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Date Posted: 05:14:10 11/13/02 Wed
Author: Leatrix
Author Host/IP: netcache2-acld.auckland.clix.net.nz / 203.97.2.243
Subject: Um - where to begin?
In reply to: KatLurkin 's message, "General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat" on 18:07:38 11/12/02 Tue

Well - I have to be honest here and say that this was one hell of a confusing story. So much so that I gave up around part 7 and skipped to the end to see if there was anything that might drag me back to reading the rest.

Also - was it me, or was the story not *actually* finished? It seems like there are parts missing - but it might be that whenever I access FanFiction.Net that the other parts don't show up? That said, I don't think I would bother trying to find them.

I understand what the writer is trying to do and the technique they are using to try and draw the reader in. Unfortunately, unless its done well, it can fall quite flat. And sadly, this one is flatter than a pancake.

Starting the story part way through is a common writing technique. However the flashback that would help fill in the back story doesn't happen. So apart from wanting a spell, its quite hard to work out what is really going on. Also, the development of alternate universes requires a touch point with the original universe, with which to compare the alternate universe characters etc. The characters from the "real" buffyverse unfortunately aren't quite there so this adds to the confusion with the alternate characters.

Also the alternate characters need to touch the reader in some way, so that they are readily recognised - but different. The writer doesn't quite get this - the "alternate" characters are down right nasty and not what I would call a proper flipside of the "real" ones. I don't mind Reilly, but the way he was portrayed here was off-base in both universes. Anya seemed like a poor caricature of herself and Willow didn't ring true.

All those comments aside - I think there is a possibility of quite a good story here, it just needs to be brought into focus a lot more.

Score - 70

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[> Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- TC, 21:55:56 11/13/02 Wed (dialup-65.56.123.212.Dial1.Dallas1.Level3.net/65.56.123.212)

*cracks nuckles*

Hmm.. let's see. I'd like to begin with the fact that this story could've been really, really good. Problem was I didn't find it so. It had some good things in it and with a beta reader it would be a lot better but there just was so much clutter in it that made it like a run on sentence. And believe me, I know run on sentences :)

The actual storyline wasn't that bad and there were some great lines by the characters here and there but overall it fell short in a lot of ways for me. I think the writer should go back and rewrite it. Edit it and mix some things around and this story could be pretty good actually.

First thing edited should be the fact that Buffy says she can get to the mansion (which is a mile away) in fourteen minutes fast.

Damn, I must be working out a lot because I can run twice as fast as the slayer. lol, if I can run it in six minutes then uh, I think Buffy can run it faster than fourteen :)

Anyway, there were some things that I liked and I really wanted to like this story, I really did because like I said, there was some good lines with some of the characters and some of the stuff that was written could've been interesting to actually see happening. It's just it wasn't that interesting in this current state. Still, if the writer could twick it and get a beta reader (a lot of people that I know who are good writers have became that much better with beta readers) then this story would be something I'd like to reread. However, in it's current form I'd have to give it no better than a 75 out of 100.


TC


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