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Date Posted: 11:32:27 08/18/03 Mon
Author: Ferdie Von Pelt
Subject: ~What am I with out you~

*With a sorrow filled heart he lay down in the center of the empty meeting spot, the emotion that was worse then no emotion at all tearing at his heart, A tear fell from his right eye,* Calprei *He whispered to no one he closed his eyes and trembled as he slept, as his he cried invisible tears, though while he slept he mumbled* Calprei, I love you... no other, but you, I always have I was to afraid to admit it, but now if I tell you *He rolled on his back and pawed the air as she continued sleeping unaware he spoke* it'll hard to believe, because you might think it's only for the pups I say it, that's not true, I love you... *His sleep was restless he lay alone, twitching, trapped in his dreams*

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[> |Shattered Spirit|Forgotten Dream| -- Spirited Dreams, 09:35:16 08/19/03 Tue [1]

amongst the shdows of the den, the young male watched in silence. it was too hot to have a fire going, making him almost undetectable unless he moved into the moonlight. but he was not about to do that. he had come here to speak with Ferdie as he had been asked, but he had approached silently as he always did, and had caught this bit of information.

he loved her? this had gone unknown to him. he knew that Ferdie now had pups through Calprei, and though Calprei rejected being their mother, he didn't quite understand how she couldn't be. magic was an odd thing...

at first he was startled, thinking Ferdie was talking to her and she was hidden like he. yet upon further inspection he found no such individual. more relaxed now he watched the sleeping leader, intrigued.

his own heart felt pains that were miniscule compared to Ferdie's. it was still unknown to him how Ferdie could live day by day with all this suffering, and still be the great wolf he was. he had no way of alleviating the pain. he would not get involved into Ferdie's love life, so many had done that, but Ferdie hated it. what Ferdie wanted, could not just be given to him by others. it always had to be one specific wolf, and that wolf never seemed to want to give it up. a circle of torture was all it was.

deciding not to wake him just yet, he thought of his father, the memory bringing back a pain it did not always. that was the reason he ahd come here wasan't it? to talk of his behavior at the den. he shook his dial and concentrated once more. the crystal about his neck unleashed a white light which expanded until it settled aorund him. his entire outline glowed, but soon the light became dim as his body absorbed it. now he was truely hard to see, since he was transparent. he padded forward, a helpless gaze cast to his leader.

suddenly he wondered what he was about to do. was it his place to enter Ferdie's dreams? why was he really about to do it? to learn more about his love that he had decided already not to get involved with?

instantly he willed his powers to leave him, and so the process reversed. no doubt at that range the light would wake Ferdie, but now he wanted him concious. he was not here to snoop, he was here to talk.


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[> ~I Tarzan You Jane~ -- Ferdie Von Pelt, 11:54:18 08/19/03 Tue [1]

((If you don't like this power play, I'll delete and re-post))

Just before Spirited Dreams could will his powers away he suddenly found himself in Ferdie’s dream, At first glance everything was white, then it seemed as if it was just a thick fog that slowly was lifting things came into view slowly Spirited Dreams was no longer in Cascade Mountains, there were more trees, the air was different, the land greener he found himself in the middle of pack lands wolves gathered around the Alphas the alpha male a large brute who stood over the alpha female like he was guarding her. There were 5 pups white of which were white one black the others the typical grey wolf, But one wolf cub was favored, he even at that age held himself in a dominate fashion; he dominated his brothers and sister, but hardly fought them to do so. They seemed to just submit, The black one waited of to the side glaring at Ferdie, one would think he hated his brother but later he would end up saving Ferdie’s life, it was clear this dominate pup was Ferdie, years later. Ferdie’s parents got into a fight ended up killing each other the pack watched the fight but didn’t break them up, his mother lingered after his father died but it was clear she wasn’t going to live. Ferdie was the only wolf who approached her. “Ferdie Von Pelt, you must look after your family protect them never let anything happen, love them all, Never do what your father and I did, Choose a mate for love for she will be your family my son, Your family should choose you and you them. Your children must choose to call you father you can’t force them,” She whimpered but she wouldn’t let go until she told him the whole story “There is a darkness that hides in the heart of all those with your great grandfathers blood, no matter what they choose light or dark, love them, protect them, remain loyal to them, not their cause. Remain in the light of your heart, don’t follow the darkness. *She whimpered once more* Blood relatives are family, but so are adopted, blood ties you to life, family ties you to live. Ferdie Von Pelt remember this; You…..*She passed from the world at that moment* Mother! *Ferdie howled* Mother!! *He lifted his head to the heavens and sang to them as if it were a song that would lead her there, After that the pack accepted Ferdie as Alpha though he was only 2 years old. The next breeding season they expected him to take a mate but he wouldn’t he choose a new couple each year to breed in place of him. He was alpha/ pup-sitter of sorts, Many wolves tried to win his heart only because he was alpha and not because they loved him for him, he never got a chance to feel love in the way his mother said he should, 8 years past and the humans grew weary of a pack so large and attacked, it was a bloody massacre suddenly Spirited dreams was removed from Ferdie’s dream, and the light was unleashed as the process reversed, Ferdie woke up stood up quickly and shook himself* Hello Spirited Dreams *He forced his voice to remain normal though it was hard, he was shaken by his dream*


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[> |Shattered Spirit|Forgotten Dream| -- Spirited Dreams, 22:12:06 08/19/03 Tue [1]

[no, no problem]

just as he had willed his powers to leave him, he found they had acted without him actually leaping into the sleeper. that was a new thing. really all he had to do was think to control his powers. that was interesting.

what lied before him was not what he expected. he had figured the dream had been in AM, and perhaps Ferdie was chasing after Calprei since he thrashed about.

when he entered another's dream, he was not just a ghost in the background. no, he was there, as 'real' as every other figure. yet hs presence seemed to go unnoticed as each scene passed. he watched silently as Ferdie stalked around as a pup, a slight smile playing at his maw as he saw that. perhaps Ferdie's tail was glued in that position forever, since it seemed it was so when he was young.

suddenly the serene lands transformed into blood shed. he started to get up, to stop the two from killing eachother. it was like a repeat of his own family's death, though not for the same reason. yet some force stopped him and his words went unheard.

of course, this was a memory, not a regular dream. in this sense he was a ghost, for he did not exist when this occured. magic was odd indeed.

so he watched the battle, growling slightly as the pack just stared on, dumbfounded. why didn't they intrude?

he silenced hismelf as Ferdie appraoched his mother. despite the fact he was sitting, he was now half up, leaning forward to catch it all. he had known nothing of this past of Ferdie. in fact he knew little about Ferdie. didn't Ferdie once have a mate? something Silence was her name. and didn't he have a daughter by her too? he was uncertain, for that information he had gained from another's maw, and that was not as reliable as his own auds and eyes absorbing it.

those words that Ferdie's mother spoke, it was as if she was speaking to him too. he froze, his heart hammering at his chest. it seemed so loud that it would turn everyone against him for shattering the peaceful moment. just as a battle seemed to form, he was wrenched from the dream.

normally he would have to will himself out, but of course he was thrown out if the sleeper started to awake. Ferdie would never know he was in his dream, since it had been a memory and he had been invisible.

his pendant snuggled back into his chest, as if satisfied buy what it had given. yet it was not about to show Ferdie they had been snooping.

he stood beside Ferdie, looking as if he had just come in and was about to rouse the him.

he forced a smile, in truth the image having racked his senses. there was much to chew on there, though he was lucky in the fact he had immense control over his emotion of fear. it was not shown that he was as shaken as Ferdie, though inside it twisted his gut.

he knew what he had to do, as if in fact that dream was meant for this precise 'problem' he was having. he shifted his weight from limb to limb, thinking of how to say it after he had denied it so bluntly.

<i>hello troubled leader.</i>

yes, he was reverting back to his nicknames. if he couldn't rememebr what name he gave to who, it meant he wasn't paying enough attention.

the vision seemed to have given him a new sensation of renewed hope. recently he had been in the dumps from Koda, and that sent him into a mood best reserved for solitude.

from this moment on he was a different wolf. oh sure he would seem the same, but a few things would be a bit...better. this vision had changed him, just as the time he had actually spoken with his parents had enabled him to come out of his shell and meet friends in the pack lands. yes, little slaps didn't work on him. he needed a powerful reminder at times, and this did it.

<i>Trubled Leader...uhh can I ask you a question?</i>

he thought of waiting for a reply, but really there was no reason to draw it out. besides, he figured Ferdie would say 'yes' to being able to ask him a question.

<i>would you like be my father?</i>

he had debated over putting in 'again', but he'd let it dwindle in the flames of his anger and grief he had shown at the den. no, this time it would be offical. he just wouldn't throw it on Ferdie, expecting him to leap up in joy. really what had he been expecting from that? he wasn't sure now, but his mind often changed.


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[> Re: ~What am I with out you~ -- Ferdie Von Pelt, 11:35:17 08/20/03 Wed [1]

*He shook himself trying to shake away the terror the dream had caused him, He looked at Spirited dreams had he seen him there? no he couldn't have? Perhaps though it was but a dream, yes… a dream, He exhaled pushing it way, he hating seeing those deaths. Suddenly His mind turned to his first mate Silent Solitude, Why did she turn on him? And now he heard she was on a mission to kill him, but she was family, He had once considered her family he couldn't harm her even if she did attack, Secret Desire his Daughter always staying at her mothers side, disappeared never to return. His son, Yiakar, sought to harm him in every way he possibly could taking after his mother to find ways to torture him slowly, even at the cost of others, Yiakar took Calprei as a mate to stop him from doing as such, Now alone Calprei is young she has a life ahead of her, His was ending slowly, How could he now profess his love? Why had love dealt him such a sour hand, Though he should have expected it coming to Cascade Mountains hurt and alone, Silent Solitude showed interest in him not knowing his past and knowing he lived with no pack yet, was it love? or a way to shut out the pain.*

*He sat back down and nodded as Spirited Dreams spoke, he didn’t question Spirited Dreams new nickname for him or his actions of late, But his eyes shone with pride* Of course… *He smiled and stepped closer, moving to groom Spirited Dreams' body,* I have always loved you like a son Spirited Dreams, I've watched you grow with pride, I don't love one son more then the other though I love you as much as I love Chandresh, Yiakar, or Trilok and Kayn, I can't play favorites But know my love for everyone I consider my family including you is very strong..

*He sat down* Now tell me what else bother's you? I know there is more my son…


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[> |Tamed Spirit|Encased Dream| -- Spirited Dreams, 18:58:47 08/20/03 Wed [1]

[grr, you no HTML in messages person.]

he knew. how did he always know? perhaps he held secret confrences with Rain and Mist, tapping in on their information. or could Ferdie do the same as them?

he knew Ferdie had a number of gifts and abilities, but which they were he was unsure of.

a more peaceful gaze stared at Ferdie, maw willing to speak, yet mind formulating a prefferable mode of proccesing thoughts into words.

~Koda...her and i are climbing a rocky cliff that dropes to the sea. we are loosing our footing.~

he sighed slightly, wondering when the last time he had been with her he had actually been happy. their visits always seemed to end in an argument or problem. oh yes, love was so much fun.

~you see, i shall always remain loyal to you, and she will do the same for Kosses. because the packs are seperate, we are never together. we exchange visits from time to time, but neither of us are satisfied. and, she preffers not to come to the pack lands anymore, not since you demanded she live here or leave. i explained you were not yourself, but she was not persuaded. so it is my duty to find time to see her, yet it is not enough.~

he paused, digging out the plan he had hatched on a possible solution.

~i was thinking that if i became a member of her pack, and she one in mine, then we would always be welcome into either pack for as long as we desire. it would be much like Rain and Mist, for we would remain loyal to our original packs, and actually live in two.~

he looked up hopefully at Ferdie, uncertain if this would work or not. Rain and Mist seemed satisfied, but he had not spoken to them about it.

~and another thing. my guardian, Vaughan Pelt...i know he has turned to the dark side of the forest, but my question is why?~

he shifted uncomfortably, pouring his heart into Ferdie's ears. but there would be more to this exchange. he was determined to help Ferdie with his problems. he was quite aware he could not force calprei into loving him, and he expected not to mess with that topic at all. no, there was more on Ferdie's mind than love. or so he hoped, because he could not help with his father's main problems.


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[> Re: ~What am I with out you~ -- Ferdie Von Pelt, 10:54:17 08/21/03 Thu [1]

*He was old and wise, He knew when things are bothering others, call it intuition, However the older he got the more he began to shoot off his tongue He had to learn how to stop before he started to do that. He decided to speak of the things he knew of first, And love was far from anything he could understand, he was 10 years old and he still didn’t understand it* Vaughan Pelt… Yes, I can tell you why, and I can also tell you, You are closer related to me then you think. My blood line going back to my great grandfather, who, sired over 50 pups. Had a evil in his heart, it’s rumored to go back further then that but this far our family knows for sure, This evil harbors itself in every heart who has his blood flowing though their veins. And sooner and or later, this evil will take over, Cotton holds the evil, Her pups hold it my pups hold it, I hold it. Those in my blood line usually turn evil, Vaughan Pelt is my Brothers son, he has let it claim his heart. My Family if they can fight that evil, like, myself they can do great things that they will be remembered for. That is why when I could no longer feel any emotions the evil began to take over and I said and did awful things. I should go to Koda and apologize myself, It wasn’t right of me to say that, I wasn’t in my right mind or heart.
*He shook his head fighting tears, why was he crying so much lately, his change to though allowed him to win the fight and no tears fell from his eyes*

*He smiled* I am also a member of Kosses pack so If I were to tell you no I’d be a hypocrite wouldn’t I? Yes you may join both, but remember love isn’t supposed to be work, Love is meant to be something more. Though I truly believe she should live here in the pack that is Camelot’s Ally. Kosses does come here I’d think she’d see her just as much, but I’m not to say these things. Kosses is busy with her kingdom and Alairic and Alairic’s children. Kosses has been hurt by him and I promised if he ever hurt her I’d be there. But I never realized how useless I am compared to him. *Quickly he squelched his rambling these were not the things to say at all yet he had said them before he could stop. He sat thinking over his words*
I’m useless in the world of love, I myself am 10 and still haven’t chosen a love, I do believe you rushed into it with Koda but that is not my decision, Tell me why did you choose Koda? How were you sure your feeling were not just that of strong friendship?
*He spoke with a seriousness asking for a answer but his tone also begged the other not to be angered but the way this question came out, He needed to re-evaluate his relationships is that why he was asking spirited dreams to do it first? Just by saying that question aloud He realized now that, that was the love he held for Kosses, Strong friendship. and perhaps that was the kind he had held all along. Wait a second Did he just push to far with Spirited Dreams, Damb age it was beginning to make him lose his mind, let him ramble and do things he would have never have done or said two years ago.*


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[> |Tamed Spirit|Encased Dream| -- Spirited Dreams, 12:50:03 08/21/03 Thu [1]

he mused over the first words of Ferdie, the words of evil. who knew how far family trees stretched out? the evil he himself held he considered different. it had not always been there, but had come wrapped in a package and dropped at his door. it was born from his rage at seeing his family killed ruthlessly.

he closed his lids over his spheres, the memory flashing past his vision. no tears were given, and no howls of tormented anger. no, that was all past him. he could at last think of his past and not be swept away with emotions. he had found peace within himself.

then again his sister had almost become evil as well. she was too carefree to care that much of their past, but she had left him for two years. she came back, broken and torn. it turned out she'd found another pack and gotten a mate, but he was killed by another male who had loved her. it sounded much like Khastin's death...he shrugged. he wasn't sure why she hadn't called upon her powers to go back in time, to stop all that pain.

then again sometimes it was best to live through it. in the end you can learn from it. but the point is she had thought of evil too, and that left him with the notion that perhaps they were related. either that or turning evil was the easy way out of everything. allowing hate to consume you by giving in. too many possibilities.


audits twitched as Ferdie began his part on love, the thing neither of them understood. after Ferdie finished, he began, first by answering questions.

~i may have been rushed into the relationship, despite the fact i had thought i would never leave my heart for another to shatter. it was my belief i should not get attached, but i met her. i was exploring one day on the grounds of Camelot, i think i was actually searching for you. i layed in the shadows for a rest, and she spied me. at our first meeting one would never think we would fall for each other, since i was rather snappy to her for talking with me while i wanted to be alone. sadly she turned to leave, and something urged me to stop her. with no other thought i had invited her to AM. at first i thought of her as only a friend, but she offered me affection i have never before felt. maybe it was puppy love, and now i am paying the price. for my heart is torn in two. i love Koda, dearly, but sometiems i wonder if i love her just because she loves me.~

he sighed deeply, his inner secret at last to be told.

~but the other half of my heart belongs to Rain.~

he slumped to the ground, fore paws stretched out offering a resting hold for his dial.

~sometimes i wonder if i love her more than Koda...~

he stared dimly at his paws, as if they held the answer to his foolishness.

~i do believe i rushed into it, and now i am feeling the impact. but i would never leave Koda, for despite her cetain aspects as of late, i love her too. perhaps not as much, but still love.~

he nervously laughed at hismelf before raising his dial to peer intently at Ferdie.

~i am a foolish youngster who knows nothing of love. i guess i thought i knew everything...~

he forced a slight smile, but quickly it fadded as his orbs clouded over with pain. yes, he could relate to Ferdie's longing, in one way or another. they were not the same stories, but they were under the same topic. Ferdie had taken too long, and he had gone too soon.

~love is too complicated to be expressed in a definition or explination. it is a feeling that, well you just know when it comes. true the feeling is false on occasions, or ignited then doused. love can never change, but it intends on playing a game with your heart. it will always remain loyal and steer you to your true love, but it will lie and decieve you into thinking you feel for another. such was your case with Calprei and Kosses. all these years you chased Kosses,following your heart, when it dimly glowed towards Calprei. you ignored the glow, going for the stronger emotion until magic lifted the fog of lies.~

he shifted on the floor, gaze once more turning to look at Ferdie.

~you are not useless. in the love department perhaps, but as shoulder to cry on, a friend to rely on, never. for everyone, there is only one other who can help them with love, and usualy that one other is the one that brought the pain in the first place.~

the words swirled around his head, all the love and hate. pain and evil. how much less complicated life would be if love did not exist, but then there would be no reason to live. more compliacted was this conversation than first appeared.


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[> Re: ~What am I with out you~ -- Ferdie Von Pelt, 13:38:26 08/21/03 Thu [1]

*He nodded his head and repeated his words but with a slightly different twist he based in on the present not the past.*

Love can never change, but it intends on playing a game with your heart. it will always remain loyal and steer you to your true love, but it will lie and deceive you into thinking you feel for another. Such as your case with Rain and Koda. Will it be years you chase Koda, following your heart, when it dimly glows towards Rain. You can ignore the glow, going for the stronger emotion until magic lifts the fog of lies and leaves you with both being untouchable.
*He looked at Spirited Dream questioningly then sighed* Don’t Make my mistake Spirited Dreams, You may have rushed slightly but the longer you tangle in this web the more painful it’ll become. Be sure you have what you want, For if you are not truly happy then what is your life for?
*He slid to the ground and rests his head on his paws, Then chuckles as he realized they mirrored each other’s pose*
((Didn’t mean to copy but realized it later that he did, What a pair these two are))

Kosses has returned, I can scent her now, she is in the pack lands, I should talk to her and straighten out my love life, so that I may die a happy wolf if not anything else, Yes it’s going to hurt for a while but it is for the better, I hope *He stood and looked to the pack lands His heart rate picking up but he was tired to playing the chasing game*
And what are you going to do? My son…


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[> |Tamed Spirit|Encased Dream| -- Spirited Dreams, 14:39:05 08/21/03 Thu [1]

[lol, indeed what a pair. i'm rasing a Ferdie to be, except with a little twist. instead of Pepsi Twist, Ferdie Twist. yes i'll shut up now =P]

~intangled i am, for i am a fly, unable to escape. i am doomed to be eaten by the spider, for i am too weak to set myself free.~

indeed he was. he could not be certain of his love for either female, and was not about to get himself in another web. no no, he didn't need two spiders crawling up his back.

he would wait, and watch. think and dream. observe carefully, yet never touch. the future would give him freedom, or so he hoped. the web will only break if he struggles, and that will only happen in time.

~and if i am not happy, then my life is making others so...~

he too rose to his paws, pistons carrying him to stand beside Ferdie. he was the same height now, yet the held the vigor of youth. his pelt curved about well defined muscles, and despite the fact he used little time to groom there was a sheen to his coat. orbs aged beyond his bodice scanned over the lands, maw speaking as he continued to watch.

~Kosses has returned not because she is hurt by Alaric, but because hse is hurt by you. she looked over her shoulder and saw you had stopped running. i believe she liked the attention.~

perhaps it was a bit harsh, but it was what he felt the truth. he had never met Kosses in per...er wolf. but he had seen her, and he kenw of her. perhaps his judgment was false upon her appearence here, and he hoped Ferdie would not become angered.

~i am going to wait father.~


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[> Re: ~What am I with out you~ -- Ferdie Von Pelt, 09:14:00 08/22/03 Fri [1]

What are you waiting for? Nothing will happen if you don't make it *He cleared his throat advice was hard to swallow especially your own*

You can't make other's happy if you are not happy, Don't fool yourself in that way.
*The only sheen from his coat was groomed into it which was why he was grooming it constantly he didn't want to look older, but the grey hair was starting to fleck his muzzle he couldn't keep age at bay for ever*

I can longer chase, *He spoke referring to Kosses, then he spoke of his take on love and mateship the way it should be* that isn't the way love... love is supposed to be. You’re supposed to want to stay at each others side, Live and appreciate each other, drink in the feelings that is held by the other for you and they of your love for them for if these can’t be enjoyed then what do you have but a friendship that’s slightly more? How can a family be raised in what is not a completely loving home, *Tears fell from his eyes, how could he raise pups if they know nothing of a family, or can’t be shown the love that they could have?*

But you have a great responsibility, for you Spirited Dreams will be alpha one day. *He looked up to the sky,* And it may be sooner then you think because problems in love are going to drive me into me grave *He chuckled trying to lighten his heart and the situation he now found himself in*

*How could he not break Kosses heart, He couldn’t be certain of the love he held to either her or Calprei but when better to follow his own advice and test his love for them, see which was the one he truly loved and which was the one who was a true friend, He had to make things happen and he had little time left to do it in, Spirited Dreams had a life time to do things, but if he let them slip like Ferdie did then soon he would find himself in Ferdie’s predicament, and trust Ferdie it’s not a fun thing*


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[> |You Are Free| -- Spirited Dreams, 09:45:27 08/22/03 Fri [1]

~i am waiting to be sure my heart doesn't lead me astray once more.~

perhaps that was the reason, but mainly he wanted to put off seeing Koda. he knew he loved Rain, but he did love Koda too. which one was true? how would he know, and if he had to leave Koda how could he manage that? he sighed heavily, dial turning to peer at Ferdie.

~Koda would be happy when i am not, and i would be happy when she is not, yet soon i would encounter grief for leaving her side. she knows little of the world itself, and her heart is so much more delicate then mine.~

he leaned over to wipe away Ferdie's tears with his muzzle, his fur absorbing the silver drops.

~let us hope you will not part from this world for some time. you act as if you're already on your death bed father.~

he turned to look solemly at the lands once more, uncertainly lingering in his thoughts. there was no way he could not hurt some one in his future choice.


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[> Re: ~What am I with out you~ -- Ferdie, 14:24:36 08/22/03 Fri [1]

I am Spirited Dreams, Don't be alarmed It's not for at least a year at most 2 but It takes a while to perpare oneself, I love You Spirited Dreams

*He shuttered, but it was true he saw his future one night and now he was determined to change it, He wasn't going to die alone if he could help it, Starting now. Kosses was here and it was time to make or break his love for her.*

*He nodded to himself as he came to a revelation*
I will no longer talk about death, just muble about my age, I'm not ready to go nor do I want too
*He grinned Those word he said made him the happiest wolf in the world, I love you Spirited Dreams, Was wasn't going to let death take him without a fight, As of these moment Death was going to have to chase him down*

Come lets go....

*He troted back to the pack lands, his step lighter then it has been though when he got to the pack land he was going to have to face his greatest deamons and proclaim his love for the love he truly loved,*

Lets go live, For to love is to live


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[> |Tamed Spirit|Encased Dream| -- Spirited Dreams, 15:10:38 08/22/03 Fri [1]

~and i love you, Ferdie Von Pelt.~

he grinned as well, the tip of his plume waving. he shed his sorrow for the moment, until it would smack into his face in the very near future.

charred pistons awoke as they were ordered to follow Ferdie.

[his love for the love her truey loved. wow, lol, that was my favorite part of your post XD]


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[> ((Yes but who is it??)) -- Kris, 20:35:46 08/29/03 Fri [1]

*Sigh*


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[> [> who is it you truely love? -- Blu, 21:42:53 08/29/03 Fri [1]

i have no idea, my poor Spirited is gonna become an emotional disaster very soon since i posted at Camelot for Koda...-sighs-


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