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Date Posted: 11:52:12 12/29/01 Sat
Author: Tristan
Subject: Hanging my head
In reply to: Erlic Eastlore 's message, "Not following instructions" on 19:26:19 12/28/01 Fri

While Marz tried to explain what had happened to him, Tristan finally began to understand why he had become so frantic. It was the old fear of closed in spaces—but who knew meditating on these filthy chakras would make him feel like that? An unfamiliar feeling of guilt plagued Tristan, as he realized that there was someone who would have known, someone who could have guided Marz properly through the exercise: Erlic.

He tried to shake the feeling off, though it was hard ignoring the consequences of his actions with Marz sobbing all over him like this. If only he had insisted they wait…. When Marz pulled away, though, and declared he was never going to practice the chakras again, Tristan shot him an alarmed look. Never going to mess with them again? But…he had to! Panic began to wash over him as he stared at Marz, shaking his head slightly. If Marz got angry again, or scared…and he couldn’t control his power…and there was nobody, nobody around to help him….

“I CAN’T do this again, Tris!”

The resolve slowly began to melt from Tristan’s features as Marz clung to him again, whispering his pleas into his ear. His fear and vulnerability broke Tristan’s heart, and he dissolved all previous thoughts of continuing to work on the chakras. He would never do this to Marz again. Never.

Tristan rocked him some more, and tried to speak more soothing words, but nothing seemed to curb his great fear. When Erlic’s voice echoed quietly from behind, Marz continued to embrace him, not letting go even as he was trying to explain the horrors of what had happen. He felt a small hint of embarrassment, though he didn’t once think of pushing him away. But Tristan knew Erlic must be working his own magic, for eventually Marz’s grip became less tighter, and he sat back somewhat, rubbing rather angrily at his eyes as though ashamed of his tears.

Erlic tried to punctuate the necessity of learning the chakras, but Tristan grit his teeth resolutely. Let any mage who wanted to make a slave out of Marz try and get past him first! He glanced at Marz, saw him noticeably relaxing even more, and sighed. For once, he was grateful for the link student and teacher shared. When Erlic appeared to be chastising Marz gently about attempting to find the chakras without him, Tristan hung his head slightly and stared guiltily at the ground. He knew the reprimand included him, since Erlic wasn’t too stupid to think that he didn’t have some sway by now over what Marz did and didn’t do.

Erlic’s parting warning was, as usual, ominous. Black fear washed over him as he thought of Marz being taken by an evil wizard. But we can’t…he was so scared… He bit his lip and looked at Marz, shocked anew to see the tear streaks glistening on his face. He wanted to hold him again, now that Erlic was gone, so he did. And Marz didn’t resist, though he was much calmer now, and not a single tear even threatened to leak out from his dark eyes. Then, for the second time, while he had his arms around him, letting his feelings speak for him this time, he felt his resolve crumble yet again. Erlic was right. Awful as this was, the alternative was far worse. Tristan was smart enough to understand that much. No amount of comforting could erase the effects of being taken prisoner by a power-hungry black mage.

Tristan wanted to tell Marz what he thought, but he decided it might not be a good idea. His opinion would probably be met with less than encouraging remarks. He knew Marz hated weakness, and this was the most vulnerable Tristan had ever seen him. It must be killing him. As of now, Marz would never in a million years agree to continue working on the chakras, even if it were for his own benefit.

“Feeling better, now?” he asked instead, pulling back and staring worriedly into his eyes. He wanted to say he was sorry they hadn’t waited for Erlic, but figured it might be best not to mention what had just happened at all for a while. He pulled out a kerchief from his pocket and wiped at his friend’s face, cleaning away the lingering tears, although the telltale redness of his eyes wouldn’t vanish so easily.

“I know he said we’d be leaving soon,” he continued in a calm voice, “But maybe a quick bath in the lake would make you feel better. Or if you’re not up to it, I could at least fetch you a cup of java if you like.”

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