| Subject: Re: He hurt my feelings |
Author:
Shari
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Date Posted: 15:36:26 03/20/07 Tue
In reply to:
Heather
's message, "Re: He hurt my feelings" on 12:38:20 03/20/07 Tue
Wow! I see now how lucky I was that my addict was in prison instead of hanging around while I tried to figure out what to do. I wouldn't let daddy come home till I knew for sure that he was clean, and had the broken attitude....it was in his voice mostly...hard to explain, but for those that have heard it, they know what I mean.
Without being around your situation, from what you are telling me, it is my opinion that Spencer still has the addict attitude...whether he is using or not (like Shelly said). This means that he is nowhere near recovery.
I know I struggled over that heartbreaking decision of having a father for my boys or going without. I am blessed that God decided to have my husband get it together so that I didn't have to be the one to take their father out of their lives...but I was prepared to do so when I realized that the attitude hadn't changed. It is my opinion that I felt my boys would be better off not having their dad around rather than to have him come and go in their lives as he pleased. If daddy hadn't gotten it together, I was prepared to tell him to go fly, and don't bother contacting us till you can show me a 3-year chip from NA.
This is just my opinion, though. One never knows what is best for the child as each child is different. I was ready to have my children resent me for making the decision to not have daddy around rather than to see their little minds and hearts messed up by him on a constant basis...and yes...my oldest did take his anger out on me with regard to not having his daddy here.
It has to be your decision, and you have to stick with it. You are letting him manipulate you. Yes, you have set up your boundaries, but I have seen you allow them to topple many times. Hard, isn't it.
Take some time away from Spencer....set up new boundaries with regard to how he has to be behaving in order to have a relationship with his son....AND STICK TO THEM. Don't even put a boundary up with regard to a relationship with you. He's shown that he doesn't care (addict's behavior). Continue on with your divorce procedings, and quit letting him manipulate you. If it is actually meant to be, you can get remarried....but don't let him sucker you while the divorce is still in the courts so that he can get away with things.
Stand firm....move on. When you move on, so does your son. Do it before the damage that Spencer can create for him is something he can't get past.
That is my opinion. You need to take time, think, pray, and figure it out for your family....THEN STICK TO IT!
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