- for those dealing with what you think others think -- col, 20:57:17 05/18/13 Sat
Today I attended a drum recital for my niece. I sat next to one of my sisters. This sister is studying for her Master's in Social Services and doesn't have a lot of empathy - which I thought was a very strange career choice for her. I, personally, wouldn't want her assigned to my case. I love her as a sister, but when I told her about the email account I found that my now ex had used to pick up men with, the under aged online profiles he had and had plus a 1 year old and was pregnant with number 2, balling hysterically because he had taken away our shared computer and went to her house to use her computer because I was desperately looking for a job with the terrible economy at the time so I could financially get out of the situation - the only thing she said after listening to me was 'col, just leave him, you'll get over it, you're strong'. If you knew me, I don't spill my guts to just anyone and I'm actually quite a private person. In a big picture, yes, she was right, but getting by day to day and with all the pressures I had and all the shit that was going on, she was dead wrong and said the wrong thing at the wrong time. This girl is way more book smart than street smart and has a hot temper that is waiting to explode as she is super sensitive too - so that's how I allow these things she says to roll off my back - but I'm still shocked with some of her reactions, or nonreactions, as she gets older. I have never said anything else about what happened or what I've been going through because she doesn't get it and I don't emotional support so why bother.
So, sitting next to her at this cool drum recital. One of the teacher's introduces one of her male students as so&so and his rocker name, that he's into this and that and since he's 15, he's probably into girls. I said under my breathe, 'you can never be so sure about that, why would she even assume that'. My sister looked at me out of the corner of her eye, changed her body posture, thus changing her energy and man-o-man, you could feel that energy, which soon became a thick wall between us.
The first thing I thought about was how concerned I was for what I said and that I was upset with myself because maybe I said it too loud because she heard and how was I going to make it up to her so she wouldn't be upset with me. The I said to myself WAIT A FUCKING SECOND, COL. I have every right to say that. What the teacher said was stupid and assuming and that I have every right to say what I feel and what I think - especially what I have been through and what I've learned and the new world I've been forced to see and learn about subcultures I didn't know existed. I'm posting this because there have been some many posts lately talking about what other people think of them or should they be concerned how their soon to be ex feels, or the feeling of other family members and friends. We usually forget this happened to us.
I'm not a victim, I'm not a martyr - I want you to know you have every right to your feelings, you have every right to say something. You have a say in all of this. You have every right to take the time to think about what you want. The best directions usually don't come overnight.
I didn't apologize to my sister. I didn't bring it up. I waited for that energy to die down. I wouldn't have changed what I said. I meant what I said.
These situations, I have found, have made new riffs, boundaries, whatever you want to call them with my family members and friends. Some friends I've had to let go of. Some family members I'm not so close with anymore. All of this is ok - I had to grow, move to another level, find my new place with all the crap so I can find a new me again. Maybe there will be a time where I can renew these relationships again with a new me - but I don't dwell on it.
I just wanted those of you who are dealing with these types of situations and relationships - that you need to do what you need for yourself. You have been through a major event. It's turned your life upside down. You need to surround yourself with people who will listen, give you emotional support and help you rebuild yourself in a positive and healthy way. This may be a couple or just a handful of people - that's all you need. Time will heal you. That is fact. Keep moving forward. The dark days - you'll have them? Take a time out and just be and know you are just 'off' for a bit. Wake up the next day and do something different.
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- Hmmmm, sounds fishy -- BMary, 22:18:35 05/16/13 Thu
Isn't amazing how some folks after being betrayed and lied to for decades can get over it within a couple of months and then become cheerleaders for "I forgave him/her and I'm so happy now. Really? When I read that nonsense I just want to stick my fingers down my throat and throw up and laugh at the same time. Sounds fishy.
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- Re: Hmmmm, sounds fishy -- Tracy, 22:56:57 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Hmmmm, sounds fishy -- megan (agreed), 23:05:42 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Hmmmm, sounds fishy -- Patricia, 23:34:04 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Hmmmm, sounds fishy -- CG (D E N I A L !), 00:13:09 05/17/13 Fri
- Re: Hmmmm, sounds fishy -- Sandy, 00:16:41 05/17/13 Fri
- Something else that occurs to me -- Sandy, 01:46:20 05/17/13 Fri
- Re: Hmmmm, sounds fishy -- Daphne, 09:06:23 05/17/13 Fri
- Re: Hmmmm, sounds fishy -- Bryan, 16:22:21 05/17/13 Fri
- Re: Hmmmm, sounds fishy -- CG (Correct me if I'm wrong), 19:05:22 05/18/13 Sat
- Craig's List -- BMary, 22:00:40 05/18/13 Sat
Several years ago an acquaintance told me if I wanted to know what men who are looking for men find on Craig's list I should check it out, so I went on my computer to take a look. I guess men and women are different because all I saw were penises and butts. I was shocked and grossed out.
Then two or three years back when Craig's list murder story was everywhere I read that Craig's list had cleaned up their act. Yesterday I decided to check out the new change -- nothing has changed - saw pics of penises and butts.
Think about it. Those of us who unknowingly married gay men the pictures I saw tells volumes about guys looking for hookups -- how gross is that and it sure doesn't look like these folks are even remotely thinking about disease.
I assume most gay men are not that disgusting and promiscuous but our ex closeted husbands sure are.
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- TRUE LOVE SPELL -- JULIE, 09:31:03 05/18/13 Sat
I am Julie From Canada,Now I strongly believe in the saying that what a man can do a woman can do better,I was looking for love spell to bring back my EX for the past 24month's and i tried over 4 spell caster from Africa and non was able to get my Ex back until I get in-contact with MAMA ANITA who did what I called Black magic.and now my EX has fully return back to me and there is more romance in my relationship please if any one have suffer from the hand of spell caster's and he or she is looking for love spell then MAMA ANITA is the solution to your problem you can reach her at this Email ID.....mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com
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- The Hard Realities of Make-Believe -- randee (reality versus make believe), 16:29:10 05/18/13 Sat
Moving on, dealing with reality, get over it, what ever we want to call it, dealing with the afters of finding out the person you love is a figment of the gay persons idea of what a straight person is. Even writing this I see how confusing I sound. Try explaining this to the real people around you, your friends, relatives and seeing the blank looks, the judgment in their words towards me as I try not to scream at them.because if he was dead others would understand why its taking me awhile to get okay with all this. In reality he has died, but what sucks, is I fell in love and married . but what I married was nothing but smoke and mirrors, it was like I married a paper doll. a mannequin something that this Gay man thought a straight man should be. So what I am grieving is a Man that never really was. Wrap your head around that. how can I miss someone that wasn't real. A make believe person . but I lived in make believe for 30 years ... and I have a real son ,my son isn't made up. do you see a fucked up this is in my head. this man named David, that I was married to, today is the ugliest Despicable Man I know. it's like living nightmare. and I'm just trying to get my head wrapped around all of this, and I just hope I can do it.
I don't want to be with my ex, I know he and I have no future, I am upset that others mistake my grief over this situation as me wishing for my ex back. I know it is ugly to think this in my head, but sometimes I think that if my ex had died, others would understand my grief today. Understand why 14 months later I sometimes cry, feel depressed or anger. Why I am not ready to return the love that a new man has given to me. I don't want a lover, a new man, not today, maybe in my future. Don't be so upset and angry at me for this. I want everything in my life to be real, I won't pretend love to anyone to keep that person with me. I want a friend. I just am tired of trying to make others understand something in me, it is hard because I am trying to understand it all myself, I use words trying to explain that come out maybe wrong. I hear the judgment and the insults in others voices and I get angry because they want from me something that I can't give . I don't want to have something that isn't real ever again. I don't want to lead anyone on, myself included into anything unless it is real. I do love. But today I want a friend. maybe it is make believe on my part to expect a man to be a friend. I am scared if I say nice things back when a man talks love, that then it will lead to sex, sex for love, and then I don't want sex. I do love yet I don't want sex , I don't feel like sex. I don't want sex with ANYONE. I want someone to cuddle me, baby me, understand that I am hurt, I also know that no one can cuddle me, baby me, or understand my hurt, and that I have to cuddle myself, baby myself, and I understand my hurt, and this is what I am today , this is me moving on.
.
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- I'm the giving tree! -- Daphne, 21:20:57 05/17/13 Fri
As I was packing up our sons room today, I came across the book "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein. Have you ever read it? It's a terrible children's book about a tree that gives and gives and gives to a boy she loves. The boy only comes when he needs something. At the end, the boy cuts down the tree and then sits on her as the stump.
I feel like the damn giving tree! He keeps taking and I keep giving! I will NOT be a stump. He will NOT cut me down any more!
I can do this. One day at a time. Please tell me I can do this.
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- Wrong, Right...is there such a thing -- Tracy, 20:04:40 05/17/13 Fri
Today after encouraging my ex to go be with his family, forgetting about child support for now while he goes to be with his dying grandfather, I find out he's made plans to be with this guy he's been chatting and being emotionally connecting with. I decided that I need to disconnect from him, from his family, who I considered my family and have been quite close to. I basically texted and said goodbye to him, he responds with ??? His mother texted and said I can't believe you would do this right now. I can understand her anger, because she's going through a lot what with her son coming out, her dad dying, basically losing a daughter in law that she was friends and close with...I explained why I had to do this and just hoped she'd understand. But I just feel like I needed to let her go. I feel that she needs to focus on her family, her son, etc and not try to save everyone. Maybe I am the bad person for doing this now, but I know my intentions.
This is just the worse pain I've ever had to go through and I've been through quite a damn bit in this life of mine. I just feel guilty now.
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- My Story - 6 Months Later! -- Nick (Sad and Confused), 18:57:33 05/17/13 Fri
Hi guys,
I’ve been reading messages from this group for a few months, but just now got the courage to post my story. It’s been a tough road of heartache, frustration, embarrassment, and confusion.
My wife came out to me 6 months ago (November), on our 6th wedding anniversary. She didn’t intend to tell me on that day, but that’s when I was able to finally drag it out of her (things had not been so good between us for the previous few months). She also disclosed that she had an affair with someone ten years younger than her - an 18 year old college student who she and I both previously coached in high school (I am a volunteer track coach) - and that she really loves this girl, and has no interest in staying married.
My initial reaction to her disclosure was shock and numbness. I still loved her, and as a guy, wanted to figure out what went wrong and try to “fix it” if at all possible. I insisted that we take things slowly, not making any big decisions, and that we try talking to our priest and going to couples counseling. She hesitantly agreed to both, but on the premise of helping me to understand and accept her, not with any goals of trying to see if we could stay married. Because she had already made up her mind about who she is, how she feels, and what she wants, the few counseling sessions we went to together didn’t result in any positive progress. I realized that there is nothing I could do to help her or change her or fix her, and that I don’t have any control over her (or the situation). After I realized that she was continuing to move in a direction away from me and our marriage, we decided to move into separate places this past March, to stop the constant feelings of frustration and resentment.
The last few months have had lots of ups and downs. It’s been very difficult, because we are both 2,000 miles away from our families, and I don’t have any really close friends in the area. She was (is) my family, and we’ve been through so much together and have had to lean on each other quite a bit over the years. It is incredibly difficult to lose someone who I was so close to, and to lose something that I thought was the most stable thing in my life. Because we still coach together (1-2 days per week), I have motivation to stay on good terms with her, which I have, although it’s been difficult. I definitely still love her and care about her, and also feel compassion for what she went through, but I also feel very betrayed, angry, confused, depressed, etc. etc. Very conflicting emotions.
One of the hardest things to deal with has been my loss of identity and self-esteem. She is the only person who I’ve ever been with romantically (partially by choice for religious reasons, plus I was just shy as a kid), and I gained a lot of confidence through being married and doing things “the right way.” Now I feel like that was false confidence. I feel like the only woman that has wanted me sexually doesn’t want me anymore. It makes me feel very undesirable to women, and makes me fear that I’ll never have a romantic relationship with a woman again. I also think I’ve strained so hard to try to understand her and how she could be gay, that I’ve become obsessed with homosexuality to the point where I feel insecure about my own sexuality. In my insecurity, I think I tend to look at other guys with admiration (“they look cool and attractive, why I I not like that”) and then get paranoid that I am checking out guys. Then I picture myself in a gay situation just to make sure I don’t like it, and then I get paranoid that I’m even thinking about stuff like that. It's very weird. Does that sound crazy? I feel like that this paranoia comes and goes and is directly related to my anxiety and stress levels. It’s not cool though, cause I’ve never felt so lost or vulnerable before.
I have a decent support network that I’ve been talking to on and off: my parents, siblings, a few friends, my priest, a guy from the SSN, and I am working on getting a new counselor. I go through phases of feeling ok, and then feeling incredible grief, anxiety, and depression. Sometimes I work hard at trying to heal and do therapeutic things, but then sometimes I’m just so exhausted with it and want to be done. I’ve also been trying to stay busy, meet new people, try new activities, etc. and I’ve actually been doing a pretty good job. (I’ve taken up rock climbing and road cycling). The reality of the situation still always hits hard once in a while though, and there's still a lot of uncertainty in several aspects of my life.
Does anyone have any positive advice to offer at this point? Can you tell me something to make me feel better?! Thanks!
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- Do they know -- Ang, 22:54:13 05/17/13 Fri
Do they realize what they are giving up? Does it even occur to them? Their home, family, finances, their future. All to have sex with men. Do they care that they have hurt the people who loved them the most to "find themselves". All of this miserableness, the separation has been for him and he's not happy. It'll take some time it's a big adjustment he says, and even though he's miserable and lonely it still feels more right to be gay than to be hetero and with me.
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- To my X-Husband -- Just found this on Craigslist LMAO, 15:04:41 05/16/13 Thu
Dear ex-husband...I would like to clear up some of the lies and mis-information you have been feeding people since you have discovered Facebook and attended your recent high school reunion:
1) I did not "cheat on you" and cause the breakup of our marriage. We had been separated for the better part of a year, and I had already filed divorce papers. Even before we were separated, we had sex MAYBE once or twice a month for 3 years (BAD sex at that). I did "have an itch", as I have seen you put it, and since you weren't scratching it, I called up my old fuck-buddy and he took care of business. BTW, he had no problem at all cumming from oral...so fuck you for making me think it was my problem when it was clearly yours.
2) Thank you for blaming all your social shortcomings on me. You have told multiple people that I never wanted to hang out with any of your friends, and that's why you had lost contact with them over the years. Bullshit. You are just cheap and no fun. If it involved travel, money, or staying out past 7:00pm, then you weren't interested. You also didn't like having people over to our house because we would have to feed them (which costs money) and most of them have kids (which you hate...funny, you're a TEACHER).
3) You told one ex-girlfriend that after we got married, I "turned into Martha Stewart". Yes, asking you to pick up your own dirty clothes, Diet Pepsi cans, and bath towels and put them in their proper places was TOTALLY batshit crazy of me. How dare I want to live in a semi-respectable home and not a trash heap.
4) I will let you continue to tell people I am remarried to "some geek I met on the internet", as that is completely true. However, you should also tell them that he is goddamn AMAZING in bed. Just this morning I woke up to him gently massaging my ass; before I knew it he was pulling my hair as I was gagging on his fat cock. You can fill in the blanks as to what happened next...oh wait, no you can't, because all you know how to do is a couple thrusts in the missionary position before your tiny, weird-looking little penis dribbles out its contents. And for the love of God (since you can't seem to figure it out on your own OR from my guidance), watch some porn and learn how to locate the clitoris.
5) Go ahead and crow to everyone how you "got to keep the house". Just so we're clear, I LET you keep the house, and I better not find out that I'm still on the mortgage. You were supposed to take care of that 8 weeks after our divorce was finalized. I let you slide last year when I found out I was still on there and gave you extra time to take care of it (even though it should have been done in 2006). If I'm still on that loan, then I'm calling my lawyer.
6) You have conveniently neglected to tell all of these people that you are gay. You can keep telling yourself that you're straight, but anyone who likes to let men suck his dick AND reciprocates is, in fact, homosexual. Thanks for letting me find out that little tidbit after we got married instead of before, cocksucker. And don't EVEN try to say you're bi, because you made it evident to me over the years that you hate tits and vagina. I love me some gay men, but I didn't want to be married to one.
7) You mentioned that I hated spending time with your family...completely true. They were weird as hell, and still are for all I know.
So I guess that ends my rant. If you want to tell your friends anything else about me, then tell them I'm very happy with my internet-geek husband and new, normal, sane in-laws. Just so you know, this is the only place I have talked trash about you since our divorce. If telling people all that shit about me makes you feel better, then more power to you. I just better be off that mortgage, or else you will have some really good stories to tell.
P.S.-change your passwords, stupid.
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- I Gave Him 26 Years Of My Life -- Sissy (Numb), 19:11:17 05/15/13 Wed
After 26 years, I have found out that my husband is having sex with men . . . in the woods (gay cruising area), in vehicles, in various apts and houses, with strangers. I confronted him and he admitted it, but couldn't possibly deny being gay any stronger than he does. In fact, he says he isn't even attracted to men, and that while he enjoys the encounters, he feels nothing but shame afterwards. This in spite of the fact that he goes cruising sometimes twice a day . . . sometimes in the snow . . . and sometimes in the dark. Sometimes there are 3 of them having sex together. He absolutely denies ever giving or receiving anal sex. Every time we talk, a little more of the truth comes out, and I keep getting angrier and angrier at his continuing to lie. That's like rubbing salt in a wound! And he wants to stay together. He says he loves me and wishes I had found out a long time ago because he really wanted to stop but just couldn't help himself . . . but now he says he WILL be able to. I think he's fooling himself. Oh, we didn't have sex for 13 years until about 5 months ago. He always said he wanted to have sex with me, that he found me attractive, but didn't know why he didn't. And the sex we started having recently WAS good, although he had problems getting and/or maintaining an erection. Of course I no longer have sex with him and have to go get tested for all the STDs, etc. ANYWAY . . . neither of us can afford to live on our own. He wants to live downstairs in our house and me to live upstairs.
I'm so tired of talking, crying, and listening to his lies. I'm mourning the loss of those 26 years and trying to pick myself up off the floor. And I don't want to let him ruin any more of my life than he already has. So please talk to me!
Is he gay? And what do you think about living in the same house on separate floors?
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- How do they pick-up. .. -- curious wife, 15:47:41 05/15/13 Wed
What are the ways the guys pick eachother up...I mean like face to face.
Do they have some certain lines?
A look?
Hand gesture?
I've for obvious reasons been paying attention to husband, he doesn't use internet but there are tons of guys where he works...so is there certain wordings to look out for?
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- damn there goes a perfectly good melon! -- GuestNMN (Angry, and Sad that I smashed), 17:27:38 05/17/13 Fri
I got so ticked off again, I thought I was doing okay with it all and coming totearms with it...but somethung just set me off after my hhusband came home. I was in the middle of washing a honey dew melon when angry just rushed and surged. ..I don't think I've ever been that mad before, I caught myself from throwing it at his face and ended up smashing it on the ground. And then I screamed at him so loud about how much I hate him, I'm sure that you could of all heard me from where ever your reading this from, i was soo mad and yelling so hard i almost threwup. The only two parts I regret about it is that my kids happened to be home, and I ruined a perfectly ripe Honey Dew melon!!
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- Husband told me he is transgendered -- Leslie Connell (angry still), 17:57:47 04/10/13 Wed
Well it has been almost six months since the man who used to be my husband came out to me. I am still really angry and struggle with this everyday. I am angry because I invested thirty, yes 30 years in this relationship. I have been unhappy for quite sometime and didn't know why I was being rejected emotionally and physically. The hardest part is that he lied to me our whole marriage. Of course if he had been honest, we would not have been married past the words "I am a woman" as i am not attracted to women. He thinks that I should just become a lesbian so that we can stay together, how can he expect this from me. I feel like he sees me as an object not a person. He has no understanding of what i am going through or desire to understand. I don't understand his deception, even now he hides his communications, drinking, etc. For what purpose, don't i already know the worst of it? Apparently there is more to hide even when i was trying to be supportive like got to the wig appt, look for makeup, etc. He did not appreciate or acknowledge my efforts and characterized them as "nice gestures" so he is now on his own. Right now I really hate him, really really hate him. I have been seeing a psych to help with that but everytime i have to communicate with him, it just pisses me off. He trys to only do it by text but even HIS psych told him not to do that because the meaning gets lost. So i told him to call or in person. I also told him that he is a person i don't know so he can't talk to me like my friend or my girlfriend. So then its stupid chitchat or the psycho babble crap like, "it checks all the boxes for me" or "they say that people don't end up where they think they will end up." No actual information so now i don't even what to talk to him at all. I can't wait for the divorce to be final so i can get out of here. I have no sympathy or kindness left, all i think about is how it will effect my grown children, especially the youngest who recently repeated that she is daddy's little girl. Yes they are grown but now they get to have the foundation of their lives ripped out from under them. And i will have explain something i can't explain.
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- Go Find Another Fool! -- --- (*venting*), 17:43:47 05/17/13 Fri
So--I recently found out my GID-XH has a new love interest and of course (since he is still in denial) it is with another woman. It makes me so angry that he is just living a lie (la-de-da), and going to "possibly" destroy another woman's self-esteem and life. Grrrr.
So in my powerlessness of the situation, I wrote a laundry list of the things the NEXT victim will be up against.
Poor girl. If she is smart she will run earlier than I did.
I don't know WHAT I was thinking!!!
The next woman XH is with will have to discover and deal with his:
SSA (same sex attraction)
drinking
porn addiction--she-males!?
smoking
moodiness
depression
Dad
silent treatments
bad table manners
digestion issues
adult cartoons
illegal internet downloading
illegal drug use
erectile dysfunction
bad kissing-short tongue
lies
absence
money mismanagement
debt
bad credit
unhealthy eating habits
restless legs
cussing
beer belly
unruly facial hair
balding
yellow teeth
past infidelities (hah, if he even admits them)
jealousy
anger/temper
lack of motivation (unless it suits himself)
poor cooking
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- excuse me while I scream -- lily, 19:18:35 05/16/13 Thu
imagine a big blank white space here - that's me screaming.
That's better. Needed to do that.
I know a big white space is not a lot of information but someone needs to hear it and my solution to the moment is to keep my cool, and so I thank you for being here making that possible - I really needed to do that. My cat is now much happier.
all the best everyone. oh yeah I do have one thought of the day, well yesterday it was and that is I am not addicted to a toxic substance. Emotionally speaking I ate a poisoned apple - it was not the poison that attracted me or have ever became addicted to, far from it - it was the apple and that is just the way it is.
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- Need Some help -- Amber Richardsen (confused), 14:23:19 05/16/13 Thu
I just recently found out that my has had an encounter with a man that he met on craigslist. No I didnt find the evidence, he just came out and told me about it. I also found out he had another encounter with a mail years before we were married while drunk. I am so confused, because I dont know what to think. Is my husband gay? Bi?. I am so confused
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- Question: Did their "Type" Matter? -- Latinon, 07:08:00 05/13/13 Mon
Hey guys,
This question popped up in the back of my head a couple of weeks ago, and I want to do research this a bit more if you give me your inputs.
You probably know that most lesbians fall into two types: the butches and the femmes. You would instantly identify the former on every college campus (or anywhere) because they are just too stereotypical. Now, the latter "type" is not that obvious. You would only know they were "that" when you see them hanging out with the butch-type girls. This latter type remains somewhat of a real mystery to me, for instance.
The reason why I am asking this question is because I see that a lot of straight spouses wish they had known about it, they had seen it earlier, and/or wish that others would have told them, etc., etc.
So I want to ask the straight husbands whether they ever noticed how their lesbian wives "fall" or "progress" into one of those two behavioral categories. In your opinion, was one type more easily identifiable than the other? Did this even matter to you? Was one type more problematic than the other in terms of honesty, trust and willingness to keep the mixed orientation marriage going? If your marriage is over, are you able to "classify" your ex-wife now?
And roughly the same binary classification (tops vs. bottoms; givers vs. receivers) is found among gay men. In this case, the most feminine guys ("the flamers" as we called them in college) are the ones that are the easiest to identify. Given the casual attitudes towards sex among most gay men, these preferences are usually stated upfront in a very explicit way.
The questions for the straight wives are the same: Have you ever notice how your gay husbands "fall" or "progress" into one of those two behavioral categories? In your opinion, was one type more easily identifiable than the other? Did this even matter to you? Was one type more problematic than the other in terms of honesty, trust and willingness to keep the mixed orientation marriage going? If your marriage is over, are you able to "classify" your ex-husband now?
Thank you.
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- Tool Time -- col, 17:30:36 05/15/13 Wed
So - my ex. Still the closest gay guy / tool / narcissistic to the max, sociopath, mr. unaccountable, mr. irresponsible, yet everyone knows he is gay and he pretends not to be and is still furious with me because I found out and continues to 'punish' me in weird ways.
Have any of you dealt this this situation..... like I said above, he is still pissed at me for leaving him. I left him a few months after I found out and he asked me to be his cover and when I told him 'no' he was very upset and asked why wasn't enough that he came home to me and told me he loved me. About a week before i was to move out he asked me why I was leaving again and I told him he was gay or bi. He laughed and said 'I haven't been bi in a while'.
Right now, he won't show up for parent teacher conferences or dance recitals. I have stopped asking him why because he would always say that he didn't trust me. I find that so comical.
This is coming from the guy who for 3 years, would text me a rotten text message every week until last month I couldn't take it anymore and called the police. They called him after reading the history between us on the their end with the other crap that has gone on, and the policeman I spoke to said he would call him. That was 5 weeks ago and I haven't had a text or email since. THANK YOU MR. POLICEMAN!
So, this douche is punishing me, still blaming me for his actions and my children, although young, don't get his support for activities and classes they take. In my state, since I have the custodial parent, I have to inform him of lessons, recitals, parent teacher conferences, etc.
And the weird thing is this. He has another daughter in another state. When one of his friends was complaining he had to go to his daughter's parent teacher conferences and my ex said 'I would do anything to go to my daughter's' and he doesn't even go to the kids I have with him and we are 5 minutes from my child's school.
Is he just all smoke and mirrors? Is his nature gas lighting everyone all the time? Do any of you have an ex like this? What do you tell your children? I'm all about truth and fact, but do I need to cushion what I say to my kids?
My attorney tells me to keep letting him know of the events so I don't get in trouble and if he shows up, he shows up. When he acts like this, I feel like his web is still really sticky and I get stuck again - stuck in the mud with trying to move forward because he makes it so damn hard to coparent. Or maybe I need to look at it another way. I can't write this to him because he will turn it around, we'll never get to an agreement because he rewrites what I wrote and forms them into questions. So I continue to inform him them ignore him. Ugh.
Thanks in advance for your responses.
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- Am I the only one? -- Sandy, 21:13:55 05/15/13 Wed
I keep reading posts from people who say they are still in love with their gay spouse, still miss them, can't / don't want to let go. And people reply, that's normal.
I'm starting to feel like I'm not normal because it wasn't like that for me at all. The instant of discovery it was over for me. He's gay, I don't want to be with a gay guy. End of story. He lied to me about the most fundamental essence of his being, that's not somebody I can love. For all intents and purposes he is just a random stranger. We're cordial but I have no interest in him whatsoever.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who doesn't love and miss being in a relationship with a fictional character.
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Replies:
- Re: Am I the only one? -- jj, 21:22:06 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: Am I the only one? -- Steve, 21:32:31 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: Am I the only one? -- Daphne, 21:59:33 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: Am I the only one? -- Brandon, 22:17:44 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: Am I the only one? -- Bryan, 23:56:36 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: Am I the only one? -- Jess, 04:06:11 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Am I the only one? -- BMary, 12:18:01 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Am I the only one? -- DownSouthYall, 12:46:35 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Am I the only one? -- BMary, 15:08:22 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Am I the only one? -- col, 15:14:45 05/16/13 Thu
- pain -- Tracy, 21:45:36 05/15/13 Wed
I'm being pathetic people....someone help me please. I'm in s much pain!
I want my husband back, I do and I feel stupid for it. I just keep asking him if he's sure. Yes he's sure he's gay. His mom who I am close with, who is lesbian by the way, says that some decide to just live alone and not go towards gay relationships,some then decide that they want the security of marriage and learn to just accept to live in such a way. She said that I need to just learn what makes me happy and for her son to decide what he wants and whatever happens happens. UGH
He has told me he wants the divorce that he doesn't want to be married. Why can't I just let go, why am I punishing myself....Please somebody help me, the pain is unbearable.
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- ditto...... -- Sue, 23:38:53 05/15/13 Wed
has anyone here noticed that the posts here seem to comes in waves of the SAME DAMN THING or topic ???? I have. and weird. I don't need replies; its just I see it for what it is.
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- sodepressed -- so depressed (sad), 19:51:01 05/15/13 Wed
Hi I have been married 17 years and together with my husband 25 years. We started dating in High School and of course sex then was great and even after High School. While dating before marriage I broke up with him twice; because he partied too much and was not responsible. We ran into each other at night club and it seemed to me like he finally matured. He had a good job and had been there for awhile. Sowe started dating again. What can I say He was my High School sweetheart. We moved into together and shortly after got engaged. I knew something was wrong before we got married; I found gross
cucumbers in our bedroom and of course did not ask him about it. I was in total denial. We got married in 1995 and shortly after I got pregnant. I was so hapoy, until the day I found a video he made of himself and a blowup doll; I left that night and went back into denial and did not confront him. Its funny how we can block out reality to keep moving forward. How sick I am. So lets fast forward 15 years. 8/2011, I finally left and moved in with my cousin. Then fours month later we started dating again.. We moved in together this year in 2013. Since then I found gay porno on his phone and the internet browser found craiggslist personal search and bathhouse search. I showed him the searches he said someone hacked his computer. I didnt bother confronting him about gay porn. I have never asked him if hes gay, do you think I should? I am finally out of denial and know this marriage cannot be fixed after finding straight spouse support. I filed for divorce on April 10. He thinks our marriage can be fixed. I know it cant thanks to all of these post. It has helped me take my head out of the sand. But it is so hard I love him so much and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Why is this so hard. It doesnt matter what he does I still love him. I dont know if he has ever had sex with a man. But it doesnt matter. He will never be able to love me the way a husband should love his wife. Please pray for me to have courage and strength to go thru with this divorce. Do you think I should ask him if he is gay? Also he struggles with a drug addiction and I notice that is when he looks at the porn. He thinks I filed for divorce because of his drug problem which he admits is the cause to. I want a civil divorce and feel like if I ask him if he is gay he will get pissed and there will not be anything civil. Should I go to the grave with this? I know the truth so why bother asking.
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- Hey Nestle :) -- Steve (worried about you), 21:02:03 05/15/13 Wed
Could you please drop me a quick email so I can send you some encouragement / support. I'm feeling the need to care for a carer.
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