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Date Posted: 12:18:44 02/03/10 Wed
Author: Esther
Subject: Back to the mirrors >>>
In reply to: Esther 's message, "By request..." on 11:54:56 02/03/10 Wed

Okay, a bit of a summary. Heather is stuck between a rock and a hard place, with her needing to decide between whether she wants the comfort Darian can provide or the excitement Fallon can invoke at will. The longer she's indecisive, the more pain and hurt she creates within these two males. The longer she is in this world the more she understands, and the more her abilities grow, and when under pressure, she assumed Darian's pain, and unknowingly gave it to Fallon. So, he's hurting and very vulnerable right now. And the worst part is that Cadmus, the Sentinel, is under the impression that by taking Darian's pain, Heather has made a choice. Darian is offering a solution.



Excerpt from working title Mirrors
by E.M. Sawatzky 2010 All rights reserved.
Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not constitute publication.



Fallon doesnt want me to touch you. Darian moved closer, pressing his body to mine. Feel it Heather. Feel his repulsion of having my lips on yours. My tongue in your mouth. His hand cupped my breast; his thumbnail scraped over my nipple, an erotic sensation through the thin fabric. Hes not unawarAh. That did it.

Fallon shifted, his weight pushing Darian off balance and forcing the kiss to an end. A frown marred his features; his lips were curled in distaste.

Darian leaned down towards Fallon. Thats right, bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and shell be all over me. His whisper was soft, but unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable. Youre pathetic. What kind of being would allow his brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I dont think so. Shes already mine.

Darian!

His lips brushed Fallons nape. You know, while you lay there and will yourself to die, remember what itll mean.

Fallons head moved back and forth. Nonocant doHeather. Shedeservesbet..ter.

Better than you? Oh yeah, you damned right she does. At least I love her. Darian straightened.

Cant do that to herdontyouhurt her

Well, of course not. At least not right away. I wont be able to. But you know, theres a good chance with you dead, Id possess your powers. Ill be able to say no, and Ill be capable of the rough se

Nono. Deserves better than a whore.

Is that what you think you are? Darian laughed. Guess youre not a very good one. You left Heather unsatisfied.

Darian, what the hell are you doing?

Hes feeling something other than pain now.

Words have the power to hurt too, Darian. I cant let you do thi

Touch him like you care.

I do care. My fingers traced over Fallons cheek, feeling the strong angles, wondering how even in pain his features held such magnificence. At my touch, he eased, and crazy as it was, given what I knew of Fallons power, it made sense. I swallowed, needing to make him understand, but I couldnt speak. Instead, I soothed his hair, willed the thick mass to detangle under my ministrations.

You feel that, bro? Thats the touch of a woman who loves you. She honours you with her tears. And here you lay, weak and pitiful. Unable and unwilling to satisfy her needs. Darian scoffed, a rude sound of disgust. And then, he took Fallons chin in his hand and forced Fallon to honour the oath. Look into my eyes. Let me see the truth you know is there.

His lashes flickered open, and with utter ruthlessness, Darian sought the reflections.

My, my. Darian laughed, but it wasnt amusing. His hurtful mirth vanished, leaving the sensation of cold anger. Youre a bastard Fallon.

Which is one of the things you love about me. A soft murmur, it held assurance.

Keep telling yourself that. Darian waited until I met his gaze. My Heart, I exist to make you happy. To satisfy your every need. Even though I dont agree, and would rather he dies as alone as he lived, Ill allow you to say your goodbyes.

That brought my attention back to Darian. Allow?

Yeah. Allow. My brother hasnt been exactly truthful with either of us. He doesnt want to give me to you. He already has.

What?

Theres no tim

Without any compunction, I sent us to the only place I knew where time didnt exist, and since the place did not exist, we could not exist in it. Immediately, I felt the loss of Fallon. We have all the time in existence.

Darian glanced around, gazing at the mirrors. Do you trust me?

Of course I do.

Then get us the hell out of here or I wont be any help to you.

I caught the panic in his voice. The world shifted. But I hadnt had a complete thought of where to go, so we ended up nowhere. Darian helped form a vision in my mind, and the vortex of nothing became a dungeon. Dank and dark, the unease, pain and anguish were ghosts of the pasts hovering in the enclosed space. And yet, there was a weird vibe, almost like trepidation, except excitement and aggression overrode it. I could scent the magic in the air, although it was very faint and used long ago.

Nice digs, Darian.

You think so?

Sarcasm Darian. Im thinking this place is kind of morbid to be honest, and not where I would have chosen.

Good. You remember whats important. Darian gestured with his chin in the direction behind me.

Fallon was on a rusty looking table. Positioned on his side, his arm stretched out and his bicep cushioning his head, his feet dangled off the edge.

Shunned and misunderstood, it was up to me alone to provide him comfort. Drawn to his side, I went to my knees beside the table, clasped his hand in mine and rested my forehead against them. I can hardly forget that Fallon is meant to die.

Not die, but cease to exist.

Like you, or is this another riddle?

The quick version is this. We are immortal. We cannot die. Not in the way you believe anyway.

Fallon shifted, an anguished grunt accompanying the movement.

Im here Fallon. I turned my head, my cheek resting against Fallons knuckles. So what the hell does it mean?

Darian shook his head. Hey Loverboy. Why dont you go to sleep so Heather and I can reacquaint ourselves.

Fallon settled down, and if not entirely without pain, the engaging twin of perception let me know that he was in a more restful state. I worried if Fallon was that diminished that he didnt fight the order, or whether Darian was perhaps more powerful than I thought. Cadmus had suggested as much.

What does it mean Darian?

Doesnt matter. He held his hand out as if to say hold on. What does, is that Fallon wants to.

I dont understand.

Raised as a mortal, the easiest way to say it is the world without Fallon would be a less than pleasant place.

If the world doesnt want him, Ill take him.

This place, what do you think it represents?

Since were talking about Fallon, Im going to assume something from his past.

His past, true. His present, possibly. His future? That is up to you.

What are you saying?

Darians patience ran out. What did I ask you to do? He gestured with a curt wave of his hand and the image of us moments ago appeared, complete with sound.

Yes. Listen. I can help you. Darians hand reached out for mine. But youll have to trust me.

The desperation I felt still consumed me, and it was odd to hear the words I spoke in my mind. I sat up straight as I watched my image clasp hands with Darians, entwining our fingers in a unity of purpose. What would you have me do?

Everything and nothing, My Heart. You kiss him. Caress him. Tease him. Torment him with your touch. Invoke his lust. Make him forget everything but how much he needs to pleasure you.

Sex? Thats your solution? You think he needs to get a little grind going on and hell be all better? On cue, Fallon turned toward me. But from the angle of the image, I had to admit he didnt shift because he was uncomfortable from pain. He was aroused.

The image faded away.

You want me to fu

No. I dont.There was such censure in his blind eyes. And you cant.

What?

You heard me.

Contradicting yourself.

Fallon has never been denied before. A little sexual tension will ease his pain. Your lust will make him strong.

I shook my head in disagreement, remembering what I had seen when I had searched for the truth in his eyes. The dungeon we stood in brought the image into sharper focus. Pain from being shackled to these very devices was a tangible thing.

Youre going to have to lose that naivety. Fallon has never submitted to anothers desire. If you think that just because he was restrained he wasnt in control, you wont be able to save him. You need to exert your influence over him.

But he knows my desires Darian, and dominance isnt one of them.

Then you better play the game.

His li

He believes his life is. Thats whats important. If you want him to survive, you have to convince him that there is a reason to play.

By being a deceptive, manipulating, cock-teasing bitch.

Ironic isnt it? But whatever you do, do not allow any part of his body inside you. Not his tongue when you kiss. Not his fingers in your mouth or his hand between your legs. And dont show him your back. Be on guard. Hes verytalented at what he does. Hell be slipping his cock home before you can even think to say no. And then the game is over because hell have no reason to win.

Well, wasnt this just the most uncomfortable conversation Ive ever had? Anything else? I meant to be flippant.

Darian was serious. Yeah. If this has any chance of working, neither one of you can have an orgasm.

Are you kidding me?

You get him aroused to the point of madness. Hold him on the cusp of release. And then you get him to the Senate of Peers.

Great. Lovely. Just fucking wonderful. An audience Darian?

Im not thrilled with it either.

Yeah. I took a deep breath to commit myself. Sohell comeahgo with me?

Hes protected you since the beginning of time. He exists for your pleasure. There is no doubt. Hell follow you.

How do I get to the Senate? For a moment there was nothing. I waited until I couldnt handle the silence. Darian? Hellllooo? A little help here?

Darians voice when it came was hesitant with disbelief. You dont know?

Do you think if I knew how to get there I wouldnt have asked for that judgement like Fallon said I should?

What the hell is he thinking? Darian seemed to recall that he was speaking in my head. Look. I dont know either.

This little wisp of news left me with a bad taste, and for the first time, I had suspicions. Wouldnt peers imply everyone?

Yeah. And in the eternity we spent together I introduced you to how many of my kind? He scoffed, shifting beside me, leaning a negligent hip on one of the torture tables. Thats right. None. And even before your seduction, I told you I didnt have a home. What did you think all those mirrors represented? My obsession with images that arent there and looks I cant see?

I searched his face, hesitant to meet his gaze, but I did so, and saw what had been hidden in the reflections, what had been disguised by the ones who had imposed the restrictions to weaken him. Prison. The giving lover before me hadnt changed. But my perceptions had. How dare they lock him up? Why?

He smiled, but it wasnt with mirth or happiness, but more like self-reproach. Congratulations, My Heart. You, a half-mortal, have a self-acknowledged and very intimate association, not to mention the claim and rights of a mate, with two of the most feared and powerful beings in existence. His expression softened. For all that hes an arrogant prick, Fallon is my brother. And while that is enough for my wanting him to live, I now owe him a debt of gratitude. Id do anything to save him from this scheme.

What are you talking about? I smoothed Fallons sweat-soaked hair from his forehead.

Fallon didnt rescue you from a human accident. He announced his intent, by aligning himself to you, when he thwarted the attempt on your life.

What attempt?

Come off it Heather. You know. The truck that crashed through yours and ripped you apart!

No. It couldnt be. That driver was an idiot. The roads were icy. Thats al

Dont YOU get it? Your existence was to be snuffed out because it was feared youd release me.

II did release you.

Yeah. And now Fallon is insisting on a judgement. What do you think his plan is? Look around you, Heather. This is where Fallon believes he belongs. This is where he grew up. This is where his skills were honed and exploited until he grew too powerful to be bound. Hes going to trade his existence for mine. With you as my mate, Im not a threat. With you as my mate, Id pose no risk to any other of our kind and would not be sent back to my prison. But with Fallons word to stay herehed never get to leave his.

I didnt know. All I knew was that I wanted to be with you. Tears blurred my vision. How could my love for you cause all this anguish?

Its called heartbreak. Love is dangerous, Heather. It is feared because to reach for it is to risk the unknown and tempt the vulnerability that lives in us all.

I didnt know. Darian if I had, Id have never

Never what? Set me free?

Oh Darian! Thats notUmWellNo. I didnt mean what it sounds like

I know. Fallon knows. The rest dont matter.

Ive made a mess of everything. The Senate of Peers wont believe my actions werent part of a plot to help you escape.

No. The fact that it happened exactly as they feared, wont help Fallon. And since then, he has flaunted his powers by assuming those of one of the strongest Sentinels. Which isnt a surprise to us as we know him, but Sentinels have safeguards to protect themselves, and yet

Fallon stripped him with ease. I thought of Cadmus; a being identical to the brothers before me, and like Darian and Fallon, he had lost everything because of me. Thoughts in this world were dangerous, as having the time captured Cadmus appear before me attested.

Darian shifted, nodding to the present form of Cadmus. I believe he was set up. With his rank, Cadmus would have access to our records. He shouldnt have been blindsided when Fallon admitted he was aware of your existence and that he claimed you as a child. Unless someone covered it up.

I played right into their hands.

You didnt know.

Doesnt matter. I shook my head. This is my fault.

Dont let emotion rule. Fallon would have ensured there would be no loopholes when it came to his claim of you. It is as he has willed it. He knew this was coming.

Fallon is suffering because of me.

Its not like that.

Yeah, it is. And youre suffering too.

If you hadnt responded the way you did, one of us would have died. And between you and me, Lishas presence tell me it wouldnt have been love that was lost.

Clarity surfaced. Ceased to exist. That would mea Fallon groaned, using his waning strength to get back to me. I stroked down his face with my index finger, tracing his lips. His mouth opened. Sorry Fallon. Im not allowed inside.

His body is yours to use for your pleasure. Darian gestured. Go on. Use him.

I hate that I have to exploit his powers.

Yeah.

Im sorry for this Darian. For everything. Whatever happens I want you to know that.

Darian smiled. This is more than your doing, My Heart. If anyone needs to answer for his actions and justify himself, its Fallon.

In contrast to the roll I had to play, my touch was light as I soothed Fallons hair off his face. Hes going to detest me.

Yeah. I know.

I caught the note of self-cynicism. I trust you Darian.

Yeah. I know. But perhaps you shouldnt.

Why?

Im male. And I want you.

I smiled. Ive noticed. You also exist for me. I dont think I was wrong to believe that you have only my best interests at heart.

Take him someplace safe. And then when you can, you get him to that Senate.

I will. I reached out and grasped Darians hand, giving it a slight squeeze. Promise.

Wait. Darian squeezed my hand back, and lifted his chin in Cadmuss direction. I could finish this for you, but it might be best if Cadmus wasnt aware that hes as helpless as a mortal.

The world shifted beneath our feet and we were back under Cadmuss influence, away from the torture room and back into hell as if nothing had happened. One thought and Cadmus resumed his simpering consolation, pulling me back, away from Fallon. Heather. There is nothing you can do for Fallon besides let him be.

I dont think so. Rocks cut into my knees and the physical pain was enough to block out the internal torment. I looked around startled. We were alone. The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.

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Replies:

[> [> OK>>> -- susiej, 11:23:08 02/04/10 Thu

I have to admit, I was a little confused. This is a complex scene within a complex story, and I'm not sure I have all the background I need most likely a missed a posting. But here goes what I thought as I read.


>Fallon doesnt want me to touch you. Darian
>moved closer, pressing his body to mine. Feel it
>Heather. Feel his repulsion of having my lips on
>yours. My tongue in your mouth.
His hand cupped
>my breast; his thumbnail scraped over my nipple, an
>erotic sensation through the thin fabric. Hes not
>unawarAh. That did it.

>
>Fallon shifted, his weight pushing Darian off balance
>and forcing the kiss to an end. A frown marred his
>features; his lips were curled in distaste.
>
>Darian leaned down towards Fallon. Thats right,
>bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and
>shell be all over me. His whisper was soft, but
>unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were
>lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable.
>Youre pathetic. What kind of being would allow his
>brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I dont
>think so. Shes already mine.

I'm surprised here. I though Darian was the nice one. But as I read it, I began to think he's being an ass on purpose in order to fire up his brother- right?
>
>Darian!
>
>His lips brushed Fallons nape. You know, while you
>lay there and will yourself to die, remember what
>itll mean.
>
>Fallons head moved back and forth. Nonocant
>doHeather. Shedeservesbet..ter.
>
>Better than you? Oh yeah, you damned right she does.
> At least I love her. Darian straightened.
>
>Cant do that to herdontyouhurt her
>
>Well, of course not. At least not right away. I
>wont be able to. But you know, theres a good chance
>with you dead, Id possess your powers. Ill be able
>to say no, and Ill be capable of the rough se
>
>Nono. Deserves better than a whore.
>
>Is that what you think you are? Darian laughed.
>Guess youre not a very good one. You left Heather
>unsatisfied.
>
>Darian, what the hell are you doing?
>
>Hes feeling something other than pain now.
>
>Words have the power to hurt too, Darian. I cant
>let you do thi

>
>Touch him like you care.
>
>I do care. My fingers traced over Fallons
>cheek, feeling the strong angles, wondering how even
>in pain his features held such magnificence. At my
>touch, he eased, and crazy as it was, given what I
>knew of Fallons power, it made sense. I swallowed,
>needing to make him understand, but I couldnt speak.
>Instead, I soothed his hair, willed the thick mass to
>detangle under my ministrations.
>
>You feel that, bro? Thats the touch of a woman who
>loves you. She honours you with her tears. And here
>you lay, weak and pitiful. Unable and unwilling to
>satisfy her needs. Darian scoffed, a rude sound of
>disgust. And then, he took Fallons chin in his hand
>and forced Fallon to honour the oath. Look into my
>eyes. Let me see the truth you know is there.
>
>His lashes flickered open, and with utter
>ruthlessness, Darian sought the reflections.
>
>My, my. Darian laughed, but it wasnt amusing. His
>hurtful mirth vanished, leaving the sensation of cold
>anger. Youre a bastard Fallon.
>
>Which is one of the things you love about me. A
>soft murmur, it held assurance.
>
>Keep telling yourself that. Darian waited until I
>met his gaze. My Heart, I exist to make you happy.
>To satisfy your every need. Even though I dont
>agree, and would rather he dies as alone as he lived,
>Ill allow you to say your goodbyes.
>
>That brought my attention back to Darian. Allow?
>
>Yeah. Allow. My brother hasnt been exactly
>truthful with either of us. He doesnt want to give
>me to you. He already has.

>
>What?
>
>Theres no tim
>
>Without any compunction, I sent us to the only place I
>knew where time didnt exist, and since the place did
>not exist, we could not exist in it. Immediately, I
>felt the loss of Fallon. We have all the time in
>existence.


Ok, sorry, this was over my head. I can get a place where time doesn't exist, but not how they can be in a place that does not exist- then how is it a place?
>
>Darian glanced around, gazing at the mirrors. Do
>you trust me?

>
>Of course I do.
>
>Then get us the hell out of here or I wont be any
>help to you.

>
>I caught the panic in his voice. The world shifted.
>But I hadnt had a complete thought of where to go, so
>we ended up nowhere. Darian helped form a vision in
>my mind, and the vortex of nothing became a dungeon.
>Dank and dark, the unease, pain and anguish were
>ghosts of the pasts hovering in the enclosed space.
>And yet, there was a weird vibe, almost like
>trepidation, except excitement and aggression overrode
>it. I could scent the magic in the air, although it
>was very faint and used long ago.
>
>Nice digs, Darian.
>
>You think so?
>
>Sarcasm Darian. Im thinking this place is kind of
>morbid to be honest, and not where I would have
>chosen.

>
>Good. You remember whats important. Darian
>gestured with his chin in the direction behind me.
>
>Fallon was on a rusty looking table. Positioned on
>his side, his arm stretched out and his bicep
>cushioning his head, his feet dangled off the edge.
>
>Shunned and misunderstood, it was up to me alone to
>provide him comfort. Drawn to his side, I went to my
>knees beside the table, clasped his hand in mine and
>rested my forehead against them. I can hardly
>forget that Fallon is meant to die.

>
>Not die, but cease to exist.
>
>Like you, or is this another riddle?
>
>The quick version is this. We are immortal. We
>cannot die. Not in the way you believe anyway.

>
>Fallon shifted, an anguished grunt accompanying the
>movement.
>
>Im here Fallon. I turned my head, my cheek resting
>against Fallons knuckles. So what the hell does
>it mean?

>
>Darian shook his head. Hey Loverboy. Why dont you
>go to sleep so Heather and I can reacquaint
>ourselves.
>
>Fallon settled down, and if not entirely without pain,
>the engaging twin of perception let me know that he
>was in a more restful state. I worried if Fallon was
>that diminished that he didnt fight the order, or
>whether Darian was perhaps more powerful than I
>thought. Cadmus had suggested as much.
>
>What does it mean Darian?
>
>Doesnt matter. He held his hand out as if to
>say hold on. What does, is that Fallon wants
>to.

>
>I dont understand.
>
>Raised as a mortal, the easiest way to say it is
>the world without Fallon would be a less than pleasant
>place.


this sentence didn't make sense to me. The introductory clause seems to be defining someone but it is unnattached to any person. Do you mean...Since you were raised as a mortal the easiest way I can explain it to you is...
>
>If the world doesnt want him, Ill take him.
>
>This place, what do you think it represents?
>
>Since were talking about Fallon, Im going to
>assume something from his past.

>
>His past, true. His present, possibly. His
>future? That is up to you.

>
>What are you saying?
>
>Darians patience ran out. What did I ask you to
>do?
He gestured with a curt wave of his hand and
>the image of us moments ago appeared, complete with
>sound.
>
>Yes. Listen. I can help you. Darians hand
>reached out for mine. But youll have to trust me.
>
>The desperation I felt still consumed me, and it was
>odd to hear the words I spoke in my mind. I sat up
>straight as I watched my image clasp hands with
>Darians, entwining our fingers in a unity of purpose.
>What would you have me do?
>
>Everything and nothing, My Heart. You kiss him.
>Caress him. Tease him. Torment him with your touch.
>Invoke his lust. Make him forget everything but how
>much he needs to pleasure you.
>
>Sex? Thats your solution? You think he needs to
>get a little grind going on and hell be all better?
>On cue, Fallon turned toward me. But from the angle
>of the image, I had to admit he didnt shift because
>he was uncomfortable from pain. He was aroused.
>
>The image faded away.
>
>You want me to fu
>
>No. I dont.There was such censure in his
>blind eyes. And you cant.
>
>What?
>
>You heard me.
>
>Contradicting yourself.
>
>Fallon has never been denied before. A little
>sexual tension will ease his pain. Your lust will
>make him strong.

>
>I shook my head in disagreement, remembering what I
>had seen when I had searched for the truth in his
>eyes. The dungeon we stood in brought the image into
>sharper focus. Pain from being shackled to these very
>devices was a tangible thing.
>
>Youre going to have to lose that naivety. Fallon
>has never submitted to anothers desire. If you think
>that just because he was restrained he wasnt in
>control, you wont be able to save him. You need to
>exert your influence over him.

>
>But he knows my desires Darian, and dominance isnt
>one of them.

>
>Then you better play the game.
>
>His li
>
>He believes his life is. Thats whats important.
>If you want him to survive, you have to convince him
>that there is a reason to play.

>
>By being a deceptive, manipulating, cock-teasing
>bitch.

>
>Ironic isnt it? But whatever you do, do
>
not allow any part of his body inside you. Not
>his tongue when you kiss. Not his fingers in your
>mouth or his hand between your legs. And dont show
>him your back. Be on guard. Hes verytalented at
>what he does. Hell be slipping his cock home before
>you can even think to say no. And then the game is
>over because hell have no reason to win.

>
>Well, wasnt this just the most uncomfortable
>conversation Ive ever had? Anything else? I
>meant to be flippant.
>
>Darian was serious. Yeah. If this has any chance
>of working, neither one of you can have an orgasm.
>

>
>Are you kidding me?
>
>You get him aroused to the point of madness. Hold
>him on the cusp of release. And then you get him to
>the Senate of Peers.

>
>Great. Lovely. Just fucking wonderful. An
>audience Darian?

>
>Im not thrilled with it either.
>
>Yeah. I took a deep breath to commit myself.
>Sohell comeahgo with me?
>
>Hes protected you since the beginning of time. He
>exists for your pleasure. There is no doubt. Hell
>follow you.

>
>How do I get to the Senate? For a moment there
>was nothing. I waited until I couldnt handle the
>silence. Darian? Hellllooo? A little help
>here?

>
>Darians voice when it came was hesitant with
>disbelief. You dont know?
>
>Do you think if I knew how to get there I wouldnt
>have asked for that judgement like Fallon said I
>should?

>
>What the hell is he thinking? Darian seemed to
>recall that he was speaking in my head. Look. I
>dont know either.

>
>This little wisp of news left me with a bad taste, and
>for the first time, I had suspicions. Wouldnt
>peers imply everyone?

>
>Yeah. And in the eternity we spent together I
>introduced you to how many of my kind?
He
>scoffed, shifting beside me, leaning a negligent hip
>on one of the torture tables. Thats right. None.
> And even before your seduction, I told you I didnt
>have a home. What did you think all those mirrors
>represented? My obsession with images that arent
>there and looks I cant see?

>
>I searched his face, hesitant to meet his gaze, but I
>did so, and saw what had been hidden in the
>reflections, what had been disguised by the ones who
>had imposed the restrictions to weaken him.
>Prison. The giving lover before me hadnt
>changed. But my perceptions had. How dare they lock
>him up? Why?
>
>He smiled, but it wasnt with mirth or happiness, but
>more like self-reproach. Congratulations, My
>Heart. You, a half-mortal, have a self-acknowledged
>and very intimate association, not to mention the
>claim and rights of a mate, with two of the most
>feared and powerful beings in existence.
His
>expression softened. For all that hes an arrogant
>prick, Fallon is my brother. And while that is enough
>for my wanting him to live, I now owe him a debt of
>gratitude. Id do anything to save him from this
>scheme.

>
>What are you talking about? I smoothed
>Fallons sweat-soaked hair from his forehead.
>
>Fallon didnt rescue you from a human accident. He
>announced his intent, by aligning himself to you, when
>he thwarted the attempt on your life.

>
>What attempt?
>
>Come off it Heather. You know. The truck that
>crashed through yours and ripped you apart!

>
>No. It couldnt be. That driver was an idiot.
>The roads were icy. Thats al

>
>Dont YOU get it? Your existence was to be
>snuffed out because it was feared youd release me.
>

>
>II did release you.
>
>Yeah. the Yeah here didn't fit with my idea of Darian's voice. He usually sounds more formal. It jarred me out of the conversation and i had to go back and check who was talking. Is he changing?
And now Fallon is insisting on a judgement.
judgement? here's where I started getting lost and figured I didn't have all the background.
>What do you think his plan is? Look around you,
>Heather. This is where Fallon believes he belongs.
>This is where he grew up. This is where his skills
>were honed and exploited until he grew too powerful to
>be bound. Hes going to trade his existence for mine.
> With you as my mate, Im not a threat. With you as
>my mate, Id pose no risk to any other of our kind and
>would not be sent back to my prison. But with
>Fallons word to stay herehed never get to leave
>his.

>
>I didnt know. All I knew was that I wanted to be
>with you.
Tears blurred my vision. How could
>my love for you cause all this anguish?

>
>Its called heartbreak. Love is dangerous,
>Heather. It is feared because to reach for it is to
>risk the unknown and tempt the vulnerability that
>lives in us all.

>
>I didnt know. Darian if I had, Id have never
>
>Never what? Set me free?
>
>Oh Darian! Thats notUmWellNo. I didnt mean
>what it sounds like

>
>I know. Fallon knows. The rest dont matter.
>
>Ive made a mess of everything. The Senate of
>Peers wont believe my actions werent part of a plot
>to help you escape.

>
>No. The fact that it happened exactly as they
>feared, wont help Fallon. And since then, he has
>flaunted his powers by assuming those of one of the
>strongest Sentinels. Which isnt a surprise to us as
>we know him, but Sentinels have safeguards to protect
>themselves, and yet

>
>Fallon stripped him with ease. I thought of
>Cadmus; a being identical to the brothers before me,
>and like Darian and Fallon, he had lost everything
>because of me. Thoughts in this world were dangerous,
>as having the time captured Cadmus appear before me
>attested.
>
>Darian shifted, nodding to the present form of Cadmus.
> I believe he was set up. With his rank, Cadmus
>would have access to our records. He shouldnt have
>been blindsided when Fallon admitted he was aware of
>your existence and that he claimed you as a child.
>Unless someone covered it up.

>
>I played right into their hands.
>
>You didnt know.
>
>Doesnt matter. I shook my head. This is
>my fault.

>
>Dont let emotion rule. Fallon would have ensured
>there would be no loopholes when it came to his claim
>of you. It
is as he has willed it. He knew
>this was coming.

>
>Fallon is suffering because of me.
>
>Its not like that.
>
>Yeah, it is. And youre suffering too.
>
>If you hadnt responded the way you did, one of us
>would have died. And between you and me, Lishas
>presence tell me it wouldnt have been love that was
>lost.

>
>Clarity surfaced. Ceased to exist. That would
>mea
Fallon groaned, using his waning strength to
>get back to me. I stroked down his face with my index
>finger, tracing his lips. His mouth opened. Sorry
>Fallon. Im not allowed inside.
>
>His body is yours to use for your pleasure.
>Darian gestured. Go on. Use him.
>
>I hate that I have to exploit his powers.
>
>Yeah.
>
>Im sorry for this Darian. For everything.
>Whatever happens I want you to know that.

>
>Darian smiled. This is more than your doing, My
>Heart. If anyone needs to answer for his actions and
>justify himself, its Fallon.

>
>In contrast to the roll I had to play, my touch was
>light as I soothed Fallons hair off his face.
>Hes going to detest me.
>
>Yeah. I know.
>
>I caught the note of self-cynicism. I trust you
>Darian.

>
>Yeah. I know. But perhaps you shouldnt.
>
>Why?
>
>Im male. And I want you.
>
>I smiled. Ive noticed. You also exist for me.
>I dont think I was wrong to believe that you have
>only my best interests at heart.

>
>Take him someplace safe. And then when you can,
>you get him to that Senate.

>
>I will. I reached out and grasped Darians
>hand, giving it a slight squeeze. Promise.
>
>Wait. Darian squeezed my hand back, and lifted
>his chin in Cadmuss direction. I could finish
>this for you, but it might be best if Cadmus wasnt
>aware that hes as helpless as a mortal.

>
>The world shifted beneath our feet and we were back
>under Cadmuss influence, away from the torture room
>and back into hell as if nothing had happened. One
>thought and Cadmus resumed his simpering consolation,
>pulling me back, away from Fallon. Heather. There
>is nothing you can do for Fallon besides let him be.
>
>I dont think so. Rocks cut into my knees and the
>physical pain was enough to block out the internal
>torment. I looked around startled. We were alone.
>The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a
>majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.

I'm going to summarize what I think this scene is showing so you'll know how it came across to a reader (remember I may not have all the facts I need).

Heather's love released Darian from their strange existence that I don't quite get (hope he's still hot and sexy when he gets out snerk) but that caused Fallon to suffer because over confident a-hole that he seemed (though still so sexy, darn it), he risked himself somehow for Heather and I think, his brother too. Now, Darian wants Heather to save Fallon, is prepared to give her up to do so. But Fallon is saying he's not worthy of her. (and won't Darian have to go back or is it once released, always released?)

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[> [> [> Hey Susie >>> -- Esther, 18:09:16 02/05/10 Fri

>I have to admit, I was a little confused. This is a
>complex scene within a complex story, and I'm not sure
>I have all the background I need most likely a missed
>a posting. But here goes what I thought as I read.


Thanks Susie! It's always a bonus to find out where I went astray. *G*
>
>
>>Fallon doesnt want me to touch you. Darian
>>moved closer, pressing his body to mine. Feel it
>>Heather. Feel his repulsion of having my lips on
>>yours. My tongue in your mouth.
His hand cupped
>>my breast; his thumbnail scraped over my nipple, an
>>erotic sensation through the thin fabric. Hes not
>>unawarAh. That did it.

>>
>>Fallon shifted, his weight pushing Darian off balance
>>and forcing the kiss to an end. A frown marred his
>>features; his lips were curled in distaste.
>>
>>Darian leaned down towards Fallon. Thats right,
>>bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and
>>shell be all over me. His whisper was soft, but
>>unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were
>>lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable.
>>Youre pathetic. What kind of being would allow his
>>brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I dont
>>think so. Shes already mine.
>
> I'm surprised here. I though Darian was the nice
>one. But as I read it, I began to think he's being an
>ass on purpose in order to fire up his brother- right?
>


Yup! Darian _is_ the nice one. But he's working on it. *G*


>>
>>Without any compunction, I sent us to the only place I
>>knew where time didnt exist, and since the place did
>>not exist, we could not exist in it. Immediately, I
>>felt the loss of Fallon. We have all the time in
>>existence.

>
> Ok, sorry, this was over my head. I can get a
>place where time doesn't exist, but not how they can
>be in a place that does not exist- then how is it a
>place?


Well, technically, these beings make up their world as they need it. It doesnt exist before they will it to be so. And it can change on the whims of the players. When Darian was imprisoned there, the so-called higher beings assumed they were keeping him away from outside influences, and bound by Darians own promise not to leave of his own will, they further assumed Darian was under control. What they didnt count on was Darians ability to see what was reflected inside. Darians mirrors exist because hes blind and he uses them to see. He _ made_ his world of mirrors, and this place as he knows it does not exist for any but him. He used those mirrors, the images and the hearts desire he felt inside to subtly twist the rules that bound him to boundaries he could exist in. While the Senate thought they were keeping his strength from growing by keeping him isolated, he was exerting his influence in the living world and using his magic. When Heather spent eternity there with him, the setting changed at will by what Heather made it to be. All these beings live in a world of illusions. Its not real. And if something is not real, can it exist?


>>What does it mean Darian?
>>
>>Doesnt matter. He held his hand out as if to
>>say hold on. What does, is that Fallon wants
>>to.

>>
>>I dont understand.
>>
>>Raised as a mortal, the easiest way to say it is
>>the world without Fallon would be a less than pleasant
>>place.

>
> this sentence didn't make sense to me. The
>introductory clause seems to be defining someone but
>it is unnattached to any person. Do you mean...Since
>you were raised as a mortal the easiest way I can
>explain it to you is...


Thank You! Totally missed that!

>>No. It couldnt be. That driver was an idiot.
>>The roads were icy. Thats al

>>
>>Dont YOU get it? Your existence was to be
>>snuffed out because it was feared youd release me.
>>

>>
>>II did release you.
>>
>>Yeah. the Yeah here didn't fit with my idea
>of Darian's voice. He usually sounds more formal. It
>jarred me out of the conversation and i had to go back
>and check who was talking. Is he changing?


Yup! When Heather called him out of his prison, she changed all the rules. You see, when he was isolated he used his magic in ways that corresponded to his inherent nature, living with the law within himself that dictates he satisfy the hearts desire. Now hes free and with every reflection his knowledge grows and it is possible that his nature will change, perhaps adapt to his surroundings. And what if that hearts desire isnt all warm and cuddly? And remember, he is a being that is incapable of saying no.


>And now Fallon is insisting on a judgement.
> judgement? here's where I started getting lost and
>figured I didn't have all the background.


Id like to think Ive covered this, so since this has been posted before, I have no qualms with sharing it again, in hopes that it will make these issues clearer for you. A bit of a set-up. Cadmus has demanded that she choose between Fallon and Darian, and when she is unable to do so, he claimed her for himself.


Excerpt from working title Mirrors
by E.M. Sawatzky 2009 All rights reserved.
Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not constitute publication.

Fallon felt the engaging twin of perception, the intimate probe in his consciousness. Heather had discovered the intimate path that existed only between them.

Fallon, what should I do?

A glance at the Sentinel, a being identical in appearance to himself, confirmed his fears and eliminated the all too brief ecstasy of her trust in him. Damn. This complicated matters.

Yes Fallon. How do you wish to counsel her?

Heather gasped in affront, twisting towards Cadmus. Did anyone tell you its impolite to eavesdrop? I was having a private conversation, in MY mind.

Cadmus bowed in mock gallantry. I did not mean to offend you Heather. I had thought you understood your mind belongs to me. As do you. I humble myself in seeking your forgiveness. Fallon, answer her question. Im sure Darian would appreciate being part of the discussion. And I of course, am waiting in suspense.

The Senate of Peers. Ask for a Judgeme

Fallon?

Cadmus severed the link, My Hea

Well, well. This is getting more entertaining by the moment. Youre fortunate that Im not the jealous type since Im sharing you with two others. His eyes narrowed, he glared at Heather. That will stop now. I do not share.

I. Do. Heather pushed her hair out of her face in a nervous gesture at odds with the anger portrayed on her face. So. Deal.

The Sentinel laughed, a male chuckle of genuine amusement. One look in your eyes and youll have no choice.

Try it.

He gripped her chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing her head back. Be assured that when I do, I will satisfy your needs.

I have no need of you.

A true innocent. Well found Darian. I find myself somewhateager to show herwell, you understand. He glanced at Fallon and Darian in dismissal and addressed Heather. Shall we?

With the clasp of his hands over hers, the universe shifted. And Heather was gone.

Darian and Taryn materialized where Heather had stood. Fallon, a smirk curling his lips, snapped his fingers, and sauntered over.

Darian, his hand reaching out and his fingers shaking from the effort of holding back, squatted down and touched the ground. Fuck.

Fallon grinned, hooked his thumbs in his belt loops and struck an indolent pose. If you wish. But we lost our third.

Taryn punched him in the shoulder. Knock it off

You dont even care, do you? Shes been claimed. Darian stood back up, his blind eyes finding and holding the attention of his brother. By a Sentinel Fallon.

From what Ive seen, she can handle herself. Taryn cleared his throat. Right?

Right. Darian exhaled in a gusty breath of frustration. And Im sure with all the experience Fallon has had with the Senate, he thinks the Sentine

Fuck off with the sarcasm, lover boy. I know the purpose of a Sentinel.

Shell be okay. Taryn spoke to fill the silence, glancing first at Fallon and then Darian. Shes been around you two long en

Oh yeah. All pretence of Fallons amusement faded. Lets imagine shes out taking a stroll among the stars hand in hand with just another lover. Thatll bring her back to us.

This is my fault, Darian said. I never should hav

Fallon laughed, but even to him it sounded harsh and condemnatory. You damn right you shouldnt have. You brought her into our world, a world she didnt understand and you wouldnt explain, then panicked at the first scent of change and sent her back.

Darian struck out, managing to knock Fallon off balance. And she would have been safe there if you hadnt interfered in something that wasnt any of your damned business.

You prick! Fallon pushed Darian back. When you could have claimed her for your mate, you did nothing! When her needs changed you did nothing to ease her. Instead you sent her away! You subjected her to what amounts to torture among our kind.

I did what I had to do.

She remembered you! She spent the last six months in her world mourning the loss of you. And you ignored her! Did it ever occur to you that for every second that passed for her, starting from the time you sent her away, the Senate was aware of her existence? While you watched, they decided her fate! Without a judgement!

I didnt know. I swear to you, I never saw or felt any indication she was hurting or in danger.

So blind to everything happening around you, youre fine when her needs bring you into her world. You have everything a male of our kind could ever dream of, and yet, when she needs you to show her how much you care, you cant even summon any passion.

I cant hurt her!

Fallon snorted.

Im not like you.

His eyes narrowed, his voice lowered in challenge. And what am I like?

Oh come off it. You showed me what youre capable of. I felt the urge you had to possess her when you forced me to play the voyeur. I cant d

I guess you cant do much of anything.

Taryn forced himself in front of Fallon, pushing back shove for shove, so that he stood in the middle. He faced Darian. You did what any of us would have done, so if denial makes you feel better, fine, live with your delusions. We now have indication shes compatible as a mate. Shes tied by association to you. Thats all that matters to the Senate of Peers. But you know she wouldnt have been Fallons to claim if you fulfilled her needs. And she wouldnt have been in a position to be taken if you hadDamn it Darian.

He turned back to Fallon. And you. Is everything always a game with you?

Fallon strode around them, waiting until Darian accepted him at his back. He stepped forward, superimposing himself over Darian and then allowing Darians physical presence to become his own. No. Not everything is a game for me.

I really hate when you show off.

Thought this conversation should be private. Fallon shrugged, settling himself more comfortably. Darians skin fit him like his own, but it did take him a moment to adjust to the darkness and seeing without sight. He smiled, satisfied and pleased with the sensation of anger and strength he felt. His powers have grown since he met Heather.

Darian isnt the problem. You are.

A typical day.

What were you thinking? Shell demand a judgment for you in front of the Senate of Peers.

Yeah. Should make for some jumpy males.

Everyone but you.

Yeah. He grinned. Theres something to be said for being the submissive in control

Fallon blocked the blow, regretting not being able to accept the violence. If blood could be shed all the better. But it wasnt to be. He leaned forward, grabbed Taryns shirt in his fists and lifted him from the ground. His eyes narrowed in anger he couldnt unleash. Remember who, and what, I am. It would be hard to explain bruises...on Darian. He tossed Taryn back, smiling when the male had to stagger back a couple feet before catching his balance.

Taryn put his temper aside with visible reluctance. A quick tug straightened the wrinkled material. You risk the exposure of our males.

Not a news flash Taryn. I am a damn nasty little secret.

Your abilities evolved for a purpose. This situation unnecessary if you had played your part. All you had to do was force her against the wall and take her.

I did take her. Fallon gestured at their surroundings, the sandy beach, the glistening water and the majestic waterfall. I took her home with me. But ooops. No wall, just a tree. He smiled.

Your arrogance is going to kill you.

One can only hope.

Do you even get that if Darian and Heather were mated he could be released?

Heather released him.

Only his Peers can release him.

Hes bound by his own will. Darians loyalty now belongs to Heather. You know as well as I, the Senate that has forsaken him, will never let him out of their control.

Which demonstrates how dangerous she is to our world!

Heather needs to be protected from our world. A judgement will do that.

Why the concern for a mortal woman? Taryns eyes narrowed in contemplation. What is she to you?

Fallon laughed. Dont you mean, what can you do to her to get me to obey?

You dont know the meaning of the word.

You just havent provided the right lessons.

The womans death would have cured you of your unfounded arrogance.

Ah, thats it. The reason for your anger. Did I make you look the fool you are? Did I take the situation out of your control when I prevented her accident? Fallon smiled. Admit that with her killed in a human manner and Darian quarantined in innocence in the private world he was abandoned to, the forthcoming confrontation between us males wouldnt be an issue.

There are many angry at your interference.

Yeah. Too bad I dont give a shit.

Were short mates. The stronger ones need to be controlled until they are settled. Until they find their mate, they are a danger to us all.

Which raises the question of why youd choose to kill a mortal compatible with our best, and most powerful male. Good thing youre not on her list to judge huh?

She has caused too much trouble. Shes done what no other has been able to do.

Fallon cocked an eyebrow.

Shes come between you and your brother.

Shes strong Taryn. She possesses enough pow

Your purpose is to serve, not judge what female is worthy.

Believe me, I wanted to serve.

Then why didnt you?

Fallon smiled, a wistful curl of indulgence lost. She sensed me and everything I represent.

Impossible. Our females cannot sense you. A mere woman wouldnt have stood a chance against your power.

I dont fuck up. I have mastered my abilities.

And yet you failed a mortal.

You know what I think? Fallon walked around Taryn, a deliberate, taunting action to increase the tenseness in the other male. I think you failed. I think you wanted the Sentinel to show up. That it was Cadmus is all the better because of our history. I believe youre hoping he carries on his trend of killing women. He pressed his chest against Taryns back like a lover; his hands caressed the shoulders in a subtle reminder of control as he leaned in and whispered in Taryns ear. I think you betrayed me. Shall I use my abilities and see?

Taryn shrugged him off. Shes not yours to protect. Shes not your mate.

His message delivered, Fallon stepped away, completing his circle around Taryn. Then with an air of docility that was anything but, strode to where Darian had stood until Fallon had taken over his physical form. I want her for Darian.

You want her for yourself.

He grinned. Come now. I wasnt created to mate. Only serve. I will always be alone. When this is done, it will be as it should be. Heather will hate me. He stepped back, blinking against the sudden brightness.

Fallon clamped a hand on Darians shoulder as if the private conversation hed had with Taryn never happened. My life has always been a game to be played. And one thing you should already know. He paused, stepping around Darian and standing like a shield in front of him. I play to win.



There. Does that help?


>>The world shifted beneath our feet and we were back
>>under Cadmuss influence, away from the torture room
>>and back into hell as if nothing had happened. One
>>thought and Cadmus resumed his simpering consolation,
>>pulling me back, away from Fallon. Heather. There
>>is nothing you can do for Fallon besides let him be.
>>
>>I dont think so. Rocks cut into my knees and the
>>physical pain was enough to block out the internal
>>torment. I looked around startled. We were alone.
>>The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a
>>majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.
>
> I'm going to summarize what I think this scene is
>showing so you'll know how it came across to a reader
>(remember I may not have all the facts I need).
>
>Heather's love released Darian from their strange
>existence that I don't quite get (hope he's still hot
>and sexy when he gets out snerk) but that caused
>Fallon to suffer because over confident a-hole that he
>seemed (though still so sexy, darn it), he risked
>himself somehow for Heather and I think, his brother
>too. Now, Darian wants Heather to save Fallon, is
>prepared to give her up to do so. But Fallon is saying
>he's not worthy of her. (and won't Darian have to go
>back or is it once released, always released?)


Thanks Susie! Always love to get perceptions into whats going on. And of course having these two be described as sexy is good for their ego. They are quite happy to serve those that find them so! *G*

Now, down to business. Ill summarize what I think you need to be aware of by this point so the rest makes sense. *fingers crossed*

Heather released Darian and brought him into her world, a world without illusions. But she kept her awareness of the world Darian exists in and is able to walk in both. She belongs in both. Fallon wasnt hurt because in fact, he was aware of her half-mortal status from the moment of her conception and had no interest/desire for her until her need called to him, after she released Darian from his isolation. No, essentially, what hurt Fallon was not being able to satisfy Heather physically once her need became his. She wouldnt let him and while it is because she cares for him, he interprets it differently. Her rejection of him, hurts him, makes him feel unworthy. Being unable to serve, to fight against his nature causes more than mere pain, it causes doubt, and makes him vulnerable. Simply put, he has never been unused before and it makes him question his purpose. Without complete confidence in their reason to be, they cease to exist. And this pain he felt was compounded when Heather assumed Darians pain into herself. And because he has that engaging twin of perception with her, Fallon assumed her pain and Darians pain into himself as well. So neither of these males can perform the function they exist for. Heather is unhappy and the magic of Darians she carries around in her is heightening the feelings they both have of being undeserving because they are unable to do what they exist to do. And all three are sexually frustrated.

Darian doesnt so much want Heather to save Fallon, nor is he able to give her up to do so. Both exist to satisfy her, and cannot leave her until she is fulfilled. Darian wants her to get Fallon to the Senate of Peers at his full strength so he can face the judgement. Okay, better stop before I ramble too much.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment. Its much appreciated!

Hugs

Esther

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[> [> [> [> Yep, I had missed that post. Clears a few things up. >>> -- susiej, 15:59:46 02/07/10 Sun

Even so, it's a lot of information and complex thoughts packed into each scene. It takes some concentration to read. There's not a lot of describing the scenery, ofcourse, since there really isn't scenery. Never any talk of clothes or what their eating, driving, etc-none of this is a flaw- i'm just pointing this out to tell you there's no pauses where things come easy to the reader (at least this reader) as there is in other tales.

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[> [> [> [> [> Well okay. I think I can do something along those lines >>> -- Esther, 12:39:13 02/10/10 Wed

This is a part of the story that consists of a whole big bunch of dialogue. I find all this talk a bit worrisome, and then the issue of having a break in what is going on is even more worrisome because I have a feeling what I put in as a break isnt interpreted as such. Cadmus taking her back to the mall, andwellthis was to be a bit of a break as well. Just Darian and Heather talking, maybe revealing some things, maybe foreshadowing whats to come. Obviously, it wasnt quite right. *G*

But yeah, I hear you. Youre definitely correct in that there should be something. And now that I have an idea of what needs to be there, I should be able to add something in! Thank You!

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[> [> Re: Wow... intense>>> -- LRLassie, 20:58:15 02/06/10 Sat

>Okay, a bit of a summary. Heather is stuck between a
>rock and a hard place, with her needing to decide
>between whether she wants the comfort Darian can
>provide or the excitement Fallon can invoke at will.
>The longer she's indecisive, the more pain and hurt
>she creates within these two males. The longer she is
>in this world the more she understands, and the more
>her abilities grow, and when under pressure, she
>assumed Darian's pain, and unknowingly gave it to
>Fallon. So, he's hurting and very vulnerable right
>now. And the worst part is that Cadmus, the Sentinel,
>is under the impression that by taking Darian's pain,
>Heather has made a choice. Darian is offering a
>solution.
>
< Not clear on who Cadmus thinks she has chosen, am assuming Darian; and if Cadmus has claimed her then why does she still get to choose?
>
>
>

This is was very complex post, at times I found myself confused with this triangle, I thought she loved Darian but clearly she loves Fallon too, and when she passes judgement does that mean she chooses her mate??? But it seems that Fallon is incapable of being mated so she can't choose Fallon, can she?? I think I need more of this story, this is definately not one to start in the middle of...lol. I can tell as I read this that you have this world completely mapped out in your head, from the largest to the tiniest of details. I am intrigued and would like to have more of this world revealed to me. Also, I need to point out that you played a dirty trick on us by stopping where you did!! We would like to know how Heather handles the lust invoking scenario she has been thrust into!!! LOL

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[> [> [> That's good, right? >>> -- Esther, 12:43:43 02/10/10 Wed

>>Okay, a bit of a summary. Heather is stuck between a
>>rock and a hard place, with her needing to decide
>>between whether she wants the comfort Darian can
>>provide or the excitement Fallon can invoke at will.
>>The longer she's indecisive, the more pain and hurt
>>she creates within these two males. The longer she is
>>in this world the more she understands, and the more
>>her abilities grow, and when under pressure, she
>>assumed Darian's pain, and unknowingly gave it to
>>Fallon. So, he's hurting and very vulnerable right
>>now. And the worst part is that Cadmus, the Sentinel,
>>is under the impression that by taking Darian's pain,
>>Heather has made a choice. Darian is offering a
>>solution.
>>
>< Not clear on who Cadmus thinks she has chosen, am
>assuming Darian; and if Cadmus has claimed her then
>why does she still get to choose?

Well isnt this a whole can of worms? *G* Lets see. First your assumption is correct. Cadmus does think she chose Darian. And Cadmus did claim her, but he did so while acting in the position of a Sentinel. So what that means is his claim is only as strong as his powers of Sentinel allow him to be. Fallon took his powers; he assumed Cadmuss strength. And so, Cadmuss strength is limited to position only, a position he might not be able to hold without his magic. Fallon has the use/possession of that magic, so in essence, Cadmus does not have what it takes to hold Heather to him. But there are a couple of other factors to consider.

Fallon has admitted to having an undisputed claim that goes back in time to when Heather was conceived. Fallon took on a protective role and past indications prove he would put Heathers safety above his own existence. He has made it quite clear that he wants, and will not settle for any less, than what he thinks is best for her.

Darian has a legitimate claim too, having had Heather spend a very intimate eternity with him. Darian has assumed the role of a mate, and has acknowledged she needed more than he could provide. He has demonstrated that he wants, and will not settle for any less, than what he perceives she needs, whether she is aware of those needs herself or not.

So why does Heather still get to choose?

Both Darian and Fallon exist to ensure her needs are addressed and they cannot leave or give her up until they have satisfied her and ensured her happiness. Her needs are a bit more complex than what can be easily granted. In fact, her needs conflict with what they believe, because in fact, she wants the same for them. She wont be satisfied until _they_ receive what _they_ want.

The thing is though, that while arguing with Cadmus, she gave Fallon the power to choose for her. But in the end, what she wants is what Fallon has to give her, because not only does he not have a choice, but what she wants will be what is best for them all.

>>
>>
>>
>
>This is was very complex post, at times I found myself
>confused with this triangle, I thought she loved
>Darian but clearly she loves Fallon too, and when she
>passes judgement does that mean she chooses her
>mate??? But it seems that Fallon is incapable of being
>mated so she can't choose Fallon, can she?? I think I
>need more of this story, this is definately not one to
>start in the middle of...lol. I can tell as I read
>this that you have this world completely mapped out in
>your head, from the largest to the tiniest of details.
>I am intrigued and would like to have more of this
>world revealed to me. Also, I need to point out that
>you played a dirty trick on us by stopping where you
>did!! We would like to know how Heather handles the
>lust invoking scenario she has been thrust into!!! LOL

I cant imagine how confusing this must be having been thrust right into the thick of things. No pun intended *G* But thats why I let myself ramble up there. *G* Soto continue

K, I have to say that Im doing the ol happy dance that her feelings for both these males comes across the right way! She does love them both. Just so that triangle has some substance after all. ; -)

The judgement has nothing to do with her choosing her mate, but has a whole bunch of stuff to do with other things Id rather not mention right now. *G*

Oh, Fallon can be mated, and yeah, Heather could choose him. Hes just under the impression that he can be physically taken but not caught.

This world comes to me as I write it. Ill get a glimpse, type it out and then it seems to make sense. I really dont have any clue whats going to happen until it does. Darian keeps me centred and on track, while Fallon takes me on a journey. I thank you for mentioning it intrigues you, because then I can hope youd keep reading.

Also, I need to point out that I would never play a dirty trick on you. It just seemed a good place to end. And just as soon as Im satisfied with it, Ill share it. *G*

Thanks for reading!

Oh and Hey! I've a question for you, so if you could email me at myxtress@hotmail.com, that would be great.

Hugs

Esther

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[> [> What I get from this -- Debi, 10:38:08 02/07/10 Sun

Esther, sometimes I worry I'm not smart enough to keep up with the complexities in your stories. I love the sexiness, the emotions, but "Mirrors" especially has so many layers, I sometimes can't keep track. Doersn't mean that your story isn't brilliant, because it is, just that I'm not following all the time.

On with my impressions.

>Okay, a bit of a summary. Heather is stuck between a
>rock and a hard place, with her needing to decide
>between whether she wants the comfort Darian can
>provide or the excitement Fallon can invoke at will.
>The longer she's indecisive, the more pain and hurt
>she creates within these two males. The longer she is
>in this world the more she understands, and the more
>her abilities grow, and when under pressure, she
>assumed Darian's pain, and unknowingly gave it to
>Fallon. So, he's hurting and very vulnerable right
>now. And the worst part is that Cadmus, the Sentinel,
>is under the impression that by taking Darian's pain,
>Heather has made a choice. Darian is offering a
>solution.
>
>
>
>Excerpt from working title Mirrors
>by E.M. Sawatzky 2010 All rights reserved.
>Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not
>constitute publication.
>
>
>
>Fallon doesnt want me to touch you. Darian
>moved closer, pressing his body to mine. Feel it
>Heather. Feel his repulsion of having my lips on
>yours. My tongue in your mouth.
His hand cupped
>my breast; his thumbnail scraped over my nipple, an
>erotic sensation through the thin fabric. Hes not
>unawarAh. That did it.

>
>Fallon shifted, his weight pushing Darian off balance
>and forcing the kiss to an end. A frown marred his
>features; his lips were curled in distaste.
>
>Darian leaned down towards Fallon. Thats right,
>bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and
>shell be all over me. His whisper was soft, but
>unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were
>lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable.
>Youre pathetic. What kind of being would allow his
>brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I dont
>think so. Shes already mine.
>
So, to try to relieve Fallon's pain, Darian has to be a jackass to distract him and give him the will to live?


>Darian!
>
>His lips brushed Fallons nape. You know, while you
>lay there and will yourself to die, remember what
>itll mean.
>
How did he get from kissing Heather to touching Fallon? See, I'm too visual. If I don't 'see' the movement, it don't always get it.

>Fallons head moved back and forth. Nonocant
>doHeather. Shedeservesbet..ter.
>
>Better than you? Oh yeah, you damned right she does.
> At least I love her. Darian straightened.
>
>Cant do that to herdontyouhurt her
>
>Well, of course not. At least not right away. I
>wont be able to. But you know, theres a good chance
>with you dead, Id possess your powers. Ill be able
>to say no, and Ill be capable of the rough se

But, honestly, if that were to happen, eouldn't it be the best of both worlds? One male, with all the charateristics of both, so Heather would have it all in one package? It still looks like she's going to have to lose one of them at this point.
>
>Nono. Deserves better than a whore.
>
>Is that what you think you are? Darian laughed.
>Guess youre not a very good one. You left Heather
>unsatisfied.
>
>Darian, what the hell are you doing?
>
>Hes feeling something other than pain now.
>
>Words have the power to hurt too, Darian. I cant
>let you do thi

>
>Touch him like you care.
>
>I do care. My fingers traced over Fallons
>cheek, feeling the strong angles, wondering how even
>in pain his features held such magnificence. At my
>touch, he eased, and crazy as it was, given what I
>knew of Fallons power, it made sense. I swallowed,
>needing to make him understand, but I couldnt speak.
>Instead, I soothed his hair, willed the thick mass to
>detangle under my ministrations.
>
>You feel that, bro? Thats the touch of a woman who
>loves you. She honours you with her tears. And here
>you lay, weak and pitiful. Unable and unwilling to
>satisfy her needs. Darian scoffed, a rude sound of
>disgust. And then, he took Fallons chin in his hand
>and forced Fallon to honour the oath. Look into my
>eyes. Let me see the truth you know is there.


The use of 'bro' bugs me for some reason. It seems too... of our world. Their world seems more formal in speech. I understand they are brothers, at least to our eyes, but the colloquialism seems out of place to me, especially how the rest of Darian's speech reads. Heather does honor Fallon with the depth of her caring, even if Darian is using Heather to get a reaction from Fallon.
>His lashes flickered open, and with utter
>ruthlessness, Darian sought the reflections.
>
>My, my. Darian laughed, but it wasnt amusing. His
>hurtful mirth vanished, leaving the sensation of cold
>anger. Youre a bastard Fallon.


What did he see there that made him say that? I know it's from Heather's POV, but I'm curious!
>Which is one of the things you love about me. A
>soft murmur, it held assurance.
>
>Keep telling yourself that. Darian waited until I
>met his gaze. My Heart, I exist to make you happy.
>To satisfy your every need. Even though I dont
>agree, and would rather he dies as alone as he lived,
>Ill allow you to say your goodbyes.
>
>That brought my attention back to Darian. Allow?
>
>Yeah. Allow. My brother hasnt been exactly
>truthful with either of us. He doesnt want to give
>me to you. He already has.

>
>What?
>
>Theres no tim
>
>Without any compunction, I sent us to the only place I
>knew where time didnt exist, and since the place did
>not exist, we could not exist in it. Immediately, I
>felt the loss of Fallon. We have all the time in
>existence.

>
>Darian glanced around, gazing at the mirrors. Do
>you trust me?

>
>Of course I do.
>
>Then get us the hell out of here or I wont be any
>help to you.

>
>I caught the panic in his voice. The world shifted.
>But I hadnt had a complete thought of where to go, so
>we ended up nowhere. Darian helped form a vision in
>my mind, and the vortex of nothing became a dungeon.
>Dank and dark, the unease, pain and anguish were
>ghosts of the pasts hovering in the enclosed space.
>And yet, there was a weird vibe, almost like
>trepidation, except excitement and aggression overrode
>it. I could scent the magic in the air, although it
>was very faint and used long ago.
>
>Nice digs, Darian.
>
>You think so?
>
>Sarcasm Darian. Im thinking this place is kind of
>morbid to be honest, and not where I would have
>chosen.

>
>Good. You remember whats important. Darian
>gestured with his chin in the direction behind me.
>
>Fallon was on a rusty looking table. Positioned on
>his side, his arm stretched out and his bicep
>cushioning his head, his feet dangled off the edge.
>
>Shunned and misunderstood, it was up to me alone to
>provide him comfort. Drawn to his side, I went to my
>knees beside the table, clasped his hand in mine and
>rested my forehead against them. I can hardly
>forget that Fallon is meant to die.

>
>Not die, but cease to exist.
>
>Like you, or is this another riddle?
>
>The quick version is this. We are immortal. We
>cannot die. Not in the way you believe anyway.

>
>Fallon shifted, an anguished grunt accompanying the
>movement.
>
>Im here Fallon. I turned my head, my cheek resting
>against Fallons knuckles. So what the hell does
>it mean?


So, some quick teleportation and they end up in a dungeon. Is this meant to be a manifestation of how Fallon feels? Symbol of Heather's entrapment in having to let one go? Or just a real dungeon? And Darian's panic at being in the mirrored place, am I missing something?
>
>Darian shook his head. Hey Loverboy. Why dont you
>go to sleep so Heather and I can reacquaint
>ourselves.
>
>Fallon settled down, and if not entirely without pain,
>the engaging twin of perception let me know that he
>was in a more restful state. I worried if Fallon was
>that diminished that he didnt fight the order, or
>whether Darian was perhaps more powerful than I
>thought. Cadmus had suggested as much.
>
>What does it mean Darian?
>
>Doesnt matter. He held his hand out as if to
>say hold on. What does, is that Fallon wants
>to.

>
>I dont understand.
>
>Raised as a mortal, the easiest way to say it is
>the world without Fallon would be a less than pleasant
>place.


But aren't they facing just that? Fallon ceasing to exist?
>
>If the world doesnt want him, Ill take him.
>
>This place, what do you think it represents?
>
>Since were talking about Fallon, Im going to
>assume something from his past.

>
>His past, true. His present, possibly. His
>future? That is up to you.

>
>What are you saying?
>
>Darians patience ran out. What did I ask you to
>do?
He gestured with a curt wave of his hand and
>the image of us moments ago appeared, complete with
>sound.
>
>Yes. Listen. I can help you. Darians hand
>reached out for mine. But youll have to trust me.
>
>The desperation I felt still consumed me, and it was
>odd to hear the words I spoke in my mind. I sat up
>straight as I watched my image clasp hands with
>Darians, entwining our fingers in a unity of purpose.
>What would you have me do?
>
>Everything and nothing, My Heart. You kiss him.
>Caress him. Tease him. Torment him with your touch.
>Invoke his lust. Make him forget everything but how
>much he needs to pleasure you.
>
>Sex? Thats your solution? You think he needs to
>get a little grind going on and hell be all better?
>On cue, Fallon turned toward me. But from the angle
>of the image, I had to admit he didnt shift because
>he was uncomfortable from pain. He was aroused.

Arousal is a powerful distractant, this is true. I'm still not following the ultimate purpose though. Or are we figuring that out as we go? Spoilers! I want spoilers! ;-)
>
>The image faded away.
>
>You want me to fu
>
>No. I dont.There was such censure in his
>blind eyes. And you cant.
>
>What?
>
>You heard me.
>
>Contradicting yourself.
>
>Fallon has never been denied before. A little
>sexual tension will ease his pain. Your lust will
>make him strong.

>
>I shook my head in disagreement, remembering what I
>had seen when I had searched for the truth in his
>eyes. The dungeon we stood in brought the image into
>sharper focus. Pain from being shackled to these very
>devices was a tangible thing.
>
>Youre going to have to lose that naivety. Fallon
>has never submitted to anothers desire. If you think
>that just because he was restrained he wasnt in
>control, you wont be able to save him. You need to
>exert your influence over him.

>
>But he knows my desires Darian, and dominance isnt
>one of them.

>
>Then you better play the game.
>
>His li
>
>He believes his life is. Thats whats important.
>If you want him to survive, you have to convince him
>that there is a reason to play.

>
>By being a deceptive, manipulating, cock-teasing
>bitch.

>Yes! If that's what it takes! (LOL)
>Ironic isnt it? But whatever you do, do
>
not allow any part of his body inside you. Not
>his tongue when you kiss. Not his fingers in your
>mouth or his hand between your legs. And dont show
>him your back. Be on guard. Hes verytalented at
>what he does. Hell be slipping his cock home before
>you can even think to say no. And then the game is
>over because hell have no reason to win.

>
>Well, wasnt this just the most uncomfortable
>conversation Ive ever had? Anything else? I
>meant to be flippant.
>
>Darian was serious. Yeah. If this has any chance
>of working, neither one of you can have an orgasm.
>

>
>Are you kidding me?
Yeah! WHat's up with that?!;-)
>
>You get him aroused to the point of madness. Hold
>him on the cusp of release. And then you get him to
>the Senate of Peers.

>
>Great. Lovely. Just fucking wonderful. An
>audience Darian?

>
>Im not thrilled with it either.
>
>Yeah. I took a deep breath to commit myself.
>Sohell comeahgo with me?
>
>Hes protected you since the beginning of time. He
>exists for your pleasure. There is no doubt. Hell
>follow you.

>
>How do I get to the Senate? For a moment there
>was nothing. I waited until I couldnt handle the
>silence. Darian? Hellllooo? A little help
>here?

>
>Darians voice when it came was hesitant with
>disbelief. You dont know?

How in the hell is she supposed to know that? Why does Darian assume she does? Wishful thinking?
>
>Do you think if I knew how to get there I wouldnt
>have asked for that judgement like Fallon said I
>should?

>
>What the hell is he thinking? Darian seemed to
>recall that he was speaking in my head. Look. I
>dont know either.

>
>This little wisp of news left me with a bad taste, and
>for the first time, I had suspicions. Wouldnt
>peers imply everyone?

>
>Yeah. And in the eternity we spent together I
>introduced you to how many of my kind?
He
>scoffed, shifting beside me, leaning a negligent hip
>on one of the torture tables. Thats right. None.
> And even before your seduction, I told you I didnt
>have a home. What did you think all those mirrors
>represented? My obsession with images that arent
>there and looks I cant see?

>
>I searched his face, hesitant to meet his gaze, but I
>did so, and saw what had been hidden in the
>reflections, what had been disguised by the ones who
>had imposed the restrictions to weaken him.
>Prison. The giving lover before me hadnt
>changed. But my perceptions had. How dare they lock
>him up? Why?
>
>He smiled, but it wasnt with mirth or happiness, but
>more like self-reproach. Congratulations, My
>Heart. You, a half-mortal, have a self-acknowledged
>and very intimate association, not to mention the
>claim and rights of a mate, with two of the most
>feared and powerful beings in existence.
His
>expression softened. For all that hes an arrogant
>prick, Fallon is my brother. And while that is enough
>for my wanting him to live, I now owe him a debt of
>gratitude. Id do anything to save him from this
>scheme.

>
>What are you talking about? I smoothed
>Fallons sweat-soaked hair from his forehead.
>
>Fallon didnt rescue you from a human accident. He
>announced his intent, by aligning himself to you, when
>he thwarted the attempt on your life.

>
>What attempt?
>
>Come off it Heather. You know. The truck that
>crashed through yours and ripped you apart!

>
>No. It couldnt be. That driver was an idiot.
>The roads were icy. Thats al

>
>Dont YOU get it? Your existence was to be
>snuffed out because it was feared youd release me.
>

>
>II did release you.

Okay, I think I see the light, sort of.;-)
>
>Yeah. And now Fallon is insisting on a judgement.
>What do you think his plan is? Look around you,
>Heather. This is where Fallon believes he belongs.
>This is where he grew up. This is where his skills
>were honed and exploited until he grew too powerful to
>be bound. Hes going to trade his existence for mine.
> With you as my mate, Im not a threat. With you as
>my mate, Id pose no risk to any other of our kind and
>would not be sent back to my prison. But with
>Fallons word to stay herehed never get to leave
>his.

>
>I didnt know. All I knew was that I wanted to be
>with you.
Tears blurred my vision. How could
>my love for you cause all this anguish?

>
>Its called heartbreak. Love is dangerous,
>Heather. It is feared because to reach for it is to
>risk the unknown and tempt the vulnerability that
>lives in us all.

>
>I didnt know. Darian if I had, Id have never
>
>Never what? Set me free?
>
>Oh Darian! Thats notUmWellNo. I didnt mean
>what it sounds like

>
>I know. Fallon knows. The rest dont matter.
>
>Ive made a mess of everything. The Senate of
>Peers wont believe my actions werent part of a plot
>to help you escape.

>
>No. The fact that it happened exactly as they
>feared, wont help Fallon. And since then, he has
>flaunted his powers by assuming those of one of the
>strongest Sentinels. Which isnt a surprise to us as
>we know him, but Sentinels have safeguards to protect
>themselves, and yet

>
>Fallon stripped him with ease. I thought of
>Cadmus; a being identical to the brothers before me,
>and like Darian and Fallon, he had lost everything
>because of me. Thoughts in this world were dangerous,
>as having the time captured Cadmus appear before me
>attested. This last sentance loses me somewhat. I think it means that seeing Cadmus so easily stripped of his power by Fallon illustrates how powerful Fallon is, but I'm not sure.
>
>Darian shifted, nodding to the present form of Cadmus.
> I believe he was set up. With his rank, Cadmus
>would have access to our records. He shouldnt have
>been blindsided when Fallon admitted he was aware of
>your existence and that he claimed you as a child.
>Unless someone covered it up.

>
>I played right into their hands.
>
>You didnt know.
>
>Doesnt matter. I shook my head. This is
>my fault.

>
>Dont let emotion rule. Fallon would have ensured
>there would be no loopholes when it came to his claim
>of you. It
is as he has willed it. He knew
>this was coming.

>
>Fallon is suffering because of me.
>
>Its not like that.
>
>Yeah, it is. And youre suffering too.
>
>If you hadnt responded the way you did, one of us
>would have died. And between you and me, Lishas
>presence tell me it wouldnt have been love that was
>lost.

>
>Clarity surfaced. Ceased to exist. That would
>mea
Fallon groaned, using his waning strength to
>get back to me. I stroked down his face with my index
>finger, tracing his lips. His mouth opened. Sorry
>Fallon. Im not allowed inside.
>
>His body is yours to use for your pleasure.
>Darian gestured. Go on. Use him.
>
>I hate that I have to exploit his powers.
>
>Yeah.
>
>Im sorry for this Darian. For everything.
>Whatever happens I want you to know that.

>
>Darian smiled. This is more than your doing, My
>Heart. If anyone needs to answer for his actions and
>justify himself, its Fallon.

>
>In contrast to the rollrole I had to play, my touch was
>light as I soothed Fallons hair off his face.
>Hes going to detest me.
>
>Yeah. I know.
>
>I caught the note of self-cynicism. I trust you
>Darian.

>
>Yeah. I know. But perhaps you shouldnt.
>
>Why?
>
>Im male. And I want you.
The age-old dilemma. Two men, one woman...
>I smiled. Ive noticed. You also exist for me.
>I dont think I was wrong to believe that you have
>only my best interests at heart.

>
>Take him someplace safe. And then when you can,
>you get him to that Senate.

>
>I will. I reached out and grasped Darians
>hand, giving it a slight squeeze. Promise.
>
>Wait. Darian squeezed my hand back, and lifted
>his chin in Cadmuss direction. I could finish
>this for you, but it might be best if Cadmus wasnt
>aware that hes as helpless as a mortal.

>
>The world shifted beneath our feet and we were back
>under Cadmuss influence, away from the torture room
>and back into hell as if nothing had happened. One
>thought and Cadmus resumed his simpering consolation,
>pulling me back, away from Fallon. Heather. There
>is nothing you can do for Fallon besides let him be.
>
>I dont think so. Rocks cut into my knees and the
>physical pain was enough to block out the internal
>torment. I looked around startled. We were alone.
>The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a
>majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.

So very intriguing! I only hope I am understanding the plot the way it is supposed to be. I'm not sure how I should feel or who should come out on top, which is fun but frustrating at the same time. I don't mean to sound harsh or whiny about it, I am probably missing some information that might make my understanding better. I await more installemnts so I can kick my poor lagging brain into understanding!

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[> [> [> Hey Debi! Step this way >>> -- Esther, 12:49:54 02/10/10 Wed

>Esther, sometimes I worry I'm not smart enough to keep
>up with the complexities in your stories. I love the
>sexiness, the emotions, but "Mirrors" especially has
>so many layers, I sometimes can't keep track. Doersn't
>mean that your story isn't brilliant, because it is,
>just that I'm not following all the time.

Yeah, well, Im thinking its not the story that is so complex, it more that there is a span of time in between postings.
>
>On with my impressions.

Okay!
>
>>Excerpt from working title Mirrors
>>by E.M. Sawatzky 2010 All rights reserved.
>>Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not
>>constitute publication.
>>
>>
>>
>>Fallon doesnt want me to touch you. Darian
>>moved closer, pressing his body to mine. Feel it
>>Heather. Feel his repulsion of having my lips on
>>yours. My tongue in your mouth.
His hand cupped
>>my breast; his thumbnail scraped over my nipple, an
>>erotic sensation through the thin fabric. Hes not
>>unawarAh. That did it.

>>
>>Fallon shifted, his weight pushing Darian off balance
>>and forcing the kiss to an end. A frown marred his
>>features; his lips were curled in distaste.
>>
>>Darian leaned down towards Fallon. Thats right,
>>bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and
>>shell be all over me. His whisper was soft, but
>>unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were
>>lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable.
>>Youre pathetic. What kind of being would allow his
>>brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I dont
>>think so. Shes already mine.
>>
>So, to try to relieve Fallon's pain, Darian has to
>be a jackass to distract him and give him the will to
>live?


Yeah, well, case and point. A few posting ago, so six months to a year ago, there was a scene where Fallon was suffering and it turns out that he disclosed that pain makes him crave sex. And not so much the physical pain, its the mental fighting against his instincts that makes it more so. So here, Darian is attempting to rekindle those feelings of lust. Cause its true, Fallon was feeling something other than pain.
>
>
>>Darian!
>>
>>His lips brushed Fallons nape. You know, while you
>>lay there and will yourself to die, remember what
>>itll mean.
>>
>How did he get from kissing Heather to touching
>Fallon? See, I'm too visual. If I don't 'see' the
>movement, it don't always get it.


LOL Well Fallons head was in Heathers lap. And see? If you had read the previous bit without break, this would have been clear. I think. *G*

I do, however, admit to having characters spontaneously appear or sometimes seem to have an extra arm waving around. Thanks for pointing it out and please if I do it again, give a shout.

>
>>Fallons head moved back and forth. Nonocant
>>doHeather. Shedeservesbet..ter.
>>
>>Better than you? Oh yeah, you damned right she does.
>> At least I love her. Darian straightened.
>>
>>Cant do that to herdontyouhurt her
>>
>>Well, of course not. At least not right away. I
>>wont be able to. But you know, theres a good chance
>>with you dead, Id possess your powers. Ill be able
>>to say no, and Ill be capable of the rough se
>
>But, honestly, if that were to happen, eouldn't it
>be the best of both worlds? One male, with all the
>charateristics of both, so Heather would have it all
>in one package? It still looks like she's going to
>have to lose one of them at this point.


Perhaps it would be the best of both world, but then it wouldnt be nearly so much fun. *G*

Okay, seriously, these males are two separate beings with quite distinct personalities. As Im getting from these comments, Darian is more formal, in speech and bearing. The good news is that hes like that in my head too. Quite sincere, but still reserved and accepting. Fallon is the fun-lover. The one who would challenge and argue that the sky isnt blue because he could change it if he so chose. So if Darian did possess Fallons powers, all that lust would be contained in a being that wouldnt wield it. Sure hed be capable, but his nature isnt that way. And if Fallon was to cease to exist, Heather would remember him, so

>>
>>Nono. Deserves better than a whore.
>>
>>Is that what you think you are? Darian laughed.
>>Guess youre not a very good one. You left Heather
>>unsatisfied.
>>
>>Darian, what the hell are you doing?
>>
>>Hes feeling something other than pain now.
>>
>>Words have the power to hurt too, Darian. I cant
>>let you do thi

>>
>>Touch him like you care.
>>
>>I do care. My fingers traced over Fallons
>>cheek, feeling the strong angles, wondering how even
>>in pain his features held such magnificence. At my
>>touch, he eased, and crazy as it was, given what I
>>knew of Fallons power, it made sense. I swallowed,
>>needing to make him understand, but I couldnt speak.
>>Instead, I soothed his hair, willed the thick mass to
>>detangle under my ministrations.
>>
>>You feel that, bro? Thats the touch of a woman who
>>loves you. She honours you with her tears. And here
>>you lay, weak and pitiful. Unable and unwilling to
>>satisfy her needs. Darian scoffed, a rude sound of
>>disgust. And then, he took Fallons chin in his hand
>>and forced Fallon to honour the oath. Look into my
>>eyes. Let me see the truth you know is there.
>
>
>The use of 'bro' bugs me for some reason. It seems
>too... of our world. Their world seems more formal in
>speech. I understand they are brothers, at least to
>our eyes, but the colloquialism seems out of place to
>me, especially how the rest of Darian's speech reads.
>Heather does honor Fallon with the depth of her
>caring, even if Darian is using Heather to get a
>reaction from Fallon.


Well hmmmm. I suppose Darian has been more formal in his speech. So with Susie mentioning the same thing when he said yeah, Im thinking that I better stop tying to loosen him up, cause it doesnt seem to be working. Thanks for clarifying!

>>His lashes flickered open, and with utter
>>ruthlessness, Darian sought the reflections.
>>
>>My, my. Darian laughed, but it wasnt amusing. His
>>hurtful mirth vanished, leaving the sensation of cold
>>anger. Youre a bastard Fallon.
>
>
>What did he see there that made him say that? I
>know it's from Heather's POV, but I'm curious!


LOL I didnt leave you hanging too long I hope *G*

>>I caught the panic in his voice. The world shifted.
>>But I hadnt had a complete thought of where to go, so
>>we ended up nowhere. Darian helped form a vision in
>>my mind, and the vortex of nothing became a dungeon.
>>Dank and dark, the unease, pain and anguish were
>>ghosts of the pasts hovering in the enclosed space.
>>And yet, there was a weird vibe, almost like
>>trepidation, except excitement and aggression overrode
>>it. I could scent the magic in the air, although it
>>was very faint and used long ago.
>>
>>Nice digs, Darian.
>>
>>You think so?
>>
>>Sarcasm Darian. Im thinking this place is kind of
>>morbid to be honest, and not where I would have
>>chosen.

>>
>>Good. You remember whats important. Darian
>>gestured with his chin in the direction behind me.
>>
>>Fallon was on a rusty looking table. Positioned on
>>his side, his arm stretched out and his bicep
>>cushioning his head, his feet dangled off the edge.
>>
>>Shunned and misunderstood, it was up to me alone to
>>provide him comfort. Drawn to his side, I went to my
>>knees beside the table, clasped his hand in mine and
>>rested my forehead against them. I can hardly
>>forget that Fallon is meant to die.

>>
>>Not die, but cease to exist.
>>
>>Like you, or is this another riddle?
>>
>>The quick version is this. We are immortal. We
>>cannot die. Not in the way you believe anyway.

>>
>>Fallon shifted, an anguished grunt accompanying the
>>movement.
>>
>>Im here Fallon. I turned my head, my cheek resting
>>against Fallons knuckles. So what the hell does
>>it mean?

>
>So, some quick teleportation and they end up in a
>dungeon. Is this meant to be a manifestation of how
>Fallon feels? Symbol of Heather's entrapment in having
>to let one go? Or just a real dungeon? And Darian's
>panic at being in the mirrored place, am I missing
>something?


The dungeon is a world that exists for Fallon. If that makes any sense. But this was meant more to be just a comparison of their prisons. Darians was one of solitude he created out of mirrors so he could see and interact with the world outside. He did not want to entertain the notion of being caught and having to endure being held helpless while Heathers fate was undecided. Fallons prison was a well-visited chamber where the darker side of pleasure was brought out. He however, developed abilities that allowed him to leave at will, but because his powers were needed by those around him, he wasnt restricted in his movements. So he cant technically escape his prison because it doesnt really exist anywhere besides inside himself.
>>
>>Darian shook his head. Hey Loverboy. Why dont you
>>go to sleep so Heather and I can reacquaint
>>ourselves.
>>
>>Fallon settled down, and if not entirely without pain,
>>the engaging twin of perception let me know that he
>>was in a more restful state. I worried if Fallon was
>>that diminished that he didnt fight the order, or
>>whether Darian was perhaps more powerful than I
>>thought. Cadmus had suggested as much.
>>
>>What does it mean Darian?
>>
>>Doesnt matter. He held his hand out as if to
>>say hold on. What does, is that Fallon wants
>>to.

>>
>>I dont understand.
>>
>>Raised as a mortal, the easiest way to say it is
>>the world without Fallon would be a less than pleasant
>>place.

>
>But aren't they facing just that? Fallon ceasing to
>exist?


Well yeah. Sort of. *G* But the real world would be affected too. Not just their world.
>>
>>If the world doesnt want him, Ill take him.
>>
>>This place, what do you think it represents?
>>
>>Since were talking about Fallon, Im going to
>>assume something from his past.

>>
>>His past, true. His present, possibly. His
>>future? That is up to you.

>>
>>What are you saying?
>>
>>Darians patience ran out. What did I ask you to
>>do?
He gestured with a curt wave of his hand and
>>the image of us moments ago appeared, complete with
>>sound.
>>
>>Yes. Listen. I can help you. Darians hand
>>reached out for mine. But youll have to trust me.
>>
>>The desperation I felt still consumed me, and it was
>>odd to hear the words I spoke in my mind. I sat up
>>straight as I watched my image clasp hands with
>>Darians, entwining our fingers in a unity of purpose.
>>What would you have me do?
>>
>>Everything and nothing, My Heart. You kiss him.
>>Caress him. Tease him. Torment him with your touch.
>>Invoke his lust. Make him forget everything but how
>>much he needs to pleasure you.
>>
>>Sex? Thats your solution? You think he needs to
>>get a little grind going on and hell be all better?
>>On cue, Fallon turned toward me. But from the angle
>>of the image, I had to admit he didnt shift because
>>he was uncomfortable from pain. He was aroused.
>
>Arousal is a powerful distractant, this is true.
>I'm still not following the ultimate purpose though.
>Or are we figuring that out as we go? Spoilers! I want
>spoilers! ;-)


OMG There should be a purpose??? And you know me, I have a hard time giving things away when I need to give things away, let alone spoiling them for later! ;-)
>>
>>The image faded away.
>>
>>You want me to fu
>>
>>No. I dont.There was such censure in his
>>blind eyes. And you cant.
>>
>>What?
>>
>>You heard me.
>>
>>Contradicting yourself.
>>
>>Fallon has never been denied before. A little
>>sexual tension will ease his pain. Your lust will
>>make him strong.

>>
>>I shook my head in disagreement, remembering what I
>>had seen when I had searched for the truth in his
>>eyes. The dungeon we stood in brought the image into
>>sharper focus. Pain from being shackled to these very
>>devices was a tangible thing.
>>
>>Youre going to have to lose that naivety. Fallon
>>has never submitted to anothers desire. If you think
>>that just because he was restrained he wasnt in
>>control, you wont be able to save him. You need to
>>exert your influence over him.

>>
>>But he knows my desires Darian, and dominance isnt
>>one of them.

>>
>>Then you better play the game.
>>
>>His li
>>
>>He believes his life is. Thats whats important.
>>If you want him to survive, you have to convince him
>>that there is a reason to play.

>>
>>By being a deceptive, manipulating, cock-teasing
>>bitch.

>>Yes! If that's what it takes! (LOL)

LOL

>>Ironic isnt it? But whatever you do, do
>>
not allow any part of his body inside you. Not
>>his tongue when you kiss. Not his fingers in your
>>mouth or his hand between your legs. And dont show
>>him your back. Be on guard. Hes verytalented at
>>what he does. Hell be slipping his cock home before
>>you can even think to say no. And then the game is
>>over because hell have no reason to win.

>>
>>Well, wasnt this just the most uncomfortable
>>conversation Ive ever had? Anything else? I
>>meant to be flippant.
>>
>>Darian was serious. Yeah. If this has any chance
>>of working, neither one of you can have an orgasm.
>>

>>
>>Are you kidding me?
>Yeah! WHat's up with that?!;-)

Its called foreplay ;-)
>>
>>You get him aroused to the point of madness. Hold
>>him on the cusp of release. And then you get him to
>>the Senate of Peers.

>>
>>Great. Lovely. Just fucking wonderful. An
>>audience Darian?

>>
>>Im not thrilled with it either.
>>
>>Yeah. I took a deep breath to commit myself.
>>Sohell comeahgo with me?
>>
>>Hes protected you since the beginning of time. He
>>exists for your pleasure. There is no doubt. Hell
>>follow you.

>>
>>How do I get to the Senate? For a moment there
>>was nothing. I waited until I couldnt handle the
>>silence. Darian? Hellllooo? A little help
>>here?

>>
>>Darians voice when it came was hesitant with
>>disbelief. You dont know?
>
>How in the hell is she supposed to know that? Why
>does Darian assume she does? Wishful thinking?


Well Fallon knows. So technically she could too
>>
>>Do you think if I knew how to get there I wouldnt
>>have asked for that judgement like Fallon said I
>>should?

>>
>>What the hell is he thinking? Darian seemed to
>>recall that he was speaking in my head. Look. I
>>dont know either.

>>
>>This little wisp of news left me with a bad taste, and
>>for the first time, I had suspicions. Wouldnt
>>peers imply everyone?

>>
>>Yeah. And in the eternity we spent together I
>>introduced you to how many of my kind?
He
>>scoffed, shifting beside me, leaning a negligent hip
>>on one of the torture tables. Thats right. None.
>> And even before your seduction, I told you I didnt
>>have a home. What did you think all those mirrors
>>represented? My obsession with images that arent
>>there and looks I cant see?

>>
>>I searched his face, hesitant to meet his gaze, but I
>>did so, and saw what had been hidden in the
>>reflections, what had been disguised by the ones who
>>had imposed the restrictions to weaken him.
>>Prison. The giving lover before me hadnt
>>changed. But my perceptions had. How dare they lock
>>him up? Why?
>>
>>He smiled, but it wasnt with mirth or happiness, but
>>more like self-reproach. Congratulations, My
>>Heart. You, a half-mortal, have a self-acknowledged
>>and very intimate association, not to mention the
>>claim and rights of a mate, with two of the most
>>feared and powerful beings in existence.
His
>>expression softened. For all that hes an arrogant
>>prick, Fallon is my brother. And while that is enough
>>for my wanting him to live, I now owe him a debt of
>>gratitude. Id do anything to save him from this
>>scheme.

>>
>>What are you talking about? I smoothed
>>Fallons sweat-soaked hair from his forehead.
>>
>>Fallon didnt rescue you from a human accident. He
>>announced his intent, by aligning himself to you, when
>>he thwarted the attempt on your life.

>>
>>What attempt?
>>
>>Come off it Heather. You know. The truck that
>>crashed through yours and ripped you apart!

>>
>>No. It couldnt be. That driver was an idiot.
>>The roads were icy. Thats al

>>
>>Dont YOU get it? Your existence was to be
>>snuffed out because it was feared youd release me.
>>

>>
>>II did release you.
>
>Okay, I think I see the light, sort of.;-)

Sort of is better than a huh any day. Ill take it! *G*

>>
>>Yeah. And now Fallon is insisting on a judgement.
>>What do you think his plan is? Look around you,
>>Heather. This is where Fallon believes he belongs.
>>This is where he grew up. This is where his skills
>>were honed and exploited until he grew too powerful to
>>be bound. Hes going to trade his existence for mine.
>> With you as my mate, Im not a threat. With you as
>>my mate, Id pose no risk to any other of our kind and
>>would not be sent back to my prison. But with
>>Fallons word to stay herehed never get to leave
>>his.

>>
>>I didnt know. All I knew was that I wanted to be
>>with you.
Tears blurred my vision. How could
>>my love for you cause all this anguish?

>>
>>Its called heartbreak. Love is dangerous,
>>Heather. It is feared because to reach for it is to
>>risk the unknown and tempt the vulnerability that
>>lives in us all.

>>
>>I didnt know. Darian if I had, Id have
>never

>>
>>Never what? Set me free?
>>
>>Oh Darian! Thats notUmWellNo. I didnt mean
>>what it sounds like

>>
>>I know. Fallon knows. The rest dont matter.
>

>>
>>Ive made a mess of everything. The Senate of
>>Peers wont believe my actions werent part of a plot
>>to help you escape.

>>
>>No. The fact that it happened exactly as they
>>feared, wont help Fallon. And since then, he has
>>flaunted his powers by assuming those of one of the
>>strongest Sentinels. Which isnt a surprise to us as
>>we know him, but Sentinels have safeguards to protect
>>themselves, and yet

>>
>>Fallon stripped him with ease. I thought of
>>Cadmus; a being identical to the brothers before me,
>>and like Darian and Fallon, he had lost everything
>>because of me. Thoughts in this world were dangerous,
>>as having the time captured Cadmus appear before me
>>attested. This last sentance loses me somewhat. I
>think it means that seeing Cadmus so easily stripped
>of his power by Fallon illustrates how powerful Fallon
>is, but I'm not sure.


Heather just thought him into the dungeon

>>
>>Darian shifted, nodding to the present form of Cadmus.
>> I believe he was set up. With his rank, Cadmus
>>would have access to our records. He shouldnt have
>>been blindsided when Fallon admitted he was aware of
>>your existence and that he claimed you as a child.
>>Unless someone covered it up.

>>
>>I played right into their hands.
>>
>>You didnt know.
>>
>>Doesnt matter. I shook my head. This is
>>my fault.

>>
>>Dont let emotion rule. Fallon would have ensured
>>there would be no loopholes when it came to his claim
>>of you. It
is as he has willed it. He knew
>>this was coming.

>>
>>Fallon is suffering because of me.
>>
>>Its not like that.
>>
>>Yeah, it is. And youre suffering too.
>>
>>If you hadnt responded the way you did, one of us
>>would have died. And between you and me, Lishas
>>presence tell me it wouldnt have been love that was
>>lost.

>>
>>Clarity surfaced. Ceased to exist. That would
>>mea
Fallon groaned, using his waning strength to
>>get back to me. I stroked down his face with my index
>>finger, tracing his lips. His mouth opened. Sorry
>>Fallon. Im not allowed inside.
>>
>>His body is yours to use for your pleasure.
>>Darian gestured. Go on. Use him.
>>
>>I hate that I have to exploit his powers.
>>
>>Yeah.
>>
>>Im sorry for this Darian. For everything.
>>Whatever happens I want you to know that.

>>
>>Darian smiled. This is more than your doing, My
>>Heart. If anyone needs to answer for his actions and
>>justify himself, its Fallon.

>>
>>In contrast to the rollrole I had to play, my

Thank You! I hate when I do that! I gots it fixed now!
>touch was
>>light as I soothed Fallons hair off his face.
>>Hes going to detest me.
>>
>>Yeah. I know.
>>
>>I caught the note of self-cynicism. I trust you
>>Darian.

>>
>>Yeah. I know. But perhaps you shouldnt.
>>
>>Why?
>>
>>Im male. And I want you.
>The age-old dilemma. Two men, one woman...

But choice is always good right?

>>I smiled. Ive noticed. You also exist for me.
>>I dont think I was wrong to believe that you have
>>only my best interests at heart.

>>
>>Take him someplace safe. And then when you can,
>>you get him to that Senate.

>>
>>I will. I reached out and grasped Darians
>>hand, giving it a slight squeeze. Promise.
>>
>>Wait. Darian squeezed my hand back, and lifted
>>his chin in Cadmuss direction. I could finish
>>this for you, but it might be best if Cadmus wasnt
>>aware that hes as helpless as a mortal.

>>
>>The world shifted beneath our feet and we were back
>>under Cadmuss influence, away from the torture room
>>and back into hell as if nothing had happened. One
>>thought and Cadmus resumed his simpering consolation,
>>pulling me back, away from Fallon. Heather. There
>>is nothing you can do for Fallon besides let him be.
>>
>>I dont think so. Rocks cut into my knees and the
>>physical pain was enough to block out the internal
>>torment. I looked around startled. We were alone.
>>The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a
>>majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.
>
>So very intriguing! I only hope I am understanding the
>plot the way it is supposed to be. I'm not sure how I
>should feel or who should come out on top, which is
>fun but frustrating at the same time. I don't mean to
>sound harsh or whiny about it, I am probably missing
>some information that might make my understanding
>better. I await more installemnts so I can kick my
>poor lagging brain into understanding!
>


Well. In a triangle of lust and love what will happen when temptation cant be denied. Heather has looked in their eyes and has seen the truth. And by accepting what they want, she has put their wants and needs before their own. Heather is a half-mortal, meaning that this world of illusions is not enough for her. Her world is real. Her feelings are real, and she will not accept anything but. For these males, they live in a world they make up as they go. Nothing is real. And their feelings, have never been real to them either because they were never considered before, nor did they matter enough to bother. Heathers presence has changed that. And now all three of them, with the help of Cadmus, need to make some choices.

Now, for how you should feel, or who should come out on top, Im thrilled that youre not sure. *G* That seems to be working for me. And to clarify that, I dont deliberately set out to confuse, frustrate, or otherwise expect the reader to continue reading just because they dont understand. But in this case, if what you mean is that you dont know if you should be on Darians or Fallons side of the fence, or who you want Heather to choose, then that means Im on the right track. If it is me who misunderstands, and you mean the purpose of the story in the first place, wellthen I have some editing to do. *G*

Thanks for the impressions! Much Appreciated!

Esther

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[> [> I'm coming back later this evening to crit and am looking forward to it more than I can tell you! I so love Fallon! -- Page, 17:57:56 02/23/10 Tue

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[> [> Okay, I know I missed last evening, but I'm here now >>>> -- Page, 17:57:41 02/24/10 Wed

First, can I tell you hard it is to crit anything from "Mirrors?" I get so caught up in the story that I forget I'm supposed to be critiquing! And have I ever told you I just love Fallon? No, I mean love him. Oh, I've mentioned that? Just wanted to be sure...
>
>Excerpt from working title Mirrors
>by E.M. Sawatzky 2010 All rights reserved.
>Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not
>constitute publication.
>
>
>
>Fallon doesnt want me to touch you. Darian
>moved closer, pressing his body to mine. Feel it
>Heather. Feel his repulsion of having my lips on
>yours. My tongue in your mouth.
His hand cupped
>my breast; his thumbnail scraped over my nipple, an
>erotic sensation through the thin fabric. Hes not
>unawarAh. That did it.

>
>Fallon shifted, his weight pushing Darian off balance
>and forcing the kiss to an end. A frown marred his
>features; his lips were curled in distaste.

There's a tiny bit of confusion about "his" features and "his" lips. I know it's Fallon, but I had to read it twice to know it. After all, it could be Darian's frown, etc. since Fallon pretty much kicked him off Heather. I'd suggest reinforcing the fact that Fallon's expression is the one you refer to.
>
>Darian leaned down towards Fallon. Thats right,
>bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and
>shell be all over me. His whisper was soft, but
>unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were
>lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable.
>Youre pathetic. What kind of being would allow his
>brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I dont
>think so. Shes already mine.
>
>Darian!
>
>His lips brushed Fallons nape. You know, while you
>lay there and will yourself to die, remember what
>itll mean.
>
>Fallons head moved back and forth. Nonocant
>doHeather. Shedeservesbet..ter.
>
>Better than you? Oh yeah, you you're

damned right she does.
> At least I love her. Darian straightened.
>
>Cant do that to herdontyouhurt her
>
>Well, of course not. At least not right away. I
>wont be able to. But you know, theres a good chance
>with you dead, Id possess your powers. Ill be able
>to say no, and Ill be capable of the rough se
>
>Nono. Deserves better than a whore.
>
>Is that what you think you are? Darian laughed.
>Guess youre not a very good one. You left Heather
>unsatisfied.

Burn!

>Darian, what the hell are you doing?
>
>Hes feeling something other than pain now.
>
>Words have the power to hurt too, Darian. I cant
>let you do thi

>
>Touch him like you care.
>
>I do care. My fingers traced over Fallons
>cheek, feeling the strong angles, wondering how even
>in pain his features held such magnificence. At my
>touch, he eased, and crazy as it was, given what I
>knew of Fallons power, it made sense. Not to me. What made sense? The easing of his features? The way Darian spoke to him? The fact that it caused Fallon to respond?
I swallowed,
>needing to make him understand, but I couldnt speak.
>Instead, I soothed his hair, willed the thick mass to
>detangle under my ministrations.
>
>You feel that, bro? Thats the touch of a woman who
>loves you. She honours you with her tears. And here
>you lay, weak and pitiful. Unable and unwilling to
>satisfy her needs. Darian scoffed, a rude sound of
>disgust. And then, he took Fallons chin in his hand
>and forced Fallon to honour the oath. Look into my
>eyes. Let me see the truth you know is there.
>
>His lashes flickered open, and with utter
>ruthlessness, Darian sought the reflections.
Is this a POV jump? How would Heather know Darian was seeking with utter ruthlessness?
>
>My, my. Darian laughed, but it wasnt amusing. His
>hurtful mirth vanished, leaving the sensation of cold
>anger. Youre a bastard Fallon.
>
>Which is one of the things you love about me. A
>soft murmur, it held assurance.
>
>Keep telling yourself that. Darian waited until I
>met his gaze. My Heart, I exist to make you happy.
>To satisfy your every need. Even though I dont
>agree, and would rather he dies as alone as he lived,
>Ill allow you to say your goodbyes.
>
>That brought my attention back to Darian. Allow?
>
>Yeah. Allow. My brother hasnt been exactly
>truthful with either of us. He doesnt want to give
>me to you. He already has.


Is Darian already absorbing some of Fallon's powers, and therefore, his personality? Because I can see Fallon saying "Yeah," but Darian seems to be more of a "Yes, dear" type of dude.

>
>What?
>
>Theres no tim
>
>Without any compunction, I sent us to the only place I
>knew where time didnt exist, and since the place did
>not exist, we could not exist in it. Immediately, I
>felt the loss of Fallon. We have all the time in
>existence.


JMHO, but there's too much "exist" and its variants in this paragraph, making it hard to read and probably obscuring your point. Can you find another way to say it?
>
>Darian glanced around, gazing at the mirrors. Do
>you trust me?

>
>Of course I do.
>
>Then get us the hell out of here or I wont be any
>help to you.

>
>I caught the panic in his voice. The world shifted.
>But I hadnt had a complete thought of where to go, so
>we ended up nowhere. Darian helped form a vision in
>my mind, and the vortex of nothing became a dungeon.
>Dank and dark, the unease, pain and anguish were
>ghosts of the pasts hovering in the enclosed space.
>And yet, there was a weird vibe, almost like
>trepidation, except excitement and aggression overrode
>it. I could scent the magic in the air, although it
>was very faint and used long ago.
>
>Nice digs, Darian.
>
>You think so?
>
>Sarcasm Darian. Im thinking this place is kind of
>morbid to be honest, and not where I would have
>chosen.

>
>Good. You remember whats important. Darian
>gestured with his chin in the direction behind me.
>
>Fallon was on a rusty looking table. Positioned on
>his side, his arm stretched out and his bicep
>cushioning his head, his feet dangled off the edge.
>
>Shunned and misunderstood, it was up to me alone to
>provide him comfort. Drawn to his side, I went to my
>knees beside the table, clasped his hand in mine and
>rested my forehead against them. I can hardly
>forget that Fallon is meant to die.

>
>Not die, but cease to exist.
>
>Like you, or is this another riddle?
>
>The quick version is this. We are immortal. We
>cannot die. Not in the way you believe anyway.

>
>Fallon shifted, an anguished grunt accompanying the
>movement.
>
>Im here Fallon. I turned my head, my cheek resting
>against Fallons knuckles. So what the hell does
>it mean?

>
>Darian shook his head. Hey Loverboy. Why dont you
>go to sleep so Heather and I can reacquaint
>ourselves.
>
>Fallon settled down, and if not entirely without pain,
>the engaging twin of perception let me know that he
>was in a more restful state. I worried if Fallon was
>that diminished that he didnt fight the order, or
>whether Darian was perhaps more powerful than I
>thought. Cadmus had suggested as much.
>
>What does it mean Darian?
>
>Doesnt matter. He held his hand out as if to
>say hold on. What does, is that Fallon wants
>to.

>
>I dont understand.
>
>Raised as a mortal, the easiest way to say it is
>the world without Fallon would be a less than pleasant
>place.

>
>If the world doesnt want him, Ill take him.
>
>This place, what do you think it represents?
>
>Since were talking about Fallon, Im going to
>assume something from his past.

>
>His past, true. His present, possibly. His
>future? That is up to you.

>
>What are you saying?
>
>Darians patience ran out. What did I ask you to
>do?
He gestured with a curt wave of his hand and
>the image of us moments ago appeared, complete with
>sound.
>
>Yes. Listen. I can help you. Darians hand
>reached out for mine. But youll have to trust me.
>
>The desperation I felt still consumed me, and it was
>odd to hear the words I spoke in my mind. I sat up
>straight as I watched my image clasp hands with
>Darians, entwining our fingers in a unity of purpose.
>What would you have me do?
>
>Everything and nothing, My Heart. You kiss him.
>Caress him. Tease him. Torment him with your touch.
>Invoke his lust. Make him forget everything but how
>much he needs to pleasure you.
>
>Sex? Thats your solution? You think he needs to
>get a little grind going on and hell be all better?
>On cue, Fallon turned toward me. But from the angle
>of the image, I had to admit he didnt shift because
>he was uncomfortable from pain. He was aroused.
>
>The image faded away.
>
>You want me to fu
>
>No. I dont.There was such censure in his
>blind eyes. And you cant.
>
>What?
>
>You heard me.
>
>Contradicting yourself.
>
>Fallon has never been denied before. A little
>sexual tension will ease his pain. Your lust will
>make him strong.

>
>I shook my head in disagreement, remembering what I
>had seen when I had searched for the truth in his
>eyes. The dungeon we stood in brought the image into
>sharper focus. Pain from being shackled to these very
>devices was a tangible thing.
>
>Youre going to have to lose that naivety. Fallon
>has never submitted to anothers desire. If you think
>that just because he was restrained he wasnt in
>control, you wont be able to save him. You need to
>exert your influence over him.

>
>But he knows my desires Darian, and dominance isnt
>one of them.

>
>Then you better play the game.
>
>His li
>
>He believes his life is. Thats whats important.
>If you want him to survive, you have to convince him
>that there is a reason to play.

>
>By being a deceptive, manipulating, cock-teasing
>bitch.

>
>Ironic isnt it? But whatever you do, do
>
not allow any part of his body inside you. Not
>his tongue when you kiss. Not his fingers in your
>mouth or his hand between your legs. And dont show
>him your back. Be on guard. Hes verytalented at
>what he does. Hell be slipping his cock home before
>you can even think to say no. And then the game is
>over because hell have no reason to win.

>
>Well, wasnt this just the most uncomfortable
>conversation Ive ever had? Anything else? I
>meant to be flippant.
>
>Darian was serious. Yeah. If this has any chance
>of working, neither one of you can have an orgasm.
>

>
>Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?
>
>You get him aroused to the point of madness. Hold
>him on the cusp of release. And then you get him to
>the Senate of Peers.

>
>Great. Lovely. Just fucking wonderful. An
>audience Darian?

>
>Im not thrilled with it either.
>
>Yeah. I took a deep breath to commit myself.
>Sohell comeahgo with me?
>
>Hes protected you since the beginning of time. He
>exists for your pleasure. There is no doubt. Hell
>follow you.

>
>How do I get to the Senate? For a moment there
>was nothing. I waited until I couldnt handle the
>silence. Darian? Hellllooo? A little help
>here?

>
>Darians voice when it came was hesitant with
>disbelief. You dont know?
>
>Do you think if I knew how to get there I wouldnt
>have asked for that judgement like Fallon said I
>should?

>
>What the hell is he thinking? Darian seemed to
>recall that he was speaking in my head. Look. I
>dont know either.

>
>This little wisp of news left me with a bad taste, and
>for the first time, I had suspicions. Wouldnt
>peers imply everyone?

>
>Yeah. And in the eternity we spent together I
>introduced you to how many of my kind?
He
>scoffed, shifting beside me, leaning a negligent hip
>on one of the torture tables. Thats right. None.
> And even before your seduction, I told you I didnt
>have a home. What did you think all those mirrors
>represented? My obsession with images that arent
>there and looks I cant see?

>
>I searched his face, hesitant to meet his gaze, but I
>did so, and saw what had been hidden in the
>reflections, what had been disguised by the ones who
>had imposed the restrictions to weaken him.
>Prison. The giving lover before me hadnt
>changed. But my perceptions had. How dare they lock
>him up? Why?
>
>He smiled, but it wasnt with mirth or happiness, but
>more like self-reproach. Congratulations, My
>Heart. You, a half-mortal, have a self-acknowledged
>and very intimate association, not to mention the
>claim and rights of a mate, with two of the most
>feared and powerful beings in existence.
His
>expression softened. For all that hes an arrogant
>prick, Fallon is my brother. And while that is enough
>for my wanting him to live, I now owe him a debt of
>gratitude. Id do anything to save him from this
>scheme.

>
>What are you talking about? I smoothed
>Fallons sweat-soaked hair from his forehead.
>
>Fallon didnt rescue you from a human accident. He
>announced his intent, by aligning himself to you, when
>he thwarted the attempt on your life.

>
>What attempt?
>
>Come off it Heather. You know. The truck that
>crashed through yours and ripped you apart!

>
>No. It couldnt be. That driver was an idiot.
>The roads were icy. Thats al

>
>Dont YOU get it? Your existence was to be
>snuffed out because it was feared youd release me.
>

>
>II did release you.
>
>Yeah. And now Fallon is insisting on a judgement.
>What do you think his plan is? Look around you,
>Heather. This is where Fallon believes he belongs.
>This is where he grew up. This is where his skills
>were honed and exploited until he grew too powerful to
>be bound. Hes going to trade his existence for mine.
> With you as my mate, Im not a threat. With you as
>my mate, Id pose no risk to any other of our kind and
>would not be sent back to my prison. But with
>Fallons word to stay herehed never get to leave
>his.

>
>I didnt know. All I knew was that I wanted to be
>with you.
Tears blurred my vision. How could
>my love for you cause all this anguish?

>
>Its called heartbreak. Love is dangerous,
>Heather. It is feared because to reach for it is to
>risk the unknown and tempt the vulnerability that
>lives in us all.

>
>I didnt know. Darian if I had, Id have never
>
>Never what? Set me free?
>
>Oh Darian! Thats notUmWellNo. I didnt mean
>what it sounds like

>
>I know. Fallon knows. The rest dont matter.
>
>Ive made a mess of everything. The Senate of
>Peers wont believe my actions werent part of a plot
>to help you escape.

>
>No. The fact that it happened exactly as they
>feared, wont help Fallon. And since then, he has
>flaunted his powers by assuming those of one of the
>strongest Sentinels. Which isnt a surprise to us as
>we know him, but Sentinels have safeguards to protect
>themselves, and yet

>
>Fallon stripped him with ease. I thought of
>Cadmus; a being identical to the brothers before me,
>and like Darian and Fallon, he had lost everything
>because of me. Thoughts in this world were dangerous,
>as having the time captured Cadmus appear before me
>attested.
>
>Darian shifted, nodding to the present form of Cadmus.
> I believe he was set up. With his rank, Cadmus
>would have access to our records. He shouldnt have
>been blindsided when Fallon admitted he was aware of
>your existence and that he claimed you as a child.
>Unless someone covered it up.

>
>I played right into their hands.
>
>You didnt know.
>
>Doesnt matter. I shook my head. This is
>my fault.

>
>Dont let emotion rule. Fallon would have ensured
>there would be no loopholes when it came to his claim
>of you. It
is as he has willed it. He knew
>this was coming.

>
>Fallon is suffering because of me.
>
>Its not like that.
>
>Yeah, it is. And youre suffering too.
>
>If you hadnt responded the way you did, one of us
>would have died. And between you and me, Lishas
>presence tell me it wouldnt have been love that was
>lost.

>
>Clarity surfaced. Ceased to exist. That would
>mea
Fallon groaned, using his waning strength to
>get back to me. I stroked down his face with my index
>finger, tracing his lips. His mouth opened. Sorry
>Fallon. Im not allowed inside.
>
>His body is yours to use for your pleasure.
>Darian gestured. Go on. Use him.
>
>I hate that I have to exploit his powers.
>
>Yeah.
>
>Im sorry for this Darian. For everything.
>Whatever happens I want you to know that.

>
>Darian smiled. This is more than your doing, My
>Heart. If anyone needs to answer for his actions and
>justify himself, its Fallon.

>
>In contrast to the roll role
I had to play, my touch was
>light as I soothed Fallons hair off his face.
>Hes going to detest me.
>
>Yeah. I know.
>
>I caught the note of self-cynicism. I trust you
>Darian.

>
>Yeah. I know. But perhaps you shouldnt.
>
>Why?
>
>Im male. And I want you.
>
>I smiled. Ive noticed. You also exist for me.
>I dont think I was wrong to believe that you have
>only my best interests at heart.

>
>Take him someplace safe. And then when you can,
>you get him to that Senate.

>
>I will. I reached out and grasped Darians
>hand, giving it a slight squeeze. Promise.
>
>Wait. Darian squeezed my hand back, and lifted
>his chin in Cadmuss direction. I could finish
>this for you, but it might be best if Cadmus wasnt
>aware that hes as helpless as a mortal.

>
>The world shifted beneath our feet and we were back
>under Cadmuss influence, away from the torture room
>and back into hell as if nothing had happened. One
>thought and Cadmus resumed his simpering consolation,
>pulling me back, away from Fallon. Heather. There
>is nothing you can do for Fallon besides let him be.
>
>I dont think so. Rocks cut into my knees and the
>physical pain was enough to block out the internal
>torment. I looked around startled. We were alone.
>The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a
>majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.

More. Please. Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease!

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[> [> [> Cool! And I missed yesterday, but snuck on today. >>> -- Esther, 12:45:15 02/26/10 Fri

>First, can I tell you hard it is to crit anything
>from "Mirrors?" I get so caught up in the story that
>I forget I'm supposed to be critiquing! And have I
>ever told you I just love Fallon? No, I mean
>love him. Oh, I've mentioned that? Just wanted
>to be sure...


LOL Yeah, you might have mentioned that before. But it never hurts to repeat it. *G*
>>
>>Excerpt from working title Mirrors
>>by E.M. Sawatzky 2010 All rights reserved.
>>Posted for critiquing purposes only and does not
>>constitute publication.
>>
>>
>>
>>Fallon doesnt want me to touch you. Darian
>>moved closer, pressing his body to mine. Feel it
>>Heather. Feel his repulsion of having my lips on
>>yours. My tongue in your mouth.
His hand cupped
>>my breast; his thumbnail scraped over my nipple, an
>>erotic sensation through the thin fabric. Hes not
>>unawarAh. That did it.

>>
>>Fallon shifted, his weight pushing Darian off balance
>>and forcing the kiss to an end. A frown marred his
>>features; his lips were curled in distaste.
>
>There's a tiny bit of confusion about "his"
>features and "his" lips. I know it's Fallon, but I
>had to read it twice to know it. After all, it could
>be Darian's frown, etc. since Fallon pretty much
>kicked him off Heather. I'd suggest reinforcing the
>fact that Fallon's expression is the one you refer
>to.


Well hmmmm. It is Fallon being refered tobut I kinda hoped that because he had his own paragraph that it would be apparent who it was. Apparently not. *G* SoIll concentrate more on making it be Fallon. Thanx
>>
>>Darian leaned down towards Fallon. Thats right,
>>bro. All I have to do is behave like an ass, and
>>shell be all over me. His whisper was soft, but
>>unlike the murmurs I was familiar with when we were
>>lovers, the malice in his tone was unmistakable.
>>Youre pathetic. What kind of being would allow his
>>brother to fuck his mate? Give her to me? I dont
>>think so. Shes already mine.
>>
>>Darian!
>>
>>His lips brushed Fallons nape. You know, while you
>>lay there and will yourself to die, remember what
>>itll mean.
>>
>>Fallons head moved back and forth. Nonocant
>>doHeather. Shedeservesbet..ter.
>>
>>Better than you? Oh yeah, you you're

Okay. Lets try this. Oh yeah, you are damned right she does. Hmmmm I dont like it that way. Is that really how it should be?
>
>damned right she does.
>> At least I love her. Darian straightened.
>>
>>Cant do that to herdontyouhurt her
>>
>>Well, of course not. At least not right away. I
>>wont be able to. But you know, theres a good chance
>>with you dead, Id possess your powers. Ill be able
>>to say no, and Ill be capable of the rough se
>>
>>Nono. Deserves better than a whore.
>>
>>Is that what you think you are? Darian laughed.
>>Guess youre not a very good one. You left Heather
>>unsatisfied.
>
>Burn!

LOL Well, he did leave Heather unsatisfied you know. ; -)
>
>>Darian, what the hell are you doing?
>>
>>Hes feeling something other than pain now.
>>
>>Words have the power to hurt too, Darian. I cant
>>let you do thi

>>
>>Touch him like you care.
>>
>>I do care. My fingers traced over Fallons
>>cheek, feeling the strong angles, wondering how even
>>in pain his features held such magnificence. At my
>>touch, he eased, and crazy as it was, given what I
>>knew of Fallons power, it made sense. Not to me.
> What made sense? The easing of his features? The
>way Darian spoke to him? The fact that it caused
>Fallon to respond?


Youre killing me here. The last one. Her touch caused Fallon to respond. *G* I tried very hard to put all this in the same sentence so it would be clear, but I guess Ill have to try again. But perhaps if you re-read this bit, itll help

Pushed down, I sat in the chair shaped to the contours of our position. Fallon was on his knees between my thighs, his hands resting on my hips, his erection positioned in an intimate, inescapable promise. I gave in to temptation and gripped his dark hair, delighting in the texture clenched in my fists. His eyes closed and he groaned. Startled at how erotic it sounded, I realized he felt unadulterated pleasure as I reached out to him for the first time. I tightened my grip, increasing the pull on his scalp.

And then his eyes opened, and I was lost in the abyss.



>I swallowed,
>>needing to make him understand, but I couldnt speak.
>>Instead, I soothed his hair, willed the thick mass to
>>detangle under my ministrations.
>>
>>You feel that, bro? Thats the touch of a woman who
>>loves you. She honours you with her tears. And here
>>you lay, weak and pitiful. Unable and unwilling to
>>satisfy her needs. Darian scoffed, a rude sound of
>>disgust. And then, he took Fallons chin in his hand
>>and forced Fallon to honour the oath. Look into my
>>eyes. Let me see the truth you know is there.
>>
>>His lashes flickered open, and with utter
>>ruthlessness, Darian sought the reflections.
>Is this a POV jump? How would Heather know Darian
>was seeking with utter ruthlessness?


Ah. Wellnot by what I think is happening. *G* But okay, besides forcing Fallon to honour the oath, Ill add in a frown or something. ; -) Oh, and yeah, Darian has always been ruthless, he just goes about it in a nice way. Remember these?


The very first time Heather and Darian met


Darian knelt down in front of the chair, his forearm resting on the raised knee. Heather, my heart. Look into my eyes.

Hypnotized by the seduction in his voice I obeyed part of his command and looked down. A sexy half smile teased sensual lips meant to be kissed. Long hair begged to be touched. His white shirt was open, beckoning hands to caress his skin, to slide underneath the offending material and help it fall from the broad shoulders. His skin-tight black trousers were made of a sinful material that molded to his thighs, becoming a part of him, defining muscles to perfection. He had a timeless feel with a passionate scent.

Yet, something about him wasnt right. I closed my eyes; I shut down my senses. I felt him. My eyes opened and for the first time met the dark obsidian of his. What are you, I whispered.

What do you see? Pure seduction, I felt the caress of his words.

A lover. A fantasy. A dream.

He smiled. What is your dream, Heather? Your fantasy?

Nice try. But I see through you.

His smile widened. Nice try. But I am stronger. He held my gaze. What do you see? All pretence was gone; this was a demand for an answer.

Images swirled into focus, coming from the depths of his eyes. Images I refused to see. Mirrors on the walls...reflections from the lights.

Focus. Choose one reflection and dont blink. See what is there.

There was no choice. I see myself.

Look deeper.

No. I tried to shake my head, but he held it with the power of his gaze. I couldnt look away. He was stronger, too strong for me to resist.


And then when Darian sent her away

He pulled me closer. Hands soothed my back. I could smell his unique scent and feel the comforting texture of his hair under my cheek. His warm body pressed against mine. He was my reality in a world of illusions.

This cannot go on.

The small catch in his voice was my undoing. I wanted nothing more than to make his pain stop, to replace the shimmer of tears with the glint of mischief. I glanced to his face and searched his eyes.

I dont understand. What are you saying?

His hands tightened their hold, the comforting motion stopped. He blinked. A single tear broke away and traveled over the strong planes of his face, hanging on with characteristic stubbornness to his chin. It rips me apart that I can feel your suffering but am helpless to ease your hurt.

I wouldnt want you to even if you could.

I know. The tear fell, disappearing, judged and sentenced to nothingness. And thats the solution, isnt it? The pressure with which he held me eased. A feather pillow took the place of his arm; a soft blanket replaced his warmth. Heather, look into my eyes. See the truth you know is there.

No. Obstinate, I yanked the covers over my head.

He possessed greater power than I. The warm blanket ceased to be; the top sheet slipped away, my fists clenched into the black silk meaningless. I clutched nothing but air. As if I were a rag doll, his thoughts lifted and settled me beside him. My head turned under the gentle insistence of his fingers under my chin.

What do you see?

His voice was a soft whisper of authority, a suggestion so tempting, I found myself granting his wishes. After all, he would see my deepest desire to be with him. I focused on the reflections in his eyes.

Panic swept over me. I swallowed, attempting to find my voice in a throat gone dry. NothingBlackness. No images swirled into focus.

He took control.

I braced to face the numbing pain that dwelled in him, the anguish he assumed for others. Instead, my body froze with cold, and while my breath was suddenly visible, his was not. Darian, I Desperate to escape his hold, I struggled to block my feelings, but it was in vain. He held on; he kept my gaze locked with his until he was certain.

After tense moments of silence, he pushed away from me. As he stood, supple pants formed around the contours of his muscular legs. The same shirt I had stripped off his broad shoulders so long ago covered his chest. A quick toss of his head and his hair smoothed out. He turned away and strode to the other side of the room; the strike of his boots an echo of my despair.




>>
>>My, my. Darian laughed, but it wasnt amusing. His
>>hurtful mirth vanished, leaving the sensation of cold
>>anger. Youre a bastard Fallon.
>>
>>Which is one of the things you love about me. A
>>soft murmur, it held assurance.
>>
>>Keep telling yourself that. Darian waited until I
>>met his gaze. My Heart, I exist to make you happy.
>>To satisfy your every need. Even though I dont
>>agree, and would rather he dies as alone as he lived,
>>Ill allow you to say your goodbyes.
>>
>>That brought my attention back to Darian. Allow?
>>
>>Yeah. Allow. My brother hasnt been exactly
>>truthful with either of us. He doesnt want to give
>>me to you. He already has.

>
>Is Darian already absorbing some of Fallon's
>powers, and therefore, his personality? Because I can
>see Fallon saying "Yeah," but Darian seems to be more
>of a "Yes, dear" type of dude.


Well, thats what I intended to happen, but it seems like it came out too much too soon based on the comments Ive received. So Im currently rethinking this so I can fix it. Thanks for the added confirmation
>
>>
>>What?
>>
>>Theres no tim
>>
>>Without any compunction, I sent us to the only place I
>>knew where time didnt exist, and since the place did
>>not exist, we could not exist in it. Immediately, I
>>felt the loss of Fallon. We have all the time in
>>existence.

>
>JMHO, but there's too much "exist" and its variants
>in this paragraph, making it hard to read and probably
>obscuring your point. Can you find another way to say
>it?


Hmmm. Thats a tough one. *G*
>>
>>
>>
>>He believes his life is. Thats whats important.
>>If you want him to survive, you have to convince him
>>that there is a reason to play.

>>
>>By being a deceptive, manipulating, cock-teasing
>>bitch.

>>
>>Ironic isnt it? But whatever you do, do
>>
not allow any part of his body inside you. Not
>>his tongue when you kiss. Not his fingers in your
>>mouth or his hand between your legs. And dont show
>>him your back. Be on guard. Hes verytalented at
>>what he does. Hell be slipping his cock home before
>>you can even think to say no. And then the game is
>>over because hell have no reason to win.

>>
>>Well, wasnt this just the most uncomfortable
>>conversation Ive ever had? Anything else? I
>>meant to be flippant.
>>
>>Darian was serious. Yeah. If this has any chance
>>of working, neither one of you can have an orgasm.
>>

>>
>>Are you kidding me?
>
>Are you kidding me?

LOL Nope. No kidding you.
>>
>>
>>
>>In contrast to the roll role
>I had to play, my touch was
>>light as I soothed Fallons hair off his face.
>>Hes going to detest me.

I detest those darn typos! Thanks!
>>
>>
>>I dont think so. Rocks cut into my knees and the
>>physical pain was enough to block out the internal
>>torment. I looked around startled. We were alone.
>>The setting a place for lovers, the waterfall a
>>majestic power of its own. I had taken Fallon home.
>
>More. Please. Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease!

Really? I never would have guessed you wanted more. ; -) K, Ill see what I can do.

Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment! Mucho appreciated!

Hugs

Esther

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[> [> That is a though one again >>> -- Lady Morilka, 07:56:49 03/05/10 Fri

With tales like yours, I really need the beginning to grasp the depth of it completly, so if I try to crit I guess I wouldn't do your work justice.

So I think I might be better of with a generell impression. I think this piece is very intense and filled with a lot of emotion. That comes out very clear. But you manage to loose me with most of the shiftings of the worlds and than it takes a time for me to get a hold again. I also don't quite get their powers jet, but I guess that is due to the fact that this is only the 2nd or 3rd piece of the storie I have read. The good thing I can say is that even though you use quite a lot of dialogue, it is always clear here who is talking. And I start to get a feel for the characters, which I didn't get in the last installment. You slip in motives very skillfully in just half sentences as well als out front, and that keeps me on reading although I don't have gotten the concept of the surrounding yet. It makes your charakters real to me even though I don't know yet what exactly they are. And that says something, for I am a very visual person. On the other hand, that means if you wanted to bring the attention on the surrounding at some point, I didn't get that.
I hope that helps.

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[> [> [> Heya Lady Morilka! Glad to see you again! >>> -- Esther, 08:45:28 03/05/10 Fri

>With tales like yours, I really need the beginning to
>grasp the depth of it completly, so if I try to crit I
>guess I wouldn't do your work justice.

You always do my work justice. And I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
>
>So I think I might be better of with a generell
>impression. I think this piece is very intense and
>filled with a lot of emotion. That comes out very
>clear. But you manage to loose me with most of the
>shiftings of the worlds and than it takes a time for
>me to get a hold again. I also don't quite get their
>powers jet, but I guess that is due to the fact that
>this is only the 2nd or 3rd piece of the storie I have
>read. The good thing I can say is that even though you
>use quite a lot of dialogue, it is always clear here
>who is talking. And I start to get a feel for the
>characters, which I didn't get in the last
>installment. You slip in motives very skillfully in
>just half sentences as well als out front, and that
>keeps me on reading although I don't have gotten the
>concept of the surrounding yet. It makes your
>charakters real to me even though I don't know yet
>what exactly they are. And that says something, for I
>am a very visual person. On the other hand, that means
>if you wanted to bring the attention on the
>surrounding at some point, I didn't get that.
>I hope that helps.

And general impressions are always welcome.

I hear you about their shifting worlds. Ill try and get the transitions to be a bit clearer, and maybe by doing that I can break up some of that dialogue, because that has always worried me.

And here is one of those things I like to hear. You are a visual person, whereas, I dont think I am which is why I missed the whole surrounding thing. I try really hard actually, to avoid detailed descriptions, being of the opinion that I shouldnt describe it; I should have the characters interact with whats around them. And now thanks to the comments I have received, Im getting an inkling of what needs to be done. Thanks!

This has been most helpful!

Hugs

Esther

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[> [> [> [> I'm working my way up from the bottom again ;) but life has a way of intruding my plans ever so often ;) -- Lady Morilka, 09:48:08 03/05/10 Fri

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