a few less carriage returns oops sorry I forgot word processors have no carriage returns but Fever certainly does manage to find em..
waddha mean Pam??
[Edit]
Man of few words... -- James, Fri, 30 Oct 2009, 15:51:43 (21Cust180.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.180)
RAY is invariably a man of few words...
[Edit]
What a load of cr@p -- Pink, Fri, 30 Oct 2009, 6:28:27 (dsl-202-173-135-149.nsw.westnet.com.au/202.173.135.149)
[Edit]
What Ray meant to say... -- f'ever, Fri, 30 Oct 2009, 3:47:05 (v03-02.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.49)
Republic of Rhodesia
(Redirected from Rhodesia)
What's that? You don't
agree with His Excellency,
President for Life Robert
Mugabe's official policies?
You're trying to undermine
Zimbabwe and her
precious democracy, aren't
you? TRAITORS TO THE
REVOLUTION!
WHITE IMPERIALIST PIGS!
GUARDS, GET 'EM!!!
穆加貝斯坦人民共和国
Mùjiābèisītǎn Rénmín G
ònghéguó
Народная Республика Му
габестан
Narodnaya Respublika M
ugabestan
People's Republic of Zimb
abwe-Rhodesia
Bread Basket of Africa
(1965-1980)
Basket Case of Africa
(1980-date)
(Flag)
(Coat of Arms)
Motto: Oppression, Poverty,
Mugabe
Anthem: "Let The Bodies
Hit The Floor"
Capital
Harare (Salisbury)
Largest city
Mugabegrad (Bulawayo)
Official languages
Oldspeak, Weird Clicky
Noises, Newspeak
Government
Mugabeism
National Hero(es)
{{{national_heros}}}
Declaration
of Formation
Some time in the eighties.
Currency
Inflatable!
Religion
Mugabetheism
Population
Fleeing
Major exports
Black supremacy, Cricket,
Furries and Asbestos
Major imports
Communism
National animal
Robert Mugabe
Favourite pastime
Murder, corruption,
beating up White people,
Spending time in Gulags
“All your farm are belong
to us.”
~ the Dear Leader,
Chairman Robert
Mugabe on taking over
white farms
“There is still choice in
Zimbabwe! You either
choose Mugabe or you
choose to die! Simple
choice!”
~ Zimbabwe Electoral
Commission on voting
“What did Zimbabweans
use for light before
candles? Electricity.”
~ Oscar Wilde
Mugabestan, the kingdom
formally and properly
known as the People's
Republic of Mugabestan,
is a quaint little country,
which has recently been
slightly troubled by a
shortage of cash machines.
It hangs around in the
Southern Hemisphere,
mostly.
Contents [hide]
1 Overview & History
2 Economy
3 Science
4 Culture
4.1 Museums
5 Censorship in
Zimbabwe
6 Politics in Zimbabwe
6.1 What Bob say is
law!
7 Places in Zimbabwe
7.1 Harare (Salisbury)
7.2 Mugabegrad
(Bulawayo)
7.3 Mugabeville
(Kariba)
7.4 Mugaburg
(Umtali)
7.5 Mugabe Falls
(Victoria Falls)
8 The ZANU-ZAPU Wars
9 See also
10 External links
[edit]
Overview & History
ZIMBABWE Or The
REPUBLIC Of RHODESIA
Zimbabwean dollar
banknotes are so worthless
that they are used as toilet
paper which is cheaper to
buy the real thing.
Although senile and
delusional Robert Mugabe
was once an African witch
doctor with psychic powers
able to see into the future.
This banknote including
the 100 trillion is now
obsolete because the RBZ
introduced the new
currency(ZWL) on 3
February 2009, with 12
zeros less.
Born of all the best bits of
Africa, the little country
that could have kept its
audiences on the edge of
their seats for its entire
existence. Prior to renaming
themselves after one of
Afrika Bambaataa's 'krew',
Zimbanana was known as
Rhodesia previously.
Rhodesia was created as a
result of God's opinion that
white people are better
than blacks, and should be
subjugated accordingly by
Ian Smith. This subjugation
reached its peak in 1982
with the formation of
Rhodesia-Zimbabwe, the
world's second hyphenated
state. The certain racist
blacks threw a coup with
Robert Mugabe and
removed Ian Smith and the
whites from political
power, and for a while
forgot that while the
whiteys didn't run the
place anymore, they still
owned it all. The Ultra
Commander of the Blacks
(UCB) Robert Mugabe
decided that his friends
needed more cash and
proceeded to kick the
whites off their land, and
give all the workers AIDS.
While the rest of the world
got angry at Zimbanana for
hatin' on whiteys, Mugabe
proved he wasn't racist by
allowing his henchmen to
randomly rape anyone they
so desired, thus spreading
AIDS everywhere and
proving that he hates
everyone equally. this is
commemorated on I Have
AIDS, You Have AIDS Day
.
Zimbabwe decided to join
the United States of
America, after president
Bush offered 20 dollars,
75000% of Zimbabwe's
"GDP" (for want of a better
word) for being allowed to
hunt endangered animals
there.
On 22 July 2008 (that's how
people ignorant of
American freedom format
the date), due to
überinflation, Communism
was instated, Mugabese,
Chinese, and Russian were
made official languages,
and the country was
renamed to the People's
Republic of Mugabestan.
[edit]
Economy
Current inflation rate.
Zimbabwe, the most
prosperous nation on
earth, where everyone's a
millionaire, even child
beggars!.
Like most of Africa,
Zimbabwe, under Chairman
Mugabe's frightening
leadership, now exports
AIDS and refugees. Robert
Mugabe wanted to be a
billionaire, and hence
invented hyper-inflation.
His economy
mismanagement since early
21st certury lead to an
astronomical inflation rate
now.
Hyper-Inflation recently
reached it's highest level
yet at 231,000,000%
(official) 89.7 sextillion %
(HHIZ 14 Nov 08),(Don't
fear, everything is OK with
your eyes, the zeroes aren't
trippling) , You could buy
the whole country for only
100 Pounds Sterling,
Between now and
Saturday, everything in
Zimbabwe is 99.9% off!
Houses are starting at Z$
20,000,000,000,000,000,000,0
00,000 each! Cars are only Z
$
5,000,000,000,000,000,000,00
0,000! This deal is only for a
limited time! Hurry to a
Zimbabwe near you! Don't
bother exchanging your
own currency though,
You'd never be able to
carry £100 worth around
with you.
[edit]
Science
In 2008, Zimbabwe made
history by becoming the
country that invented
banknotes with the
denomination expressed in
exponential form.
Otherwise, the notes would
have had to be made wider
to make room for all the
zeroes. Ironically,
Zimbabweans do not know
how to read numbers in
exponential form such as
1014 as the whole country
has gone down to the
toilet.
how much a chocolate bar
costs.
Zimbabwe is also resonsible
for 90% of the world's
research into how cool
Robert Mugabe is. God
knows who is to blame for
the last 10%. Robert
Mugabe also announced at
a recent press conference
that he has won the Nobel
Prize for everything. Good
on him. Moreover, he has
also claimed that the
current cholera outbreak
was caused by Britain and
America poisoning
Zimbabwe's water supplies.
Though we all know that
can't be true because
Americans are too obese to
carry out such a feat, and
that the average Brit would
have to bring an NHS ward
across the Mediterranean
to poison anything at all.
[edit]
Culture
Two children participating
in Rhodesia's national
sport: attempted Coup
d'état.
This place is packed full of
all the best culture of the
region; simply put, it's
harder to find more
culture per square metre
than anywhere else.
The greatest single
consequence of all this
excess culture is Museums,
"Keep off the Grass" signs
and Crazy Paving.
[edit]
Museums
Not many people know
that as little as 50% of
these fall into disrepute.
Unfortunately Efrem
Zimbalist Jr., despite being
named after the country
has yet to accept his
certificate, which sits on
display at the National
Homophonic Museum.
Recently, groundbreaking
ceremonies have beeen
held in the city of
Bulawayo for the latest
cultural enhancement in
the history of ZANU-PF
rule - a twelve floor edifice
celebrating Robert
Mugabe.
[edit]
Censorship in Zimbabwe
For those without comedic
tastes, the so-called experts
at Wikipedia have an article
about Republic of
Rhodesia.
Zimbabwe is heavy on
Media censorship,mostly
due to the fact that their
current Ultra-Commander,
Chairman Mugabe, does
not like people cracking
jokes about him. Because
of this, anyone who jokes
or speaks ill about Mugabe
immediately has all their
works banned in
Mugabestan and has a
fatwa issued for their
death.
[edit]
Politics in Zimbabwe
Because of their so-called
intelligence, the so-called
experts at Wikipedia will
never have a proper article
about Republic of
Rhodesia. We are sorry
they are blatantly retarded.
What Bob say is law! This
article should be called
Politic in Zimbabwe.
Zimbabwe is a fully
functioning democracy, but
due to hyper inflation
could only afford one
politic. The same goes for
political parties. They could
really only afford one. It is
known as ZANU-PF, an
acronym that stands for
Zombie Arsehole Nazis
United - Paranoid Faction.
They would have called
themselves the ANC
African Nutters (and)
Communists, but Nelson
Mandela had already
copyrighted the name.
Democracy Zimbabwe style
means outlawing any
opposition, If you start
opposition party Bob give
you nice pair of Concrete
Boots.
[edit]
What Bob say is law!
His Excellency has decreed
that all the people he
doesn't like very much
must get out or get strung
from lamp posts! This
includes: You, Capitalists,
Democracy Lovers,
Christians, John Lennon
look-a-likes, People who
don't like starving to death
, the Emperor of India,
Television Presenters, Mops,
short Opel Kadett Drivers,
People who don't exist,
Liars, People who don't lie,
Humphrey Bogart, White
Jesus, Black Jesus, Fascists,
Marxists, People who like
shagging Wolves
and People who don't like
him.
Bob has decided to turn
the Whitey Farms into
leisure parks for ZANU-PF
members, that's nice of
him isn't it!
[edit]
Places in Zimbabwe
His Greatness the Chairman
Robert Mugabe has
decreed that all the place
names must be changed
because he could not
pronounce Salisbury the
capital, it has since changed
to Harare (meaning Shit-
Hole in Afrikaans, though
Bob is oblivious to the fact
that Afrikaans was never
spoken in Zimbabwe) the
largest city, Bulawayo, has
changed to Mugabegrad.
Victoria Falls was since
renamed Mugabe Falls, but
quickly re-renamed
afterwards (see below).
[edit]
Harare (Salisbury)
Harare, originally Salisbury,
is the capital of
Mugabestan, all the
government officials live
there and commoners
aren't allowed anywhere
near it. When Ian Smith
was Prime Minister is was
simply a run-of-the-mill
Colonial city, but now that
petrol is ridiculously
expensive it's roads are
basically race-tracks with
pavements, South African
youths often go there to
race their new cars and go
in the Pubs (which are
empty) If you are
considering going to Harare
try not to crash into a Rolls
Royce with a small black
man with huge glasses in it.
It is the only place in
Rhodesia not names after
Mugabe, except for
Mugabe town (which
apparently has no link with
the word Mugabe.).
[edit]
Mugabegrad (Bulawayo)
Mugabegrad (originally
Bulawayo) is the second
city of Mugabestan, It is
well known for being the
city with the most petrol
stations in the whole of
Zimbanana, with a massive
total of 2. Mugabegrad
also has the cheapest
bread in the country at the
low price of Z$
1,000,000,000,000,000(one
quadrillion or $1,000 in
new currency) per loaf.
[edit]
Mugabeville (Kariba)
The city of Mugabeville is
located in the north west
of Zimbabwe on the river
Zambezi, It's only
redeeming feature is
blackmarket booze and it's
Hydroelectric Dam (The
only one in the whole of
Southern Africa that
actually provides electricity,
all the others just eat into
government funds and
electrocute engineers)
[edit]
Mugaburg (Umtali)
Mugaburg is the only city in
Mugabestan where whites
still form 10% of the
population. Which is why
Bob has decreed that it will
be blown up in 2024 to
celebrate his 100th
birthday.
[edit]
Mugabe Falls (Victoria
Falls)
The Mugabe Falls were
discovered in 1901 by a
colonial explorer whose
name history has chosen to
forget
, they were originally
named Victoria Falls, in
honour of the then
Empress of India, Queen
Victoria Saxe-Coburg. There
used to be some wildlife
around the Falls but
Mugabe's henchmen have
shot all the Antelope and
the Cheetahs have decided
to pack up and leave. After
they were renamed
"Mugabe Falls", some
locals saw newspaper
headlines with the name
and started dancing in the
street, thinking they were
in some way related to the
outcome of the 2008
Presidential Election. When
Mugabe heard about this,
they were all shot, and the
Falls quickly renamed
"Mugabe will never Fall".
Simultaneously, the entire
engineering resources of
Zimbabwe were mobilised
so that the water at the so-
called "Falls" now flows
upwards, a glorious tribute
to Mugabe.
[edit]
The ZANU-ZAPU Wars
Upon Zimbabwe becoming
independent, personal
computers were beginning
to enter the Zimbabwean
marketplace. However, all
was not peaceful in
Zimbabwe's computing
market. President Robert
Mugabe, an Apple user,
started the Zimbabwe
Apple Nerds Union
(ZANU) to promote the
use of Apple computers.
Not to be outdone, Joshua
Nkomo, the CEO of
Microsoft Zimbabwe,
started the ZAPU or
Zimbabwe Association of
PC Users. The rivalry
between ZANU and ZAPU
raged on Usenet and the
Zimbabwe Online (ZOL)
message boards for the
better part of the 1980s,
before Mugabe peacefully
ended the conflict by
negotiating Apple's switch
to Intel chips and got Steve
Jobs to include Boot Camp
in Leopard, thus ending the
reason for the ZANU-ZAPU
holy wars. As a result,
ZANU and ZAPU merged
into ZANU-PF or
Zimbabwe Apple Nerds
United with PC Fans, and
everybody happily runs
their OS of choice. Except,
of course, for the open
source nerds who are
members of the Mandriva
and Debian Club (MDC),
who find themselves
thrown in Zimbabwean jails
constantly for violating the
Zimbabwean DMCA.
[Edit]
Las Vegas -- f'ever, Fri, 30 Oct 2009, 3:20:03 (v03-02.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.49)
The nearby man-made and
dried up source of water
for Las Vegas, Lake Mead,
seen here, is dry like your
grandmother's vagina.
While the history of Las
Vegas has long been
shrouded in a drunken
haze, it has recently been
determined that the city
was founded by a group of
balls-out Mormon settlers.
William Bringhurst and his
group of Mormon
missionaries, after being
forcibly removed from an
amusement park in nearby
California, threatened to
go build their own, with
blackjack and hookers. "Las
Vegas" (which ironically in
Spanish means "Land of
Blackjack and Hookers")
was the site they chose for
this new park. It remained
an amusement park from
1856 to 1905, when it was
mistaken for a town by
railroad companies and
was immediately instated
as such.[2]
[edit]
People
Main Article:
The main attraction of Las
Vegas is some top bloke
called Threshold
"Jebadiah" Threshold
, who deals Craps, Bakarah
and various other games at
Threshold's Palace, one of
the main gaming
establishments on the
Strip. Everyone there
worships him on a daily
basis, playing homage to
his skill by sacrificing one
citizen every noon.
Elvis performs nightly in Las
Vegas, normally in more
than one place at once.
According to the US Census
Bureau, Las Vegas is one of
the most ethnically diverse
cities in the country. It has
a large Middle Eastern
population, centered
around the Alladin, Luxor
and Caesar's Palace districts
of Las Vegas. The Sahara is
located on the outskirts of
Las Vegas and is the
ancestral home of the
area's nomadic casino-
worker population. The
city's European heritage is
showcased in its Venetian,
Bellagio and Paris districts.
Las Vegas is also home to
many powerful celebrities
including singers Gomer
Pyle, Wayne Newton, Elvis,
the Dion Quintuplets and
other members of the
"Immortal Six of Death".
Every weekend, many
attractive young women
from Los Angeles descend
on Las Vegas in the hopes
of meeting a nice boy from
the Midwest to start a
family. They are generally
at the craps tables wearing
tight tops and stiletto
heels.
Most guys who spend time
in Las Vegas tend to have
an overinflated self-image,
generally believing that
simply by being there and
throwing most of their
meager fortunes around,
which 95% of them can ill
afford to do, makes them
interesting and/or cool. Hot
chicks find this hilarious.
[Edit]
One4u, Pam! -- f'ever, Fri, 30 Oct 2009, 2:58:09 (v03-02.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.49)
"When you're strange"
you're probably in
California.
People's Republic of
California (pronounced
Kuhl-ee-Forn-y-ah! by
septuagenarian Austrian
governators and "Cal-ee-
forn-I-yay" by natives; full
name: Bundesrepublik
Kaliforniens) is a large
island located off the
Western United States of
America. Its official state
song is California Love by
Tupac Shakur (ratified in
1999, replacing the Red Hot
Chili Peppers'
Californication). California
has only one puppet state,
the since-1991-
independent Fresh
Principality of Bel-Air.
It is important to note the
difference between
Northern and Southern
California. NorCal is
inhabited mostly by
hippies, nerds, lumberjacks,
bureaucrats and Arnold
Schwarzenegger. SoCal, on
the other hand, is occupied
mostly by surfers, actors,
pornstars, skanks, lawyers,
illegal immigrants and a
layer of smog so dense that
it is classified by the USGS
as a separate landmass.
California is a Communist
dictatorship run by the
Governator. The
dictatorship is savagely
ruled by an Austrian
muscle doughboy, who has
harsh blood tax and has
decided to make Saturday
an extra mud harvest day--
most of the movies from
Hollywood they find in
amongst the crap (pardon
my French) from the 1970s.
John Connor is dead and
the state is currently
populated by an evil legion
of liberal gay liquid metal
robots with glowing red
eyes who eat the flesh of
Christian babies.
Stirring into the the mix of
chaos, the state is
frequented with many
natural disasters such as
earthquakes, wildfires,
floods, mudslides,
rainbows, freeways, killer
bees, rising sea levels,
smack, crack, paparazzi,
Paris Hilton's hungry man-
eating holes, and
disgruntled drug induced
ex-movie producers armed
with tanks. If you ever find
yourself in California the
best thing to do is pray to
God and run like hell.
California may break into
two, maybe 3 or even 4
new states. The "Sou.-Cal"
people have a beef with
the stuck-up "No-Cal."
folk. Often you have Los
Angeles and San Francisco
residents look down or
poke fun at each other.
The two halves would meet
in a pissing contest to see
who can aim the
highest...and none of them
can.
At times the two halves
admit to share a hatred of
the East coast (i.e. San
Diego or Santa Cruz), the
Midwest (i.e. Central Valley
from Chico to Tulare), the
"South" (i.e. Stockton or
Bakersfield), the Northwest
(i.e. Eureka or Redding
close to Oregon) and the
Southwest (i.e. Palm
Springs or the Mojave
Desert close to Arizona).
Screw 'em all, California
sucks...and New York too.
[Edit]
Whaddya mean, Ray???? -- Pam, Thu, 29 Oct 2009, 23:24:12 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
No wonder the wimmen walk all over you, Rayoo!
[Edit]
Cape Town -- Ray, Thu, 29 Oct 2009, 14:52:32 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Ah yes James that was a good one also.
The History of Cape Town !
- from Uncyclopaedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Cape Town is a city on the coast of South Africa so called because the wearing of capes or cloaks is compulsory within the city limits. It was founded by Batman on his way to
New York from Holland in 1652.
Cape Town is also called "The Mother City", believed to be due to the highly expressive vocabulary of the local dialect (in which the words "your mother" feature regularly) and the cheap and nasty (but potent) local wine.
A different school of thought believes the origin of the name lies in the fact that it takes 9 months to do anything in this sleepy hollow.
Cape Town is situated on a sandbar under Table Mountain (so called because unlike most mountains, it is flat). Cape Town became famous for the first successful heart transplant operation at its "Great Skewer" Hospital by Christian Barnyard. Cape Town is neither as wealthy nor as large as Johannesburg , so the inhabitants compensate with a superior attitude based on the claim that they were there first. Which none of them personally were, unless they are over 300 years old.
It is socially unacceptable for a Capetonian to talk to people that they have not previously talked to, which severely limits social interactions. If the opportunity should somehow present itself, a traditional Cape Town greeting is "Jou ma se *%#@", often abbreviated to "Jou ma", which means, roughly "Good day and good health to you and your good mother, sir!"
Robin Island was named after Batman's faithful sidekick. Later it was renamed "Robbin Island" and used as a jail, like Alcatraz but with colder water around it and more sharks in it.
In spite of the revolution in 1994 severe social inequality still persists. Efforts to redress this historical imbalance are progressing well, particularly the "mugg'em" initiative.
Popular sports are pretentiousness, drunk-driving, pole-vaulting, homosexuality, French dressing and Mexican standoffs. The summer sport of setting fire to the mountainside is more popular with tourists than with locals, though all enjoy the cheerful spectacle of the
flames and smoke.
Since 2006, the town council of Cape Town has embraced an "Amish-isation " policy, and has turned it's back on the use of electricity, declaring it a decadent bourgeois luxury.
Electricity is slowly being phased out in a series of "power cuts", and it is to be replaced by the use of candles, paraffin lamps and fires for illumination and sing-alongs for entertainment.
Cape Town is the first place to boast an Invisible Bridge. However, the bridge is currently not in use as the city council refused to believe the claims of the construction company when they informed the council that they had developed a new building material which was stronger than steel but could not be seen by the human eye. The city council is said to have likened the bridge fiasco to "The Emperor's New Clothes".
Roads Memorial celebrates the fact that Cape Town is where roads were invented. This is delightfully done by means of a monument which includes important tools to roadmaking
such as lions, a man with a horse and some dude's head.
Bergies are Cape Town 's world famous mountaineers who live on Table Mountain and often come down into the city to welcome foreigners with the traditional Capetonian greeting of "Jou maaaa se *%$@!"
[Edit]
Grain of truth... -- James, Thu, 29 Oct 2009, 3:15:21 (21Cust241.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.241)
_________________________________________________________
RAY: I think I prefer 'nevermind's' female compassion joke... Funny how the best jokes have more than a grain of truth in them!
_________________________________________________________
[Edit]
. -- ray, Thu, 29 Oct 2009, 0:51:01 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
James thanks for your Irish joke, good, I am posting it here..
Paddy was walking along the street during his once-in-a-lifetime visit to New York when he rounds a corner and there's a high rise building on fire.
Paddy, ever the kind-hearted and resourceful Irishman, runs up to the building to see if he can help--and notices people trapped 5 stories up.
Paddy yells to the people: 'I'm Patrick Sean Michael Fitzpatrick , the Irish Rugby Union fullback! If you jump, I'll catch you!" One lady, in desperation,
jumps and sure enough Paddy catches her.
Then a man sees that Paddy catches the woman and jumps. Sure enough, Paddy catches him also.
Then a black man jumps out and crashes to the sidewalk. Paddy didn't even attempt to catch him.
Paddy looks up and yells, "Don't be throwin' the fookin' burnt ones!"
[Edit]
Nigerian Guardian News -- John Sandford (Nigerian Guardian News), Wed, 28 Oct 2009, 16:04:47 (tvwt-ip-ccache-1-vif1.telkom-ipnet.co.za/198.54.202.182)
________________________________________
This letter was published in Nigeria
Nigerian Guardian News
http://www.ngrguardiannews.com/letters/article02//indexn2_html?pdate=211009&ptitle=South%20African%20experience
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
South African experience
SIR: On Thursday October 1, 2009, the National Chairman of our great party Chief Bisi Akande; the Lagos State Chairman of the Party in Lagos, Chief Dele Ajomale; his wife; the representative of the Governor and my humble self left for South Africa to inaugurate the chapter of our party. Business finished on Saturday October 2 and 3, 2009 in both Pretoria and Johannesburg. We had Sunday October 4 to look around. It was my first visit to South Africa and what I saw stunned me.
Am I in Africa or Europe? Am I in America? Is this another Singapore? Could this be true? Where was Nigeria when South Africa was putting all these structures in place? If the white man did all these in South Africa why were the Nelson Mandelas of this world complaining? If South Africans got their independence on a platter of gold the way Nigeria got hers in 1960, would there have been all these structures I am seeing here today? Impossible! From what I saw on ground in South Africa, it looked as if all the companies and industries all over the world are physically present there. Ah! Nigeria has been left behind. South Africa is the potential and undisputable leader in Africa. Thanks to the white South Africans.
I came to the unhappy conclusion that the mosquitoes that drove the whites away from Nigeria in 1960 did a colossal and unmitigated damage to Nigerians. I again asked myself these questions: How many black Africans did the whites kill before surrendering power to them? How many Nigerians have been killed by Nigerian leaders since they took over power from the whites in 1960? Let us compare the figures. I am sure the supreme prize South Africans paid to have the South Africa I see today will be so infinitesimal compared with what our leaders have killed to remain in power in Nigeria.
What I am saying is that God should have allowed the whites to tarry for at least more 30 years in Nigeria and we would have been better for it. Mandela survived 27 years in prison because the whiteman was a better person. He could not have survived 10 years in prison in Nigeria.
My conclusion after seeing what I saw in South Africa is that the whites left Nigeria in a hurry, and that is why we are suffering today. Had the whites tarried in Nigeria, Nigeria would have been like South Africa today. I want the whites back in Nigeria!
Joe Igbokwe,
Lagos.
http://www.ngrguardiannews.com/letters/article02//indexn2_html?pdate=211009&ptitle=South%20African%20experience
________________________________________
[Edit]
Father rejects white child -- bob, Wed, 28 Oct 2009, 11:04:38 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
White Negros - South Africa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEtl91408eM&NR=1
[Edit]
haha -- nevermind, Wed, 28 Oct 2009, 4:48:10 (NoHost/120.152.123.227)
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, looked him straight in the eye and said,'Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty or clean ... it doesn't matter to me.
I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just love it.'
Eyes now wide with interest, he responded,
"No kidding! I'm a lawyer too.
What firm are you with?"
[Edit]
Bank robber... -- James., Wed, 28 Oct 2009, 4:07:57 (21Cust128.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.128)
____________________________________________________
A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.
He shouts 'this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!', and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. 'Did anybody else here see my face?'.
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots him in the head also. 'Did anybody else see my face?' he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before a male voice is heard from a distant corner..
'I think my missus caught a glimpse...'
_________________________________________________________
[Edit]
haha -- nevermind, Tue, 27 Oct 2009, 23:44:32 (NoHost/120.155.196.13)
FEMALE COMPASSION
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman came to him and whispered, 'Have you ever been f -- -ed?'
The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, 'No.'
She said, 'Well you will be when the tide comes in.'
WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT YOU KNOW.....
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Tue, 27 Oct 2009, 2:41:22 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
For those that need to know.
Calorie content USA Beers per 12 ounces.
Flying Dog Double Dog, Pale Ale 292 calories Highest
Budweiser 145 Calories
Budweiser Light 110 calories
Pabst Extra Light 67 Calories
Budweiser Select 55 Calories Lowest
[Edit]
Rhodesian Association Reunion -- Marianna Kondourajian, Mon, 26 Oct 2009, 6:01:30 (adsl-69-235-152-166.dsl.irvnca.pacbell.net/69.235.152.166)
For those inquiring, the 2010 RA reunion, the 30th Anniversary, will again be in Las Vegas, Nevada on the second weekend in October. For more details email me at rhomk1@aol.com
[Edit]
not whitehead -- not whitehead, Mon, 26 Oct 2009, 4:17:08 (S010600173f9e4985.hn.shawcable.net/24.65.226.60)
Whitehead has NOTHING to do with it, thank gowd for that
Marianna Bayerian-Kondourajian The Rhodesian Association
www.rhodesianassociation.com
The official site of the Rhodesian Association western USA.
Officers 2008/2009
John Nash-Webber - Chairman
Caron Berryhill & Pauline Lahey - - Secretaries
Peter Steiniger - Treasurer/membership
Allan Roodt - Board member
Paddy Quinn - Board member
Carolyn Hopkins - Entertainment/Reunion 2009
Contact the Chairman:
John Nash-Webber (909) 930-9765
E-mail: john@nwmolds.com
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Sun, 25 Oct 2009, 23:24:00 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Rhona, the last I know is that Chris Whitehead was the organizer, and that it was held at Laughlin Nevada in the past. This info is on the net so it is not private:
Chris and Annette Whitehead
The Editors: Rhodesians Worldwide,
P.O. Box 22034
Mesa, Arizona 85277-2034 United States of America
Telephone: (480) 924-0431
Fax : (480) 924-0269
You can also Skype us at:
Chat with me
rhodesia@rhodesia.org
[Edit]
Las Vegas -- Rhona McDonald, Sun, 25 Oct 2009, 17:54:18 (bas1-toronto04-1176176005.dsl.bell.ca/70.27.5.133)
Thanks for the info, on the Rhodesian reunion in Vegas,we were wondering is it always in October??? We have to book our vacation On tuesday at work for next year, so thats the reason I am asking now. Thanks Rhona
[Edit]
Rhodesian Reunion - Las Vegas -- Morag, Sun, 25 Oct 2009, 16:27:35 (adsl-71-137-8-88.dsl.sndg02.pacbell.net/71.137.8.88)
There is a link on Facebook. I have not heard any dates, as yet. Ray might know when it will be held.
[Edit]
We would like to go to the Rhodesian reunion in Las vegas -- Rhona McDonald, Sun, 25 Oct 2009, 13:18:14 (bas1-toronto04-1176176005.dsl.bell.ca/70.27.5.133)
We would like to attend the Rhodesian reunion in Las Vegas 2010 anybody know when it is please????thanks Rhona.
[Edit]
Excellent - nevermind -- Pam, Sat, 24 Oct 2009, 14:21:45 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
The best version of that joke!
[Edit]
MANAGEMENT -- nevermind, Sat, 24 Oct 2009, 7:14:21 (NoHost/120.155.66.61)
Upper & Lower Management
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be in Information Technology," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f**king fault."
[Edit]
??? -- nevermind, Sat, 24 Oct 2009, 2:47:59 (NoHost/120.155.82.79)
All quiet on the Rhodesian Front.
[Edit]
Happy Birthday -- Old Friend, Thu, 22 Oct 2009, 17:12:18 (wsip-70-166-17-114.sd.sd.cox.net/70.166.17.114)
Happy Birthday Jimmy Porter - wherever you may be!
[Edit]
Just Posted ON The Official SA Revenue Service Website -- Ray, Wed, 21 Oct 2009, 16:16:21 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Apparently the SARS hates competition!!!!
he he...
ALERT - SCAM WARNING FROM SARS
SARS has become aware of a new phishing scam which was launched at 7.30am today (20 October). E-mails, purportedly from SARS, are sent to members of the public informing them that they are due a refund. To claim the refund the users are directed to a scam website which has been designed to look like the SARS website.
A message then tell users that “24 hours refund can be made to the listed banks below. If your bank is no (sic) listed, please contact us” and the logos of FNB, Absa, Standard Bank and Nedbank are placed on the page. Users are asked to click on the link of their bank and supply their banking details.
Please be warned that this email is a hoax and part of a phishing scam. Users must not divulge their banking details.
For more information on scams and phishing attacks, click here.
[Edit]
Web Forgery -- Ray, Wed, 21 Oct 2009, 15:56:35 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Hi everybody, just got this E-mail minutes ago..If you use Mozilla Firefox as your browser it would alert you to the forgery the moment you click the link for the form.
James, maybe the SA Revenue Service just employed your dog..
You are eligible to receive a tax refund of 740.50 Rand
Tuesday, October 20, 2009 10:56 PM
From:
"South African Revenue Service" <no-reply@sars.gov.za>
Add sender to Contacts
To:
south.africa.revenue.service@orange.fr
Dear South African Revenue Service customer,
After the last annual calculation of your fiscal activity we have determined that you are eligible to receive a refund of 740.50 Rand.
Please submit the form and allow us 3-5 days in order to process it.
A refund can be delayed for a variety of reasons. For example submitting invalid records or applying after the deadline.
To access the form for your tax refund, please Click Here.
NOTE!
For security reasons, we will record your ip-address and date.
Thank you,
South African Revenue Service Online Department.
[Edit]
Talking dog... -- James, Wed, 21 Oct 2009, 14:35:17 (21Cust200.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.200)
__________________________________________________________
Talking dog for sale. (Does this finally explain who or what our wee Wanker really is?)
A man driving around the backwoods of Montana sees a sign in front of a broken down house: 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, and the owner appears and tells him that the dog is in the backyard.
The fellow goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the man recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he asks, 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help my country, so I contacted the CIA. In no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible drug deals and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The chap is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog..
'Ten dollars,' the man says.
'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'
'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that crap. '
____________________________________________________
[Edit]
A must-see flick -- f'ever, Wed, 21 Oct 2009, 8:49:37 (v01-04.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.19)
'Mugabe & The White
African' is a feature length
documentary due for
release Summer 2009.
http://
www.mugabeandthewhit...
An intimate and moving
film charting one family's
extraordinary courage in
the face of a relentless
campaign of state-
sanctioned terror.
In 2008 Mike Campbell, 74
years old - one of the few
remaining white farmers to
have so far held-out against
Mugabe's brutal land
seizure programme - took
the unprecedented step of
challenging President
Mugabe in an international
court, to defend his
property and to charge
Mugabe and his
government with racial
discrimination and of
violations of basic human
rights.
This film, much of it shot
covertly, documents the
astonishing bravery and
dignity of a white african
family who've endangered
everything they have and
everything they are in
defence of what is right.
...Premiers tonight at the bioscope, Londonistan.
[Edit]
Louis Theroux meets Boers in South Africa - BBC -- Bob, Tue, 20 Oct 2009, 9:50:12 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
Louis Theroux meets Boers in South Africa - BBC
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABCI0vvBe-0&NR=1
[Edit]
Russia's Hidden War -- Bob, Tue, 20 Oct 2009, 9:29:23 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
A hidden war is escalating in the Caucasus Mountains along Russia's southern fringe.
In response to an increasing number of suicide attacks, Moscow says it is battling militant Islam in the tiny republic of Ingushetia.
But locals say hundreds of innocent civilians are being kidnapped, tortured and murdered at the hands of Russian security forces.
This week Evan Williams travels to Ingushetia to report on this deadly battle for control.
Locals say they live in terror of a Russian security apparatus out of control.
WATCH/TRANSCRIPT/COMMENTS
http://www.sbs.com.au/dateline/story/about/id/600211/n/Russia-s-Hidden-War
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Tue, 20 Oct 2009, 6:48:05 (adsl-76-243-136-167.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/76.243.136.167)
yes thats right Pete, and I did not post the joke just below this,
but its funny
[Edit]
!!! -- Ray, Tue, 20 Oct 2009, 0:48:06 (NoHost/120.155.134.63)
Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks:"What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "It's Jo Pete. The midget."
[Edit]
raymond -- Jo Pete, Mon, 19 Oct 2009, 20:40:33 (vc-41-28-214-195.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.214.195)
Yo BT. Up your kilt Raymond. You will ,of course, recall that my 1st meeting with Dawie was also yours, at The Pull Inn
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Mon, 19 Oct 2009, 16:34:29 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Pete comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Dawie in the games anymore.
The husband asks, "Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"
"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.
"Well," says the husband, "Neither would Dawie."
[Edit]
olf jokes -- Jo Pete, Mon, 19 Oct 2009, 12:56:56 (vc-41-29-21-140.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.29.21.140)
Yo EBT. Bumper sticker, "If you think my driving's bad you should see me putt."
Parson playing golf reaches the 16th, par 5 634m. Stands on the tee says to the caddy now for a helluva drive and a helluva putt. tops the ball, it dribbles to the front of the tee. Caddy hands him a putter, "now for a helluva putt father."
Oke going to play golf by bus. Standing, bag in hand at the busstop. Passing car stops. Was that a motha slice or a motha hook?
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Sat, 17 Oct 2009, 20:12:43 (nv-71-50-73-130.dhcp.embarqhsd.net/71.50.73.130)
Gennilmen!! tsk tsk!!!
I am now going to see the Bulls make Weepee weep.
Up the Bulls!!! the best franchise in human knowledge...
an they even let lil ole me train with them oooo!
[Edit]
Houts-R-Us.., -- f'ever, Sat, 17 Oct 2009, 4:22:56 (v08-07.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.134)
Good one, Patrick, you hout, you tripped the site.
[Edit]
Bob -- Patrick, Thu, 15 Oct 2009, 14:15:29 (NoHost/120.155.110.179)
Bob you were born and will die the F**king useless pole smoker that you are.
[Edit]
I will only ‘Think Bike’ if the bikers can be persuaded to ‘Think Motorist’ -- Bob, Thu, 15 Oct 2009, 10:44:57 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
And now begins what is not, repeat not, a rant against motorcyclists. I like motor-cyclists. I like two-wheeled travel — powered or pedalled — and at 17 rode nearly 1,000 miles from Rhodesia to Swaziland on a Honda 50 scooter, for fun, sleeping in South African police station cells, where a white youth would always be accommodated.
http://www.spectator.co.uk/columnists/all/5403033/another-voice.thtml
[Edit]
English brand of racism -- Bob, Thu, 15 Oct 2009, 8:57:08 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
GERMAINE GREER: Yeah. Now, there's an English brand of racism, which is quite difficult to detect, because it consists in very good manners. You're very, very polite to brown people. In fact, you're quite touchy with brown people. You think, would they be offended if I did X or Y? And you try to show that you're a cultivated person, that you don't have any stupid working class attitudes, any kneejerk stuff happening. But, basically, the one thing that no one ever shakes from morning till night is your conviction that you are superior and you show this in your perfect behaviour to people whom you are quite convinced are inferior to you. Now, Australians don't actually have that quite. Instead what they have is a kind of anxiety about people whose culture they don't understand and a kind of conviction that these guys are going to work harder than they do. That's one of the things. And wherever they look they can see the proof of the pudding that's there. You know, people clawing their way up by working 16 hour days and building their families and showing tremendous self-discipline, and so Australians feel threatened by that. They also have this notion that Australia is full and that the black and yellow hordes are going to arrive tomorrow and just push everybody out because they're going to work so hard and be so organised and so on. So you actually have...
http://www.abc.net.au/tv/qanda/txt/s2702519.htm
[Edit]
Oh - that was good -- Pam, Thu, 15 Oct 2009, 1:38:10 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Not sure that only an oil change would change the situation though!
:))
[Edit]
. -- ray, Wed, 14 Oct 2009, 23:55:55 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Hey! The other Ray...I dont like that joke.
[Edit]
It'sTrue -- Ray, Wed, 14 Oct 2009, 5:52:37 (NoHost/120.152.195.217)
Jo Pete's 80 year old Dad and a 20 year old woman
was the talk of the town.
After being married a year, the couple went to the
hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the
old gentleman and said,
"This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
The old man grinned & said, "You got to keep the old motor running."
The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of
their second child.
The same nurse was attending this delivery and again
went out to congratulate the old gentleman.
She said, "Sir, you are something else.. How do you do it?"
The old man grinned & said, "You gotta keep the old motor running."
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their
third child.
The same nurse was there for this birth and after the delivery she
approached the old gentleman, smiling, & said,
"Well, you surely are something else. How do you do it?"
The old man replied, "It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the
old motor running."
The nurse, still smiling, said to the old gentleman, "Well, I guess it's
time to change the oil. This one's black."
[Edit]
Some good humour here . . . -- Pam, Wed, 14 Oct 2009, 0:10:08 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
Not all diamonds are sparkly white - or even look like diamonds - until the damaged sections are cut or polished off.
Parrot is correct - millions of then wandering in Africa.
[Edit]
Barrack -- Roger (Roger & June Mabbett), Tue, 13 Oct 2009, 20:40:08 (222-152-191-33.jetstream.xtra.co.nz/222.152.191.33)
Obama walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The barman asks.. "Where did you get that?"
"Africa.... They're all over the place!", said the parrot.
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Tue, 13 Oct 2009, 18:26:20 (NoHost/66.251.102.206)
Thomas your granma was born in 1987??
Boy she started young, and your mom must be 11 years old and you a babe in arms..remarkable family.
[Edit]
... -- f'ever, Tue, 13 Oct 2009, 17:53:25 (v03-09.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.56)
Mr Cumming, I can't really help. If your Gramps returned there today, he would be put on a 7 day Public Restriction Notice, (PRN), and have his kit scaled at the border, as it happens. Good luck, sir.
[Edit]
Ancestary -- Thomas Cumming (Curious), Tue, 13 Oct 2009, 15:12:30 (CPE002129abc5a0-CM00194747f2ca.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com/99.250.160.135)
My Grandfather George Cumming (born1983) and his second wife Elizabeth Francis Boyle Cumming Nee.Simpson (born 1987) and their daughter Vesta Victoria Cumming (born 1920)
all in Aberdeen, emigrated from there to SA onboard the Kenilworth Castle in 1921. I believe the lived in or around Port Elisabeth before moving to Rhodesia. They returned to Scotland in 1930 and listed their "Country of last permanent residence" as Rhodesia. I do'nt believe they stayed in Scotland but I cannot find where they went.
Any Information re. them or their decendants would be Helpfull. Thanks Tom. Cumming
[Edit]
CONSTITUTIONAL CONFERENCE HELD AT LANCASTER HOUSE -- Bob, Tue, 13 Oct 2009, 1:04:53 (ausydexchange.pkf.com.au/203.185.219.230)
SOUTHERN RHODESIA
CONSTITUTIONAL CONFERENCE HELD AT LANCASTER HOUSE, LONDON SEPTEMBER - DECEMBER 1979
REPORT
1. Following the Meeting of Commonwealth Heads of Government held in Lusaka from 1 to 7 August, Her Majesty's Government issued invitations to Bishop Muzorewa and the leaders of the Patriotic Front to participate in a Constitutional Conference at Lancaster House. The purpose of the Conference was to discuss and reach agreement on the terms of an Independence Constitution, and that elections should be supervised under British authority to enable Rhodesia to proceed to legal independence and the parties to settle their differences by political means.
2. The Conference opened on 10 September under the chairmanship of Lord Carrington, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs. The Conference concluded on 15 December, after 47 plenary sessions. A list of the official delegates to the Conference is at Annex A. The text of Lord Carrington's opening address is at Annex B, together with statements made by Mr Nkomo on behalf of his and Mr Mugabe's delegation and by Bishop Muzorewa on behalf of his delegation.
3. In the course of its proceedings the Conference reached agreement on the following issues:
more
http://www.rhodesia.nl/lanc1.html
[Edit]
Irish -- Paddy, Tue, 13 Oct 2009, 0:22:30 (NoHost/120.155.234.42)
A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached
his assistant.
'Murphy, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic I
Want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients'..
'Yes, sir!' answers Murphy.
The doctor goes fishing and returns the following day and asks:
'So,Murphy, how was your day?'
Murphy told him that he took care of three patients.
'The first one had a headache so he did, so I gave him Paracetamol.'
'Bravo Murphy lad, and the second one?' asks the doctor.
'The second one had indigestion and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir'
Says Murphy.
'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?'
Asks the doctor.
'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door flies open and a young
gorgeous woman borsts in so she does. Like bolt outta the blue, she tears
off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and
lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick! For five years I have not seen any man !"
'Tunderin' Lard, Murphy, my boy, what did you do?' asks the doctor.
I put drops in her eyes!'
[Edit]
Joke,,, -- James, Mon, 12 Oct 2009, 16:38:28 (21Cust62.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.62)
___________________________________________________________
A man entered the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of
golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls".
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long
time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any
longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
_________________________________________________________
[Edit]
sorry ant -- dawie, Mon, 12 Oct 2009, 15:23:24 (vc-41-28-96-27.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.28.96.27)
sent to murungu@mindspring.com is this the right mail sending again ant.pam most of the stones are around hot springs to buhera area all on the surface must of walked all over the dam things in the bush war. ive seen some of them they dont look like diamonds at all.
[Edit]
Monday humour -- Pam, Mon, 12 Oct 2009, 13:36:56 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.
However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why, thank you very much, he said, and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says, "Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.
How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens...."
[Edit]
Deadly diamonds??? -- Pam, Mon, 12 Oct 2009, 13:33:56 (d24-150-28-95.home.cgocable.net/24.150.28.95)
I did not know there were diamonds in Zimbers . . .
[Edit]
Deadly Diamonds -- Bob, Mon, 12 Oct 2009, 10:05:04 (macanp1.lnk.telstra.net/203.45.105.55)
We uncover shocking evidence of mass murder, torture and rape in a diamond field in Zimbabwe, carried out at the hands of Robert Mugabe's security forces.
Watch | Transcript | Comments (15)
http://www.sbs.com.au/dateline/
[Edit]
Brooks -- Ant Brooks, Sun, 11 Oct 2009, 21:28:41 (adsl-217-205-151.aby.bellsouth.net/68.217.205.151)
Hello all. I have been away for a while. Thanks for the picture Jo Pete. The chimney looks quite sad. No doubt a reflection of the country. Dawie, ou pal, your picture never arrived. It must be somewhere in cyberspace!
Another request. Does anyone have a scan of a "Rhodesia is(or was) Super" sticker.
Cheers
[Edit]
One for the scum nyokas... -- f'ever, Sun, 11 Oct 2009, 19:01:16 (v05-02.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.81)
What did the mother
snake say to her crying
baby ? Stop crying and
viper your nose.
[Edit]
More... -- f'ever, Sun, 11 Oct 2009, 18:04:44 (v05-02.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.81)
Rabbit: I got kicked out
of my cage for not
paying the rent. My wife
walked out and took our
twenty-nine bunnies with
her. Im all out of carrots.
What should I do? Friend:
Dont worry; be hoppy!
[Edit]
One for Jimbo's kids -- f'ever, Sun, 11 Oct 2009, 17:53:51 (v05-02.opera-mini.net/80.239.242.81)
Baby Rabbit: Mommy,
where did I come from?
Mother Rabbit: Ill tell
you when youre older.
Baby Rabbit: Oh,
Mommy, please, tell me
now. Mother Rabbit: If
you must know, you were
pulled from a magicians
hat.
[Edit]
My China -- Jo Pete, Sun, 11 Oct 2009, 9:49:42 (vc-41-26-203-163.umts.vodacom.co.za/41.26.203.163)
Yo BT. Call my lank china JIMBO(TOT) a poofter at your peril. What I know is that, since going to Oz, he has proliferated better than a rabbit.
[Edit]
Jimbo -- John w, Sat, 10 Oct 2009, 9:40:06 (NoHost/120.152.130.245)
Despite Jimbo being gay, he's a bloody good bloke,and it's his business.
[Edit]
. -- Ray, Sat, 10 Oct 2009, 8:21:04 (adsl-75-56-198-28.dsl.lsan03.sbcglobal.net/75.56.198.28)
Jimbo, the fake is even using my name now. He is yet to realize what huge trouble he is in, if he does he will gladly change positions with the Saudi that got sentenced to 1000 lashes.
[Edit]
Voss Inn wanker... -- AKA Hank the Wanker, Sat, 10 Oct 2009, 0:58:42 (21Cust11.tnt1.toronto.on.da.uu.net/216.95.14.11)
The real Hank can be reached at the Voss Inn in faraway Bozeman, Montana. The real Hank is a decent and wise chap and wouldn't dream of calling Jimbo a fruit. Calling Jimbo a fruit would be taking one's life in one's hands, and not even our Voss Inn wanker is as glaiket as that.
[Edit]
Real Jimbo -- Ray (Men loving Men), Fri, 09 Oct 2009, 7:11:28 (NoHost/120.152.209.70)
Real Jimbo, Real poofter more like it.
[Edit]
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