- Hurt, Angry, Sad, So Many emotions..... -- Dee (Contented), 10:28:13 05/22/13 Wed
Hi, I've been married for almost two years now. things were great for the first six months until last January when there was a dramatic change in my soon to be ex husband. he started getting very secretive and stayed out late and worked all weekends(his job requires some travel on weekends.
anyway i soon found FB messages between him and a guy i thought was my friend but really wasn't. they were extremely sexual messages. i confronted him and he made up this crazy story that the messages were coming from another guy who was using his account and this later turned out to be a lie.
soon i started seeing sexual texts and BB messages on his phone between him and other guys. it got so bad that whenever we argued it was about that. i started waking up in the middle of the night to find him talking in whispers to some "friend." i was so hurt. this was the man i gave my love, myself and my virginity to "(we were members and very active leaders in our local church)- i was 21 when i married btw.
anyway, i contacted a counselor and he suggested that i go to live with my mother for a while until my husband could sort himself and his issues out. the counselor told me to separate after i found some very sexual convos between my husband and his men (turns out he was the female in the relationships). i was so disgusted, hurt, torn up, brokenhearted and pissed off.
anyway, while we were separated i foolishly thought he was staying to himself and sorting out his issues as he had only admitted to having sex once with a guy while he was away working and i said I'd forgive him. things got out of hand when i went there February 17, 2013. I'll never forget that date. that day i found out the following:
.my asshole of a hubby had been living with his boyfriend in my house
.he had been lying to me about getting help and counseling
.he had been having sex with men from before we got married
.he was flirting with another of my friends
.he was supposedly abused when he was younger
i was so done with him. what made it worse is he attacked me and i hit him back and then his bf tried to kill me with a large rock ( never realized how jealous homo males can be- I'm disgusted as i write all this down)
since all this came out, I've filed charges against the bf and my husband has filed charges against me because of my charges against his bf. I've moved into a place by myself as he took all my stuff and all my furniture and has moved to God-knows-where. I'm gonna be filing for divorce as soon as i have enough money.
he's threatened me physical harm one minute and begging me back the next. I'm just so done with him and can't wait to get him out of my life permanently. I'm so glad i never had a child with him and I'm just looking forward to healing and moving on and focusing on myself for once.
i guess I'm lucky that i have amazing friends and family who have stuck by me through all the crap. without them I'd probably have committed suicide just so the pain will end.
i still struggle with body issues as my ex made me feel sexually undesirable and ugly even though men have told me I'm pretty hot. i also wonder if I'll ever find love again or trust a man again. its hard being in Jamaica as i don't have any local people to talk to. Any thoughts or advice would be nice.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- Question: Did their "Type" Matter? -- Latinon, 07:08:00 05/13/13 Mon
Hey guys,
This question popped up in the back of my head a couple of weeks ago, and I want to do research this a bit more if you give me your inputs.
You probably know that most lesbians fall into two types: the butches and the femmes. You would instantly identify the former on every college campus (or anywhere) because they are just too stereotypical. Now, the latter "type" is not that obvious. You would only know they were "that" when you see them hanging out with the butch-type girls. This latter type remains somewhat of a real mystery to me, for instance.
The reason why I am asking this question is because I see that a lot of straight spouses wish they had known about it, they had seen it earlier, and/or wish that others would have told them, etc., etc.
So I want to ask the straight husbands whether they ever noticed how their lesbian wives "fall" or "progress" into one of those two behavioral categories. In your opinion, was one type more easily identifiable than the other? Did this even matter to you? Was one type more problematic than the other in terms of honesty, trust and willingness to keep the mixed orientation marriage going? If your marriage is over, are you able to "classify" your ex-wife now?
And roughly the same binary classification (tops vs. bottoms; givers vs. receivers) is found among gay men. In this case, the most feminine guys ("the flamers" as we called them in college) are the ones that are the easiest to identify. Given the casual attitudes towards sex among most gay men, these preferences are usually stated upfront in a very explicit way.
The questions for the straight wives are the same: Have you ever notice how your gay husbands "fall" or "progress" into one of those two behavioral categories? In your opinion, was one type more easily identifiable than the other? Did this even matter to you? Was one type more problematic than the other in terms of honesty, trust and willingness to keep the mixed orientation marriage going? If your marriage is over, are you able to "classify" your ex-husband now?
Thank you.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Tool Time -- col, 17:30:36 05/15/13 Wed
So - my ex. Still the closest gay guy / tool / narcissistic to the max, sociopath, mr. unaccountable, mr. irresponsible, yet everyone knows he is gay and he pretends not to be and is still furious with me because I found out and continues to 'punish' me in weird ways.
Have any of you dealt this this situation..... like I said above, he is still pissed at me for leaving him. I left him a few months after I found out and he asked me to be his cover and when I told him 'no' he was very upset and asked why wasn't enough that he came home to me and told me he loved me. About a week before i was to move out he asked me why I was leaving again and I told him he was gay or bi. He laughed and said 'I haven't been bi in a while'.
Right now, he won't show up for parent teacher conferences or dance recitals. I have stopped asking him why because he would always say that he didn't trust me. I find that so comical.
This is coming from the guy who for 3 years, would text me a rotten text message every week until last month I couldn't take it anymore and called the police. They called him after reading the history between us on the their end with the other crap that has gone on, and the policeman I spoke to said he would call him. That was 5 weeks ago and I haven't had a text or email since. THANK YOU MR. POLICEMAN!
So, this douche is punishing me, still blaming me for his actions and my children, although young, don't get his support for activities and classes they take. In my state, since I have the custodial parent, I have to inform him of lessons, recitals, parent teacher conferences, etc.
And the weird thing is this. He has another daughter in another state. When one of his friends was complaining he had to go to his daughter's parent teacher conferences and my ex said 'I would do anything to go to my daughter's' and he doesn't even go to the kids I have with him and we are 5 minutes from my child's school.
Is he just all smoke and mirrors? Is his nature gas lighting everyone all the time? Do any of you have an ex like this? What do you tell your children? I'm all about truth and fact, but do I need to cushion what I say to my kids?
My attorney tells me to keep letting him know of the events so I don't get in trouble and if he shows up, he shows up. When he acts like this, I feel like his web is still really sticky and I get stuck again - stuck in the mud with trying to move forward because he makes it so damn hard to coparent. Or maybe I need to look at it another way. I can't write this to him because he will turn it around, we'll never get to an agreement because he rewrites what I wrote and forms them into questions. So I continue to inform him them ignore him. Ugh.
Thanks in advance for your responses.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Am I the only one? -- Sandy, 21:13:55 05/15/13 Wed
I keep reading posts from people who say they are still in love with their gay spouse, still miss them, can't / don't want to let go. And people reply, that's normal.
I'm starting to feel like I'm not normal because it wasn't like that for me at all. The instant of discovery it was over for me. He's gay, I don't want to be with a gay guy. End of story. He lied to me about the most fundamental essence of his being, that's not somebody I can love. For all intents and purposes he is just a random stranger. We're cordial but I have no interest in him whatsoever.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who doesn't love and miss being in a relationship with a fictional character.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Re: Am I the only one? -- jj, 21:22:06 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: Am I the only one? -- Steve, 21:32:31 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: Am I the only one? -- Daphne, 21:59:33 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: Am I the only one? -- Brandon, 22:17:44 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: Am I the only one? -- Bryan, 23:56:36 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: Am I the only one? -- Jess, 04:06:11 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Am I the only one? -- BMary, 12:18:01 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Am I the only one? -- DownSouthYall, 12:46:35 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Am I the only one? -- BMary, 15:08:22 05/16/13 Thu
- Re: Am I the only one? -- col, 15:14:45 05/16/13 Thu
- pain -- Tracy, 21:45:36 05/15/13 Wed
I'm being pathetic people....someone help me please. I'm in s much pain!
I want my husband back, I do and I feel stupid for it. I just keep asking him if he's sure. Yes he's sure he's gay. His mom who I am close with, who is lesbian by the way, says that some decide to just live alone and not go towards gay relationships,some then decide that they want the security of marriage and learn to just accept to live in such a way. She said that I need to just learn what makes me happy and for her son to decide what he wants and whatever happens happens. UGH
He has told me he wants the divorce that he doesn't want to be married. Why can't I just let go, why am I punishing myself....Please somebody help me, the pain is unbearable.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- ditto...... -- Sue, 23:38:53 05/15/13 Wed
has anyone here noticed that the posts here seem to comes in waves of the SAME DAMN THING or topic ???? I have. and weird. I don't need replies; its just I see it for what it is.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- sodepressed -- so depressed (sad), 19:51:01 05/15/13 Wed
Hi I have been married 17 years and together with my husband 25 years. We started dating in High School and of course sex then was great and even after High School. While dating before marriage I broke up with him twice; because he partied too much and was not responsible. We ran into each other at night club and it seemed to me like he finally matured. He had a good job and had been there for awhile. Sowe started dating again. What can I say He was my High School sweetheart. We moved into together and shortly after got engaged. I knew something was wrong before we got married; I found gross
cucumbers in our bedroom and of course did not ask him about it. I was in total denial. We got married in 1995 and shortly after I got pregnant. I was so hapoy, until the day I found a video he made of himself and a blowup doll; I left that night and went back into denial and did not confront him. Its funny how we can block out reality to keep moving forward. How sick I am. So lets fast forward 15 years. 8/2011, I finally left and moved in with my cousin. Then fours month later we started dating again.. We moved in together this year in 2013. Since then I found gay porno on his phone and the internet browser found craiggslist personal search and bathhouse search. I showed him the searches he said someone hacked his computer. I didnt bother confronting him about gay porn. I have never asked him if hes gay, do you think I should? I am finally out of denial and know this marriage cannot be fixed after finding straight spouse support. I filed for divorce on April 10. He thinks our marriage can be fixed. I know it cant thanks to all of these post. It has helped me take my head out of the sand. But it is so hard I love him so much and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Why is this so hard. It doesnt matter what he does I still love him. I dont know if he has ever had sex with a man. But it doesnt matter. He will never be able to love me the way a husband should love his wife. Please pray for me to have courage and strength to go thru with this divorce. Do you think I should ask him if he is gay? Also he struggles with a drug addiction and I notice that is when he looks at the porn. He thinks I filed for divorce because of his drug problem which he admits is the cause to. I want a civil divorce and feel like if I ask him if he is gay he will get pissed and there will not be anything civil. Should I go to the grave with this? I know the truth so why bother asking.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Hey Nestle :) -- Steve (worried about you), 21:02:03 05/15/13 Wed
Could you please drop me a quick email so I can send you some encouragement / support. I'm feeling the need to care for a carer.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
- staying together? -- rick (idk), 04:49:30 05/14/13 Tue
For now I want to stay together.l truly love her and I know she loves me. My ex gay friend talked about our situation and he said if she doesn't want to divorce then don't. Then I called the show loveline and changed my name and where I live so no one could identify me. Dr drew told me to stay with her as long as possible. I agree with them simply for the fact that I've never loved someone like I love her. I'm not sure how it's gunna work out but I may as well try. This is the girl that I would lay down my life for.ive said some things I wish I could take back but I can't. I hope you guys will support me in this decision. I'm going to see my own counselor Wednesday to get myself better. I'm going to stop drinking alcohol for 30 days as well. A wise man once said the grass is greener where you water it. Thanks
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Re: staying together? -- BMary, 10:22:02 05/14/13 Tue
- Re: staying together? -- jj (btw), 11:34:10 05/14/13 Tue
- Re: staying together? -- Sonny, 11:39:09 05/14/13 Tue
- Re: staying together? -- Mourningbird (down, down do your thang), 11:44:25 05/14/13 Tue
- Re: staying together? -- Amy, 12:21:32 05/14/13 Tue
- Against all my better judgment... -- NestleAland, 12:33:02 05/14/13 Tue
- Re: staying together? -- Sonny, 14:31:13 05/14/13 Tue
- Re: staying together? -- BMary, 14:32:41 05/14/13 Tue
- Sorry Sonny. Look at the title alone. -- JV, 14:44:15 05/14/13 Tue
- Rick, I'm sorry -- JV, 15:56:01 05/14/13 Tue
- Re: staying together? -- col, 01:05:37 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: staying together? -- Todd (I LEFT,), 12:53:30 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: staying together? -- Tomsgirl, 15:04:04 05/15/13 Wed
- Re: staying together? -- Megan (two thumbs up Nestle), 19:26:47 05/15/13 Wed
- Uh Oh !! Hello Beautifuls :D -- Steve (yes... Old Steve), 20:34:00 05/14/13 Tue
Long time no see.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- I'm here, so you likely know the rest. -- DownSouthYall, 12:56:50 04/25/13 Thu
I'm here like everyone else. With a story to tell.
I met my wife in 2002.
While at work, I know better than to fish off the company pier, but being a southern boy. I've always like fishing and well, the company....I've also at times been guilty of "fucking the man" not as in a literal context, but as in doing what I'm not supposed to do at work, thus "fucking the man out of money".
I work in IT/Computers, after a long 4th of July weekend, I got a call to go look into a computer that was down.
I walked in the door and saw my eventual and current wife. She was as pretty of a gal as this ole boy had ever seen. Knowing my limitations, I didn't think I had much of a chance with her. I don't have low self esteem or do I think lowly of my looks, but I still know to this day, as far as looks go, I'm out of my league.
I worked up the courage to ask the gal out to lunch, and one thing led to another. We fell in love quite fast. Heard the saying, "You'll know when you find the one", well I knew in about two weeks, I loved this gal more n' a flower loves sun and rain.
To be fair, I knew what I was gettin' into, she told me early she had a girlfriend, and was somewhat still involved with her. They were high school friends and at that time, roommates at college. However, they were no longer together, as her roommate didn't want to live her life with another woman, she wanted children and other things out of life. This girl broke my wife's heart many times in their relationship, my wife has let that part of their relationship go, still to this day.
Now, my wife told me she wasn't gay. In fact she's loved boys all her life. Love is love. Those were her exact words. I don't disagree with them to this day. I try to not to judge, not sayin' I've never been guilty of it though.
My wife has had many boyfriends, hell I've met more than I can count. In fact, her roommate, whom she was in relationship, married her ex-boyfriend..whom she was dating before she met me.
We are all friends, despite all the complications. I'm a reasonable fella, I tend to make snap decisions, but once I realize I was wrong, I try to make it right.
My wife and I married in December of 2003. She lost her mother to cancer shortly before we were married. She lost a lot in short amount of time. I'm sure marrying me and a complete change in her life allowed her to cope with a LOT of shit. This girl has been through a lot of shit, and buried it all.
I would say for the first 5 years of marriage, complete bliss. The last 5 have been different.
I always took note that she was never quite as sexually active and into me as some women in my past. My wife was a virgin when she met me, we never had sex until we were married. I chalked a lot of it up to inexperience.
Now, I won't pin anything on her. My wife has deep clinical depression in many members of her mother's side of the family. We both have some issues, due to our past. We had the normal marriage problems that can arise in a marriage after an amount of time. Complicity, neglect, and communication issues. We both fucked some things up here and there, but no infidelity. No financial fuck ups. No abuse. Still I know shit hasn't always been cupcakes and lollypops. Just no major bombshells that can ruin a marriage quicker than I can turn a beer into piss.
The last year, maybe longer. Big changes have happened.
A divide began to set in. Now we both share responsibility for that. A anger started to peak in my wife. Often leaving her too angry to have a conversation with me that involved difficult issues. Or work on project with me. Communication became very hard. She began to work a lot. Less time spent with me, so of course I began to employ my time the best I could. I likely went about it the wrong way, but I could never fit in to her schedule.
Late last year, my wife decided to see a doctor. She's always had A.D.D, and she was certain this was her problem. From the A.D.D medication, some clarity came out, she could free her mind and think. We started being able to talk more. She reached out to me for help, but I didn't understand completely what she meant.
We began to realize she was likely depressed, and made a trip to the doc, to work that issue.
A few days later, a major panic attack, she had never had one before, and thought it was a heart attack. Off to the ER she goes. Didn't let me know about it until she was leaving, that hurt me deep. However, due to the lack of communication and depression. She was quite certain I didn't care. I forgive her, I didn't understand the magnitude of things, perhaps I didn't till it was too late. Water under the bridge though.
My wife started seeing a counselor, and we started seeing a marriage counselor together. However, throughout the process of this, I could make no headway. Still huge wall up around her, I couldn't break through. Hard to address the problems when we could not talk about them. I figured with time and space, we would get there. She has always made it clear she does not want to leave and loves me. I believe her.
During our last marriage counseling, a major bomb is dropped.
My wife told me there, that she was gay.
She told me the last year she had really be trying to find the truth, and wanted to be sure before she told me.
Her biggest fear was losing me, and the last few months of knowing that she was gay and keeping it from me and been wrecking her. Obviously.
There is nobody else. She has been faithful. She has just finally accepted the truth.
This really..really fucked me up.
I reacted quite well I think. We've only stayed in the same house for two nights since this happened. She told me on 4/18. I had a lot I wanted to talk about. She's been in no shape to talk recently. I understand. She's been dealing with this a long time, and has far more fall out to deal with than I do from this.
We're in the south. Her family is quite religious. I hate it for her. She's been gay and in denial her whole life, talk about a hard row to hoe.
I am not upset with her. I want her to be happy. I do have some small amount of hope, but I know the facts. We've at least discussed the grim reality of the situation. That is we can't be happy together without the intimacy. She admitted to me she has never felt for me, sexually that she felt in the past when she was with a woman.
Does that sting? A bit. I'm no fool though. The truth isn't easy and facts are facts.
She does love me and I love her.
So what is next. We don't have any children, so I know this could be far worse, but it doesn't seem easy. I can't walk out the door on her. I know she needs support and love, just not all the love I can give obviously.
We also built this home together, I can't make her leave, and I'm not leaving..this is the only place I have to go.
I know the next step is some separation in our lives. I'm not ready to cut out everything at once, but I want to work on getting her out of the bed, or me out of it. I need to work on not trying to touch her.
Gonna be hard yall, I really love this girl more than anything. I believe she feels the same for me, and I'm watching her suffer as I am. This is gonna take some time. She's a mental wreck right now, on short term disability from work because she can't function. I can't throw her to the wolves.
I need support, but I can't get it from whom I've always gotten it from.
Help an ole boy out.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Re: I'm here, so you likely know the rest. -- Ted, 14:12:27 04/25/13 Thu
- Re: I'm here, so you likely know the rest. -- Clif, 15:10:48 04/25/13 Thu
- Re: I'm here, so you likely know the rest. -- jj (Howdy), 17:30:40 04/25/13 Thu
- Re: I'm here, so you likely know the rest. -- BMary, 21:01:21 04/25/13 Thu
- Re: I'm here, so you likely know the rest. -- yobigc, 10:19:33 04/26/13 Fri
- Re: I'm here, so you likely know the rest. -- Mike B, 09:35:17 04/27/13 Sat
- Re: I'm here, so you likely know the rest. -- DownSouthYall, 16:27:30 05/04/13 Sat
- Re: I'm here, so you likely know the rest. -- DownSouthYall, 10:40:30 05/15/13 Wed
- Please help! -- Mary (Confused), 08:45:04 05/13/13 Mon
Well... as I read on and on on many of the posts here it hurts to realize how much so many stories sound like my own. I have been married for 9 years, together for 11. I had a daughter from a previous relationship that my husband adopted, she is now 13 and we have a 5 yo boy. My husband is probably the manliest man I know. He is tall, muscular, hairy and very handsome. I thought man am I lucky! Sex was never out of this world, but it was good until about 2 years into our marriage. It just started going down and down. In quality and quantity. I have gone 2 or 3 months without sex at times. Every time I confronted him about it there was always an excuse. Too tired, depressed, too stressed. Its not me he loves me. He is embarrassed because it doesn't always work. He says he has ED and has gone to the doctor for it who didn't find anything wrong with him. I always thought and told him if he really cared about it he would look for help and try to fix it. Last December I got home from work late one night and went to the computer to check on some things and there as a tab open on the bottom. When I clicked on it it was a craigslist page and he was in the casual encounters section and on the transgender part. Days latter I saw a charge for something strange on the bank statement and checked it out it was for Manhunt. He had a membership for a gay dating website that went at least several months back. When I confronted him with that he denied with passion, yelled at me for even thinking that he could done something like that. I told him it was over for me because I did not believe a word he was saying and that either he was going to tell me the truth or I was out. He end up confessing to have the account. He went on to tell me about being sexually abused when he was a teenager by an older boy. He said that he just talk to guys that she can't explain why he needs to talk to gays. He is not bi, gay or transgender! He likes women!!! He said he was going to fix our life together and give me the marriage I deserve. For the first 3 mo we were in honeymoon we had the best sex we ever had. The first three weeks was almost everyday, then about 3 times a week (he was taking medicine). I thought we had a chance. I was hold on to it with both hands. I do not want to lose him. He is getting comfortable now and sex is slowing down. And the whole thing keep on playing on my had like a movie over and over again because nothing makes sense and I'm trying to make sense of everything and I just can't! He started therapy in Jan went 3 or 4 times and have not gone back for over a month now when I asked him this last week he said he have not had time. Is my husband, my very manly husband gay?
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- manhunt -- col, 10:18:33 05/13/13 Mon
- Re: Please help! -- Peggy, 12:19:18 05/13/13 Mon
- Re: Please help! -- jj (excuses), 12:31:15 05/13/13 Mon
- Re: Please help! -- Katie, 14:22:46 05/13/13 Mon
- Re: Please help! -- Patti (abuse), 14:45:30 05/13/13 Mon
- Re: Please help! -- chris (been there, done that), 00:26:51 05/14/13 Tue
- Re: Please help! -- Mary, 08:28:15 05/14/13 Tue
- Re: Please help! -- Jim (women do it too), 09:36:47 05/14/13 Tue
- Not sure -- JV, 15:32:41 05/15/13 Wed
- I am stunned! -- sylvia, 09:14:49 05/11/13 Sat
So....I just found out that the nice straight man i am seeing is married...so liars and cheats exist everywhere..the one positive is that I now know how good it feels to be with a straight man...Just not this one!...He even suggested we continue to see each other...Hell no...I deserve so much more!!!!....
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Re: I am stunned! -- BMary, 12:44:52 05/11/13 Sat
- Re: I am stunned! -- Abby (hugs), 13:05:35 05/11/13 Sat
- Re: I am stunned! -- suzanne, 13:42:18 05/11/13 Sat
- Re: I am stunned! -- Sondra ((awe)), 14:41:24 05/11/13 Sat
- Re: I am stunned! -- Katie, 18:08:05 05/11/13 Sat
- Re: I am stunned! -- Mary, 20:26:50 05/12/13 Sun
- Re: I am stunned! -- jj (Try try again!), 19:32:46 05/13/13 Mon
- Re: I am stunned! -- BMary (repair info on internet), 20:19:33 05/13/13 Mon
- Re: I am stunned! -- randee, 21:47:51 05/13/13 Mon
- Re: I am stunned! -- CG (Out him!!!), 02:22:25 05/14/13 Tue
- Re: I am stunned! -- Sylvia, 17:25:24 05/15/13 Wed
- Still friends? -- Ang, 18:28:00 05/14/13 Tue
I need someone to talk to, just chitchat with. I tried a dating app but I got a lot of perverts and a few good men. Right now, I'm not really feeling like going through the effort of talking to these new guys. Its hard to find commonalities, and some of the ones that want to talk I don't find attractive. Should I not be too picky and just try to strike up a conversation with whomever is willing?
It's so much easier talking to my ex and he says he would like to be friends. We've only been divorced for a week now. My friends say not to talk to him or I won't ever get over him, and I'm setting myself up to get hurt again. That I need to give him time to miss me. Is this true?
I'm not so angry at him anymore about everything just hurt and heartbroken. I see him every morning when he comes over to watch the kids so I can go to work. And we hug every day and it feels so good. Am I just holding myself back by this? Am I looking to get hurt all over again?
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Nestle -- JV, 12:32:04 05/15/13 Wed
I'm sorry. I truly apologize for bashing your behavior in that post.
Nestle, I'm four years out and have some terrific friends on this site. I've been here since the beginning and I want you to know that I too speak to the writers on this forum. The opinion these readers have of you is one of likability, great writing, wise insight and a quick wit. Can't speak for all of them, but those are the comments of my personal friends. With that likability, unfortunately, comes great responsibility in the message being sent. Maybe this isn't fair, but you have become a person that others respond to. I think you know that, and it appears you probably welcome it. You didn't do anything yesterday that we all haven't been capable of. I just say that word "duh" and I got really upset.
Yesterday, all I saw, was the captain of the football team. Then I watched others join in and make fun of the guy who plays tuba. Is that dramatic? Mabye. But if you knew me better, I can't watch that happen and keep my mouth shut. I immediately go after the person bullying. Its a gift and a curse. Others felt the same way, but they present more tact. Why don't I? Not sure. It all started when my ex left. I think I was so angry that I had given so much and had been taken for such granted that I have these moments when I just go after people with strong words. An excuse? Never. Just the truth. I usually realize it right away, hence, here I am today.
I can't tell you that I'm sorry for being truly disappointed in your post. Still think it was pretty irresponsible. But you are correct. You owe me no explanation. I hope you will take these words to be humbled enough to see a perspective in them. I'm no one in the big scheme of things, but God gave me a big mouth for some reason. I have to believe it will pay off someday. :) And I have to believe as time progresses that I will be able to control the passion enough to handle the presentation of my thoughts a bit more.......delicately.
Anyway, we are all anonymous here. I promise you no one told me to write to you. No one told me I was wrong or made me feel horrible. Its just a good group that understands everything at each moment in time. Thank God! I can only tell you the thing that's bigger than my mouth, is my humility. The ability to do the right thing even when its hard to do.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- To newbies and you veterans -- Todd (Thankful), 13:28:44 05/15/13 Wed
I've been coming here for over a year and a half. I don't post much, but I visit every morning. First off, I want to thank Patti, Nestle, JV, JJ, Brad, Damon, old Steve, Col, TARA, where the hell is Tara???, and the rest of you vets. Without your advice and shared experiences, I would be truly lost. You have all been such a blessing to me. That being said, please look at the big picture, there are a lot of people who truly need this forum, I do. Everyone has a right to their opinions and I appreciate the fact that no one holds back here. For that, I thank you.
To you newbies, welcome. Read, post, ask questions. You are not alone
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Trying to wrat my head around this whole situation -- Mary, 08:56:02 05/15/13 Wed
I posted a few days ago about my husband. How I found crap on his computer. He had been looking at Craigslist casual encounters, had an account on manhunt and all that crap. He works a lot and other than that he is always home. He denies ever cheating on me with men or women, if he did it when did he find the time to do it? When I read this over I feel so stupid. I want to believe him. Am I in denial? I'm always crying. How do you get out of this situation?
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Finally got the courage -- daphne, 01:02:45 05/15/13 Wed
I'm new here. This is my first post.
I've spent many hours reading all of the messages you all have written. I'm shocked how at many of the feelings you have described are exactly like mine. I feel enlightened and less lonely.
I've been married 5 years, together 10. I'm 28 with a 8 months old child. I suspected problems about 2 years ago, but he gaslighted me, and I guess I believed what I wanted to believe. I didn't know he was gay until he cheated on me with a man from Craigslist while I was pregnant. I refused to sleep with him again until the baby was born because I didn't want to risk our child's safety. I made him get tested and go to counseling.
He begged me to stay. He said he was bisexual. He promised to never cheat again. He promised he would do whatever it took to save our marriage.
But, the lies continued. He hid his internet usage. Never wanted to have sex with me anymore. Made ME feel like I was doing something wrong. Showed little interest in our son.
I found out he went to a gay bar last week. While I was at home taking care of our baby. He made me feel guilty for asking too many questions- we were suppose to be building trust again.
I decided I've had enough. I packed and moved as quickly as possible.
He's terrified. He's afraid I will tell people. He's manipulating me emotionally. He says he has a right to call and ask about his son everyday. He cries and begs me to come home.
So, a few questions:
1. How do I start to heal and move on when I have to speak to him everyday?
2. I've hit a breaking point. I'm done. How long do I wait to file for divorce? He is not ready.
3. Is it fair for me to tell people the truth about why we are separating?
4. I'm not ready yet, but how long did you wait to date other people? I want to wait until I'm ready, but I am terrified I will never find someone again, I will never trust again, and I've lost my dream to have a family and a loving supportive husband to grow old with.
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
- Heading down the highway!! -- Nikki, 15:24:44 05/14/13 Tue
It has been a weekend from hell, to say the least. Of the many bad habits I have picked up..the F-bomb..being the least..spectacular..smoking is one I will keep for now..Sat night stopped at the gas station, ran in to get a pack of cigs, came out and guess who was pumping gas at the station in MY neighborhood, UGHHHHHH...F**K..the tiny(dick) troll with his new GF, No way he didn't see my car sitting there when he pulled in, IT WAS DELIBERATE..he wanted me to see the crack whore on his arm..WHO GIVES A SHIT, YOU SUCK DICK..unless she has one, she will be ME in 20 yrs.. I am soooo sick of this shit....I can only hope that by some freak accident he gets his BALLS stuck in a paper shredder...! I am so sick of playing the GAME with this ignorant ass..No one can make him go the fuck away, so I must...decided over the weekend...no time like the present to really start over, have been sorting through crap all day, gonna have a huge yard sale this weekend..gonna rent out the house, and really get away..losing my job, may have been the kick in the ass that I needed..a tropical fucking wonderland..sounds great..going underground ASAP.."you can run, but you can't hide..WANNA FUCKIN BET?!" Don't have to go home, but can't stay here..next stop....who knows!! Kids grown, marriage over.. very very soon will be rollin back the top on my crossfire, tossing in my bags, cranking up the stereo..ZOOOOOOM..10-4 Over & Out!
[ Post a Reply to this Message ][ Edit | View ]
Replies:
