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| Subject: A retired gentleman | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 15:24:49 02/26/07 Mon A retired gentleman went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks. The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too." [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: How about this for you bleeding heart liberal pageant mommas? | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 12:27:56 02/26/07 Mon I have to say ole Granny here was a little upset that some of you were upset at my "camel jockey" post. Well this here man sums up everything I wanna say just a little more eloquently. Why don'tcha think about this... This is a most profound, most insightful message to Muslims. The paper stated that some Muslim doctor is saying we are profiling him because he has been checked three times while getting on an airplane. Here's a proposed response: (A Letter From An American Airlines Pilot) This well spoken man, who is a pilot with American Airlines, says what is in his heart beautifully ...read, absorb and pass on....it's time to get answers from those who claim their terrorist members do not represent them...why are their leaders not LOUDLY AND FIERCELY AND CONTINUOUSLY condemning their visible murderous brethren. YOU WORRY ME! By American Airlines Pilot - Captain John Maniscalco "I've been trying to say this since 9-11 but you worry me. I wish you didn't. I wish when I walked down the streets of this country that I love, that your color and culture still blended with the beautiful human landscape we enjoy in this country. But you don't blend in anymore. I notice you, and it worries me. I notice you because I can't help it anymore. People from your homelands, professing to be Muslims, have been attacking and killing my fellow citizens and our friends for more than 20 years now. I don't fully understand their grievances and hate but I know that nothing can justify the inhumanity of their attacks. On September 11, nineteen ARAB-MUSLIMS hijacked four jetliners in my country. They cut the throats of women in front of children and brutally stabbed to death others. They took control of those planes and crashed them into buildings killing thousands of proud fathers, loving sons, wise grandparents, elegant daughters, best friends, favorite coaches, fearless public servants, and children's mothers. The Palestinians celebrated, The Iraqis were overjoyed as was most of the Arab world. So I notice you now. I don't want to be worried. I don't want to be consumed by the same rage and hate and prejudice that has destroyed the soul of these terrorists. But I need your help. As a rational American, trying to protect my country and family in an irrational and unsafe world, I must know how to tell the difference between you, and the Arab/Muslim terrorist. How do I differentiate between the true Arab/Muslim-Americans and the Arab/Muslims in our communities who are attending our schools, enjoying our parks, and living in OUR communities under the protection of OUR constitution, while they plot the next attack that will slaughter these same good neighbors and children? The events of September 11th changed the answer. It is not my responsibility to determine which of you embraces our great country, with ALL of its religions, with ALL of its different citizens, with all of its faults. It is time for every Arab/Muslim in this country to determine it for me. I want to know, I demand to know, and I have a right to know whether or not you love America . Do you pledge allegiance to its flag? Do you proudly display it in front of your house, or on your car? Do you pray in your many daily prayers that Allah will bless this nation, that He will protect and prosper it? Or do you pray that Allah with destroy it in one of your "Jihads"? Are you thankful for the freedom that only this nation affords? A freedom that was paid for by the blood of hundreds of thousands of patriots who gave their lives for this country? Are you willing to preserve this freedom by paying the ultimate sacrifice? Do you love America ? If this is your commitment, then I need YOU to start letting ME know about it. Your Muslim leaders in this nation should be flooding the media at this time with hard facts on your faith, and what hard actions you are taking as a community and as a religion to protect the United States of America . Please, no more benign overtures of regret for the death of the innocent because I worry about who you regard as innocent. No more benign overtures of condemnation for the unprovoked attacks because I worry about what is unprovoked to you. I am not interested in any more sympathy... I am only interested in action. What will you do for America - our great country -- at this time of crisis, at this time of war? I want to see Arab-Muslims waving the AMERICAN flag in the streets. I want to hear you chanting "Allah Bless America ". I want to see young Arab/Muslim men enlisting in the military. I want to see a commitment of money, time, and emotion to the victims of this butchering and to this nation as a whole. The FBI has a list of over 400 people they want to talk to regarding the WTC attack. Many of these people live and socialize in Muslim communities. You know them. You know where they are. Hand them over to us, now! But I have seen little even approaching this sort of action. Instead I have seen an already closed and secretive community close even tighter. You have disappeared from the streets. You have posted armed security guards at your facilities. You have threatened lawsuits. You have screamed for protection from reprisals. The very few Arab/Muslim representatives that HAVE appeared in the media were defensive and equivocating. They seemed more concerned with making sure that the United States proves who was responsible before taking action. They seemed more concerned with protecting their fellow Muslims from violence directed towards them in the United States and abroad than they did with supporting our country and denouncing "leaders" like Khadafi, Hussein, Farrakhan, and Arafat. If the true teachings of Islam proclaim tolerance and peace and love for all people then I want chapter and verse from the Koran and statements from popular Muslim leaders to back it up. What good is it if the teachings in the Koran are good and pure and true when your "leaders" are teaching fanatical interpretations, terrorism, and intolerance? It matters little how good Islam SHOULD BE if large numbers of the world's Muslims interpret the teachings of Mohammed incorrectly and adhere to a degenerative form of the religion. A form that has been demonstrated to us over and over again. A form whose structure is built upon a foundation of violence, death, and suicide. A form whose members are recruited from the prisons around the world. A form whose members (some as young as five years old) are seen day after day, week in and week out, year after year, marching in the streets around the world, burning effigies of our presidents, burning the American flag, shooting weapons into the air. A form whose members convert from a peaceful religion, only to take up arms against the great United States of America, the country of their birth. A form whose rules are so twisted, that their traveling members refuse to show their faces at airport security checkpoints, in the name of Islam. Do you and your fellow Muslims hate us because our women proudly show their faces in public rather than cover up like a shameful whore? Do you and your fellow Muslims hate us because we drink wine with dinner, or celebrate Christmas? Do you and your fellow Muslims hate us because we have befriended Israel , the ONLY FRIENDLY CIVILIZED SOCIETY in the Muslim/Arab area, that thinks and acts like most Americans. And if you and your fellow Muslims hate us, then why in the world are you even here? Are you here to take our money? Are you here to undermine our peace and stability? Are you here to destroy us? If so, I want you to leave. I want you to go back to your desert sandpit where women are treated like rats and dogs. I want you to take your religion, your friends, and your family back to your Islamic extremists, and STAY THERE! We will NEVER give in to your influence, your retarded mentality, your twisted, violent, intolerant religion. We will NEVER allow the attacks of September 11, or any others for that matter, to take away that which is so precious to us: Our rights under the greatest constitution in the world. I want to know where every Arab/ Muslim in this country stands and I think it is my right and the right of every true citizen of this country to demand it. A right paid for by the blood of thousands of my brothers and sisters who died protecting the very constitution that is protecting you and your family. I am pleading with you to let me know! I want you here as my brother, my neighbor, my friend, as a fellow American. But there can be no gray areas or ambivalence regarding your allegiance and it is up to YOU, to show ME, where YOU stand. Until then .. you worry me" [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: YOU WILL AGREE | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 02:05:29 02/26/07 Mon How True! 1965 versus 2006 Scenario: Parents take cute pictures of their 2 year-old playing in the tub. 1965 Parents go to Walgreen's, get them developed, and put them in the child's picture album which is shared with friends and relatives. 2006 Parents reported by Walgreen's to the Police, arrested for child pornography, and child sent to foster care. Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack. 1965 Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car, and gets his own to show Jack. 2006 School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school. 1965 Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody is arrested, nobody is expelled. 2006 Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class; disrupts other students. 1965 Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the school principal. Sits still in class from then on. 2006 Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability. Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father's car and his Dad gives him a whipping. 1965 Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 2006 Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused by her Dad, and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist. Scenario: Mark gets a headache and his Mother gives him some aspirin to take to school. 1965 Mark's headache persists. He goes to his locker, gets a couple of aspirin and takes them at the water fountain. 2006 Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons. Scenario: Mary turns up pregnant. 1965 Several high school boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers. 2006 Middle school counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over the border and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time. Scenario: Pedro fails high school English. 1965 Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college. 2006 Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files a class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum as a required course. Pedro is given diploma any way, but ends up mowing lawns and washing dishes for a living because he can't speak English. Scenario: Jimmy takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a fire-ant hill. 1965 Ants die. 2006 BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism. FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. [. . . And who among us (boys mostly) didn't have a chemistry set that was capable of making all sorts of concoctions that would land us in trouble today, and we were encouraged to learn to use it.] WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED ??! [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: I need a little help please. I took this adorable picture of my son and I want to use it for a few natural contest but I need someone who can do a little touch up to it. He has snot on his nose and little dirt on his face that I need removed. Those are the only things I need done. Does anyone know a retoucher that can do this? | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 02:45:31 02/25/07 Sun [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: airman~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 19:01:25 02/23/07 Fri US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it. The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk criticism later. As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished." Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands up tall and says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland, for 11 months without any leave, and reindeer's asses are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it's two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump shit out of an aircraft. Now, just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind? [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: Bubba's now a catholic~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10:06:19 02/23/07 Fri Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic ... And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass...and as the priest sprinkled Holy Water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist,and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic." Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison again filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "you wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you'se a catfish" [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: pastor's card~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 09:51:42 02/23/07 Fri A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering plates were passed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message: "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the Scripture reference, he laughed out loud as he read the verse. Revelation 3:20, the verse he had written on the back of his card, begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads: "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked." Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are! "A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22). Now, pass it on! God Bless You Today! [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: union rules~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 09:47:31 02/23/07 Fri A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?" "No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules" The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20." "That's more like it!" the union man said. He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. "I'd like her," he said. "I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but LuLu here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next." [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
Subject:  my favorite shop | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 03:31:31 02/23/07 Fri I've just been staying at home waiting for something to happen. Oh well. I haven't been up to anything recently. Pretty much nothing exciting happening lately, but I guess it doesn't bother me. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: i wonder........ | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 23:40:29 02/22/07 Thu if these stupid links and random comments are the same person posting random comments and spanish on the pink stink. There are post like "comfortable sex" and Miss Mundo showing up. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: If you've been doing nothing worth mentioning, then why the hell are you taking the time to come on our board and mention it? Is there anyway the BO can ban this person to keep them off the board? What a pinhead! (the poster, not you, board owner. hee hee) ~Sally the Cable Chick~ | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 19:11:41 02/22/07 Thu [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
Subject:  place without abuse | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 13:06:39 02/22/07 Thu I read this as kind of boilerplate "Americans are dumb" Euro-speak. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: whats the link to the Piano man | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 09:58:32 02/22/07 Thu [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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Subject:  cheap shopping | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 04:11:03 02/22/07 Thu Hello admin, nice site! Good luck! Oh yes, one extra comment - make sure the pages are not too long, keep scrolling a minimum. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: scottish viagra~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 00:51:04 02/22/07 Thu Can't remember if this has been posted before or not but its funny!!! A Scottish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido. "What about trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance," she said. "He won't even take an aspirin!" "Not to fret," replied the doctor. "Give him an Scottish Viagra." "What's an Scottish Viagra, Doctor?" "That's where you just drop the Viagra into his morning coffee. He won't even taste it," replied the doctor. Give it a try, and call me in a week to let me know how things went." It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to the progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, be jaysus and begorrah! It was horrid, just terrible, doc!" "Really? What happened?" asked the doctor. "Well, I did as you advised me to do and slipped the Viagra into his morning coffee and it took effect immediately. He jumped his self straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth a flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me right on the tabletop! T'was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!" "Why so terrible?" asked the doctor "Do you mean the sex wasn't any good?" "Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed!" T'was the best sex I've had in twenty-five years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: Check these out!!!!! Angel Girl | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 22:27:39 02/19/07 Mon http://www.greetingcards.com/pickup?ID=A222-A256-JK3H-YCR A BOY'S CONFESSION: "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl". The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. "Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Volpe?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend, Nino, slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "4 months vacation and five good leads." Question: Should we institute the following as new laws in the USA ? HARSH YOU SAY?? 1. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools, no special ballots for elections, all government business will be conducted in our language. Foreigners will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they are here. 2. Foreigners will NEVER be able to hold political office Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, or other government assistance programs. 3.Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage. If foreigners do come and want to buy land that will be okay, BUT options will be restricted. You are not allowed to buy waterfront property. That is reserved for citizens naturally born into this country. 4. Foreigners may not protest; no demonstrations, no waving a foreign flag, no political organizing, no bad-mouthing our president or his policies, if you do you will be sent home. 5. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be hunted down and sent straight to jail. Harsh, you say?................. The above laws happen to be the current immigration laws of " MEXICO " ! [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: LOL (little old lady)~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 16:58:11 02/19/07 Mon There was a little old lady, who every morning. stepped onto her front porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!" One day an theist moved into the house next door. He became irritated at the little old lady. Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: "THERE IS NO LORD!" Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day. One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto her front porch and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord! The next morning she stepped onto her porch and there were two huge bags of groceries sitting there. "PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!" The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted: "THERE IS NO LORD. I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!" The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM! [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: God vs. Devil~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 16:49:50 02/19/07 Mon In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled. And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14. So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast. God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof. God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food." God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds. Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds. God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
Subject:  The Good, The Bad & The Ugly ~ Sugar Cookie (Who is ALSO posting funny stuff to get the spam crap to go to the bottom!!) | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 13:00:40 02/19/07 Mon Good: You and your hubby agree, no more kids. Bad: You can't find your birth control pills. Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there. Ugly: You're in them. Good: Your husband understands fashion. Bad: He's a crossdresser. Ugly: He looks better than you. Good: Your son's finally maturing. Bad: He's involved with the woman next door. Ugly: So are you. Good: You give the birds-and-bees talk to your daughter. Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections. Good: Your wife's not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly: She's a lawyer. Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK-47. Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas. Good: They've finally invented Viagra. Bad: It requires a prescription and is expensive. Ugly: Your wife's new boyfriend is a pharmacist. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: WARNING!! This snake can be very dangerous!! ~Sugar Cookie | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 12:57:47 02/19/07 Mon NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION: Throughout the world DESCRIPTION: One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin) Varying from pink to black. Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet) Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species. SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. Beware: It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen! HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places. ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men. WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected. CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow. SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success. SEARCHING FOR ANTI-VENOM : 1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front. 2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion. 3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, very rigid and start spitting. 4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked. 5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes. CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin, and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet!! [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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Subject:  Two Angels ~ Sugar Cookie | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11:31:09 02/19/07 Mon It's all in the wording.... Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00." A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop: "How come you don't stop them?!" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00." [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: MALE & FEMALE DEFINITIONS ~ Sugar Cookie | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11:30:06 02/19/07 Mon MALE & FEMALE DEFINITIONS *Wants & needs (wontz and nedz) n. female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship. male: Food, sex and beer. *Thingy (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car's hood. male: The strapfastener on a woman's bra. *Lesbian (lez-bi-an) n. female: A woman who makes love to other women. male:A woman who won't have sex with you. *Glass ceiling (glas see-ling) n. female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business. male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up. *Vulnerable (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. male: Playing ball without a cup. *Communication (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the guys. *Commitment (ko-mit-ment) n. female: A desire to get married and raise a family. male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. *Entertainment (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. female: A good movie, concert, play or book. male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges. *Flatulence (flach-u-lens) n. female: An embarrassing byproduct of digestion. male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding. *Making love (may-king luv) n. female: The greatest expression of intimacy humans can achieve. male: What men have to call "boinking" to get women to boink. *Remote control (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another. male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2 1/2 minutes. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: GIDDY UP!! ~Sugar Cookie | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11:15:44 02/19/07 Mon An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, I guess I am." After a short while he asked her what she was. She replied , "I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian." [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: With age comes WISDOM ~Sugar Cookie | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11:11:06 02/19/07 Mon A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster "Ok, old fellow its time to retire." The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens...look at what it did to me!" The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike." The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon...just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster says "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over." So, the old rooster says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what young fellow. I'll have a race with you around the farm house. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop." The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, so just to be fair I'm going to give you a head start." They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck "GO" and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! He blows the young rooster to bits. He sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit, third gay rooster I bought this week!" [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: A knights tale ~Sugar Cookie | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11:07:57 02/19/07 Mon King Arthur was getting ready to go on a Quest. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful and said to come back in a week and he'd see if he could come up with something. A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. "This is no good, Merlin!" the king exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect milady, the Queen?" "Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin as he searched his cluttered work bench until he found what he was looking for. He then selected his most worn out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt where upon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. "Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch, "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected." After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a short arm' inspection. Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad. "Sir Galahad", exclaimed King Arthur, "The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!" "Mmmphmp," said Sir Galahad [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: Which came first...LMFAO!!! Saggy Baggy | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10:55:11 02/19/07 Mon A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken is stretched back smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied smile across his face. The egg is frowning and looking extremely frustrated. The egg says, "Guess we answered that question." [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: This one made me laugh!!! Saggy Baggy | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10:54:26 02/19/07 Mon The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished. The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000. The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000. When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my penis to the bottom of my testicles." The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring. The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop the pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where are your testicles?" The general replied, "In Vietnam." [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: Welcome to corporate America! Saggy Baggy | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10:53:35 02/19/07 Mon A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." The genie snapped his fingers and poof, the woman disappeared. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." The genie once again snapped his fingers and poof, the man disappeared. "OK, you're up," the genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch." [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: Remember in the English language one word often has two or more meanings LOL!!! Saggy Baggy(who also is trying to get rid of the spam-where did it all come from) | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10:52:10 02/19/07 Mon On a hot summer day, two nuns - both young, blonde and beautiful — are working in the church library putting away books. After working feverishly to get the job done, the first nun turns to the second and says, "I can't take this heat anymore! Do you think it would be all right if we removed our shirts to cool off while we worked?" The second nun, feeling the heat herself, decides that it would be acceptable since no one else was present. She locked the door and closed the curtains, and then the two nuns removed their shirts and kept working. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. "Who is it?" asks the first nun. "It's the blind man," says the voice behind the door. "Well, a blind man can't see our nakedness. We can let him in," the other nun says, and opens the door. "Wow!" says the blind man, "Nice tits! I gotta run back to the truck. Where do you want me to install these blinds?" [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: Good Catch courtesy Big Moma | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10:17:56 02/19/07 Mon A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ... and stay for breakfast. They have a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything has been SO incredible!!!! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she replies......... "You just happened to catch my eye." (Oh shut up, I just forward them, I don't write them.) [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: Thanks Dad! | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10:16:40 02/19/07 Mon  ImageIgloo.com Ole Granny sure was glad Dad posted something for her to rework! Its been a while! Gotta run...I can't wait to get over to this Valentines party and ride me one of them cowboys! YEE-HAW! YIPPIE YI YI YOO! [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: Nurse Nelda~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10:16:00 02/19/07 Mon A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. Nurse Nelda was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!" She leaves the door to his room open on her way out! He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation". [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: Very nasty virus...make sure you stay on the lookout!~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10:14:58 02/19/07 Mon There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote Repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: just a vent | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 10:12:09 02/19/07 Mon I need to vent my frustration I have been sick now for almost 10 wks. I am 11wks pregnant. I have had this cough the entire time that just rattles my entire body. I have coughed so much, I have thrown up. I have been brought to my knees coughing up fluid, not pleghm, for the last couple weeks. Now, my cough sounds like weezes like something is trying to come out of my chest. The frustrating part is no DR will really do anything about it. I haven't had my blood count check for white blood cells. I have not had a chest x-ray. Nothing. My OBs would rather just speculate and just do the whole "try this" " then try this" thing. I have been on different pills, asthma inhalers(not a serious asthmatic; one attack in my LIFE), cough syrups, everything. I can't even get an answer if it's a virus or bacteria. Nothing. Now, they say that if I am still coughing at my 12wk appt, then they will do an x-ray. That would make it 11wks that I have been sick. When I was 3 wks, i went in and told them about the time I got pnuemonia my senior year. I felt the exact same way and the Dr said my chest sounded clear. He ordered a routine x ray and then it was seen as pnuemonia. The Nurse listened and said you are clear so I don't know and sent me home. I am so tired and worn out from the coughing. Now, my husband and son are coughing a bit. The thing is my son IS a severe asthmatic. Now, he is starting to cough and I have no clue what it is. It doesn't respond to cough syrup at all, not even for them. He gets asthma attacks just from stuff like this. I am really beyond frustrated here. ~*NAvy Lady [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: A laugh for the day :) CrazyMomChristine | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 00:23:45 02/19/07 Mon CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I laughed till I almost cried as I could just see this happening! All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair And now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, < BR>I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-ho o* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Bli nded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *Hoo-Hoo*?? sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.. ..in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is! located , "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color...... Now thats funny . Notttttttttt [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: Question for you guys | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 21:29:41 02/18/07 Sun Ok I know this isnt funny...but I also know some of you have some medical background I also know that none of you can diagnose me...just wondering if anyone has had any experience with these things. So usually whenever my cycle is late I get pregnancy like symptoms (tender breasts, acne, even some neusea etc). And usually my cycle is only late if I have been sick etc. Otherwise it is pretty much right on schedule every month. Well as of today it is six days late. I have not been sick at all etc. We use protection-which yes I realize is not 100% effective (trust me I learned that one the hard way LOL) but we did have sex during a high fertile day and like I said it was protected. This was around the last weekend in January. This past week I have been having all the symptoms I mentioned above along with some others that I experienced while pregnant before (dropping everything I touch, smell sensitivity, a little acidy vommit in my mouth-not really puking just that little bit that comes up(sorry!) etc...) I took a pregnancy test and it was negative...and I really didnt believe I was pregnant anyway(though would be ok if I was) But now today I am having some light cramping off and on-nothing consistant. So I think my friend is on its way. But my question is what would cause me to have such strong pregnancy symptoms with a late cycle??? [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: Pageant ?~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 21:20:28 02/18/07 Sun Does anyone here have any experience with America Classic Miss pageant? I believe its in Williamsburg VA, website looks interesting but some is confusing. Just wondering if anyone else had any experience with it. Dd only does natural pageants and we were looking at this because she may not get to do ECUSA this year due to scheduling. Thanks [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: just an idea ..... ~*qui-gon*~ | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 21:11:38 02/18/07 Sun I had an idea and wanted to see what you ladies thought of it. At my church, we have a "prayer line." When there is a need that arises, such as someone falls ill, or is injured or something, we have a "chain" of phone numbers, each person gets the message and calls the next person in line and then prays for the need. I was wondering if you ladies would be interested in a prayer request post, where people could post their prayer needs and as we see them arise, we could all pray for them. I wanted to see what you ladies thought about it. I know we have some different religions, but I've always got the impression from my LL friends that you are all caring individuals and I just thought maybe you would like something like this. Anybody care to share an opinion? [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: Worth watching~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 14:27:34 02/15/07 Thu http://www.inlibertyandfreedom.com/Flash/Think_It_Over.swf Its worth taking the time to watch...makes you think about what is important in your life. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: How trends start~tiggerrrt | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 14:10:33 02/15/07 Thu How Men Started Wearing Earrings A man is at work one day when he notices that his co- worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my truck." (I always wondered how this trend got started) [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: Valentine Card Rhymes That You Would Not See In A Hallmark Card... ~Mr. Man~ | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 02:28:09 02/15/07 Thu Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not. I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, violets are dead, sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. Oh loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face. I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off your face. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes - Damn, I'm good at telling lies! My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "go to hell" What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime [ Post a Reply to This Message ] |
| Subject: I just have to say something here---Saggy Baggy | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 23:24:54 02/14/07 Wed First I could be reading it wrong but I just wanted to clear my name...because it seems that at least one or two people seem to think I am the only one posting under the debate down below. The last time I posted was when I said that was the last thing I was going to say (a few days ago) In that entire post the only times I ever posted anything was when I signed "my name" and same with anything else on this board. If I post I sign...well ok 98% of the time (but if I dont its only because I forgot to sign not because I am hiding something) So I would just encourage you all to remember that you never really know who is posting. And just because you can assume doesnt make you right. Now let me also say that those of you that are getting ugly (and some of you seemingly with yourself since much of the arguement died off days ago) who gives you the right to come on here hollaring and fussing and then telling someone else to go to another board? Why cant we all share the board together? Whether we agree or have the same point of view or not? It is ridiculous the way some of you are dropping to name calling etc. Why because someone is different then you? So many of you have posted GROW UP...after writing something like "bleeding heart liberal" so tell me who needs to grow up? Yes I have posted my point of views and have given reasons why I feel the way I do...but never have I pointed fingers or called names. We are a group of people many of who I have befriended and feel close to. Not everyone in the group is going to agree all the time. In case you dont know that is ok. We all come from very different backgrounds. We could turn our arguement into a great adult conversation and learn to understand and respect all people. Instead of making it worse by coming defensive and offensive. Last time I checked all of us except one were over 18 so act like it. ALL of us (including myself) need to act like it. I pulled myself away from the conversation days ago when I could no longer handle my feelings. I do not come to this board to get angry and upset. I come here for good times when everything in my life is chaotic. This conversation has drug on for a week or more now. Why keep bringing it up. There is a great board out there if you feel the need to bitch. The address is http://www.voy.com/201539/ the ladies on there will argue with you for months if thats what you need. Most of us on here want more light hearted stuff. We all have different lifestyles. You do not have black/mexican/indian/middle eastern people in your family or circle of friends. Good for you. As long as you are happy in your life and that is what is working for you then I am happy for you. I do have those people and others in my family and circle of friends. It is working for me. I am happy in my life. I do not judge you for choices you have made in your life do not judge me. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: Happy Valentines day Love and smooches, pet pet | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 22:31:43 02/14/07 Wed http://www.capnwacky.com/valentines/valcard2.html [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: This is why I an not a fan of this holiday ~ Sugar Cookie | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 15:05:21 02/14/07 Wed I just received a call from my spouse (aka the HUBBY) telling me to prepare for 6 inches tonight. Since I had gotten a dozen white roses for Valentines Day, I thought he wanted “repaid” for the gift. OK……I do not LIKE roses; I am a simple gal and prefer daisies and daffodils! My husband and I never exchange gifts on Feb. 14th as I think it is an absurd holiday and if you are going to show your “love” for me on only one day a year you can kiss my dimpled, white hillbilly butt! I think that affection and commitment should be shown EVERY day of the year!! And that it’s the numbnutz at Hallmark, the jewelry store and Godiva that are making are making a killing so a few shmucks can stay out of the doghouse on this one cold day a year! Anyway, due to the call from my other half and his comment about “6 inches”- my dander was UP! (Especially when he had handed ME the receipt for the damned flowers the night before and told ME to minus them out of our checking account!) So being the dainty little sweet thing I am…….I said in my southern voice “ WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?????? SCREW ME TWO TIMES TONIGHT???” There was silence on the other end of the phone for about 30 seconds and on my end I could hear nothing but my deep breathing as I waited for some smartass response from him. His only reply was “Look out the window DEAR, I was referring to snow.” The next sound I heard was the phone softly being hung up in my ear. Tonight I will be cooking my husband’s favorite meal in my best lingerie. I will be eating CROW! [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: Whup Ass Mamma’s New Valentine Dress... ~Mr. Man~ | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 11:57:48 02/14/07 Wed Mamma is the HIT of the Valentine Party… AS she is just stands there, you can see that all the guys gualking at her... well it looks like they have had quite a few beers and got their eyes on mamma... AND, mamma is ready for the taking... Her brother and sis-in-law been a watching on the side ... with shot gun in hand and a preacher lurking about, it looks like we just might have a Shot Gun Valentine wedding party ... with Mamma all ready to go with her New dress this VALENTINE DAY…  Happy Valentine to all the LL’s [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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Subject:  My gift to all the Laughing Lady readers~ please take these to heart. Happy Valentines day!! ~ Sugar Cookie | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 15:24:18 02/13/07 Tue This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it every day. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true. 1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. You are special and unique. 8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you. 9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look. 11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks. . Good friends are like stars, You don't always see them,But you know they are always there. "Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway" And one of my FAVORITE quotes of all "Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away." [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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Subject:  Work Stats and Thoughts ~ Sugar Cookie | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 15:16:30 02/13/07 Tue Who's working anyway? The population of this country is 300 million. 160 million are retired.. That leaves 140 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 55 million to do the work. Of this there are 40 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 15 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden. Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work. Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are, sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes. Nice. Real nice. [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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| Subject: DUMB MEN???? | |
Author: Anonymous [ Edit | View ] |
Date Posted: 14:43:25 02/13/07 Tue ~~Ole Granny here going to post this at the risk of being called prejudiced against men since my last post about camel jockey terrorists caused so much stir. Well ya know what...I could give a rats patootie. I post in hopes of bringing a an occassional laugh, as well as in hopes of getting some of ya to use that thar' thing between your shoulders to think about something other than which Pro Am routine your little DD should use at the next pageant.~~ Now I think we have argued enough over my "camel jockey terrorist" post. Thats just plain and simple and should be no arguing.....the people who were terrorists, also happened to be camel jockeys...just like me, the one posting this is a fat, white, honky cracker!! Whats so hard to understand about that? TO BE 6 AGAIN A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. I'd like to be six again,she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day ! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster...everything there was. Five hours Later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well Dear, what was it like being six again ?? Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. I meant my Dress Size, you moron!! The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to get it wrong. (Oh lordie, I reckon I have been prejudiced to poor men....thank goodness I didn't list the race of the man as well as then I would have been considered double prejudiced!) [ Post a Reply to This Message ] Replies:
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