| Subject: Re: He hurt my feelings |
Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 12:38:20 03/20/07 Tue
In reply to:
Shelly
's message, "Re: He hurt my feelings" on 20:23:44 03/19/07 Mon
Thanks Shelley,
Yes your response helps. I don't see that I have a problem letting him just be a dad and not be romantically involoved with me - he is the one that cannot be a dad unless he is involved with me. I have tried to just stay out of his way as a father. He just doesn't have that much interest in our son. SO I am not too sure at this point what I should do about that. Like I said, if he calls, I will deal with it at that point. Is he using? I am not really sure actually, but he didn't care who he was hurting. He forgot that our little boy had his hopes up about him and he failed him. I know where I went wrong and that was trusting him all together, but other than that, I was good, faithful, nice, honest, all of that. He was the liar, deciever, etc. He decieved us all as a family. I didn't ask for him back, but I did offer to give him another chance after he wrote me a couple of letters spilling his guts to me. Yes he gets to me. He is not committed to me and he has never been committed to our son. Two separate issues. So what do I do? I don't have to be with him and yes I would like him to be a dad to our son, but after the stuff he pulled on us as a whole, I see he may not be a great role model for anyone let alone himself. I just don't know what to think right now. He is an addict whether he is using or not. Now is that healthy for my boy? Probably not. I try to think of long term affects on my boy. It's confusing and painful at the same time. I know my boy loves his dad. But Spencer treats our son the same way he treats me. Now I know my son's heart is broken. See Spencer wants his way or he wants NO WAY. But it cannot be like that. He cannot have me in the equation any time he feels he wants me in the equation.
Anyways - I'm babbling now. It's almost like I know how he thinks and it is really badly distorted.
So next I am sure he will either leave us all alone or he will be very bold and call and ask when can I pick up my son. And forget that he is an addict and he hasn't been able to pick him up in a very long time. I have thought of that and decided to stay uninvolved and have him see my son at my grandmothers house without seeing me.
And if that works out, go from there with other visits.
But I think you are right, he has not changed. He is just weird. Everyone I know thinks that and I see it more and more.He is one of those guys that has a few screws loose or even missing. More and more I think he needs major help. I also see that Bernie is his rock. If he didn't have Bernie, he would be completely lost. This man still does so much for him. Let's him use his truck on a daily basis, does the business books for him, handles his money for him. Bernie has given him a work cell phone which is in Bernies name, a business credit card, a gas card. Why would he want to change? He still has everything handed to him. He works for his paycheck and that is all. He works Sunday evenings, Tuesday evenings, and Thursday evenings. How easy is his life? That is all he has to do to have a roof over his head and food in his mouth and a truck to drive. And all the rest of his time is spent partying. Who would give that up? He traded his family for that life he lives now. He gave up his own blood son many times just to have material items. You should hear the way he talks, like he is better than others, like he says, "I don't buy cheap stuff" Meaning he only buys the best clothes, etc.... Who really cares about all that material stuff? I know where he got that way of thinking at. He is so arrogant still. That letter he wrote to me was probably him just coming down and feeling bad for everything cause it didn't last that long. He is back to his old way of thinking and it didn't take long.
All this to say "YES I think he is still using" He is the same person he always was, but now he lives with an intelligient person and he is picking up on his behaviour"
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