Subject:  Re: Changing my life / Becky -- telling your mom |
Author:
Deb
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Date Posted: 20:28:05 10/15/04 Fri
In reply to:
Becky
's message, "Re: Changing my life / Becky -- telling your mom" on 11:21:41 10/15/04 Fri
>>>>I have a tip for you on telling your mom, you just
>>>>decide if you want to use it, but anyway here it
>>is...
>>>>
>>>>When having a complex dialogue people tend to raise
>>>>emotions, they tend to be defensive and in the end
>>>>they havent really said what they wanted to say and
>>>>they havent really got the reaction they wanted to
>>>>get.
>>>>In order to prevent this you could tell your mom you
>>>>want to talk to her about something serious, write
>>her
>>>>a letter in advance and have the talk after she has
>>>>read the letter, in that way, you get to say all you
>>>>want and she can read it in peace.
>>>>In this letter explain to her what the problem is,
>>how
>>>>it makes you feel, that this all is not her fault
>and
>>>>what you hope to get from her (understanding,
>>>>affection, help in what way) tell her what you
>>>>definately dont want.
>>>>
>>>>This seems to be a very effective way to deal with
>>>>parents (I wish I did it when I was younger)
>>>>
>>>>I think if you have a good relationship with your
>mom
>>>>you should tell her, you can get a lot out of it.
>And
>>>>remember, one of the first steps out of the ana life
>>>>is putting yourself open to other people.
>>>>
>>>>Let us know how it works out
>>>>
>>>>chocolate
>>>
>>>Thanks chocolate, I will give that a try and see if I
>>>can get some form of a letter that explains myself
>>>well enough. I have been running over the
>>>conversation in my head for the past two days and I
>>>made a list of stuff that I wanted to be sure to
>>>include of things to say. Thanks again and once it
>>>happens, i will definitely post how it went.
>>>Take care,
>>>Becky
>>
>>Becky - I gave the same advice to someone else here
>>about having a conversation with someone that they
>>thought would possibly turn into a confrontation. Do
>>as Chocolate suggests and write it down. It provides
>>you the opportunity to change it any number of times,
>>make it better and sound better and get your point
>>across without any verbal interuptions. It's a great
>>way to start and you also might want to read it over
>>aloud when you're alone and try to think about what
>>she may ask you and have those responses ready, too.
>>It's kind of like preparing for a debate...they might
>>get a little heated but they are always controlled.
>>And that's what you want to be ~ in control of the
>>conversation and situation that will follow her
>>reading your letter. Good luck, hon!
>>
>>Deb
>
>Thanks, she is reading it right now, it ended up being
>9 pages long, I will post how it went prolly later
>tonight...i'm kind of nervous...But at least i was
>able to give it to her and not back out of it..
>Becky
Congrats on writing that letter and following through with giving it to her. I know there may be times where you wish you hadn't but like I and others have said, it's best to be totally open and honest. Otherwise it just doesn't work and you'll fall back into the same rut again and again. I also know you'll probably need some time to sit down and talk A LOT about what you wrote about so don't worry about coming back online to tell us what's going on. Take care of your needs right now and work on your relationship. We'll all be here when you return. Sending you cyber hugs...I'm very proud of you for doing what you did! :o)
Deb
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