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Date Posted: 09:40:31 04/08/03 Tue
Author: Rockfor
Subject: Jerry Long of the Sturdy Beggars in today's Inquirer

Think you know what patriotism is?

By Jerry Long

I've always had a fairly simple definition of patriotism: You can take pride in being an American and still dislike Lee Greenwood songs.

While Americans may not know the nationalities of the Sept. 11 hijackers, let alone the members of the Carlyle Group, we all claim to know what is or isn't patriotic in time of war. But do we?

If people incinerate Dixie Chicks CDs while remaining uninterested in the number of innocent lives our bombs have incinerated, are they patriots? Second-tier celebrities Mike Farrell and Janeane Garofalo are vilified for their positions, but third-tier celebrity Ben Stein can declare Iraq would be a "cakewalk." Is that patriotic?

If Gen. Richard Myers labels criticism of the battle plan by retired military men concerned for the safety of our soldiers as "harmful to our troops," what of the Perles and Wolfowitzes and Kristols who did so much to bring about this war while painting scenarios of a flower-strewn frosting trot? Did that support the troops?

Many who have never seen combat have found a fail-safe way to prove they are patriots: They tell us they are. William Bennett, who never fought for anything more consequential than grant money, writing a book titled Why We Fight might not be as morally leprous as the jingoistic professor in All Quiet On The Western Front, but is it patriotism?

As for the media, in the months preceding our invasion, there was so much laughter at Pentagon press briefings reporters should have been charged a two-drink minimum. Was that patriotism?

Cable news programs will exhibit our weaponry, they will explain the ingenious capability with which it can kill... but they will not show us the dead. They will not show us the blood-spattered marketplace, the chunks of flesh, the severed head, the liquefied remains. Those images are reserved for the rest of the world.
Yet these same news organizations, which don't give a moment's thought to how the average Egyptian may view "situation room" set designs of Americans literally walking all over a map of the Middle East, will invariably ask themselves in sonorous tones: "Why do they hate us?" And nothing in the conclusions they draw will discourage an average citizen from believing that an Iraqi teenager who lost his entire family in a bombing raid hates us because he, in the words of our President, "hates our freedom." Is that patriotism?

Saddam is a butcher... but he always was. And it would have been nice if tough-talking Don Rumsfeld, during one of his early '80s grovels to Baghdad, in lieu of warm handshakes and canape nibbling, had shot him. It would be even nicer if so many of our leaders had not chosen to embed themselves with profit.

Dick Cheney amassed a fortune peddling connections made during the first Gulf War. Did he give any of that money to the families of the 148 Americans who died to win it?
Henry Kissinger and George Mitchell fled the 9/11 commission rather than reveal, or discontinue working for, their international clients. Vast bipartisan armies of retired politicians are fanned out over Capitol Hill, dedicated to maintaining the status quo on the security of our nuclear plants, food and water; representing the interests of foreign governments and multinational corporations, with no greater concern for future ramifications beyond their billable time for the next quarter. Is war profiteering by lobbyists the same as patriotism?

Just before his Oval Office speech announcing war, President Bush was shown joking with the makeup assistant, pumping his fist, and exclaiming, "I feel good." And while I'm unconditionally uninterested in how he feels, I do care what he thinks.

Does he truly think God has called him to fight evil? How does God tell him which evil to fight? How much evil will God sanction to destroy a great evil? And... if he knew this war would result in only one dead Iraqi child and one brave 20-year-old's casket on the tarmac at Dover, would Jesus "feel good" about starting it?
Or aren't those the thoughts of a patriot?

Jerry Long (JerryBeggar@aol.com ) and his brother Joe are known as the satirists the Sturdy Beggars

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Replies:

[> C'mon, this board loads slowly enough as it is. Can't you lefties just provide a link to this stuff like the rest of us do? E-mail me and I'll provide you with the HTML tags. Is it just me or is this guy one of the most tedious reads anywhere? I can just imagine what his 'satire' is like. On his own we'll call him "Ruddy Whiner". -- Scott Tilde, 15:47:52 04/08/03 Tue


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[> [> Scott... Oh if only I had such a closed mind as you do, my life would be so easy - I would just tune into my leaders to see how I'm supposed to think. When Clinton was in office, there was just no way to show the extremists, the "true-believers", the Clintonites, just how bad his policies or actions were. Now we have the other side of that coin - we have a president who the rightists, the "true-believers", the Bushites, say how dare you condemn this man!! -- Richiep, 18:24:52 04/08/03 Tue

Scott... Oh if only I had such a closed mind as you do, my life would be so easy - I would just tune into my leaders to see how I'm supposed to think. When Clinton was in office, there was just no way to show the extremists, the "true-believers", the Clintonites, just how bad his policies or actions were. Now we have the other side of that coin - we have a president who the rightists, the "true-believers", the Bushites, say how dare you condemn this man!! OPEN YOUR MINDS! As Irv Homer used to say, stop with the recycled thought! Think for yourselves for once and stop spouting off what others are saying.


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[> [> [> Richie, you've trumped me in the closed mind sweepstakes - I don't recall locking step with Bush on this board. But bitter liberals who profess hatred for Bush and the administration, and then expect their political views to be taken seriously are going to have to try a little harder. You're free to condemn Bush, but you'd better come up with a better argument than "they're only in it for Haliburton!" That stuff don't flush with the thinking classes. -- Scott Tilde - A mind is a terrible thing... and it must be stopped!, 18:50:49 04/08/03 Tue


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[> [> [> [> You sound just like the "liberals" who you claim are nothing but bitter. No matter what I say, or any point I make, your answer would be "Oh you're just a Bush hater" instead of their line of "Oh you're just a Clinton hater" Clinton was a lousy President who cared nothing about the Constitution, Bush is a lousy President that cares nothing about the Constitution. But you and the Clintonites will never see it because you refuse to. -- Richiep, 20:22:01 04/08/03 Tue


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[> [> [> [> [> Richie, I'm getting your point that neither Prez is perfect. Being a 'small L' libertarian at heart, I'm not totally happy with either. But I maintain that Bush is far more accountable to the Constitution than Clinton. Unfortunately, both the Democratic presidents of my adult lifetime - Carter and Clinton, weren't stellar examples of accountability. Both sacrificed American security to political correctness. [click for more... if you dare] -- Scott Tilde, 00:55:14 04/09/03 Wed

I don't claim that all liberals are bitter. Colmes is a conversant liberal, but WABC's Richard Bey and Mr. Beggar, Jerry Long, are bitter liberals. They spit out nonsensical slurs and then become even more bitter when few take their rantings seriously.

Bitter Jerry exhibits a typical Vietnam-spawned fear of patriotism, as if it's somehow being forced on him. No, Jerry - feel free to challenge your country's perogatives without offering any coherent alternatives, but don't expect to be treated with principled deference when you spout this drivel. Be prepared to defend it. And if you can't, don't whine. It's pathetic to watch.


Let me parse a few of Bitter Jerry's more "profound" utterings:

"While Americans may not know the nationalities of the Sept. 11 hijackers, let alone the members of the Carlyle Group, we all claim to know what is or isn't patriotic in time of war."

Now, what are we to make of this nonsensical bullsh*t?

First of all, no one claims to define patriotism in a time of war. That's your typical liberal paranoia. Plenty of people feel that we ought to support our troops once the war has started. After all, the anti-war argument has been lost - we are at war. Polls show that a growing majority at least understand why we are at war and are comfortable with the premise.

We know that the majority of the September 11th hijackers were Saudi nationals, but I have no freakin' idea what the Carlyle Group has to do with anything. Has it occurred to this Sturdy Simpleton that Cheney and Bush were making how many million per year each in the private sector, and yet they somehow sacrificed that for, what, a couple of hundred thousand a year as Prez and VP? Hello? Just to "control the oil market by going to war with Iraq"? Do you have you any idea how intellectually bankrupt this crap is? Feel free to quote me something "Clinton haters" said that approaches the vapidity of this sewage.

Liberals are apparently trying to get their point of view on talk radio. Maybe they ought to start slow - try and take over for George Noory. Yeah, it's overnights, but it would be a smooth transition from UFOs to this stuff. After the majority of listeners become transfixed by the overwhelming logic, it's no doubt a short trip to overthrowing Limbaugh, Hannity and Savage.

More from his Sturdy Bitterness:

"Saddam is a butcher... but he always was. And it would have been nice if tough-talking Don Rumsfeld, during one of his early '80s grovels to Baghdad, in lieu of warm handshakes and canape nibbling, had shot him."

Yeah, it's tough when you have to choose between Iran and Iraq, but that's what we had to do back in the 80s. You remember the Ayatollah Khomeini? Those US hostages? The death fatwas? Remember that Jerry? Let's see if you can accurately pick the Top 10 Despots 20 years from now. Put your picks in an envelope, seal it, and I'll get back to you, you self-righteous facade of common sense.

I could go on, but I complained about verbose posts, and this is like shooting fish in a barrel. You get the point. (Or you don't, but if you don't by now, another paragraph isn't going to help.)

Bush stepped up to the plate. He made his case for this war, albeit with unneccessary embellishments which did nothing to bolster his case, but the case was solid enough nonetheless. I like Bush's impatience with the political correctness and ignorance of the UN and the EUnichs. They needed to have their anti-intellectual behinds rocked and that was done.

You can bet the world's going to be a better place for it. If that's Bush boot-licking in your book, then I plead guilty with pleasure.

It sure beats a random bombstrike and a stained dress, don't it?

~


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[> [> I once watched their TV show and I was amazed that grown men in their 50s would be still be trying to imitate saturday night live, second city, monty python. Add that to the crappy production values and you have to wonder how much these guys have to pay the inquirer for space on their editorial page. -- Bring back Mort Sahl, 13:31:54 04/11/03 Fri


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[> By the way, I never heard these guys when they were on... what, WPHT? Were they entertaining? Strident like this piece? Anybody ever hear them? -- Scott Tilde, 18:55:21 04/08/03 Tue


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[> [> They were great on 'PHT -- Chad, 20:40:51 04/08/03 Tue


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[> [> [> No, they sucked! Liberal pointless humor at its best (sic) -- The Rock - back to deal with the dolt Liberals of the world, 23:42:21 04/08/03 Tue


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[> [> [> [> No, they were great! -- "Vince From Villanova" (Okay, your turn...), 00:38:16 04/09/03 Wed


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[> [> [> [> [> Oh this is just great! Could you guys list your political affiliation when you shoot your one-liners out? Can anybody go two sentences here? What was good? What sucked?? -- Tilde - Lookin' For Truth, 01:02:57 04/09/03 Wed


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[> [> [> [> [> [> Sorry, that was too good of an opportunity to pass up. ;) Anywho, I'm conservative/libertarian, but I like any clever political satire, no matter who is being skewered. During the SNL's 2000 Presidential Debate, I was laughing equally hard at the Bush and Gore impersonators. And while the Brothers Long aren't ready for a network sitcom, I liked their schtick, even when I disagreed with them. -- "Vince From Villanova" (Skewer Clinton? Parody. Bush? Disrespect.), 06:44:31 04/09/03 Wed


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[> [> [> [> [> [> Scott, they were part of the "return to talk" format, including "Scoot," Jay and Hilarie, et al. They were on Saturday nights. Most of their "bits" were long and tedious. Long bits, bad song parodies, weak impressions...kind of like SNL in the early 80's. Their return last year was much the same. -- Pseudonyms Uck, 07:19:56 04/09/03 Wed


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Sounds like The Beggars would be a natural for NPR or PRI... I still miss 'Scoot'. He's the one host I could listen to regularly on the newly revived WPHT. The Inquirer TV critics on Saturday were a blast too - Gail Shister got out a line about lesbians about once every five minutes. Don Lancer's talks show was also a hoot. I should've airchecked those days. -- Scott Tilde, 11:57:21 04/09/03 Wed


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[> The beggars were great with observational humor but when they veered off into politics they morphed into boring instantly. The humor was forced and message filled. A sure recipe for the unfunny. -- Freddy, 10:41:58 04/09/03 Wed


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[> Ramblings in reply to Jerry... -- Rebut, 17:16:33 04/10/03 Thu

RE: the utterances of Chicks and other wildlife...it's not what they say most times, but when they say it. What has pandering to a crowd in order to get some applause going to do with patriotism? Is surfacing on occasion, when in the midst of a moribund career, to glean a little space or air time, patriotic? Did I hear Mike or Janeane demand justice for the jailed and murdered Iraquis a year ago? Six months ago? Where are these defenders of the weak and the poor when there is little or no press around?
In war people die. Would you feel better if you were able to see piles of dismembered parts as you ate dinner? The all consuming nature of endless TV has created new careers for retired Majors through Generals. Events prove most of them wrong. Why pay them any attention? Those who view the Constitution as sacred are willing to, unlike the "Duke", offer their bodies and souls to its protection.
The right to speak one's mind, live ones own life, worship
a god or not, may be this nation's true religion. At this juncture, why should we concern ourselves as to why "They" hate us. "They" do. "They" have attacked us and "They" have endangered our institutions. Time for the nicities of the "why" after our security has been re-established. Dissatisfied with Bush & Cheney? Patiotically vote them out of office. Patriotically enact laws prohibiting former legislators and military men from acting as lobbyists after leaving office. Patrioic vigillance, when the cameras are not running, is patriotism. Pandering, while allowed, is dispicable.


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