Subject:  Jane... |
Author:
lara
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Date Posted: 15:36:44 09/19/04 Sun
In reply to:
bittersweet
's message, "Re: Jane.../lara" on 14:11:43 09/19/04 Sun
Jane--
I've been in and out of therapy since I was 13/14 for ANA, BDD, depression, and cutting. It's pathheticly depressing, but I have seen more than 16 therapists...
I never got much out of therapy, but I did meet some amazing people–people I will never forget. I made some REAL friends in the hospital settings. (Beckie being one of them.) The therapists and MDs on the other hand really didn't know what they were doing, some made it worse, and then I was shuffled around again. Therapy never went anywhere; The subject would be changed from me to something else, and we ended up talking about the shrinks kids... I already knew that it was my family life and the neglect/abuse I was dealt as a child/adolescence that scarred me. I just didn't know how I could escape it and neither did they, so they passed me off as hopeless. I also saw a nutritionist for a while. She was great, but she didn't help me with my ed...
I was hospitalized twice, shipped off into an intensive inpatient program for a number of months: I had gotten down to 68lbs and I'm 5'4. I also did the outpatient speal, group therapy, after the first hospitalization and again last year. During that time, my ANA, anxiety, OCD, and depression got worse. The OCD and anxiety were diagnosed my Junior year of highschool just after my osteoporosis and heart problems came to light. I never sought therapy specifically for the anxiety; maybe I should. It's just that everything seems far to complex, and I have had too many bad experiences with the "professionals" when I was a minor, with their cry for meds, which again made things worse...
Still, I do believe that therapy, talking about everything, is the only way to find a way out of this mess of a life I/we are currently in...
It's just that it hasn't helped me yet...
love you much
take care
lara
>>Not just this thread, but a lot of the feelings you
>>and I have talked about on this forum seem very much
>>alike...
>>I do think that it is my anxiety that keeps me
>>literally hiding from the world and in such pain. I
>>feel that I find myself "depressed" because of my
>>anxiety surrounding social situations–failling to meet
>>others expectation, not being good enough, etc.
>>I issolate myself to try to avoid the anxiety, which
>>only leads to self-disgust and mental torture, OCD and
>>Depression, ana and the feeling that I am failing at
>>life, that I am falling apart... I do think that it is
>>my anxiety that keeps me locked in the cycle. I feel
>>that if I could only break through that wall, "life"
>>would become much easier.
>>
>>forever here for you girl!
>>lara
>>
>>
>>>>If you dont want to take any meds, dont. I mean
>>>>consider what professionals tell you but it is your
>>>>body, and you must make this decision, if you are
>too
>>>>afraid and if you believe that the fear alone is
>>going
>>>>to make you feel so bad that the benefits dont weigh
>>>>up then dont take the meds.
>>>>Everybody agreed that I should take medication too,
>>>>(not anymore but before) I never took them because
>my
>>>>family has a history of addiction and I was so
>>affraid
>>>>to get addicted that I didnt want to take them. You
>>>>can do therapy without meds, mostly meds make it
>>>>easier, especially when you are depressed it is hard
>>>>to keep yourself motivated.
>>>>You should listen to what YOU want, but take all
>>>>advises in consideration, listen to all you hear and
>>>>gather all the information then make your choice,
>and
>>>>remember, you can always come back on it and change
>>>>the course you chose. It is your body and you get to
>>>>decide what you will take. just make sure that your
>>>>fears are realistic, get all the info you can.
>>>
>>>thank you everyone!! i must admit, i'm very relieved
>>>now, especially to hear that you all have the same
>>>point of view i do about meds....it's not exactly
>like
>>>i'm being pressured deliberatly...it's just that
>>>everyone is strongly suggesting i take them....which
>>>is pressure enough in my head....i want to thank you
>>>all again, now i can get some rest. the thought of
>>>meds freaks me out so much i havent been sleeping. id
>>>like to thank lara especially, seems like you went
>>>through a lot of shit with medication- i was put on
>>>zoloft and wellbutrin as well ,a few years ago, the
>>>zoloft didnt help at all and wellbutrin almost gave
>me
>>>a heart attack!! so i'm glad you didnt wind up taking
>>>wellbutrin...also, lara, do you feel like your
>anxiety
>>>is what's making you so depressed in the first place?
>>>thats what i think in my case (although my dr
>>>disagrees) he thinks that if i werent depressed i
>>>wouldnt be anxious, but i think it's the other way
>>>around....just curious to hear more about your
>>>situation, cause it sounds almost identical to mine
>>>(OCD and stuff) thanks lara and everyone else!!
>>>
>>>~jane~
>
>yeah- you're definately right!! ive been noticing that
>too-- that we're in the same leaky boat! my mom says
>it's common for the age we're at but who knows? i've
>been told that 18-23 is that whole shitty
>"transitional" part of life....agh. the way i feel is
>i'm never gonna snap out of it.....what you mentioned
>about the anxiety is totally true- how can you enjoy
>life if you can barely leave the house, afraid of
>getting an anxiety attack? i'm with you 100%....have
>you ever tried any sort of therapy for your anxiety or
>are you in now? i havent tried (not for anxiety) but
>i'm going next week and am a little nervous.....maybe
>you should try to talk to someone? if it's really
>bothering you that is....maybe find someone you can
>trust...the way i see it, there's gotta be another
>solution besides meds! i've even been looking into a
>partial hospitalization program, it's from like 9am to
>3pm and there's groups for EDs there too! maybe there
>is some outpatient stuff in your area (EDs ,etc.etc.)
>cause this stuff isnt anything you should be going
>through alone, you know?? well, in any case, i hope we
>BOTH start feeling better soon....thank you for all
>the support! and hang in there,for better
>days=)hopefully they will come to you soon
>love,
>~jane~
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