| Subject: Re: Changing my life / Becky -- telling your mom |
Author:
Becky
|
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Date Posted: 11:21:41 10/15/04 Fri
In reply to:
Deb
's message, "Re: Changing my life / Becky -- telling your mom" on 01:56:47 10/15/04 Fri
>>>I have a tip for you on telling your mom, you just
>>>decide if you want to use it, but anyway here it
>is...
>>>
>>>When having a complex dialogue people tend to raise
>>>emotions, they tend to be defensive and in the end
>>>they havent really said what they wanted to say and
>>>they havent really got the reaction they wanted to
>>>get.
>>>In order to prevent this you could tell your mom you
>>>want to talk to her about something serious, write
>her
>>>a letter in advance and have the talk after she has
>>>read the letter, in that way, you get to say all you
>>>want and she can read it in peace.
>>>In this letter explain to her what the problem is,
>how
>>>it makes you feel, that this all is not her fault and
>>>what you hope to get from her (understanding,
>>>affection, help in what way) tell her what you
>>>definately dont want.
>>>
>>>This seems to be a very effective way to deal with
>>>parents (I wish I did it when I was younger)
>>>
>>>I think if you have a good relationship with your mom
>>>you should tell her, you can get a lot out of it. And
>>>remember, one of the first steps out of the ana life
>>>is putting yourself open to other people.
>>>
>>>Let us know how it works out
>>>
>>>chocolate
>>
>>Thanks chocolate, I will give that a try and see if I
>>can get some form of a letter that explains myself
>>well enough. I have been running over the
>>conversation in my head for the past two days and I
>>made a list of stuff that I wanted to be sure to
>>include of things to say. Thanks again and once it
>>happens, i will definitely post how it went.
>>Take care,
>>Becky
>
>Becky - I gave the same advice to someone else here
>about having a conversation with someone that they
>thought would possibly turn into a confrontation. Do
>as Chocolate suggests and write it down. It provides
>you the opportunity to change it any number of times,
>make it better and sound better and get your point
>across without any verbal interuptions. It's a great
>way to start and you also might want to read it over
>aloud when you're alone and try to think about what
>she may ask you and have those responses ready, too.
>It's kind of like preparing for a debate...they might
>get a little heated but they are always controlled.
>And that's what you want to be ~ in control of the
>conversation and situation that will follow her
>reading your letter. Good luck, hon!
>
>Deb
Thanks, she is reading it right now, it ended up being 9 pages long, I will post how it went prolly later tonight...i'm kind of nervous...But at least i was able to give it to her and not back out of it..
Becky
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