- Still cant wrap my hands around this -- Amber RIchardsen (Confused), 10:01:13 05/20/13 Mon
Well yesterday I decided to tell my husband that I have contacted an attorney. He didnt handle things so well, he started crying talking about how he will do whatever it takes to show me that he will never do anything like this again. Oh how I dont believe anything that he is saying. Yes, I know that he told me about his encounter with a man, because he said he wanted to come clean and dont want any secrets. He continues to say he was curious and he is not gay and begging me not to leave him. I told him I refuse to be his cover up for anything that he is going through within his life. I cant look at him and sometimes feel sick when talking to him. Then he has a nerve to be upset when a guy flirts with me talking about he is going to attack the guy. Oh wait....does he mean attack violently or sexually I am confused<<<JOKE. But seriously how dare you care, when you didnt care about me when you were doing you? He continues to say that since he allowed a guy to give him a blow job that he feels he lost his manhood. He feels less of a man, because he did something like this. Oh poor him, he thinks about what he feels before he worries about everyone else inside of the house. What about how he has turned my life upside down and basically has me living in hurt, confusion and a self diagnosis of bipolar towards him. How dare he walk around as if I am going to forgive him because he promised that he will never do it again. If you did it once you will do it again and again. He knows I know that within a divorce I will clean the house and banks outs.... Oh and I so ready for summer cleaning, but have to do it in a manner that doesnt shock my children. They are my only concern and I dont want place a shock on their lives they are so young, but so wise. So this morning I am feeling good, he will not be a victim in my house, he will be treated as if he is the most disgusting person and IDC about his feeling anymore, because my feelings were not worth his time, when he was getting dick sucked. I continued to worry about how I would make him feel, oh he better man up and stop being a baby no one has time to allow his actions to be pacified.
Letter to my husband:
Dear Husband
First and foremost I want to thank you for wanting to come clean about your Craiglist cruising, oh it has made my life. I know that you felt that you needed to tell me to be honest, but we know you did it for you. You didnt like living with a secret that you put your man business in the mouth of other men. Oh, thanks for telling me about this after you had an AIDS test, but never told me that I needed one. You big disgusting selfish asshole. Oh by the way the crying and begging means nothing to me, was you crying when decided to bust a load in the mouth of your little encounters nope, so let me bust a load in your ear.......
WE ARE GETTING A DIVORCE
AND I KNOW YOU GO THROUGH MY COMP HISTORY HAPPY READING
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- My wifes emails -- Rick (Crazy as hell), 11:11:37 04/29/13 Mon
Hey everyone this is an email my wife wrote to another gay woman in a situation like ours.
Oh my goodness you have such a beautiful family!! And you are so pretty, gorgeous eyes! Your kids are sooo cute I just wanta pinch their little cheeks!! I love kids, I've been a preschool teacher for about 11 years now and I just can't resist a cute kid!
That is one of my biggest issues as well, not wanting to break up my little family. I look at them and I think 'wow i'm so blessed with such a beautiful, healthy, loving, financially stable family why on earth should I break that up?!?!' Sometimes I wonder am I just being selfish?? They did not chose to be here I brought them into this world and into this situation so it's my obligation and duty to give them everything they need, including a complete and happy family unit. But then on the other side of the coin I wonder, just like you had said earlier, am I doing them a disservice by keeping the family together just for the sake of them since this whole thing is making me a not very happy mommy. It wasn't so bad before, I would go in and out of my depressions but my faith in the Jehovah witness theology always kept me going and hoping for a better future, my long awaited paradise. When that carpet was pulled out from underneath me I lost one of my last legs that I was standing on, the very last leg being my children. So now when I get depressed I REALLY get depressed, and it comes on a lot more often, like a heavy blanket over my head that I just can't lift. During these times It's all I can do just to get through the day. I'm not happy mommy who's playing games with them, chasing them through the house, painting and doing our arts and crafts, cooking big meals and yummy desserts. I feel like I can't be a whole person, the whole me, by continuing to live a lie. Because when you get right down to it thats what it is. A lie.
I too have been re-assessing my definition of spirituality and wether or not the Christian Bible and all these other supposed holy books are truly representative of God. I do believe there is a God and Creator I'm just no so sure that anyone out there truly knows His true thoughts for us. Who knows how long it will take me to come to any kind of decision or resolution on the matter but I will never stop trying to figure it out.
Rick and I went to counseling again this past week and the session was pretty intense. Afterwards he told me he wanted to start seeing other people immediately and that really crushed me. I know that I have no desire to be intimate with him what so ever and I never have yet it still hurt. And the thought of him being with someone else is just mind boggling, im not so sure I could handle it. We've been together for so long, almost 8 years so it just seem so foreign and so wrong. In the past 3 months we've only had sex 2 times (I hope this isn't too much information, please tell me if it is) so he told me that if I didn't step it up soon and fulfill my wifely duty then he was going to start seeing someone else. When he says things like that it makes me wonder if he really loves me or if he just likes the idea of me and sex with me. I wonder if I had some kind of accident and could never have sex again would he stay by my side. Of course as women we stand by our men but men just don't seem to have the same outlook towards women when the reverse happens. It makes me wonder if he cares to make me happy as much as I care to make him happy. If he would suffer and go through hell for me as I do for him?? So many thoughts in my head, too much! I'm sorry I'm pretty sure im rambling now so I will let you go. I do have a couple questions for you though unless they are too personal. When did you first realize that you were gay and not bisexual or just curious. And if you did leave your husband because of your sexual orientation would the church disfellowship you like the JW's do?? Also have you attended any PFLAG meetings?? Ok ok I'll let you go, looking forward to your reply!!
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- Feeling Scared About My Future -- Beth, 03:43:22 04/05/13 Fri
I have posted in the past about my ex who is now trans. We ended our relationship and I moved from our home back to the country where I'm from.
Currently I am renting an apartment and he is supporting me. He gave me the last installment of money he is willing to give me. I have a few months time.
I do not have a job. I have been searching daily and applying for months and I have had one interview. I have a degree, and I'm going to an employment counselor to help me to find a job.
I am moving next month to a place with cheaper rent, and I cannot shrink my expenses any further. I don't know how long it is going to take me to get a job. I don't know what else I can do. If I run out of money I will be homeless. I can't return to the work I used to do, because I have health issues that make it so I am unable to do physical labour or stand for long periods of time.
I'm really scared and can't sleep most nights. If anyone can share their experiences if they coped with a similar situation, or if they just want to share I would really appreciate it.
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- Still Hurts -- Tracy, 01:36:03 04/24/13 Wed
What's wrong with me...there's a huge part of me that wants my husband and marriage back even though my ex-husband is gay. He's not confused about it. We are speaking well and don't fight, etc. We go to counselling to talk about our kids and how to parent them, etc. But again, there's a big part of me that wants our marriage back. We've already filed for divorce. Logically I know we aren't ever getting back together and I know that even if he gets the desire for the marriage to work that I can never allow it..but my gosh it hurts. Will this feeling ever go away, when? He allows me to ask any questions and freely answers them and we talk like friends because I know I need to do the right thing. I fear the time when he moves on with a relationship with a man, how will I feel.
This just all scares me, hate this feeling...so gut stabbing pain.
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- TOO MUCH CRAP -- randee (mad as hell), 01:59:44 05/02/13 Thu
hello my name is billy how I know of u doesn't matter
THIS CAME TO ME IN EMAIL. HOW SICK ARE PEOPLE. HOW SICK. I AM SPEECHLESS. I HAVEN'T BEEN WITH A MAN IN OVER A YEAR ALMOST 2 YEARS. I HAVE BEEN CHECKED AS SOON AS I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE TGT. THIS IS BEYOND HURTFUL AND HATEFUL. I TRIED LOOKING UP THE PERSON AND CAN'T FIND ANYTHING.
From: This sender is DomainKeys verified"Bily James" <bntyhnter666@yahoo.com>
what does matter is do u know that 90% of straight men who have gotten HIV received it from women who have sex w bi or gay men. its those women who sleep w these so called men that have brought the ugly world of homosexuality into the lives of straight men I kno my brother got HIV 12 yrs ago from a filthy pig bitch who enjoyed sex w faggots then would go and sleep with straight men he died 5 yrs ago and that disgcusting pig is still alive still fuckin faggots im sure I just like to pass on this info cause im sure gay spouse people don't mention it thank you
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- Picked myself up, and dusted off -- Nikki, 11:09:35 05/02/13 Thu
Thanks everyone for the great replies yesterday..cried for a few hrs, yesterday SUCKED..bed early..got up this am and said..SCREW THIS..ain't gonna get me down..time to saddle back up..been applying for jobs for almost 5 hrs ( early bird looking for worms)LOL@the pool table responces, didn't have the strength to pound on it yesterday ..maybe later( more like prob def will)..lol ..I've weathered the eye of the storm, I am still standing BENT, but NOT BROKEN..besides..I'm a friggin catch (too good for them anyway, sticking my finger in the air to them..lol
ya know which one) Chalk it up to my former employers loss..added them to my *Kiss my A** list, right below GX! I felt underemployed anyway, better things ahead..I am starting to find that the time it takes me to recover from the blows is less and less, one day..no one..I repreat..no one will be able to touch me..M.C. hammer said it best, "Can't touch this!
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- more emails -- Rick (Pissed the fuck off), 11:20:34 05/01/13 Wed
Heres another fucking email that Im extremely pissed off about
Yes I am still a preschool teacher, I specialize in infant care and development. My daughter Angie who's 2.5 stays home with dad until I get home at 1. My son Erick is in kindergarten. Rick doesn't go to work until 2:30pm and he works until 11:30 so we don't see each other more than 30mins a day. Our only time is basically weekends. This is a new schedule for me, we use to always work at the same time. And with what we are currently going through it's actually a huge relief to have so much time apart with out him hounding me with questions, suggestions and being clingy and all in my face. But that's pretty much what the weekends are like! We do kiss, and by kiss I mean peck, at least twice a day. We hold hands if we are on a date. Sex use to be twice a week but now it's down to twice a month. I do all of it because I know he needs it but not because I want to. I have no desire to do anything sexual what so ever with him and I've always felt that way. From day 1. But I do it because I know he needs it and it makes him happy and I know it makes the kids feel secure. But I do enjoy his company very much so, he's tons of fun and I still consider him my best friend. But that's it just a friend. And it's no secret, he knows it. I think he goes in and out of denial about it though.
I always thought I was bi until I had sex with my first boy friend for the first time(which I got disfellowshiped for but then came back). It did absolutely nothing for me. After ward I was in total shock, I was absolutely floored by the whole experience. I thought I was broken, then I thought maybe it was because I didn't really love him. So when I got married I thought it would be different. And I knew I didn't love him but I really like him, more than the first guy so I hoped it'd be different, but once again NOTHING. I hate having sex, I hate kissing and I often cringe when he starts touching me. I try really hard, so so hard to make him happy but every time I have to do sexual things it feels like a little part of me dies inside. Sometimes it's so torturous I almost feel like im being raped. Am I crazy?? With all that said, I've always believed that I just didn't like those kinds of things, that I just wasn't a kisser and I even thought maybe I was asexual! But a few months ago, back in February on my quest to find new friends since at that time I had ZERO, I met a girl. We hit it off immediately. She was just so easy to be with and sooo smart, shez a microbiologist, shez crazy smart. I started developing feelings for her so I started to step back from our friendship and she noticed. She asked what was wrong and instead of telling my usual lie I was just honest and I told her. To my complete shock she told me she was gay and that she was feeling the same way about me. But I never would have guessed that for a minute. And then she kissed me. I swear time stood still, and then went into slow motion and then finally hit normal speed. It was absolutely crazy and at the same time the best kiss and best feeling i've ever had in my entire life. It just felt so natural and so right. I could have stayed in that moment for ever. From that one experience I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am gay and not even 10% bi like I was trying to convince myself. Yes I am a kisser and no I am not asexual. I've just been with the wrong people all my life. To answer your question Yes the physical desire is overwhelming at times, but ever since I had that experience it's 100% worse. And Yes I want to fall in love with the woman of my dreams so bad it almost hurts at times. When she kissed me we were in a public place and yet I didn't care because it was everything I had ever wanted and I wasn't going to let anything or anyone stop me. It only lasted maybe 2 minutes but its lasted an eternity in my heart. When I got home I told Rick of course and he was BEYOND furious. That argument lasted a good 3 weeks. She moved to Fresno for her job a few weeks after that which Rick is eternally grateful for. But I miss her something fierce and I try really really hard not to think about her. But man it sure would be nice to be able to be in love. I'm 29 years old and I'v never been in love. I'v never had someone by my side that I was head over heels in love with and felt I couldn't live without. Is that in the cards for me?? I don't know, I guess that depends on the risks I'm willing to take.
Ok I know I've gone on and on. I could type till the cows come home!
As always...looking forward to your reply :)
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- Re: more emails -- Sonny, 11:31:02 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: more emails -- Clif, 11:33:40 05/01/13 Wed
- Run, Run, Run -- Peggy, 12:12:37 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: Let her go -- Latinon, 12:17:54 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: more emails -- jj (dump this bitch), 15:00:08 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: more emails -- DownSouthYall, 16:49:42 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: more emails -- lily, 18:47:15 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: more emails -- Renee S (Time to go), 19:23:50 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: more emails -- Mary, 20:40:52 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: more emails -- CG (WOW!), 00:29:30 05/02/13 Thu
- Re: more emails -- col, 00:53:14 05/02/13 Thu
- Re: more emails -- Rachel, 02:15:52 05/02/13 Thu
- Re: more emails -- yobigc, 13:50:23 05/02/13 Thu
- Hate this time of the month -- Sandy, 16:24:28 05/01/13 Wed
No, not THAT time of the month, been done with that for several years, and it was a walk in the park compared to what I'm dealing with now.
I manage the household finances. And I'll admit I'm anal about it, keep and scan receipts for everything (btw NeatReceipts is one of the coolest gadgets ever invented!), keep all the accounts in Quicken, have most of them on auto-pay. I also serve as "house mother"/bookkeeper for a house my college son shares with 4 roommates. Between about the 26th and the 7th, it is just a big stressfest. All the big bills come due at the same time. The April-June time frame is particularly challenging. The medical flex and college financial aid runs out about this time, and there are some major annual and quarterly expenses that have to be paid between now and mid-June.
GH is still living in the house, him in the basement and the rest of us upstairs. He refuses to move out because he thinks it will put him in a worse position during the divorce. I'm saving for the attorney fee - should be ready to go by next month. Cross your fingers for me!
Meanwhile, based on our longstanding agreement for the last 20-odd years, we are supposed to be splitting the household / family expenses 50/50. All he has to do is give me a check by the 1st of the month, and about 5 years ago I made it even easier for him by annualizing it so he would just give me the same, nice even flat amount every month. At the time it was close enough to 50% to not waste time debating it. But I haven't bothered to increase it in 5 years, even though a lot of things have increased - including adding the college expense. By now, his contribution amounts to about 20%.
It's due on the same day every month. Not hard to remember. I know he knows exactly what day it is, because as soon as the end of the month rolls around, he starts disappearing even more than usual to avoid/delay handing over his paltry sum. I telecommute most days, so I'm home all the time, and I know he was here today. His staggering into the house woke me up at 2am last night and his car was outside. He was still not up (at least, he had not come up from the basement, and I didn't hear any sign of him being awake) when I refilled my coffee a couple of hours ago, but just now I went in and discovered he managed to sneak out of the house, leaving behind food scraps in the sink but no check. OH - and flipped the kitchen calendar to May! A-hole.
I can't wait until the divorce is done. There are 4 kids, but only 1 is subject to custody. Can't see a judge making the 1 kid go live with GH, the kid doesn't want to live with him. Can't see a judge forcing the rest of us to relocate so GH can stay in a house that it seems he can't afford to pay for. Whatever I get for child support may be less than what he's contributing now, but at least it will be delivered reliably. In my state they take it out of the payor's wages and deposit it into the receiver's account.
Sorry for the rant! Most of the time I just ignore him. And I force myself to do that the first few days of the month because I don't want to give him the satisfaction of playing the game of do you have a check for me that could go on for days. Truth is, he doesn't realize, it might require a little belt-tightening but I could live without his check if I had to. Right now it's just going to fund my divorce.
It's just the principle of the thing. He's a leech.
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- new context -- Bryan, 00:07:53 05/01/13 Wed
I've heard this song countless times before, but I heard it today on the radio and it seemed suddenly relevant to my situation; gay ex and new straight lover.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdYWuo9OFAw
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- Dreams -- Todd (unrested), 12:29:39 05/01/13 Wed
Wondering if this is normal or if any of you have experienced this… I’ve been divorced for over a year. The gay X has bought a home with her partner and they seem happy. The kids are doing as well as could be expected. I have fallen head over heels for my high school sweetheart and we have been living together for 4 months. We should be closing on our new home by the end of May. (Patti is so right, “the difference” is unbelievable!) I am truly in love and have never felt this connected with anyone.
Here’s the problem, over the last few weeks, I have been haunted by dreams of the X and/or her partner. I seldom remember what they are about and like most dreams, they don’t seem to mean anything on the surface. But every morning I wake with the feeling that I am trapped in some kind of closed loop. In my conscious mind I don’t think of her often and I am happy with how things have progressed over the last year. Is this normal or am I missing something???
You all have given me so much in my time here. Just wondering if you’ve experienced this.
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- Why do I feel like the bad guy? -- Lese, 00:31:48 04/20/13 Sat
So my husband admitted that he has spent the last few years in gay men's chat rooms and looking at gay porn. I am shocked and still in denial which makes sense. What I don't get, is that I feel so bad, like I broke his heart. He is so sad and depressed right now and I feel like I did something wrong. I know I needed to say something but if I hadn't then our world would not be falling down around us right now. All of this is so insane. One good thing is I am so glad that I found this site. Everyone has been so helpful and I feel like I am not completely alone in this craziness.
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- Anyone ever have experience of gay husband/lesbian wife? -- John (Doing okay), 18:21:51 05/01/13 Wed
Has anyone on this thread ever had the experience of having come out/acknowledged in their marriage that they were "not heterosexual", then divorced after a couple of years, and then only to find out that the other spouse is also gay/lesbian a few years later?
Seems like I may be in this boat, and all I can do now is continue to maintain stability in our arrangement as our teen finishes Middle and High School (we share joint custody and live very close by...only a few doors apart from each other, so that we each see our son every day).
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- A Husband's Betrayal: How His Wife Contracted AIDS - Oprah -- Mary, 01:09:30 05/02/13 Thu
Here's a reminder for all str8 spouses who think they can make this work with their bi/gay spouse.
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Why-Bridget-Sued-Her-Husband-for-12-Million-Dollars/1
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- Needing a sign..anything :( -- Nikki, 09:00:45 05/01/13 Wed
Sometimes when I think things can't get any worse..they do! I was fired this morn, b'cause of all of the work that I have missed dealing with things, and I am sure my work has not been what it could have been, and prob b'cause I've spent a lot of days in the bathroom crying at work. I give up, I've tried, this is stronger than me, I mentally can't handle another thing. Sitting on the bed crying, mostly just numb. My heart and soul have taken too many beatings.." God, show me what to do now, what do you want me to see that I haven't already, show me where to go" Lost, just absolutely lost.
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- Re: Needing a sign..anything :( -- Geoff, 12:41:25 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: Needing a sign..anything :( -- Sonny, 13:04:41 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: Needing a sign..anything :( -- Bryan (resolve), 15:50:21 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: Needing a sign..anything :( -- DownSouthYall, 16:39:52 05/01/13 Wed
- By the way... -- Sonny, 17:32:40 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: Needing a sign..anything :( -- Mary, 20:46:59 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: Needing a sign..anything :( -- randee, 21:37:44 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: Needing a sign..anything :( -- Anna, 21:51:11 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: Needing a sign..anything :( -- Sandy, 22:10:01 05/01/13 Wed
- Re: Needing a sign..anything :( -- col, 01:01:10 05/02/13 Thu
- Oprah "Where are they now" JL King -- Nikki, 00:36:05 05/01/13 Wed
So glad that I stayed up late tonight to watch TV. I received a very powerful message from Brenda, JLs X Wife, To all my sisters, you deserve more than a man who will cheat on you with men, do not think you can ever change a man who wants to sleep with men. Confirmation that I have made the right life choices is very healing. In 2004 JL apeared on the Oprah show and stated, I am not a gay man, 20101 JL reaapeared, an openly gay man. He admitted to half denial and half lying before coming out, fear of the unknown was his reasons for both. I felt like I was watching my own life story.
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- Questions... -- GuestNMN, 03:21:46 04/30/13 Tue
I have a couple questions...
Where are the older posts? I see only 5 pages of archived posts that only goes back a short while....
When My husband and I got married we both smoked, neither of us planned on continuing for ever....after we found out we were pregnant with first child, I decided I would quit (easy I didn't even want them any more before I found out) He said he was quiting. He did from that first day for a month or two...maybe even three...well lets just say, he came home again today reeking of cigarette smoke, lying to me again that he didn't have any though I could smell it on his hand when he brought it up close to my face (cant remember why)....is that what you mean by narsicistic(spelling?) behavior?
It was his idea/suggetion to quit, and i was supportive of his trying to quit...for the first couple years. But then I started catching him lying to me more and more frequently about it. I kept telling him he didn't need to lie to me, and that I wanted him to have someone to talk to about quiting if that was what he really wanted...I even said It was his decition to quit in first place. He stil lied...still lies about it. Then he tells me that he can't quit because its the only way he gets a break at work. I told him that it was hard to trust him if he could lie to me about something so little as smoking...he told me that was stupid, he didn't know why he lies about it, but he didn't have any reason to lie/nor would he lie to me about anything else.
Okay so as I'm typing, and reading myself I think I will try answering all the questions on the resent post of Narcicistic behavior.
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- Imposters and Phonies -- BMary (Gaydar & FakeDar), 10:58:21 04/30/13 Tue
Do you ever get the feeling that there are some real phonies and imposters on here posting phony posts. After being with the X for so many years and looking back on it I can almost spot a phony from a mile away. Has that happened to you? Its not only my gaydar that has improved but also my fakedar. I find myself laughing at these imposters.
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- Should I cheat on my wife -- Rick (Have a crush), 10:59:52 04/30/13 Tue
Hey everyone.First off thank you for all your help in this stupidity. Anyway A couple of blocks from my job I go to the fastrip gas station. One of the clerks Is frigging HOT. I have a total crush on her and I would love to date her. Heck I'd be happy with a kiss from a straight woman. But as you know I'm still married and That complicates things. lastly we agreed that When january rolls around if nothing has changed then were gonna divorce. I certainly dont wanna go the rest of this year having sex once a month but I'm still married and on top of that I would have to lie to this other chick. I'ts so stinking hard...The other day I met our new sitter and I don't think shes very attractive but I found myself considering having sex with her in the future. Ohhh to have a straight woman......I'm only 28 I should be drilling women but I'm married to a lesbian.We did have sex sunday but it wasn't all that. In the end I still feel shes perfect for me except for this one problem.....Shes lesbian. It's like i asked satan to give me a wife and he did alright. Sorry Im rambling on but I just need to vent. Thanks for reading you guys I love you all
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- My ex-wife left me for F to M TG -- Kevin, 14:25:29 04/23/13 Tue
I have been divorced for almost a year now. During my divorce I made the mistake of trusting my ex, and found myself fighting to reopen the divorce to get the amount of custody I have, even though she was already dating and having someone sleep over before the divorce while my daughter was home. A few months ago, I learn taht the new boyfriend that she started dating before the divorce is a F to M transgender, and worse off, that my daughter has slept in bed with them. I am looking for any kind of advice. My daughter is too young (almost 4) to have her statements of this activitiy really relied on in court, but I am dying to at least get to a point where I can have the 50/50 custody that my ex and I had informally agreed to before we divorced, and that she would not agree to in the divorce process.
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- What are the correct terms for Sex? -- Not stating yet (Perplexed), 01:43:29 04/25/13 Thu
If a guy says he'll make you Cumm is that okay? And shouldn't he say he'll make you orgasm? Isn't the term cumm only for men?
This was my first phone sex since my gay ex, I'm just worried.
So tell me shouldn't be also know what ride means ?
I've been out of practise and this might be my first one so am I alright?
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- X marrying -- Jack, 15:01:14 04/29/13 Mon
My ex-wife just told me that she and her girlfriend is going to get married this summer. And that they are trying to become pregnant... I don't care about the marriage, except I think it good for our children that their relationship seems to be really stable.
I am more worried about how a half sibling will affect our children. Or they will not actually be related by blood as the 'step mom' will be the mother. Which hopefully won't make any difference...
And never going to be the father even if they were asking. That would be way too weird...
Any advice about handling the other family expanding? I know this might be a bit off topic here... sorry but I really like the honesty and tone on this site.
The kids are seven and five years old
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- telling -- Bryan (mixed), 15:57:10 04/29/13 Mon
I went camping this weekend with a bunch of good friends that I haven't seen in a while. It felt so good to be comfortable around people I know, and enjoy myself just being comfortable in my own skin. This is the first time I have really felt this way since everything happened with my ex. Some of them knew that we are no longer together, but not why and no one asked. One couple didn't know, and when they asked how she was, all I said was that it was a long story. Sometimes I want to spill my guts about the hole situation so that everyone knows, but sometimes it just feels good not to talk about it; to define myself by my current actions rather on my past story.
Sometimes I still feel it's hard to tell people I married a gay woman. It makes me feel stupid, that I was too young and naive to see the signs. I can just imagine people thinking, "How could you not know she was gay? Didn't you guys have sex?" I feel stupid for not having sex before marriage. I did know there was a lack of intimacy before we got married, but I thought it would get better after we got married and started having sex. Bleh. I just wish I could easily convey to people that its not my fault. It also bugs me that I care so much about what other people think.
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- Confession & Redemption -- Mourningbird (Exhilarated), 00:55:14 04/27/13 Sat
I haven't posted in a while. Mostly a few RE here and there. I notice there are a lot of new members so, I will give my brief testimony. I'm in my mid 30s and I'm 3 years post TGT however, not divorced. It's complicated due to medical benefits and support. Never really had a full admission from H (but had plenty of evidence)and he is in denial to this day..
My STBXH is MIA and most of the time I know he is still alive by the deposit every month. I realize for some this would be a dream!! I have my moments when I just NEED to know what he is up to.
So, for my confession...I began peeking at his Facebook page under a pseudo-name. It was heart wrenching. He is traveling the world, has an awesome job, goes out to "party", talks about meeting women..blah, blah...
Of course my first reaction was absolute envy and scorn. Then, I became a "little" obsessed. I would check his page multiple times a day and it drove me into a deep depression. I was crying in hysterics and hated my life and what it has become. Trying to make ends meet, working really hard at a degree, hoping there will a job at the end of it. I began hating my clothes, my hair, my body, and disparing that I will never be happy with anyone. You know...the ultimate pity party, right?
I did recognize what I was doing and immediately got my life lines on the phone, my few support people. I deactivated the account. AND... I went and did something that was the complete opposite of what I was feeling and wanting...I worked out. Actually I joined a gym and did Zumba. There was something incredibly healing to be around this eclectic group of women, the music was upbeat and I shimmied and bounced around watching myself in the mirror. I realized I'm freakin HOT...not just sweaty...but Smokin!! My endorphins started pumping...I have to say it was better than sex with STBXH!! It was a damn revelation!! I've decided, and this may sound kinda wierd, I'm going to have a relationship with myself. Because really, I've been neglecting ME and giving HIM way more attention than he even deserves.
Now I am looking at redemption. I am hoping this may help someone who is using the Internet to peek on their spouse. No good will come of it!! Please do what you can to NOT DO IT!!
I write this with all love and respect for each and every one of you
Peace and blessings. .
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- Signs you are with a narcissist. -- BMary, 02:35:27 04/30/13 Tue
Most of us have a little narcissism but if you have ever been involved with a narcissist or a sociopath I'm sure you will recognize the following. There seems to be a lot of narcissistic traits in closeted males and females.
Symptoms of Narcissism
**‘Two faced’ putting people down (including family and friends) behind their back (I have seen this a lot)
** A tendency to Blame their lack of success, disappointments and failures on others.
**A different person in private than in public.
**Irresponsible and unreliable (often trading off others hard work).
** Arrogant, acting superior to people close to them (often putting their family down).
** Lives in a fantasy world which may include porn, romance novels, flirting and/or affairs and/or dreams of unlimited fame and success.
**Will often be addicted to this fantasy oriented behavior.
**May have other addictions such as alcohol, tobacco, gambling, drugs, shopping, computer games and/or sex.
** Will lie and distort facts and change the events of history to suit their own agenda.
**May misappropriate funds and be irresponsible with money such as gambling.
**Distant and emotionally unavailable unless they want something.
**Will lack empathy for others, especially people who they exploit.
**Will be very controlling and often unable to relax
** May appear very charming and even humble in public (in other words phonies).
** May regularly provoke people and them blame them for the fight.
**Will have trouble admitting their mistakes.
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- Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- GuestNMN (Confused), 15:23:58 04/24/13 Wed
Recently my husband and I left our children with my mom for the night while we went to a "ball" and stayed at the hotel over night since we knew we'd be having several drinks. After the dancing, drinks, and a stroll along the water we went back to the room and got ready for bed. As we lay their cuddling (unable to have sex since I was having my period), some how we got On the subject of BJ's....he has a gay guy that he works with that had apearantly offered to give him oral, i asked if he had actually concidered it. But he just kindda laughed a little and "what evered" me about asking if he ever thought about letting his co-worker do it. Something about the response made me inquire seriously but in a fun way I guess...he told me he had thought about it. Again their was something that made me ask if he ever took they guy up on his offer of oral....pause....to long of a pause and a shoulder shrug....then a laughing "whatever"! Ok that answered that question, I remaind as calm and cool as possible...and straight out asked if this guy sucked his $! (/ til he finished in his mouth. Another long pause...."yes"!!
Husband asked if I was mad..."No, slightly confused though...I never thought it was anything you ever thought about"
He said he hadn't ever thought about it before this guy offering. Then I asked if he ever "Returned the favor" I thought it would be an absolutly NOT!!....but there was that pause again..... so I asked agian, and asked if he let the guy finish in his mouth. After another long pause he said Yes, he did perform oral, and yess he finished him off.....
I don't know what to think now....how does one go from straight married, to a random moments of oral with a guy??
Also these happened on two separate occations...apearantly the other guy performed on him first, then husband performed on coworker at a differant time!
Was it a "College Curiosity" moment?? Neither of us went to college, and were both 20 not very experienced sexually when we got married....
We've been together for 15 years married 13 1/2 years
It happened almost 1 year ago, before it happened he would regularly mentiont this guy....we've had a pretty good marriage, sex regularly (like 1-4 times a week) he has no problems giving me oral...he usually initiates it. Treats me and kids really well...constantly wants to get me stuff/take me on shopping trips. We hardly ever fight, he usually ends up making me laugh...or vise versus. Said he doesn't want anal give or recieve...at least not with a guy, he wants me to let him in my back door and we had issues years ago with that being a constant attempt during sex, but after a while he let it go....and I thought it was all good! Said he's not into me strapping anything on for him (figured I'd ask just incase.) To recieve anal. But I don't know if I belive that is all that has happened, nor am I sure that he'd never do it again.....
~Soooo confused!
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- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- Patti (uhm...ask the guys here), 17:01:28 04/24/13 Wed
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- Cameron, 18:29:29 04/24/13 Wed
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- Mary, 18:36:17 04/24/13 Wed
- Just got text he's late coming home from work, hanging out with guy from work -- GuestNMN (Again...), 20:01:12 04/24/13 Wed
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- jj (Wait - on the other hand), 20:08:06 04/24/13 Wed
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- Peggy, 20:17:48 04/24/13 Wed
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- Sonny, 20:37:35 04/24/13 Wed
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- GuestNMN (additional information....), 01:29:30 04/25/13 Thu
- WHOA Nellie! -- Nikki, 05:14:26 04/25/13 Thu
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- BMary, 10:33:03 04/25/13 Thu
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- Patti (you asked), 14:56:00 04/25/13 Thu
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- DownSouthYall, 15:17:01 04/25/13 Thu
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- Mary, 16:40:28 04/25/13 Thu
- Re: Husband of 13 1/2 years told me recently he recived/performed oral once... -- jj (open marriage), 17:18:25 04/25/13 Thu
- Re: His buffer zone and your zone of acceptance -- Anon (Surprised), 06:33:11 04/28/13 Sun
- tired of my husband's games -- Olivia, 16:10:30 04/29/13 Mon
I need advice. I married with my husband for 10 years. All these years he has mostly only gay friends and spends his time in gay bars a lot. Also he has addiction problems marijuana and cocaine. His preferences spend time with gays and other red flags, as I found some text messages with men. I never catch him during sex, not that I really tried b/c I was taking care of our kids and I trusted him. I do believe that he is gay. We do have a good sex in my understanding, but he does need anal stimulation. I left him 4 months ago because I was over, failed for divorce; and now it is pending, because I love him and thought to give him another chance. He told that he stopped use cocaine and marijuana, but he still back in gay bars, getting very drunk. I told his family about my concerns that I realized that our marriage didn't work b/c he is probably gay. He told me that he did have experience with man before, but now he is straight, which is contradicted that he spends time with gays. I'm just so tired and exhausted emotionally that I'm so ready to get closure and move on. He is so mental and I am so tired live in fog. It look like I cannot put puzzles of our life together. He scheduled an appointment with counselor about our relationship, which I have almost no hope we can rebuild it. I could see us before being happy family if he would stop drink, use drugs, and hang out around his gay friends.
He would give up with all of that if I change too, and for these 4 months of divorce process I do not see any changes. My only hope is, maybe counselor can help him to come up with his identity and we can get a closure and move on.
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- talking with my ex after 3 months -- bella, 15:28:43 04/28/13 Sun
I have been looking on here a while an posted a few months ago after my boyfriend, whom I loved, told me he was gay.
Today, i called him after a long hiatus of three months. I dream of him every night and I have missed him a lot.
i have been very confused about how he could have been with me for two years and in love with me, having great sex and lots of wonderful times. So I asked him, and he told me that he had loved me too, but he knows he is gay. he told me that he was able to have sex with me because he loved me and after some not very healthy pressing from me, he told me that he did think about guys while being with me. This has destroyed me. I know I shouldn't have asked for this information... I feel like I was living in an alternative universe, having a relationship with someone I thought I knew, but fundamentally didn't.
How can I trust anyone again? If people can so fundamentally lie, to apparently themselves and others, how can I?
I feel like I can't go on. I felt like I'd met my soulmate and now I feel crumpled and cynical.
Is it possible to move on?
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