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Date Posted: Sat, Nov 15 2003, 22:49:44
Author: Squirrelly, former court clerk, current court reporter
Subject: Let me give you a little legal advice of my own...
In reply to: KJ'S LEGAL REPRESENTATIVE 's message, "LEGAL NOTICE #2: SUBPEONA" on Sat, Nov 15 2003, 20:44:43

>DUE TO YOUR FAILURE TO COMPLY WITH MY PREVIOUS REQUEST
>I WILL NOW SERVE YOU WITH A SUBPEONA. IF YOU DO NOT
>RESPOND YOU WILL BE ARRESTED.

Pffft. I work in court, "Mr. Wong, Esq." and you are completely full of crap.

For one thing, none of us are stupid enough to think that a real attorney is posting a subpoena on an internet message board. Legal papers of that nature (subpoenas, warrants, show-cause summonses etc.) are not legally binding until ordered by a judge in a court of law. Nor are they enforceable unless served by an officer of the court to the party in question.

Furthermore, you have no jurisdiction over this website, so you can subpoena us all you want and it won't make a bit of difference. Good luck, since you don't have our home addresses, and there's no way to serve them. Subpoenas always require a last known address.

Also, if we are being implicated in a pending case, you are legally required to inform us of the specific charges, the case number, the address of the courthouse where the charges have been filed, the next court date, and the true name of the accuser. So no more hiding behind a troll name.

Lastly, do you even know what a subpoena is for? It's an order for a person to appear in court on a certain day to testify. It's generally used for witnesses in a trial, but almost never used for the defendants. So are we witnesses to the heinous crime of linking, or what?

>YOU ARE ORDERED TO RETURN THE HAIKUS AT ONCE.

We don't have them, sorry. We do have a lovely link to them, but no physical possession. The law is explicitly on our side here.

>YOU ARE FURTHER ORDERED TO STOP MAKING FUN OF MY
>CLIENT KJ.

Ordered? Since when does a lawyer issue orders? Judges issue orders, and nobody else. Your "orders" are worthless. Also, the U.S. Constitution (the country in which KJ lives) clearly upholds the First Amendment right to freedom of speech. Sorry, you're just out of luck on that one, since we can say pretty much whatever we want about you.

Not only that, but it is illegal to practice law with a license. After a thorough search online, I was absolutely stunned and amazed to find that there is not a single registered attorney in the United States named Gerardo Wong.

If we ever find out your real name (and just wait until the JCMB admins email us back with your ISP), then you can be held legally liable for the felony charge of attempting to pass yourself off as a lawyer.

So let me give *you* a little legal advice now. Back off and quick trolling out board. You've been a real pain in the ass here. If you persist in harassing the regulars on this board, then when I find out your real name, you had better believe that I *will* call the court closest to where you live and tip off the local District Attorney about your shenanigans. I doubt that s/he will be amused.

>GERALDO WONG, ESQ.

And by the way, troll, you might have picked a more original name for your sock puppet lawyer. The actor who plays Ensign Harry Kim on Voyager is named Garrett Wang (pronounced Wong). You've got to be kidding me.

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