[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement:
Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor
of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users'
privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your
privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket
to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we
also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.
Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your
contribution is not tax-deductible.)
PayPal Acct: 
Feedback: 
Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):
[ Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message ]
Date Posted: 11:06:52 03/06/06 Mon
Author: Rodeo
Subject: The Answer: Part I
This is the continuation of "The Question". Its called the answer because what comes after a question? Right, an answer. Im writing it in a new style, because I just thought it would be better seeing the view points of both Keith and me, sorta like "Pinstripes". Hope you enjoy it.
Sarah
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Replies:
[>
The Answer: Part I inside. -- Rodeo, 11:11:00 03/06/06 Mon [1]
I threw the magazine on the passenger seat disgustedly. How dare he, how dare he do this to me? I just had to go to the store today, I just needed that stupid gallon of orange juice, I couldn’t let it go for a day, I just had to have it, just had to. My knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so hard. He had better not show his face around me for a while, I was afraid of what I would do to it if he did. Stupid magazine wracks shouldn’t be put at checkout counters, but no they put them up there where the whole world can see. And I, just happening to be like the rest of the world, just had to look up, just had to see that cover, just had to buy it, and just had to read it. What was she doing with him, or more importantly, what was he doing with her? Oh he’d pay, he would pay. I didn’t head home, I was afraid I would see him and go on an angered rampage, a rampage not even his body guard could protect him from. O he would pay. I glanced back at my hand gripping the steering wheel. When he gave me the ring I thought he had given me his heart, his whole heart. But I guess I wasn’t good enough for him, not big enough, not important enough. I sobbed, my anger quickly turning into hurt and pain. I had to go home, not my Nashville home, not our home. My home, the home where I was born and raised. I was headed there in a few days anyways so why not go early? Tears rolling down my cheeks I pulled out onto the highway and headed North. Running, but this time into the blue, not to him, not into those understanding arms. But away from him. O how I hated that man, but I could never stop loving him, no mater how despicable he was. No mater how shameless, and hurtful his actions, I could never unlove him.
He sat at the bar in the kitchen and glanced at the clock. It was getting late, she should have been home by now. How long did it take to get orange juice? He smiled, she was addicted to that stuff, she couldn’t live a day without it. That he did not understand. But that was just part of her quirky personality that he loved. He slid off the bar stool and strode over to the dark leather couch and sprawled out on it. He dug around in the cushions to find the remote control. He turned on the television and flipped around the channels until something caught his attention. He saw a picture flash across the screen that made his blood run cold, him and that woman, an old picture obviously. He sat bolt upright. O God this wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening to him. No, she had seen it, that was the only excuse for her lateness.
He pulled into the Wal-Mart parking lot and sprinted into the store, one thing on his mind. Her. He found a magazine wrack and saw what he desperately wished he would not find. She had seen it, there was no hiding it. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. She had run, O God, she had run.
It was dark now, I laughed miserably, the sun had sunk down in the sky as quickly as it had sunk down in my life. O God I hurt, I hurt so bad. I pulled into an empty Sheetz parking lot, I had to fill up. It wouldn’t do me any good if I broke down on the side of the road. I flipped the mirror down and tried to wipe the tear stains from my cheeks but with no prevail. A realization hit me as hard as a semi truck at that moment. I had left Tag, I left my baby, I started to sob, how could I forget him? He was always the one that helped me. I filled up my tank, still in tears. Keith would take care of him, he wouldn’t let any harm come to him, none whatsoever. I kicked my tire, a bit of the anger ebbing back from earlier. I strode into the store wiping tears on the sleeve of my hoodie. “Are you alright, mam?” the teenage boy behind the counter asked. I smiled my weakest smile yet. I nodded. I’ll be fine, I told him. I bought a bottle of water and paid for my gas and left.
He ran through the house gathering only the necessities. He was going after her, he couldn’t let her go. He wouldn’t. Tag walked into the bedroom. O God, she left Tag. Now he knew just how upset she was. He grabbed his packed suitcase and called for Tag. The corgi trotted out on the porch and looked at him as if asking what was happening. He pulled the door shut and headed for his car, Tag jumped in and he tossed his suitcase in the trunk. Dam*it he knew this was going to be bad, it already was.
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
The Answer: Part II -- Rodeo, 09:16:57 03/08/06 Wed [1]
The old brick house, still sleeping by the time I arrived, looked the same as I had left it. Not wanting to wake my parents I headed to the barn. I pushed the door open and a single head poked over a stall door. I sighed kicking myself, all the horses had been moved to a show barn for this weekend, and now I had no one to comfort me except the paint foal and its mama. I let myself into the stall, Irish, my nieces horse had given birth to a colt, Cadillac, earlier this month. I leaned up against the wall ultimately sliding down it until I was seated on the floor. Irish lowered her head and put her muzzle in my lap. She knew something was wrong, and oh how right she was. I stroked her huge head and I could feel tears coming again. The lights flickered on in the barn and I heard my dad walk in, coming to feed the horses. He unlatched the door and jumped when he saw me on the ground tears streaming down my face. “What’s wrong?” he asked kneeling down beside me. I burst out sobbing. He took me and held me until I calmed down. “What’s all this crying about?” he asked. “Where’s Keith?” he added. He must have seen the lightning flash in my eyes. “O God what did he do, what happened?” “Nothing,” I told him, “Is mom awake?” He nodded and knew not to press for farther details. I headed up to the house. How did this happen? I asked myself.
The sun was just rising to his left, it had been a long nights driving. Normally he would stare at its beauty, but today he paid no attention to it. He was on a mission, he had to get to her, he had to find her, he had to make things right. What if she wouldn’t believe him, what if she was done with him. It panicked him to think that the last time they might be together was this morning under the warm covers as the sun rose. He thought about the sunrays dancing across her skin, he thought about the warmth of her touch. He could still feel her kisses trailing up his chest to his lips. He let out a soft sob, it had been a long time since he had last let tears fall. Mainly because she had made him so happy, he had had nothing to cry of. But now with her gone, they flowed freely. O God had he screwed up, he blamed himself for those pictures even if they were old, even if they were of him and his ex. He blamed himself more than anyone could fathom.
I was about to push the door open when I changed my mind. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be here at all. I turned around and got in my truck, I needed to see my horses, one in particular. I wondered how they were doing, I hadn’t seen them in the past 9 months. I wondered if they were fit for the first rodeo this weekend, I had paid my niece to take care of them while I was away. I smiled thinking how far she had come with her riding. I thought about the first time I had put her up on Aprils back as a small 7 year old, and how scared she had been. But my gosh, she was a natural. Now as she just turned 14 she was competing with me and she was winning. And my Nephew wasn’t far behind her. I turned on the truck and I headed to my home away from homes, the place where I had really grown up. The place where I had learned many lessons of life. The place that I knew people wouldn‘t push for details.
He pulled onto the road trying to get a glance of their driveway to see if she was at home. Her truck nowhere in sight, he sighed. Where was she? He wondered what her parents would do when he pulled in. He was sure she had been there. He was sure they would already know.
He pulled in and saw her dad headed towards the house from the barn. He parked and got out. Tag jumped out behind him. He could see the storm in her fathers eyes. She had definitely been there and her dad knew. Where did she go? He asked simply, he didn’t want to get into an argument with her father so he wouldn’t let him talk. Her dad nodded to the house and he jumped up the steps two at a time. How could she be in the house if her truck wasn’t there? he wondered to himself. Maybe it was parked out back out of sight. He pushed the door open and was greeted by the smell of waffles. “Keith!” her mom said delighted to see him. “Where’s Sarah?” she asked. “She’s not here?” he questioned very confused now. “No, why what happened?” she asked him, her smile fading. “I don’t think I should be the one to tell you,” he said, “I’ve got to go, I need to find her.” He walked out the door and drove off to the only other place she would be.
To Be Continued. . .
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Feedback.... (you asked) -- Feathers, 16:00:36 03/10/06 Fri [1]
Nice writing style, moves well from one plot point to the next, good characterizaions, good grammar and spelling. I like the way you tease what's coming but don't keep us in suspense for too long. Not too much info, not too little.
Break your dialog out of the paragraphs, each speaker getting a new line, with quotes and everything. That will add some variety for readers, so it's not all one narrative paragraph after another. Your story is worthy of a more "novel-style" approach, with dialog mixed in with the narrative and action. This will make it look longer, but that's okay. Newspaper columns are narrow for a reason - the human eye scans quickly and easily over short lines. Short lines of dialog broken out of the paragraphs are not a problem and will enhance your story.
A few technical details (not in any particluar order)...
1) I noticed in "The Question", you used "common" for "come on", or, I suppose, what you meant was "C'mon". That confused me because it kind of made sense the first time I read it, but then had to readjust the next time. Use "Come on" or "C'mon". For "Come here", use "C'mere".
2) but with no prevail - what you're looking for is "but to no avail".
3) “Are you alright, mam?” - The short form of Madam is "ma'am".
4) he had had nothing to cry of - nothing to cry "about".
5) he wondered to himself - this is the same as "he thought to himself". There is no one else you can think *to*, and the narrative you're using supports an internal quesion. If there is no speaking going on, then it's "he thought," "he wondered," "he mused" (etc), period.
I hope these things help. I'm looking forward to the next installment.
[ Edit | View ]
[> [> [>
Finally -- Rodeo, 22:19:42 03/10/06 Fri [1]
Some criticism, thank you Feathers I needed that, the little reminders and suggestions. Thankyou.
Sarah
[ Edit | View ]
[>
The Answer: Part III -- Rodeo, 03:31:54 03/11/06 Sat [1]
I grabbed my hat just as it was about to fly off my head. Of course the one day I get to go on a trail ride, there had to be a freaking tornado stirring up. I hung it on the saddle horn, I didn’t want to loose it no matter how bittersweet it was to look at it.
Keith had given it to me, he knew how much I liked hats, yet another one of my weird obsessions. I stared at it. I remembered when he had given it to me. I was backstage at one of his concerts and he had handed me the hat right before it was time for him to go perform. For safe keeping I guess, little did he know he wasn’t going to be getting it back. Or maybe he just let me keep it.
I ran my thumb over the white stitching of the kangaroo logo on the front. It was a nice hat, it always reminded me of him whenever he was away touring. It always kept him close by.
I checked my watch, I needed to head back to the barn. We would be loading up the horses in fifteen minutes. I gave April her head and pushed her into a canter. I had missed this life so much. Horse shows nothing but horse shows. It was how it used to be until I found my passion for music.
The barn was full of life when I got back. People rushing back and forth making sure they had everything for the weekend. Trailers being hitched to trucks, and horses being loaded. I looked and saw my trailer was already hooked up and ready to go. I hopped down off of April and walked to the barn.
Someone behind me shouted my name. I dropped the reins as Catrina came running up. We gave each other a warm hug. It had been so long since I had seen her.
“O God, Its so good to see you,” I said.
“My Gosh, the same with you,” she said.
“Where’s your bibby?” she asked.
I couldn’t help but laugh, she had always called him that, everyone but Keith knew why.
“I’ll tell you on the way,” I said. “I need to get the horses loaded.”
My anger seemed to be dissipating now that I was in an stimulating atmosphere. I shoved the ball cap back onto my head, and headed off to work getting the horses ready.
Ten minutes later the horses were loaded, and I was sitting behind the wheel waiting for Catrina to get in beside me. I turned my guitar pick over in my fingers, I always carried it with me. It had no sentimental value whatsoever. I just liked it. I always had it with me. I didn’t know why. I was just realizing how many strange habits and obsessions I had.
Just as the barn came into sight he saw the caravan of horse trailers and trucks pulling out of the driveway. He swore and hit the steering wheel. Was he ever going to get to her?
“What the heck is he doing with her?” Catrina half yelled.
“I don’t know, you’ll have to ask him,” I told her.
“How the heck am I supposed to do that when we don’t even know where he is?” She asked sarcastically.
“He’s right behind us,” I said.
I looked into my mirror. I could just see his face past the trailer. His eyes were calm and questioning. Why wasn’t he angry at me? It scared me how relaxed he was.
It saddened him how worried she looked at the sight of him. Had he hurt her that badly? He figured he would just follow her to the show. Then what? What would he do? Walk up to her and apologize and explain everything to her? Beg her to forgive him? He laughed, she was wearing his hat. He remembered giving it to her, he remembered how upset she looked every time he left for a tour without her. He had given her the hat so she could have part of him with her. He laughed again, she thought she had taken it from him, but he had let her keep it.
Why was he smiling like that? Did he like to see me panicked? It just made me madder to see him having a good laugh when things were so bad between us at this time. I turned my attention back to the road. Maybe I would never understand him, I laughed. That just struck me as funny. Trying to understand half the things he did would take a life time. I could feel my anger melting away. No matter what he did I would still love him. And he knew that. Is that why he was so calm?
“What are you smiling at?” asked Catrina.
“Him,” I told her.
She raised her eyebrows in confusion.
“He might cheating on you and your laughing at him?” “Woman I have never understood you, and I never will,” she said.
I couldn’t hold it back anymore, I burst out laughing. Maybe Keith and I were perfect for each other after all. Catrina looked at me in amazement and shook her head. I smiled giddily. And I heard her mutter something along the lines of “Love sick pup.”
Our group pulled into the fair grounds and we set to work unloading the horses. We had come early to make sure we got good stalls. I jumped down from the truck and turned to see Keith walking towards me. I let him come to me. God he looked nervous. I put my hands on his cheeks and gave him a kiss.
“Now please get away from me” I said. And walked away.
He stood there shocked. That was the last thing he expected her to do. He had actually expected her hand to touch his face but he had also counted on there being a horrendous red mark left from it. But no he gets a kiss. What was she doing?
“What was that?” He yelled after her his hands raised it the air.
She just kept walking.
That night was a party night, but she wasn’t there with them neither was Catrina. He figured they were inside the RV. The older folks sat in lawn chairs in front of the door drinking, he figured to keep him from going inside. He took as seat but turned down the beer they offered, he would just have to wait them out. She had avoided him all day.
I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, everyone else was out drinking and partying but I was just too exhausted to join in. I hadn’t slept in 48 hours and I could hardly keep my eyes open.
It seemed like just a few minutes that I had been asleep before I heard a soft knock on the door. I glanced at the clock. I had been sleeping for a few hours. I got up and peeked out of the curtains. Him.
“What do you need?” I asked.
“We need to talk,” he said. “Please come out here”
“Finally,” I said, “Do you think you’ve waited long enough?”
To Be Continued . . .
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
come on -- Chesneygirl73, 10:45:27 03/11/06 Sat [1]
don't leave us hanging!!! lol
[ Edit | View ]
[ Contact Forum Admin ]
Forum timezone: GMT-5
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.
|
|
