| Subject: please |
Author:
Johan
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Date Posted: 12/ 3/04 12:27:38am Fri
Johan sighed, he hated having to do this, but he walked right past the knights that were supposed to be keeping him out. They didn't see him, nor did anyone else see, smell, hear, or sense him.
His aura hidden, he made his way into the castle, looking for Emi, wishing he didn't have to speak to her about what made a real leader, and remembering the sweet girl that she had been.
It infuriated him to be called traitor, especially when he had shown such loyalty, even when it had come close to costing him his life so many times.
Finally, he came to the courtyard, and saw Emi... he shifted uncomfortably when he realized she was speaking to herself.
"Hello Emi, I wish I could say it was good to see you," He said softly as he came into view, knowing how dangerous this move was. Emi, in her present state of mind was dangerous, "As it were, I fear that you're rather pathetic right now."
:Emi: "You have no idea," Emi didn't even look at him, "What do you want, traitor. Come to lose your head?"
:Johan: "I have a very good idea, you declare me a traitor because I had bad timing... funny how that works. I could declare you a traitor because of the hardship you place upon your people. You seem to think that your people exist to provide you with power.... you are wrong. Your power exists to provide a leader... and not one that will simply destroy and cause harm."
:Emi: "Doesn't matter. Mother's gone. They're all gone. I made sure of that. So long as those that are diehard loyal to the throne will obey me, it doesn't matter." She turned then, looking as radiant as ever, as she always had, but there was a sad bitterness in her face. "It's not like I'm going to be around for very long anyway." A bladed feather parted from her wing, and gently fell to the ground with a soft tink.
:Johan: "Diehard loyalty? It doesn't exist. I'm as close as you'll find, save for perhaps Seraph, and I assure you... I can't respect or honor you right now, because you have forgotten your pride, and play into the hands of your enemies.... what do you mean not around for long, and what do you mean you made sure of them being gone?"
:Emi: "You haven't noticed, have you." She looked bemused, and then turned her back to him again. "This city isn't as full as it used to be." Her wings twitched, and she clasped her hands behind her back. "All the humans, all the elves, the dwaves, gnomes. All the halflings, and half breeds. They're all gone. The guards almosted seemed eager to oust the humans, but they didn't seem so ready when my order extended beyond the humans. They even tired to go so far as to force out Wyrd to sate that order."
:Johan: "You banished the dwarves? They came to your aide, and you banish them. You really have no idea what it takes to rule... tell me, have you forgotten everything that means anything? Have you forgotten the trusts people placed with you? You came back to prevent tragedy, and yet you are its cause. How much longer before the people rebel against you? Do you think the knights will stop them? Do you think Seraph will annihalate his own species just for your selfishness?"
:Emi: "It doesn't matter."
:Johan: "It does matter, because this isn't you Emi. Doragon wouldn't even recognize you as you are, hell, your own mother wouldn't recognize you as you are. But it doesn't matter to you, because you've forgotten that other people have feelings and emotions, and that other people exist."
:Emi: "It doesn't matter, because they're both gone. I have nothing left to lose."
:Johan: "Last I had heard, your mother is in the form of a swan. And you do have something to lose, Emi. Your soul. Everytime you were in trouble, someone came to help you, because they loved you. Hell, even though you share no blood with me, I love you as a friend... would you betray even the love that those still here for you hold for you?"
:Emi: She spun back around to face Johan. "Then where were they when I was in the hands of that bastard, and where were they when he used all I held dear against me? Where were they then? I don't fear losing my soul, because I've already lost it. The swan is gone, my mother has abandoned me. I ousted all that lived in this city for not being Forgotten, and for that, I've been forsaken. So I say fuck it. I've been all but consumed by those eyes, and I tarry as to let it or not."
:Johan: "Do you think that your mother wasn't looking for you? Do you think that if I had forsaken you, that I would be talking to you, do you forget what I AM? If I had forsaken you, if I did not still believe in you, I assure you, I would have aimed to kill, not to speak to you, it is only what I hold in my heart that kept me from attempting to stain my hands with the blood of one more!"
:Emi: She "tck'd" then, and returned her back to him. "I'm already dead. My blood will not sate the gapping chasm that I have created between our people and the rest of the world. I don't care. They would have killed mother without so much a second thought, so for that I condemn those that survived to find their lives outside these walls." She hung her head slightly, and looked at her hands. "I'm already seen as a monster, so a monster I shall become. I've already given order to the guards to seek and destroy the drow, reguardless of their allies."
:Johan: "I don't see you as a monster, and our people don't have to.... do you know why they wanted to kill your mother? They believed that she had condoned the murder of a small child. If you continue, you can only widen that chasm, and you know where that will lead. I do not wish to see you dragged down the long road that I suffered upon. I do not wish to see the kind girl that I know suffer, nor do I wish to see our people suffer... so I tell you this... one monster to one who sees herself as a monster... none can walk so long in darkness that they can't be brought back into light"
:Emi: "There is no light anymore."
:Johan: "That is because you can't open your eyes to see it. You know what it is to feel evil grow strong within yourself. Everyone has it, even your mother... I have it as well, but, thankfully, it was pointed out to me what I was swiftly becoming.... by Wyrd, of all creatures."
:Emi: "I'll repeat. It doesn't matter. I'm Forsaken, Johan. I'm already dead. And I'm going to take as many people with me as I can."
:Johan: "Why are you already dead?"
:Emi: "'She has turned Her eyes from me. Without Her grace, I cannot live.' You've never heard it? Our lives are bound to our Goddess. When we are Forsaken, we are shunned from Her light, and without Her, we cannot survive." Emi looked over her shoulder at Johan, unremembering of the fact he was human once.
:Johan: "Ah yes, now I remember... do you know why she has forsaken you? because you have forsaken her. She can't bear the suffering of her people either, and when you closed your heart, that was all there was to it... its strange, you know... I remember that your mother once filled that roll.... I owe her my wings..." He said softly, then, gold eyes regarded Emi for a moment, then he nodded, "You know, if you ask her, she may very well forgive."
:Emi: "There's no forgiveness for what I've done." It was then the truth of her words revealed itself. Like a choking cloud, the ghost of Forbiddion rose forth, resting all six of it's glowing red eyes on Johan. It's claws were wrapped around Emi's heart, and there it sat, daring this man to try and stop it with its eyes.
:Johan: Johan sighed, and looked up at Forbiddion, "As I suspected, you strangle the girl, leave her alone. I acknowledge you exist... but you are nothing, merely a shadow with no power more than what others give you, as you have always been... even at the height of your power," He said to the ghost, his eyes rising to meet Forbiddion's as he stepped forward, gold eyes staring into red... "Leave, great deciever"
:Emi: But it would not leave, it's power rested in the memory of those that remembered it. It's heir remembered best, and even though she had only ever been just caressed, its hold on her was great, and her life was his. It's many tails lashed, and as Johan decided to call bluff, all of them sped to hit him. For if they so much as touched him, he would become within the hold of that terrible power as well as the girl. A parasite always looks for ways to spread itself, and Forbiddion, though not a parasite, wished to work the same way. To awaken the dormant power within all Forgotten, and lead them back down the path they had tread in that other lifetime.
:Johan: Johan danced back a bit, easily outmanuevering the tails, "I'll give you no more power, thankyou, you pathetic shadow. I remember you all too well, you always tried to encourage the worst of my soul, but never once did you have any real power over me.... have you so readily forgotten the bite of my blade, oh great and terrible lie of a dragon? Yes, I remember fighting against you,"
:Emi: The creature only smiled, and faded, leaving Emi alone again with Johan. It had the one that mattered most, and that was enough, for now. "Like I said. There is no forgiveness."
:Johan: "There is forgiveness... The forbiddion is just a memory, and as such, a ghost. The only power it has is what we give it; I remember it too. Emillia, tell me... do you know what truly keeps a person with you, what truly allows us to be happy, even after the loss of a loved one?" Johan asked, then answered his own question, ""Its memory... memories have power, but only what we give it."
:Emi: Emi snorted bitterly. "The power to hurt you as well." She shook her head. "You have no idea what that bastard did to me. How he used me, and used my memories against me. Never again."
:Johan: "I can geuss, and yes, they can hurt you. Memories can hurt a lot, what he must have done was vile, and it was evil, but that doesn't mean you leave the memories behind. You merely pray for the best, and prepare for the worst. And... if you surround yourself with friends, then they will help to safeguard you... Just like your presence probably kept me from slaying Doragon out of hand before," He said softly, shaking his head, remembering how monstrous he had been then, "Remember? You helped to save my soul then, just by being there."
:Emi: "I have nothing left to pray for. I have no soul anymore. I have nothing left. Period. I prayed for someone to save me, and no one came. I prayed for it to end, and all I got was humiliated and used. I'm tired of it. Forbiddion saved my life then, to torment me later, and now, it's just the same. I live because of it, and it torments me, and tempts me. I'm tired of it, and I'm going to sate it."
:Johan: "So you're giving up? How sad, that you reject fogiveness, that you reject people caring about you, and give up. Yes, even if you believe that you can not be forgiven, I forgive you, though I may be forced to a pragmatic choice tonight," He said softly. Johan could be very pragmatic indeed.
:Emi: There was a gentle sound of metal slipping against metal. "Even more so once you find out what I did with your son." It was a bluff, of course. she didn't know where Cyrus was, but she wanted to know how far she could push this man before he would act.
:Johan: "A dangerous game you play, but if you had harmed Cyrus, I assure you, you would be dead. Tyrsis wouldn't tolerate it, nor would Wyrd for that matter; even he is not so callous, and I would already know. No, you lie rather poorly," He said softly, praying that he was correct. "But there is something you need to know... you spoke of sating forbiddion, and there, dear child, you are sadly mistaken. The nature of the creature is such that there is no sating it. If you feed it, it shall grow hungrier, and torment you all the more"
:Emi: He was so observant. "If I feed it, then its voice will quiet until the next time, maybe giving me the small reprieve I need ..."
:Johan: "How long until the next time, Emi? How swiftly will it grow hungry again? You allow it to feed, and it will only demand more, and more often. Indeed, it shall not quiet while it believes that there is the chance to gorge itself further, thats not its nature. Forbiddion is the worst part of us, greed is one of it's aspects"
:Emi: "I'll find a way. I"ll beat you."
:Johan: "Tell me Emi, is that you talking, or Forbiddion? How long until it consumes you, and defiles you in a way that even the one who so hurt you could not have? Tell me Emi, when you fed it, "sated" it with banishing so many, branding me traitor... did it's whisper lessen? or did it heighten to a scream? Does it even now, cry out for my blood? for my very soul?"
:Emi: Powerless, as usual. So great a power, and it was useless. She turned to face him then, sword in her hand quivvering before it dropped, her eyes cast to the ground in dismay. "Yes."
:Johan: "Then Emi, you know what you have to do? First, stop feeding it. It grows weaker when you do, trust me, I've got my own demons that do much the same, the next thing you have to do? If you can, undo some of the harm you cause, that'll weaken it, because you're doing the exact opposite of feeding it."
:Emi: "I can't. I've already done too much. No matter which path I take now, they both come to the same end."
:Johan: "Is that what you believe, or what Forbiddion wants you to believe? Do you even know?"
:Emi: "I know, because it's true."
:Johan: "Emi, you believe you can't be forgiven. You believe that a river of blood, especially human, condemns you. Emi... I was once human. I do not condemn you"
:Emi: "You should. I've hurt a lot of people, knowingly."
:Johan: Johan shook his head, "Do you know what I did for a living, before I became a forgotten, before I journeyed to the southlands and met Lashana, you, your mother, and everyone? I was a bounty hunter.... but not just any bounty hunter. I killed everyone who I ever caught, with no mercy shown. For money, no less. You expect me to condemn you for knowingly hurting people? I'd be a hyppocrite"
:Emi: "Innocent people?"
:Johan: "Not everyone with a bounty on their head is a criminal."
:Emi: "And not everyone who kills evil is a saint."
:Johan: "That is exactly right, Emi... people are just people, no matter how you look at them, and you recognize this, but by the same token, you should let yourself be just a person.... do what you can, retract the banishments, and, if you need to, remove yourself from power. Appoint someone, and then find a place thats nice and peaceful. Emi, you may have hurt someone... but you're still practically family." Johan offered a hand, an honest outstretched hand; Emi probably needed some contact, empathy was made all the more powerful by simple gestures and contact, and Johan wanted to help her. He really wanted to help her, not just people... but her.
:Emi: She just glanced to his hand. She was unworthy to touch another person, and on top of that, she didn't want to risk Forbiddion taking advantage of it. The denial of the great beast enraged it, and Emi had to turn her head from Johan and close her eyes before walking off without another word.
:Johan: "Emi? Even if you will not accept it, know that I forgive you.... know that if you deny forbiddion, you can find salvation.... promise me you will at least try." He said to her retreating form, though he doubted she would respond.
:Emi: And she didn't. The most he got from her was a fleeting glance as she turned a corner into the castle, and the sound of something delicate striking the ground. Something that sounded like a tiny chime struck.
:Johan: Johan sighed, then shook his head, he knew the sound of a tear striking the ground when he heard it. He had done what he could... now all there was was to wait and see what she would do... Once again, he vanished from the view of any that might be watching.
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