- was my ex bi-sexual or gay? -- lilly, 10:59:24 09/28/09 Mon
I’m wondering.... I wonder if that is why there was a lack of intimacy in the 10-month relationship. I have read where other people have stated that their significant other was very loving and emotionally available at the beginning of the relationship...but as soon as the woman starts to love the man, he withdraws.
I figured it was stress at work that made him treat me less than a priority.
These are the signs that I looked at:
-He tried to move really quickly emotionally and physically in the beginning. But seemed unsure of him at the same time.
-I learned that he did not have a relationship with a woman until he was in his 20's... and said he did not even think about women as a teen.
-after ejaculating on my chest he once put his mouth and tongue on his ejaculation. I was caught off guard and did not really enjoy this... but I acted cool with it. He never did it again.
-He started losing erections 4-5 months into the relationship for no reason I understood.
-he would not make a lot of eye contact when talking with gay men.
-Sex started becoming less and less ( 1-2 week - sometimes none). On vacation we would have sex maybe once. He was not intimate with me.
-I initiating most of the sex.
-He never cuddled me or made out with me... even though I asked him about it.
-Kissing was always quick like a pop-kiss.
-He stopped performing oral sex on me. when I asked him about it- he said he did not enjoy doing that. It was a 4 out of a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best).
-He called my vagina "repulsive" one time when I was playing with it and stretched it funny. Then tried to do damage control by being nice/ cuddly and playful (something he did not do other times)
-He said that the scent of a woman’s vagina would at best always be tolerable.
-When I asked him why he did not go down on me anymore he said he did not have the same feelings of me as he use to because I was not into him that much in the beginning.
Are these signs that he was gay? I would like to know so I don't get into one of these again.
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- My Son's Father -- Jeannie (So Confused), 20:08:56 09/28/09 Mon
I don't really know where to start this email. I just came across this group on a google search. I'm sitting here with a horrid migraine from crying for 2 days so i will try and keep this coherent.
i met my so a little over 3.5 years ago. He was the most amazing man i have ever met, he brought me flowers, he wined and dined me... i felt special to him. The sex was never "great" ... he had issues with impotence (he said because he has diabetes) but he always made up for it in other ways (foreplay, etc). About 2 months into our relationship he told me he loved me... it seemed rushed but i adored this man and was definitely falling for him. Once i told him i loved him it seemed like things went downhill. We worked together at a restaurant and i would catch him flirting with other women, when pressed he would say i was paranoid or crazy. That he loved me and that was what mattered. We moved in together a few months later and that is when it got so much worse. I was paranoid about other women and began snooping... i would find porn all the time... he explained he needed to jerk off every day but yet he rarely wanted to have sex with me. None of the porn was gay porn... mostly younger women and anal.
I had 2 gay friends come into town and they were staying with me... this seemed to make him uncomfortable even though he never seemed homophobic and in fact had gay friends at work... though he will do the stereotypical "gay mimic" .. high voice, lisp, etc... but then he'll say it's just for fun... he does it mostly around his gay friends at work and they find it funny... i digress... my 2 gay friends and i were in my apartment while he was at work and they both looked at me and told me "your man is gay" .. i obviously didn't believe them... i mean, he watches porn all the time, i constantly worry about other women... but gay?
As our relationship continued the physical relationship deteriorated to the point where i felt like i had to beg for sex only to be told he didn't have a high sex drive... then i'd find porn. It was so hurtful, i felt and still feel like there is something wrong with me... why can't i keep his attention?
Sometime towards the end of our first year together we were on the outs... fighting all the time etc... but we did have sex once that month and i ended up conceiving our son. He seemed shocked but happy that we were expecting. Though he didn't seem nearly as happy as i would think as he always said he wanted more (he has 2 to his ex-wife). About 2 weeks into my preg i found out he was having phone/email/text sex with a girl customer at the restaurant... i was suspicious because he behavior had gotten increasingly more volatile... getting mad at me for everything under the son, violent outburts to the point that he hit me when i confronted him about the other woman. I was told i pushed him to it with my constant nagging... but i only nagged about not being kissed, touched, wanted... i didn't and don't understand this. When we did have sex he started expressing to me that he wanted to explore anal... not on me but on him. i'm embarrassed to say i was willing to do anything to make this man happy. It was the first time he ever truly got hard. he seemed very satisfied with things then... sex became slightly more frequent, the talking to other women stopped (i kept snooping just in case)... things were ok (i guess)
we ended up staying together... i was pregnant and very scared and i didn't want to be a single mom... that was a year and a half ago. My son is now 18 months old and we have been broken up for about 4 months. i threw him out when he decided to smack me across the face again because i said something that made him mad (nothing important just stupid random stuff like i couldn't find a bra when i was getting ready for work and that was somehow me blaming him for moving it... which still makes no sense)
We obviously still talk because of our son and the last four months i have been snooping more than i should... he keeps talking to women all the time. Meeting them online and telling them he loves them without meeting them and only exchanging a few emails... it was none of my business and i just ignored things.
Recently... since the beginning of august we have been spending a lot more time together... spending time with our son, doing things together etc... a few weeks ago we ended up in bed together and it was wonderful... i thought maybe things had changed. We have been seeing each other and hanging out.. not really defining anything just... i dunno...
anyway... yesterday we were standing in the kitchen and he told me he loved me and something in me just rebelled... i didn't say anything and just hugged him back. When he went to get a shower i grabbed his phone... he has an iphone so the internet history... all porn.... didn't get to check what kind cause i was in a hurry. checked his email... there were emails from women but then to my shock... emails to men. Asking men to punish him. Telling this one man all kinds of stuff... i heard the water go off... jotted down the one email i saw the most and turned off the phone.
Yesterday i yahoo messaged this man and he told me they have been sleeping together for a while. That he hasn't talked to him in about 3 weeks (that's when we slept together again)... this man told me they didn't use protection and that he knows my so has been sleeping with other men unprotected.
Last night i confronted him and he says it's a lie. He told me that he was talking to men. That he did talk to this guy very intimately but that when the guy brought up meeting in person he stopped talking to him. He says that he was lonely and needed someone to talk to... that it was something to fantasies about but that he doesn't want to be with a man...
he keeps telling me how much he loves me and wants our family. I don't know what the hell to do. I love this man despite everything but i can't be with someone who is gay! It isn't fair to me, i deserve to be loved with all someone's heart not just because it isn't accepted...
he keeps telling me over and over that he isn't gay but how do i believe that? Should i believe that? Someone please help!
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- I need to say good bye and thank you. -- Dani (sad, apprehensive, but hopeful), 18:40:28 09/30/09 Wed
I stopped in here looking for support for my Wife. She has now found her way here and has started to read and post a bit. I don't think she can say what she needs to say if she is worried that I might read it. She stuffs a lot of stuff inside rather than hurt me and that is not good. It may be merciful to me but it is harmful to her and honestly I don't deserve the mercy. At least no where near as much as she deserves the release and help.
So I am going to run off and let her be free to say whatever it is she needs to say. Please treat her with the love, understanding and support she deserves. She really is a wonderful person and she deserves to be happy.
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- Bi in Bama -- Trey (Sad), 03:15:03 09/01/09 Tue
I first experimented with men in college. I had several relationships with women in college and one relationship with a man. In addition, I had several purely sexual encounters with men in college. Nearing my senior year, I had an ultra-religious conversion by which I came to believe that my homosexuality was demonic. I thought that through faithful service to God, I would overcome these feelings.
Shortly thereafter I met my future wife in the church. We were married when she was only 17. Before we married I told her that I had been with men in college but that I was sure that would never happen again. Can you guess where this is going? We have been married 8 years. Approximately 2 years ago we left the fundamentalist church. 8 months ago I had a random sexual encounter with a man...unprotected. I avoided sex with my wife afterwards for as long as possible then I started to use condoms until my 6 week HIV test came back negative.
Recently I have been dropping hints to my wife that I am still attracted to men. But most recently, the attraction has extended past pure sexual desire or gay pornography. I strongly desire a monogamous relationship with a man. This is a strange feeling for me. It makes me so sad to think of telling my wife that I no longer desire her sexually. However, what's the worst of all is we have a 2 year old son.
Part of me wants to try and beat down the feelings again, to hang in there as long as possible for my son...and for my wife because I do truly care for them both. But I don't know how much longer I can go on pretending. I really desire the love, touch, and companionship of a man. I don't know how to tell her...I love her so much. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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- You never hear this... -- Anon_13, 14:39:58 09/27/09 Sun
You know, I am sick of hearing the "poor them" speech about this topic. You know the one I am talking about. The one that starts out, "If only people were more accepting then maybe our spouse wouldn't have had to live a lie..."
Well, let me just tell a little story about something that you never hear. The story below is fictional to prove a point and doesn't reflect any particular person's situation. It goes a little something like this...
My husband and I have been married now for 10 years and have two little boys. I always thought we had a happy marriage until my husband suddenly started being very withdrawn. When I asked what was wrong he would never talk about it but I knew there was something and I wanted to help him. I also knew he spent a lot of time at night on the computer so while he was away one day I got in there and started looking around to see if I could find out what might be going on. I was shocked at what I found! He had been going to asian porn sites. Downloading asian porn. I even found some craigslist ads where he was trying to meet up with some asian women from our area!
When I confronted him about it he was very mad that I had been snooping, but after awhile we got to talking about it. He said he had always had a "thing" for asian women, but never had the opportunity to meet or date any. I was understandably angry at first but I was also sad. It's sad that my husband didn't have the opportunity to have pre-marital sex with an asian woman before he met me. I still love my husband but I can never be the woman that he really wants.
So, some of you are probably saying to yourselves, "That's not the same thing! An infatuation with someone else isn't the same as a same sex attraction." I say, why not? Why should this scenario be treated any differently than if our spouse cheated on us with a person of the opposite sex? Why should their infatuation with someone of the same sex be treated any differently than any other infidelity? My point is this. There was a promise made by both parties. A solemn covenant. A huge commitment, the promise of all promises. If a man cheats on his wife with another woman he is a sorry bastard. If he cheats on his wife with someone of the same sex, he is told that everything is OK. There is an entire community there with open arms saying, "it wasn't your fault, we understand." Really? Not their fault? By the way, I have nothing against asian people, no offense intended. Just using that as an example.
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- BICURIOUS HUSBAND - craigslisting and more -- Katie (overwhelmed), 02:33:33 09/24/09 Thu
My husband of 7 1/2 years has a major fantasy of being with another man. He has confided in me and shared all kinds of details. He told me that he has had this fantasy since early college days before me were married. I have strapped it on for him and done all kinds of things. He wants to bring a man into the bedroom with us. I have told him my feelings on this and I am not open to this option. Nevertheless, I have found evidence of him searching for guys on craigslist. He says he probably won't ever do anything, but I am scared. He told me he does not want to be in a relationship with a man because that would not fit his reputation. So I guess he wants casual sex with a man? We already reconciled our marriage 1 1/2 years ago after he had an affair with a woman. He says he loves me and I believe him. I have so many emotions right now and I want him to go to therapy with me. Not so that he will change his mind or anything. I feel that we need to work through some major issues. He refuses to go. I feel like I am stuck....
I wish someone could tell me the future as to if he is going to be with a man, leave me for a man, or more
I feel like I am being extremely calm about this. If I wanted to be with another man, he would freak.
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- don't know how to feel anymore -- Kathy (lost), 20:47:36 09/24/09 Thu
Well here it goes,
I've been with my boyfriend now for about a year and a half. I can honestly say that never in my life have I felt as strongly for anyone as I do him. So you can imagine the surprise I felt when he was finally able to come out and tell me that he's bi-sexual. Initially I was fine with it, I mean he's bi right? That doesn't mean he's full on gay or that he's going to leave me for a man. In fact he insists that he loves me more than anything. But ever since he told me I've felt this horrible pressure in my chest. I've been on the edge of a panic attack for the last three days. You see we live in Wyoming and our town doesn't make it easy to be gay and out. So he's never been able to act on his attraction to men. What if someday he decides that I'm not what he wants anymore?I now know that he looks at gay porn, so he's obviously interested in sleeping with a man. I want him to go out and experience this side of himself, if he doesn't it will tear him apart. But at the same time I don't think i can stay with him if he does this. I don't want to loose him because of my insecurities but I feel such a loss of trust. What if he says he wants to be with me but is hooking up with guys behind my back? At the same time that this doesn't change anything, it changes everything!!! Am i just his security blanket? I have so many questions but every time i try to talk to him about it i cant breathe and my pulse goes crazy. What are some good conversation openers and how can I tell him how i feel without making this any harder on either of us? I want to trust him, but i don't want to trap him either. I have no one here that I can talk to. Usually my mom is my rock, but he understandably doesn't want me to tell anyone, for sure NOT my parents. So now the weight is on both of us. Part of me wishes he had never said anything, that things could just go back to being the way they were. But I know that if he hadn't he would have just been lying to not only me but himself as well. So why doesn't that knowledge make this any easier? I am so scared.
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- Found boyfriend posting on craig'slist BI? GAY? -- Anne (Blown Away, but not surprised), 14:47:19 09/29/09 Tue
I have recently found the father of my son posting casual encounter adds on Craig's list to meet men. WE have a very good relationship (I thought)and are both very opened minded. This is not the first time this has happened. However, our situation is unique as in every-ones. We both have struggled very hard with Heroin addiction. WE have both been clean now for years though. During the height of our use we both incorporated the sex trade ( prostitution) as a way to make money. We were both very open about it. We were in San Fransisco at the time and men were his best clients. After we got clean we obviously stop working in that trade. I know that working in that trade for men can cause them to question their sexuality as well as possibly open them up to it. I am supportive of whatever he chooses, but am not o.k. with hiding it and lying. He says it is only to see if he is still desirable and nothing ever comes of it. However, I found very phonographic emails back and forth. I have never actually caught him meeting someone, but am almost sure it has taken place. I would like to take positive steps to resolve this. I would never want to be stuck in a relationship that felt fake and would not want that or him. On the other hand I feel as though the wind has been knocked out of me and my temperature is reaching a boiling point. When we discuss it he becomes angry and embarrassed which is typical for someone confused about coming out. I am however very angry and shocked that he has remained in a relationship sexually and emotionally. I feel that now the foundation of trust has been broken and I want out. I am not sure what to do and am feeling very betrayed, since he knows that I am in no way homophobic. We have transgender, gay, and etc.. in our groups of friends. In the end I personally struggle with Bi sexuality. I lean toward you are what you are and that typical phrase you can't have your cake and eat it to. I mean he dose not look at casual encounters with women and can maintain and enjoy sex with a women. I just am not sure if he is gay or struggling with the demons from are drug abuse. He had a hard time coming to grips with not being wanted by everyone he saw like when we were in San Fran. So I would like any advice on how to handle this situation. I mean it is hard to deny his gayness when he is posting adds on craigslist and spending a L O N G time at the store.
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- Im so sad. Will I ever feel better -- Sharon (sad Sharon), 20:48:53 09/05/09 Sat
Ivew just learned that my husband and best friend has been lying to me for 13 years and it hurts so much I think I may die of a broken heart. I have cried myself to sleep every night since I found out 3 months ago. I asked him to move out immediately and after two weeks of begging me for forgiveness he finally went. I've lost weight I can't sleep and am so ashamed have only told 2 of my closet friends. No one else knows why we broke up because I am so afraid my son will find out. He is only 12.
The thing is I first discovered he had gay tendancies when I was in the early stages of my pregnancy (13 years ago). Right from the start of our relationship I looked after the finances and one day many years ago I noticed a strange ATM withdrawal which was made many miles from home. When I queried this with my husband and after I pressed him for an explanation, he confessed that he had been with a male prostitute. He said he was sorry, he was curious and IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. He swore he was not gay.
I was devastatd we had only been together for 18 months or so, we were in the first flush of romance or so I thought. We had just bought a home together. I had sold my apartment to move in with him and as I said before I was pregnant which incidentally was his idea - as I already had a 5 year old child from my first marriage, he however was childless. But because I loved him and he really wanted a baby we started trying for a baby as soon as we moved into our new home.
I don't even remember much about the pregnancy as I was so devastated by my discovery. I didn't tell anyone and kept his secret for 13 years. You see I believed him when he said he wouldn't do it again. That was a lie and throughout our marriage he would stray, internet sites, phone sex sites etc. Every time I found out he would say how sorry he was, how he would never do it again, how he was just curious.
I know now that the marriage was doomed from the first time he slept with that man and I never forgot or forgave him for that. I didn;t trust him often checking his phone, bag, computer for clues.
Over the years our sex life became non existent. He was too tired, stressed, ill. I began to think there was something wrong with me and became a bit depressed.
At the end of last year after being a stay at home mom for 12 years I went back to work in an office. My job gave me confidence. For the first time in years I wasn't someone's wife or mum I was me. I got dressed up every day and went into town and was surprised when men started paying me attention and realised for the first time in years that I was actually sexually attractive. I even had a couple of complete strangers ask me out for dates. Meanwhile my husband completely ignored me sexually. Don't get me wrong I wanted for nothing. I had foreign vacations, lovely clothes, dinners in fancy restaurants. My husband was very kind to me and treated me like a queen and he was the best friend I ever had. However I just couldn't understand why he wasn't interested in me, why he didn't like so socialise with friends, why he always seemed so distant from time to time. Why he always seemed so lethargic and uninterested in our our family life.
Eventually about 3 months ago I confronted him and told him that I was unhappy and suspected that he was up to his old tricks again on the internet sites. NOTHING prepared me for the confession he made to me that morning. He told me that throughtout our marriage he had been having relationships with men who were dressed as women and couldn't help it. He was sorry. He loved me and wanted our marriage to work. He had been meeting up with these men in their homes and having sex with them and this was only 10% of who he was and the other 90% belonged to me and our son. I was physically sick. I couldn't believe it. When pressed he told me that he had had sex with one of these men as recently as the Spring of this year. No wonder he wasn't interested in me. Don't worry apart from when we were trying for the baby he always insisted we used condoms. I thought it was a bit odd but was to stupid to put 2 and 2 together.
So here I am. I've filed for divorce and I'm miserable. Not because I want him back but because my best friend lied, cheated and betrayed me and my son. All the kindness he showed me seems like a lie to keep his cover and assuage his guilt. I feel as though I was trapped into the relationship by the pregnancy I didn't really want (although I wouldn't be without by son for the world). I kept his secret for all those years and throughout that time he betrayed me. I feel as though I will NEVER get over this as it hurts so much.
He is constantly calling, emailing sending sms messages begging for forgiveness refusing to acknowledge that he is gay or at least bi sexual. He is using our son to get to me, keeps turning up at my house crying and begging. Sometimes his harassment is so intense that I begin to doubt my decision but I know I deserve better than this and he will never change and besides I don't want to be with him.
Please help.
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- Please help! Confused -- M, 15:43:57 09/25/09 Fri
Hello. I am so happy that I found this forum. I am so confused I don't know which way is up. I have been in a very long term relationship with a man. We are not married but live together. I haven known for many years that he is gay and his secrecy caused A LOT of mental anguish for me. I pretty much went off the deep end and was doing things that not only was I not proud of I hate to think about (snooping, lying and eventually alcohol and drugs). I certainly do not blame him for any of this and take full responsibility for my actions however I was in such denial it led me down roads that I NEVER thought I would go down. We separated and took a full year (without contact) so that I could get healthy again. I am doing great and he even went to therapy.
He is now open and honest with me about his sexuality and open with most people in his life. My problem and questioning lies in what to do now. We love each other (and in no way do I question his love for me). We have a VERY strong emotional connection and we are true companions. I don't know if this is enough. We are discussing options right now as to how to proceed. Do we stay in the relationship, attempt an open relationship or continue on as is...very little physical intimacy with him doing his "On line thing". I don't know if at 35 this is enough for me. When I told him last night that this was not going to work-more for him than for me he begged me not to leave him. I am so confused. PLEASE HELP. I dont feel like if we continue with this we will be being authentically ourselves. I have come too far in my recovery to hold myself down BUT I love him. Please tell me these conflicted feelings are normal. I am only 35. FAR too young to be in a relationship with one sided attraction. I think...?
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- my wife is questioning her sexuality -- Help me... (too many feelings), 15:16:12 09/15/09 Tue
My wife told me about a month ago she has been questioning her sexuality. we have been married for 6 years and together for 10. we have been together since high school and neither of us have dated anyone else. She has told me she has not acted on her feelings and i trust her. She has a lesbian friend that she has become close with over the past year. she doesnt want to hurt me or change our family. I have since day one tried to be as supportive as I can since there's not much else i can do. I however hurt all the time and she bottles everything up inside and never wants to talk to me about it. She has over the past few days started talking about suicide to me and her lesbian friend. I dont know what to do or who to turn to because she would be destroyed if i told anyone. I know she still loves me and I love her but I also know that she no longer wants me. Im so confused and hurt and have no one to turn to for help.
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- is my wife confused or not -- matt (i am so confused), 03:40:31 09/17/09 Thu
so 4 nights ago my wife had sex with a friend of hers. the intention was to make them both comfortable together and then I would join at a later date. Well the next day she said she has feeling for her, and always has. the following day she said she wants to be with her. A little background on Erin and I. We have been married for two years, been together for 5. We have two amazing boys, 4 and 1. they are our world. We had our issues, but who didn't. I have been in a bit of a funk since december when I got laid off. I am still laid off, on unemployment. I just enrolled in a technical school. It is a huge stress and a huge relief for us to do that.
So now back to her. Since sunday my wife has been ignoring me, and when she does talk to me she is angry with me. I can't express how I feel about this to her. And it has only gotten worse, She won't answer my phone calls, texts, or emails. She slept on the couch last night, she told me that it was right that she was in the same bed as me. I am SO hurt and confused. My only outlet is my father and stepmother and her mother. Who have helped me through all of this. Tonight she is at her house. She has decided to give up everything that we have for a women that she was just with 4 days ago. My world is upside down. I can't sleep or eat. I am struggling in school. she is obsessively calling her, texting her. To the point of her work is suffering. She is now saying that she in love with this girl and wants to spend the rest of her life with her. She has also stated that she has never been in love with me but she said the day before that she was in love with me. My wife is a intelligent women, she does massive research before she makes any decision. But a life altering choice like this only has taken her 2 days. And it is not only affect our life but the kids. Someone help. Is she really gay or is she just exploring. And these feelings she says she is having are they the newness and lust. My self or her mother, my father, and step mother don't understand her actions. They are totally out of character. Please feel free to email me. I want to save my marriage. I want to save my family.
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- Confused, Loney -- Fae Rowan (Angry/confused), 11:37:48 08/27/09 Thu
I think I posted this in the wrong place so I'm re-posting it. I can't seem to do anything right these days.
I’ve been married for 7 years. I’m more than two decades older than he is chronologically, but he seems far older than I am most of the time. I’ve known almost from the start that he was bi, gay or had a fetish for the big hair men they call Bears. Being bi myself I was stupid enough to think it was something we could work out. Wrong. To work things out you have to be honest with yourself and your partner. I was open to the inclusion of gay (Bear) porn and fantasy in our relationship and so was he at first and then he withdrew more and more until we had no intimacy left.
He was becoming mentally ill, possibly from the stress of repressing what and who he is. His family loathes gays and he was abused mentally and somewhat physically by all of them. He’s basically a big, sweet, gentle man with little capability to fight back and defend himself. I think in me he wanted the mother he never had and in him I wanted the feeling of safety he gave me physically and to feel cared for because my last two relationships were bleak emotionally. Neither of us got what we wanted.
He repressed his interest in Bears and pushed my away completely. He was fired from his job and hasn’t worked in over 3 years. He was finally diagnosed with panic disorder, something that is treatable and doesn’t usually stop you from working. He just never really tried to get another job. But he did open credit cards and ran us into bankruptcy last year. So I have a distant partner who I support, no credit rating and he managed to find a therapist who was possibly gay who blamed me for the whole thing…so he came back from the sessions verbally abusive. I wouldn’t tolerate it and told him to leave. He blackmailed me with the thought that he’d live in his parent’s basement and continue to get worse.
Last year when he did absolutely nothing for my birthday, I gave him a year to shape up. He could stay home and I would support him, but he had to work around the house and basically earn his keep. He had to grow up and heal and that was not optional. He either couldn’t or wouldn’t do that and the house became more and more dirty…I mean the black mold kind of dirty. When I cleaned on weekends he got angry with me as he felt he’d been working all week and didn’t want to work weekends too. He also resented the hell out of my gardening even though he said enjoyed the beauty of the flowers. Sex was not in the picture and hadn’t been for a couple of years. There was no reason for him to be here.
Last month he said one thing too many about the garden and cleaning out and out he went. He packed his car, took his two dogs and went to live in his mother’s basement. I’m still supporting him, but at least she’s feeding him. There are no jobs where they live and I don’t know who would hire him at this point. He’s an overweight emotional mess. I found a Bear couple who don’t live too far from him and got him to contact them to start exploring that side of himself.
He will be entering a world with a lot of support. I’m left in a world with none. I’m hurt, disappointed, angry, stressed and broke. Why can’t people be who they are, or at least be honest with themselves without taking it out on people they supposedly love? I’m alone again while I know that he will not be. I feel my life is over and wish I could just not wake up in the morning. If my dogs didn’t need me I would take a nice long swim in the ocean.
I know lots of people will be horrified by this statement, but this is my third relationship to end basically the same way. They tell me that I’m the kindest most loving person they know and then they turn and walk away. I feel broken somehow, but since people tell me I’m nice I don’t know how I’m broken so I don’t know what to fix. I’m getting old and am in constant pain from a chronic condition. I have a house, yard, garden and dogs to care for and ache all the time. Life has been like the fruit you bite into expecting sweetness and finding it to be sour. I can’t stop feeling like this and, yes, I do have a therapist. I don’t know why I’m writing this except to get it out. God Bless all you survivors out there.
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- Re: Confused, Loney -- p, 14:25:59 08/27/09 Thu
- Re: Confused, Loney -- ZZ, 23:41:18 08/27/09 Thu
- Re: Confused, Lonely -- Fae (Disgruntled), 08:46:14 08/28/09 Fri
- Re: Confused, Loney -- Jessica, 08:56:47 08/28/09 Fri
- Support -- What Support - if the spouse isn't straight? -- Fae (disgusted, sad, angry), 13:10:07 08/31/09 Mon
- My Fiance is Bi-sexual? -- Anne (Standing in the rain), 20:42:32 09/08/09 Tue
A couple days ago I did something bad, I snooped through my fiances email. In the sent files I found letters were he was soliciting via Crag's list for "discreet hook-ups" with men. These email stopped about the same time that we meet so as far as I know he hasn't cheated on me. I confronted him right away. He did not deny any of it and even told me that he was bi-sexual. Our situation is a little unique as for the fact that he is from an Asian culture and is here on a student visa. I know that when we were introduced by a mutual friend it was for the hope that we would hit it off and he would be able to get a green card. I have known this since the beginning and it doesn't bother me. our relationship is real and the feelings that we have for each other are as well, but now how can I really know whats the truth and what is real? He told me that he didn't feel that it was something that he could tell me. I can understand that, how do you tell the woman that you are with that you like sleeping with men also?
I have told him that it doesn't change how I feel about him, that I still love him and that I still want to be with him. and I do, but how can i know if I will be enough for him down the line? In ten years and a few kids he comes to me and has decided that he wants to be with a man? I know that is a possibility for even a straight couple, but are my chances increased because he is denying a part of himself?
I know that he feels re-leaved that I know now, but my heart is broken...am I wrong to feel that way? I know that this is something that in time that we can move past, but can it be forgotten? Should I? I love him, I want to say that I love him no matter what. this was something that happened before we meet, but it is who he is, right?
I have no one who I can talk to other than him, I could in no way tell my mother, who is the person I am closest with nor any of my friends. Please any advise on this would be so helpful. How do you heal from something like this? Do I even have a right to be hurt? I am so confused...
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- Confused and Fresh -- confused (confused), 15:53:18 09/14/09 Mon
I just caught my husband looking at gay porn and responding to gay craigslist ads for sexual encounters. He swears it was a curiosity because my son (his stepson) just informed us he thinks he is bi.
My husband shared pics of himself with his responses to these encounter reqeusts.
How do I believe that he is not gay and does not want to live that lifestyle?
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