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Subject: Soon


Author:
Carly
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Date Posted: 00:27:58 12/16/08 Tue

I'm 25. I've never wanted children in my life. I'm always very careful...except 3 weeks ago when I was drunk and I don't really remember what happened. It was fun....and I didn't think to ask about condoms until a week later. It was too late for Plan B. I hoped I'd be lucky.
I wasn't. Let me reiterate- I never want children. So finding out I was pregnant was like a nightmare come true. I barely know the father- it was just a fun night...My appointment is on Saturday....I just can't have a child. I know I would be a terrible mother and even adoption isn't an option.
I've never hated myself more. I know this is the only option but I feel terribly guilty.

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: Soon


Author:
Diane Cheryl
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Date Posted: 01:47:02 12/17/08 Wed

Dear Carly,

If you're feeling guilty already, then you are probably not a good candidate for an abortion without psychological problems. Please join our group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unplanned_pregnancy_help/

Make sure you copy and paste that link and come to our group. Write soon!

Diane Cheryl
DCHERYL51@yahoo.com

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[> [> Subject: Re: Soon


Author:
Carly
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Date Posted: 20:16:49 12/22/08 Mon

Thanks to those who replied. I felt guilty because I never wanted to make the decision but was the only one I could make.
In the aftermath I actually feel pretty good- not suicidal or the like.
Thanks again.

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[> Subject: Re: Soon


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 05:58:52 12/17/08 Wed

Hi, Carly,

I'm glad you came.

I am curious as to why adoption isn't an option. If you don't want it, why would you be unable to choose adoption? Is it because you know you'll change your mind about wanting your baby?

Your heart is begging you not to have an abortion. Abortions are dangerous, too, and could kill you or severely disable you. And if you hate yourself now, I can't think how you will feel afterward.

I know a woman whom I met several years ago, on the internet. She felt exactly the same way as you. She never wanted to be a mother. On top of that, she had terrible, horrible morning sickness. We tried to warn her, but she was sure she wanted an abortion, so she went ahead and had one. Afterwards, she had horrendous emotional problems. She became suicidal several times. The first time, another woman and I stayed up all night sending her messages so she wouldn't do it. She and I have kept in touch. Once, a few months ago, she said, a woman at work thought she was pregnant and she would have an abortion. My friend wrote me and said, "PLEASE talk her out of it! My abortion ruined my life!" After all these years, she is only starting to put her life back together. I have another friend who had an abortion 7 years ago. She also had a similar view to yours. She even invited me to participate in a group called abortion celebration. She struggled with it some, but seemed to be OK. After 7 years, she said she was finally at peace with herself. And not long after, something apparently insignificant happened to her (I don't remember what) and she totally fell to pieces! I am trying to help her get back to a place where she is at peace with herself, but it's not easy.

If you read the messages here, you will see that a lot of women are really suffering emotionally. I am aware that in the first year after abortion, a woman is about 3 1/2 times as likely to die a violent death than if she went ahead and had the baby. This was demonstrated by a huge study in Finland. And the risk of suicide is also much greater, and it lasts for about 8 years. And a woman is likely to turn to drink or drugs, or to become careless with her life.

There are better answers. Abortion is NOT an easy answer. There are no easy answers at this point. I think your heart and mind are warning you. Please listen. We can help you find a better answer, one you can live with. You don't have to raise your child if you don't want to. But abortion strikes deeply in our essence, and the consequences are significant. Please protect and take care of yourself! I will be praying for you.

Hugs,
Pat

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[> Subject: Re: Soon


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 08:22:28 12/17/08 Wed

Dear Carly,

I am so glad you found us here - and glad that you are arming yourself with information and asking questions. I agree with Diane, if you are already feeling guilty, those emotions will only intensify. From my experience, those intensified feelings can be quite crippling.

I also have the same questions as Pat has - have you considered adoption? There are so many wonderful families waiting for a child - it would be such a good solution to your dilemna.

So many of the stigma's about being single and pregnant are gone these days - so I don't think you need to worry about anything anyone thinks. This is your life, and when you look back, you will have to live with what you have done - and how it has affected you.

Please go to the link Diane gave you and discuss things further - there's time to think more about this - please use it.

Kris

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