Can't really talk to anyone -- Post Abortion Healing Support

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Subject: Can't really talk to anyone

Author:
Carrie

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Date Posted: 15:04:21 04/23/09 Thu

This is the first time I am actually telling someone how I feel. Please bear with me if this comes out jumbled.

Last year I had an abortion.

My parents are very religious, I also have a daughter from a previous relationship that I am raising on my own. They weren't happy about that pregnancy because I wasn't married and had no intentions of being with the father(he was a summer fling that I was already done with by the time I found out I was pregnant). They got over it and they love my daughter so much. But honestly, I don't think I've ever really done anything that they have been proud of. Don't get me wrong, they are good people and they love me.

Last May I found out I was pregnant. The father was one of my very good friends and we were just starting to have a real relationship at this time. I didn't want to be the only one to make this decision because #1 I just couldn't go through raising another one alone and #2 this wasn't just something that was going to affect just my life.

He wanted the abortion. I couldn't put my parents through another "disappointment". I told my Aunt and she even said to get the abortion. The father also made another good point-"Do you want to have 2 kids with 2 different Fathers? What if we don't work out? What will that be like?". He made a good point.

I cried as soon as we got to Planned Parenthood. I asked him if he was sure. He said he was. I cried the whole time we got there. I even saw my baby on the ultrasound. I almost couldn't even swallow the first pill they gave me. I also cried the whole way home. The next day My boyfriend had to go to work for a while and I took the pills alone. I was in the bathroom for 2 minutes and felt it come out. All I could do was look at this blob that was the child I aborted. Most days that moment is all I can think about. I think about it every day. What my life would be like right now. I just held a friends little boy that would be the same age that my baby would be at this point. Since that moment a week ago, All I can feel is a worsening pain that I thought was just starting to subside. Its 10 times worse now! I feel so much resentment, guilt, remorse, and sadness.

It felt good to say that to people who understand.

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[> Subject: Re: Can't really talk to anyone

Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 09:31:10 04/24/09 Fri

Dear Carrie,

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. What you are going through is not uncommon for women that have had an abortion. There are center's that offer FREE Post-abortion counseling - here's a site you can search on for a place near you - http://www.optionline.org/hadabortion.html

It is very important that you find a healthy way (and safe), for you to express your feelings. If you don't the pain will spill out in unhealthy ways that could have long lasting effects. You obviously love your daughter and her health and well being is also contigent upon how you learn to deal with this.

Another lady that posts here offers post abortion counseling (free) and her email address is DCHERYL51@yahoo.com

There is a lot of help out there for this - please continue to reach out for it -

We're so glad you found us here too -

Kris

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[> [> Subject: Re: Can't really talk to anyone
Author: Carrie [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 15:14:07 04/26/09 Sun Thank you so much Kris. I might just go ahead and check them out. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]