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Date Posted: 21:55:56 11/13/02 Wed
Author: TC
Author Host/IP: dialup-65.56.123.212.Dial1.Dallas1.Level3.net / 65.56.123.212
Subject: Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat
In reply to: KatLurkin 's message, "General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat" on 18:07:38 11/12/02 Tue

*cracks nuckles*

Hmm.. let's see. I'd like to begin with the fact that this story could've been really, really good. Problem was I didn't find it so. It had some good things in it and with a beta reader it would be a lot better but there just was so much clutter in it that made it like a run on sentence. And believe me, I know run on sentences :)

The actual storyline wasn't that bad and there were some great lines by the characters here and there but overall it fell short in a lot of ways for me. I think the writer should go back and rewrite it. Edit it and mix some things around and this story could be pretty good actually.

First thing edited should be the fact that Buffy says she can get to the mansion (which is a mile away) in fourteen minutes fast.

Damn, I must be working out a lot because I can run twice as fast as the slayer. lol, if I can run it in six minutes then uh, I think Buffy can run it faster than fourteen :)

Anyway, there were some things that I liked and I really wanted to like this story, I really did because like I said, there was some good lines with some of the characters and some of the stuff that was written could've been interesting to actually see happening. It's just it wasn't that interesting in this current state. Still, if the writer could twick it and get a beta reader (a lot of people that I know who are good writers have became that much better with beta readers) then this story would be something I'd like to reread. However, in it's current form I'd have to give it no better than a 75 out of 100.


TC

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[> General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- morgain, 15:21:54 11/17/02 Sun (modemcable106.54-130-66.mtl.mc.videotron.ca/66.130.54.106)

Well, I think the best example of my overall reaction to the story was that I spent 15 minutes trying to pronounce the title. It was only later that I realized that the title was supposed to be a hint as to the thrust of the story. And it is here that I think the story has its best potential, but its greatest weakness. It was an interesting device that the author tried to use: the evil universe a la Star Trek:TOS with counterparts who are as cruel and violent as “our universe” ones are admirable and courageous. But there was no build-up, and little story, atmosphere, and context construction. And it played out the story too closely to the original one in Star Trek [it even made reference to certain elements like Spock]. I also got quite confused as to who was Buffy1 and who was Buffy2 in the fight scene; more descriptive labels would have been clearer, or different names like Buff, Xan, and Will. Overall, I found myself just skimming the story and not fully engaged in it. Even the ending was not enough to really salvage the story.


From the beginning I was put off. The cold, cruel portrayals of Buffy, Riley, and Willow, even though understandable later, caused me to question the writing, rather than be intrigued by the plot twist. Maybe if the initial scenes were reversed, I could have been hooked, then disconcerted with the repetition of the scene but with the darker twist. I am not a fan of Riley, but this portrayal of the character was offensive in the comments about his intelligence. And for Buffy to suddenly come to the brilliant insight of “alternate Universe” after 1 tiny interaction with Spike was unbelievable to me. Now maybe this foundation was laid in previous stories, but if this was to be a “stand alone” it should have at least a cursory build-up. This reversal theme would have been a wonder opportunity to explore the “darker” nature of the slayer or of power or of souls and their influence or not on behaviour, but unfortunately the writer seemed to lapse into superficial stereotypes. A deeper, more subtle aspect of cruelty might have been more interesting, more along the lines of The Wish, when natural character weakness were amplified. The only interesting characterization I found was the brief appearance of Dru. I would have liked to hear more from her.

There were also problems with the sentence construction, grammar, and some typos. In general, I think this story needs some serious editing and focusing, and would not recommend it until then.

I give it a 69.


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