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Date Posted: 17:17:29 11/18/02 Mon
Author: CCCook
Subject: Re: Studs, Texas - Book Two - New segments
In reply to: CCCook 's message, "Re: Studs, Texas - Book Two - New segments" on 17:10:11 11/18/02 Mon

From Sue:

** author's note- this segment contains a flashback within a flashback. I hope this is not too confusing to the reader.**


Steam now filled the small bathroom as Hope reached to turn off the shower nozzle. Stretching
from behind the curtain, she grabbed for a blue bath towel to wrap about herself before reaching
once again for another to wrap around her still damp hair. Droplets of water rolled down her
arms and legs as she made her way across the bathroom floor dragging the small bath mat with
her to mop up the excess moisture. Extending her right arm forward, she began to slowly wipe
away the water vapor that beaded up upon the bathroom mirror before exposing it to the
strained reflection that stared back at her. “Did she really look that bad?” she wondered noticing
the lines of fatigue that etched her eyes and forehead along with dark circles and puffiness . The
dark circles were from lack of sleep and the puffiness from crying. She’d need to use a lot of
concealer to cover this up, and reached towards her make up bag, only to drop it back down
again as she continued to stare back at her image.

She looked as awful as she felt. Backing away from the mirror, she reached for her bath robe
upon the hook of the door. Letting the towel drop to the floor, she drew the soft folds of
comfort about herself, securing the belt around her waist. She wasn’t ready yet to make herself
pretty...if pretty could be termed an accurate description...perhaps less frightening would be a
better word. The thought caused the first tiny thread of a smile to form upon her lips. Well
perhaps frightening was a little too drastic, but she was definitely somewhere between the two
leaning more heavily towards the latter. If she stood any chance to achieve the former, she’d
definitely need a cup of coffee first.

Moving out towards her living room, she took a quick glance into Justin’s room. The boy was
still asleep, snuggled securely within a small cocoon of blankets, and moving on towards the
kitchen, she reached for the white kettle to fill it with water. Placing it upon the stove, she lit
the burner beneath it, before turning around to collect a mug from the cabinet behind her. It was
then that she saw the two mugs she had placed upon the counter last night. She had been in the
process of making herself and Josh a cup of tea when he revealed to her what had transpired
during Justin’s T-ball registration. Their discussion had quickly turned into a heated
disagreement, and not ending before the two of them had said things they hadn’t intended.

Reaching forward, she grasped the two mugs within her hands; her grip tightening about them
as their heated exchange played upon her memory. “You should have told me, prepared
me!...It’s none of your business!... How do you think he would have felt if he had found out that
way?.... Who are you to tell me how to raise my child?!...You still don’t trust me !.... Not all of
us have led as pristine a life as you....” Her throat tightened, and she closed her eyes against
these harsh cruelties in an effort to shut them out, and keep them from overpowering her once
again. She had replayed them over and over again in her mind last night, barely getting any rest
as she tossed and turned in regret over the situation. “How could Josh have put her on the spot
like that?”she wondered, wanting...no demanding to know about her past.

Scrunching her eyes close once more in an futile effort to block out such questions from playing
upon her mind further, and shaking her head, she replaced the mugs back onto the counter, and
moved out into the living room, sinking down upon the freshly made up couch that also served
as her bed. Drawing her robe more closely about her, she began to brood some more over these
regretful moments that had ensued . No...demanding was too harsh a word. She remembered
the questioning frustration that filled his eyes. It wasn’t in Josh’s nature to demand...in fact
even question. He had never pressured her before for any information regarding her past...their
past. He had always accepted her as she was. It had been unfair of her to have burdened him
with this as she did. It wasn’t for himself or for any discomfort on his part over the situation
that had caused him such great concern and allowed his feelings to override his better
judgement, but it was for the boy, and his feelings, thinking only of Justin, if he had found out
that way.

Standing up, she walked towards her son’s room once more feeling the overwhelming need to
look in upon him, to assure herself of his present security as she watched him sleep. Josh had
been right. What if Justin had found out that way? Thinking back, she remembered the last few
words of his conversation with Josh on the Saturday before Easter.

“I wish we were a family, and that you were my dad.”

“I may not be your father, but that doesn’t stop me from loving you.”

Moving a bent finger towards her lip, she bit down gently upon it to stifle a quiet sob, and
shifted away from the doorway, blinking back a fresh wave of tears that had begun to fill her
eyes. She had be unfair to Josh...unfair to Justin... to both of them. How could she have let
matters get so out of hand with this conspiracy of silence to keep the past dead and buried? Josh
had always been so kind and supportive, and yet she...she had been cold... even spiteful in
return. Unable to contain them, tears flowed freely down her face as she walked towards the
couch once more. Setting back down upon it, her thoughts were now moving a mile a minute.
“How did she let matters get to this?” She questioned. Her son questioning who his father was,
and the man she lov... no liked...no loved questioning her integrity. Shaking her head once
again the realization hit her. She loved Josh. She did. She finally found the strength within
herself to admit that. It had happened so gradually that she hadn’t comprehended it before
now, but she loved him. The awareness that she harbored such deep emotion for him brought
fear with it.. There had been only one other man, who had stirred such deep emotion within
her, though there had been a time when she professed to love another man as deeply. The
memories of that first love brought with it an uneasiness. They had pledged to love each other
forever, but their time together had been so short...too short. Was she willing to risk that all
again...risk the memories... risk the hurt and heartbreak that may accompany it? And Josh?
Would he want to put up with all this excess baggage she carried along with her? Was it even
fair to expect that of him? Could she find the courage within herself to acknowledge the truth to
him, to Justin, but most of all, to herself? And when had she stopped loving Evan and started
loving Josh?... Or was the heart even capable of ceasing to love? She didn’t know if hers was,
though with unquestioning certainty she could not say the same about the others in her life as her
thoughts traveled back in time.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Once as my heart remembers,
all the stars were fallen embers.
Once when the night seemed forever
I was with you.”**




In the distance, Hope could hear the hushed sounds of music playing from the San Jacinto Day
bandstand. It promised to grow more livelier and raucous as the night commenced . The echoes
of talk and laughter reached out to her through the darkness as she wiped her slightly sticky
fingers against a napkin before turning to go join the others. She felt more than heard the presence
of someone coming up beside her. “Now don’t you go trying to sneak another taste...I warned you
what would happen...” She admonished teasingly as she turned, expecting to find Remy beside her
once again. She was at a disadvantage as her darkened surroundings acted to keep covert her
companion’s identity. “R...” She began as the first of the fireworks shot off into nighttime sky
above them illuminating it with rays of gold, blue and red, and revealing the identity of the person
before her, his blue eyes almost as intense as the pyrotechnics above them.

The brightness lighting the heavens was immediately followed by a resounding boom causing her
to jump. Swiftly an arm came forward to support her, the body that it belonged to moving closer
with it until they were only inches apart. Her eyes were staring upward, but not to admire the
fireworks display taking place in the skies above them, but to be held...mesmerized, with those
eyes staring back at her. For a moment neither of them spoke, but remained still as if trapped in
time. His was the first to break the silence with his voice, its timber familiar and rough stirring a
wave of emotions long forgotten inside her.

“Are you okay? I didn’t mean to startle you.” He spoke up. She opened her mouth to reply, but
he continued on. “It’s just when I saw you standing over here, I wanted to say hello.” His hand now
moving down to clasp her own.

Staring back at him, she said the first thing that came to mind. Her “Hello Evan...” came out more
like a squeak than a greeting. Her tone sounding as if she had just woken up after a long night’s
slumber, and her voice had not yet found itself. In a way, her mind mused, it was indeed as if she
had just been awaken for her senses stirred again inside her, taking in everything about him. His
hair, still sun bleached blonde and tousled, but now more closely cropped than before. His eyes
were as she remembered a deep smokey blue. His skin, now tanned and some what roughened
from exposure to the elements, was marked with a few days growth of beard...his scent the same
leather and smoke, and his voice- a deep throaty whisper.

“I did scare you, didn’t I ?” He remarked, before moving back and releasing her hand..

Shaking her head, she replied. “No...no, you didn’t. It was the sound of the fireworks and...that
I just wasn’t expecting anyone.”

He remained silent, but seemed pleased by her last words as a slight upward curve played upon his
lips as she continued on. “No... that’s not right....I was expecting someone else...just not you.” She
supplied and while he said nothing in return, his eyes seemed to question back, “Who?” As Hope
stumbled on.. “When did you get back in town?”

“A few days ago.” Was his brief response and he said no more as if satisfied to just stand back and
look on.

The awkward silence that followed made the jumble of emotions playing within her bristle even
more as she tried to come up with something else to say. He however remained unaffected.

“Do you..do you plan to stay this time?”

“It depends...” He began. The intensity of his stare increasing causing her to feel suddenly uneasy
as she broke her gaze to stare down towards her feet.

“How have you been?” she interrupted hastily.

“Existing” was his brief response as her eyes once again traveled back upward to meet with his.

“Existing?” She replied without hesitation, questioning such an unusual response.

“ If you could call it that....” He supplied. “...perhaps getting by would be a more accurate term.”

“So are you still with the carnival ?...”

“No, I never went back to it after I left. I’m in business for myself now. Wood work... making
furniture... contracting out to do small home improvement jobs...”

Thinking back to his lovely carvings of the carousel horses, she asked. “So you’ll be starting up a
business in town then?”

“No, I work mostly from my van... it allows me the freedom, the freedom to travel here and there...
the freedom to pick up and go wherever and whenever the mood strikes me.”

His last words acted to spark a remembrance inside of her as she asked. “Did you ever find what
you were looking for?”

Her innocent question brought a brief hint of regret momentarily to his deep, stormy blue eyes to
replace the previous steady gleam that had stared back at her, but just as quickly as it came, it was
gone, and he spoke up. “No...No, I don’t suppose I did.....” His voice trailing off in to a whisper
before finishing with. “...but then again I suppose it’s within human nature to always be
searching.... to always be journeying towards finding some answer... towards finding oneself....”

Once again she felt uncomfortable as if her query had been more intrusive than she intended it to,
and just as quickly as her question of before, she issued an apology.. “I’m sorry.” She replied,
extending out her hand in an act of repentance for her meddlesomeness, but he took it to mean
something more, remembering the depths of compassion that dwelled within her, and moved
forward in acceptance and need to take what she had offered out to him within his own, as he
replied. “Don’t be...Everyone has crosses they must bear... roads they must travel...” A rustle of
commotion coming from behind them moved the two apart as two men in conversation drew near.

“I told you, she’d still be here guarding them cakes and pies like a little trooper.” Replied a mocking
voice. “Hope, don’t tell me you’re still here? I promise, I’ll keep my hands off all the goodies and
be a good boy until you say so....” A tall, slim man responded as he drew up next to them. His
voice suddenly trailing off when he realized she wasn’t alone.

“Remy... Peter...” she whispered almost to herself than to anyone surrounding them, and then more
loudly she spoke up. “I’m sorry I kept the two of you waiting....it’s just that when I met up with
Evan, here , the two of us began talking.”

Remy, both tall and blonde in his own right, but in an all American boy sort of way, sized up the
other man beside her before speaking up once again. “Collier...I didn’t realize you were back in
town.”

“ Fontaine...Edwards...” He greeted them briefly, before the first and then the latter man who had
just joined them offered up their hands in a more formal greeting.

“Good to have you back, Coll.” Hope’s brother, Peter, replied with a smile and a firm handshake.
“Are you planning on sticking around for a while this time?”

“If the mood strikes me...” Was his brief response, as he watched from the corner of his eye as
Remy Fontaine moved closer towards Hope, drawing his arm about her waist to guide her body
towards his in unspoken prior claim before commenting once again.

“I didn’t realize the two of you knew each other so well.”

“We didn’t...we don’t.” Hope went on as if to clear the air of that sudden feeling of awkwardness,
and she went on to explain. “Evan helped me out a few years back.”

“Really? How?” the other man questioned and Hope wondered as she listened if there was an
unaccustomed roughness to Remy’s usually upbeat tone.

“He got me out of a rough spot.” She quickly supplied as Evan stared back at the threesome in front
of him before speaking up himself, and coming to Hope’s aid.

“ Her car broke down. I gave her a lift home. That’s it.” His nonchalant and succinct reply
prompted her eyes to hastily stare back at his, while his last choice of words echoed in her mind.
“Had that been it?” Her mind briefly questioned. Had she been the only one to be preoccupied
afterwards about what had taken place during their brief encounter together...wondering .... even
speculating about him. Realizing now almost embarrassingly that if there had been any
connection felt, it had been all one sided on her part alone, and in an effort to conceal the flush
of color now spreading across her face, she allowed her gaze to travel downwards towards the
ground around them while feeling Remy’s arm tighten even more about her, gathering her almost
protectively against his side until her their bodies made contact and she heard him reply. “Then
I’m in your debt, Collier. I wouldn’t want any harm to come to my little gal.”

********************************************************************************
It was now Remy’s words that acted to stir the swirl of emotions welling up inside of her, adding
to her already self-conscious state. “Little gal.” While growing up he had used those words to taunt
her countless times during those many years when she had been regarded as a bothersome pest to
her brother and his circle of friends. Always the tag along, the tattle tale , ready to reveal their
secrets and exploits to their elders, and getting the group into even more trouble than they
bargained for. She remembered the wistful, gawky preteen she had been while they, Peter, Remy
and their circle, were busying their lives with dances, socials and games. Remy, himself, starring
in many of them as the talented running back, or the all star short stop. He had been the true
golden boy... he still was; the boy voted most likely to succeed, the boy every girl had wanted to date
or take them to the senior prom, and the one, who never paid her an ounce of attention unless it
was to join in with the cruel brotherly barbs of her elder sibling, Peter. But college had changed
that...not right away though. For while, both boys had went away on successful sports scholarships
only to return for the holidays complete with new tales of conquests and glory. Their home had
acted as a hub for these homecoming gatherings. It wasn’t until his senior year in college that Remy
had finally taken notice of her. It was as if a haze had been lifted from his eyes that late Wednesday
night before Thanksgiving when the two of them, Peter and Remy, along with a group of friends,
also home for the holidays, were sharing a few beers in the Edwards’ den while discussing the pros
and cons of the games to be played the next day. She had been helping her mom with some last
minute culinary details for the next day’s celebration, when Remy happened into the kitchen looking
for something to eat.

“Anything interesting happening in here?” He called out in greeting as he walked through the
opened kitchen doorway. “My...what is that delicious scent I smell? There ain’t no better cook
than you , Mrs. Edwards, in all of Austin county.”

“Remy Fontaine...” Her mother answered back, unable to contain the hint of laughter in her voice
at this almost hapless performance that played out before her. She knew there was only one
reason Remy would venture into her kitchen voluntarily especially on a night like this and asked.
“Doesn’t that mother of yours feed you, boy... or have you’ve eaten her out of house and home
already? I know my grocery bill has put a considerable dent in the family finances since Peter’s
homecoming. The only one, who can out eat that boy, is you..” She added unable to keep the
sparkle of amusement from gleaming in her eyes as she took in the other boy’s well rehearsed
forlorn puppy dog expression at her response before continuing on. “You’ll find some left over
fried chicken in the fridge. Just help yourself.” before turning around once again to get back to her
work upon the counter.

Hope, who had been working beside her in unison, briefly turned her attentions towards the two
the them before continuing on with the task in front of her as she listened to their conversation
unfold. That Remy Fontaine had a golden tongue to match his golden image. As she heard him
rifling through their refrigerator, her mother now elbow deep in pie crust dough, remarked with a
hint of frustration. “Don’t tell me you can’t find it? Where’s that keen blood hound sense of smell
you boys most surely possess whenever there’s food around to be had?” And turning towards Hope,
she begged. “Could you please help him locate it before I find all my previous work efforts in a
ramshackle mess?” Smiling back at her mother, Hope wiped her hands on the apron around her
waist before turning to go aid of the young man behind them while her mother’s parting words
echoed in her ears. “Typical male couldn’t find his nose if it wasn’t already on his face...”

Remy had knelt down now, his head almost buried inside the refrigerator as she drew up beside
him. The chicken was clearly visible upon the top shelf behind the collard green salad. Moving
the latter, she reached for the cool earthworn bowl and drew it out, holding it over his head as her
voice spoke up. “Is this what you are looking for?” Remy’s head turned towards her while
remaining on his hands and knees; a reckless grin playing upon his good looking features. His pose
reminded her of a hungry Labrador awaiting a soup bone from its master,. But just as suddenly as
a hound could lose sight of his goal when a rabbit shot cross its path, his gaze moved from the
chicken to the image of the girl standing behind it as if seeing her for the first time. In a stupor,
he rose up to stand in front of her, his carefree grin being replaced by one of dazzled curiosity.
Hope stared back at him impatiently while she waited for him to take the bowl from her outstretched
hand.

It was only when her mother spoke up once again that the haze that seemed to envelope him
immediately faltered. “Remy, boy...have you taken one hit to many to that thick noggin of yours?
Move away, boy and take that bowl!” She admonished. “You’re letting all the cold air out of my
refrigerator! You’ll have Mr. Edwards to answer to if his prized chutney ends up spoiled!”

Remy backed away as Hope closed the door to the appliance beside them, while she released the
dish to his care without worry that it might topple to the floor below them. Hope just smiled as
she spoke up again. “It seems that the poor boy must be starving and beyond our help, mother,
cause I can’t come up with any other substantiated reason to explain why his brain seems to be
reacting so poorly ‘cept perhaps for his natural born propensity towards stupidness. Heaven help
his team mates if this is what they can expect from him upon the playing field. It seems that the
golden boy’s days may be numbered.” She heard her mother’s laughter in the background and
satisfied with her well timed barb, she turned to get back to her work. She wasn’t expecting
anything in return on his part other than his understandable annoyance at her for one time getting
the better of him, but as she made to move away, he acted hastily as if to put aside any doubts on
her part concerning the lack in his ability towards achieving anything but the utmost in reaction
time. He quickly grabbed for her with his free hand as he placed the dish in his custody upon the
table beside him with the other, using both his hands and arms now to pull her towards him, and
plant a swift, hard passion filled kiss against her lips taking full advantage at her lack of propriety
brought on by her surprise to further the intimacy between them through seeking out the warmth of
her mouth before ending it almost as quickly as he had begun . A gleam of satisfied reprisal filled
his eyes as he recognized the shock and annoyance in her own. The corners of his mouth turned
up in an almost devil may care smile while he lightly ran the tip of his tongue along the top then
bottom rim of his lips that only seconds before had so carefully clashed against her own.
“Powdered sugar.... “ He remarked as if savoring the taste from both contacts before adding. “ It’ll
add inches to those hips.” He grinned back wickedly as he waited for a reaction to both his words
and actions to play across her face. Embarrassment joined both the previous anger and shock at
what he just did, but more so on how it had made her feel, which served to satisfy his curiosity as
he finished off with, “... though . you wear it very well.” His actions had been so swift...almost
calculated, that her mother, only a few short feet away from the two of them, had remained
oblivious to any goings on out of the ordinary, totally absorbed in the task in front of her, cutting
short any effort of her own part towards a response.

Before Remy had the chance to say anymore, her brother, Peter, barged into the kitchen
complaining loudly, “Geezus, Remy is there anything left for the rest of us or have you been
hoarding it all in here?”

“Peter!” Her mother spoke up for the first time since before the ill timed kiss and she admonished
her son immediately. “I will not have you taking the Lord’s name in vain in my home!”

Smirking back almost apologetically towards his mother, Peter did the only thing he could to save
his hide from any further chastisement on her part . “Sorry, Mom! But you know how famous your
fried chicken is around these parts. A fellow might do just about anything to keep it all to
himself....even keep company with the woman folk in their domain.”

The younger Edwards boy had almost been granted a reprieve if not for his last careless mistake.
“Our domain!” She replied caustically. “I’ll have you know that us *women folk* here will be
happy to share our domain with you at any time... ‘specially tomorrow night after the big dinner.
I think it would be just desserts for you *men folk* to get yourselves well acquainted with a dish
tub filled with plenty of hot water and soap bubbles, and a counter totally covered with dirty dishes
‘specially considering your sister, Rebecca, and how far along she is. Do her a lot of good to get
off her feet for a while, and sit back while watching you *men folk* get comfy with *our domain*
not to mention Hope, grandma and myself...”

Peter’s eyes grew wide in alarm. “You wouldn’t.. couldn’t...” He started. “....but the big Texas
A&M game?....” He faltered, almost fearing the retaliation of all the other male members of the
Edwards’ clan, who only washed dishes when utterly necessary. He’d be lucky if they only tarred
and feathered him for such a misdeed as he was about to bring upon them especially with possibility
of missing the 4pm kick off time looming frighteningly overhead if dinner ran overtime.

It was his mother’s turn to grin. “You’re lucky.” Was all she answered while Peter turned a
relieved face back towards Remy again, catching the amusement upon the other boy’s countenance
as he watched the exchange between mother and son, almost forgetting his own recent precarious
step into misconduct as his eyes met once again with Hope’s. The stunned look still upon her face
only served to increase the satisfaction he felt growing inside him, but now was not the time to act
upon it.

“I see you found what you were looking for.” Peter remarked as the other young man followed him
out of the kitchen and back towards the den while Remy’s parting words echoed through the closing
of the kitchen door behind them. “In more ways than one....” Peter stared back at him somewhat
confused by his reply, but didn’t bother to consider it any further as he reached for a drumstick.

********************************************************************************

It was Remy speaking up again that brought her back to the present moment as she looked up at the
three men surrounding her as he addressed Evan. “So you’re back to stay then, Coll?” He asked.
“Couldn’t stay away from us now, could you? Well you’ve come back just in time....” and as if to
clarify himself further, he added. “... just in time to enjoy all of the San Jacinto festivities.”

An awkward silence followed these last words, and Peter noticed a tense uneasiness among his
fellow companions as if some unspoken accord had just been reached while he, still in the dark,
was left wondering about what had just transpired.

“Well, we should be going.” Remy spoke up once again. “It’s good to have you back, man” He
directed towards Evan. Remy’s words of departure spurred Hope towards finally breaking her
long silence, and looking back up into the eyes of the other man in front of her, she simply stated,
“Yes. Welcome back, Evan.” before allowing Remy to direct her forward as the group walked
away, back in the direction of the bandstand.

Evan remained behind in the recess of the shadows as he watched the threesome move away while
Remy’s closing words played back in his mind.

“You’ve come back just in time.”

“No.” He thought to himself as the figures before him faded into the darkness. “No...Once again,
he had been too late...”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sharp shrill of the tea kettle in the distance jolted Hope’s senses back into the present, and
shaking herself long and hard, she thought back to Josh’s words. He had been right. She didn’t trust
him, but then again she didn’t trust herself, not where the past was concerned. Glancing quickly
up at the clock upon the wall, she was startled to see just how much time had elapsed since she first
began these silent musings. It was almost 9:35, and Justin was still in bed. In less than a half an
hour, he needed to be at the ball field. Rushing over, she turned off the kettle and hurried off
towards his room, leaving behind once again any thoughts of the past.

**an excerpt from Enya's Fallen Embers (A Day Without Rain- 1999)

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