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Date Posted: 18:07:38 11/12/02 Tue
Author: KatLurkin
Author Host/IP: pcp02303222pcs.manass01.va.comcast.net / 68.52.163.61
Subject: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat


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[> Um - where to begin? -- Leatrix, 05:14:10 11/13/02 Wed (netcache2-acld.auckland.clix.net.nz/203.97.2.243)

Well - I have to be honest here and say that this was one hell of a confusing story. So much so that I gave up around part 7 and skipped to the end to see if there was anything that might drag me back to reading the rest.

Also - was it me, or was the story not *actually* finished? It seems like there are parts missing - but it might be that whenever I access FanFiction.Net that the other parts don't show up? That said, I don't think I would bother trying to find them.

I understand what the writer is trying to do and the technique they are using to try and draw the reader in. Unfortunately, unless its done well, it can fall quite flat. And sadly, this one is flatter than a pancake.

Starting the story part way through is a common writing technique. However the flashback that would help fill in the back story doesn't happen. So apart from wanting a spell, its quite hard to work out what is really going on. Also, the development of alternate universes requires a touch point with the original universe, with which to compare the alternate universe characters etc. The characters from the "real" buffyverse unfortunately aren't quite there so this adds to the confusion with the alternate characters.

Also the alternate characters need to touch the reader in some way, so that they are readily recognised - but different. The writer doesn't quite get this - the "alternate" characters are down right nasty and not what I would call a proper flipside of the "real" ones. I don't mind Reilly, but the way he was portrayed here was off-base in both universes. Anya seemed like a poor caricature of herself and Willow didn't ring true.

All those comments aside - I think there is a possibility of quite a good story here, it just needs to be brought into focus a lot more.

Score - 70


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[> Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- TC, 21:55:56 11/13/02 Wed (dialup-65.56.123.212.Dial1.Dallas1.Level3.net/65.56.123.212)

*cracks nuckles*

Hmm.. let's see. I'd like to begin with the fact that this story could've been really, really good. Problem was I didn't find it so. It had some good things in it and with a beta reader it would be a lot better but there just was so much clutter in it that made it like a run on sentence. And believe me, I know run on sentences :)

The actual storyline wasn't that bad and there were some great lines by the characters here and there but overall it fell short in a lot of ways for me. I think the writer should go back and rewrite it. Edit it and mix some things around and this story could be pretty good actually.

First thing edited should be the fact that Buffy says she can get to the mansion (which is a mile away) in fourteen minutes fast.

Damn, I must be working out a lot because I can run twice as fast as the slayer. lol, if I can run it in six minutes then uh, I think Buffy can run it faster than fourteen :)

Anyway, there were some things that I liked and I really wanted to like this story, I really did because like I said, there was some good lines with some of the characters and some of the stuff that was written could've been interesting to actually see happening. It's just it wasn't that interesting in this current state. Still, if the writer could twick it and get a beta reader (a lot of people that I know who are good writers have became that much better with beta readers) then this story would be something I'd like to reread. However, in it's current form I'd have to give it no better than a 75 out of 100.


TC


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[> General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- morgain, 15:21:54 11/17/02 Sun (modemcable106.54-130-66.mtl.mc.videotron.ca/66.130.54.106)

Well, I think the best example of my overall reaction to the story was that I spent 15 minutes trying to pronounce the title. It was only later that I realized that the title was supposed to be a hint as to the thrust of the story. And it is here that I think the story has its best potential, but its greatest weakness. It was an interesting device that the author tried to use: the evil universe a la Star Trek:TOS with counterparts who are as cruel and violent as “our universe” ones are admirable and courageous. But there was no build-up, and little story, atmosphere, and context construction. And it played out the story too closely to the original one in Star Trek [it even made reference to certain elements like Spock]. I also got quite confused as to who was Buffy1 and who was Buffy2 in the fight scene; more descriptive labels would have been clearer, or different names like Buff, Xan, and Will. Overall, I found myself just skimming the story and not fully engaged in it. Even the ending was not enough to really salvage the story.


From the beginning I was put off. The cold, cruel portrayals of Buffy, Riley, and Willow, even though understandable later, caused me to question the writing, rather than be intrigued by the plot twist. Maybe if the initial scenes were reversed, I could have been hooked, then disconcerted with the repetition of the scene but with the darker twist. I am not a fan of Riley, but this portrayal of the character was offensive in the comments about his intelligence. And for Buffy to suddenly come to the brilliant insight of “alternate Universe” after 1 tiny interaction with Spike was unbelievable to me. Now maybe this foundation was laid in previous stories, but if this was to be a “stand alone” it should have at least a cursory build-up. This reversal theme would have been a wonder opportunity to explore the “darker” nature of the slayer or of power or of souls and their influence or not on behaviour, but unfortunately the writer seemed to lapse into superficial stereotypes. A deeper, more subtle aspect of cruelty might have been more interesting, more along the lines of The Wish, when natural character weakness were amplified. The only interesting characterization I found was the brief appearance of Dru. I would have liked to hear more from her.

There were also problems with the sentence construction, grammar, and some typos. In general, I think this story needs some serious editing and focusing, and would not recommend it until then.

I give it a 69.


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[> Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- KatLurkin, 23:49:13 11/17/02 Sun (pcp02303222pcs.manass01.va.comcast.net/68.52.163.61)

I would say the story has a lot of potential. pieces of the story are great and the idea of evil alternative universe actually kept my attention more then I expectted it to. But the execution is choppy, it feels more like a draft copy then the final project, this work could benifit with some editing and smoothing rough edges, but I think the story would be worth the effort.
71


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[> Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- Bri, 01:44:55 11/18/02 Mon (cpe-66-1-253-227.co.sprintbbd.net/66.1.253.227)

Sorry so late with the review. I read the story, then kinda forget I was supposed to come back and review it... LOL

Anyway, I liked the concept of everyone in the AU being the antithesis of their counterparts in the original 'verse. However, I had a big problem with the way it was started. I was so confused at the beginning, I had no idea what was going on. It wasn't until maybe the third or fourth part that I really started getting a handle on who was who and what was what.

The brief explanation for Buffy's "realization" that they were in AU-the fact that they'd been in a couple before-was very thin. They referenced both at other times, just to drive home the point that yes, they'd been in other AUs. I understand that the point of the story was *this* particular AU but I think if they'd explored the ideas of the others a little further, maybe have the characters talk about them as a reference point for what to do in *this* one, maybe it would have been a little more logical than it seemed. Or maybe not. I just think it would have lent credence to their sudden ability to figure out what was going on without texts and discussion and everything that they normally use.

There were several weak points-as TC pointed out, the fact that it would take Buffy 14 minutes to run to the mansion. Hell, I'm really out of shape right now, and I can still do a mile in 12 minutes, mostly walking. LOL It was a little thing, but little things make or break a story. It shows that the author took the time to think it through and make it logical. We don't get that impression here, and when I read something that it doesn't look like the author even cared about anything besides getting to the end, I get fed up and usually stop reading. As is often said, "It's not the end you come to but the journey to get there that matters." Or something to that effect. :)

My biggest overall problem with this fic is the ending. It was such a complete and total cop-out that I was disgusted. I was mildly intrigued throughout the majority of the story, and was interested in figuring out how they were going to get back home. When characters started dying I was honestly more concerned with how Buffy and Co. were going to deal with the loss of their friends as a result of what was supposed to be a simple spell-gathering mission. (And thank God we're not grading me here, or I'd have gotten an F for that massive run-on! LOL)

But to have it all be undone very simply by a wish from Anya, well, I was seriously disappointed. I was looking forward to more angst, more in-depth examination of emotions and the concept of friendship in the type of existence they lead. Granted, I cheered on the idea of Anya having the brains and courage to swap places with her demonic alter-ego and carry it off so well-in fic she is mostly portrayed as the character she was in seasons four and five, blunt and crude and uncaring if she hurts people with her opinions, and also as Xander's Girlfriend. The useless one. So to see a fic where she makes the heroic move is awesome.

But still, the execution of this was just sloppy. Even in "The Wish" when the Wishverse was undone by Giles breaking Anyanka's amulet, it was a result of brains, knowledge, and intuition that led to a solution. Here, it was pretty much identical to the cliched "it was all a dream!" happily-ever-after. That takes no imagination and no skill, and frankly insults any halfway intelligent reader.

The author here has some great moments and some great ideas. But if (s)he's not using a beta reader (s)he should get one, and if (s)he is, (s)he should fire the one (s)he's got and get one who actually knows something about the construction of a story. Someone else reading over his/her shoulder and pointing out flaws could have saved us some serious headaches while reading this.

My grade? A 70.


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[> Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- ScarletNicky, 13:06:45 11/18/02 Mon (NoHost/130.127.13.220)

I know I'm not quite as tough a reviewer as most people here, but I really loved this story. Yes, there are some problems with it and he could have definitely used a beta-reader, but those flaws didn't impede my enjoyment of the story. I loved the "Mirror Mirror" Star Trek episode that inspired this, and I liked "SlayereyalS" even better than "The Wish," simply because I thought more interesting things happened. And there was Evil Giles.

I really enjoyed Mediancat's portrayal of the Evil Scoobs, and I thought there were lots of cool thouches throughout, like a good version of Dru. I also loved the dialogue, and thought he got the mixture of humor and adventure that makes BtVS great about right. Yes, I know both versions of Riley were pretty much trashed, but for some reason I just didn't have a problem with that.

I don't consider a fanfic to be truly great unless I wish it were an actual episode so that I could see the actors perform it. There are very VERY few fanfics I would say that about, but this is one of them.

95


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[> Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- Kaylorin, 13:53:39 11/18/02 Mon (pcp632159pcs.newhvn01.in.comcast.net/68.53.200.184)

Fist off, want to appologise for kinda copping out on this. I didn't even read it till today, but I think Kat gets why, so I'm not grounded. LoL

Second of all, look at all the trekkers who could see Xander's beard as a dead give away. This was almost an exact copy of the episode Mirror Mirror, as has already been pointed out. That in itself makes me want to score favorably (cuz I'm a big dorky trekker), but then I read on I realise how badly it was done.

The characters were just sort of spouting out Buffyisms with a few lines to move the story ahead. This could have been a wild and fun epic, but I was unimpressed with the lack of shocking moments, or inginuity. All the stuff being done lacked imagination.

Tara bugged the hell out of me (alernate Tara that is) All the evil characters were the same, just had different names.. oh and one had a beard.

And it looked like the writer ended it hoping to be asked for a sequel. I mean, considering the last time he got a special piece of jewelry it go mashed, and you really don't want Anya's necklace mashed, should she be calling Angel to hold it for her? I mean.. really?

That said, and I know it was all negative, I will give props for the attempt. Writing a story with two sets of the same characters can be a pain in the but. Hence why I don't. But I was not too happy that it was another one of THOSE. Let's all go to another dimension. Its done too much. (Of course I say this while two of mine do that very thing... one even going to Trek land. LoL.)

Also, killing off a large number of characters takes guts cuz most people aren't real happy about that. But again coping out with bringing 'em back.

The most important thing thogh, now that all the picky stuff is out of the way... was it entertaining?

Yeah, it was actually. If someone had just told me to read this, I would have finished it. It wasn't a terrible story, but I thought it missed major things that would have made it easier to read and I really think the ending needs work.

I would take this and call it a rough draft, then work on it littel by little. Add soem details, a few more character traits to the evil Scoobs.. that kind of stuff.

As is though, I'll have to go with a 65 as my score.

Sorry. :(


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[> Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- Chani ***late, i know***, 15:56:28 11/19/02 Tue (curie.noos.net/212.198.0.93)

First, I thought I didn't get it because I was a foreigner.....And i still think it was harder for me to understand that story!

The plot about the reversal universe is interesting and that story could have been great, but the writing makes it confused. I totally agree with morgain!

Sorry to give a low mark.....again

60


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[> Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- SaraKat, 18:32:18 11/20/02 Wed (lsanca1-ar4-254-042.biz.dsl.gtei.net/4.33.254.42)

First off, I'd like to apologize to everyone for getting this in so late. RL got in the way and today was the first chance I got to post my review.

Second, I tend to agree with what most of you have already posted. I had to read this story several times and even then it didn't make much sense to me. I loved the idea of an AU where the Scoobies were all the extreme of their "good" selves, but found the story too confusing and jumbled. At the end, I literally sat there at my computer going "Huh????". Not a good sign. And getting a beta-reader would be a good idea...if there's one thing that makes reading a complicated story even more difficult, it's obvious spelling and grammar mistakes. That said, I give this story a 70.


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[> Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- Jade, 19:29:30 11/21/02 Thu (inktomi3-nth.server.ntl.com/62.253.32.6)

I really couldn't get into this story.

I didn't understand half of it, and like the other said, get a beta reader!

I gave up reading halfway through and skipped to the end, like someone else did. It didn't get much better from there.

I give it a low 55.


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[> Re: General Review & Discussion: SlayereyalS by Mediancat -- JSlayerUK, 18:24:16 11/24/02 Sun (cache-loh-ac06.proxy.aol.com/195.93.34.12)

Okay, this story I really couldn't get. I wasn't able to follow it, it took me several attempts to even finish it. I mean, it took me days to get around to it, and I think the sign of a good fanfic is the urge to keep reading. This didn't pull me in. I'm sure it could have been good, but as it stands, it was rather dull.

50.


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