| Subject: **walks in, crisom eyes shining insanely but is not really insane** Cover the dibbuns ears. |
Author:
Luna Battlefur
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Date Posted: 01:31:00 05/22/03 Thu
Redwall in Texas
a/nFor beasts in texas its the story of redwall
and i copied it of off fanfiction.net....
Chapter 1:The vertically challenged Novice
Dramatis Personae
Matthias, mouse, heroic one
Abbot Morty, mouse, peaceful one
Sunflower, mouse, ladylike one
Methuselah, mouse, wise one
Basil Whitetaileddeer Jackrabbit, jackrabbit, comic one
Diligence, armadillo, gruff one
Jessie Mae Squirrel, squirrel, arboreal one
Sammy Bob Squirrel, squirrel, silent one
Ambrose Spike, porcupine, inebriated one
The Churchmice Family, mice, extra ones
Colin Beaver, beaver, effeminate one
Friar Hugo, culinary one
Foremole, mole, incomprehensible one
Assorted Brothers and Sisters, mice, just-to-take-up-dormitory-space ones
Redwall Dibbuns, assorted species, annoying ones
Warbeak Sparra, sparrow, violent one
King Bull Sparra, sparrow, tyrannical one
Skipper-of-Muskrats, muskrat, aquatically inclined one
Guopiw, (Guerilla Union of Possums in Woods), possums, argumentative ones
Martin, mouse, ghostly one
Cap'm Frost, owl, militaristic one
Cluny the Scourge, rat, evil one
Assorted rats, weasels, and skunks, stupid ones
Sela, fox, tricky one
Chickendog, fox, mean one
Asmodeus, rattlesnake, fanged one
It was the Summer of the Laterose. The sunlight dappled the leaf- covered forestfloor through the branches of the oak, ash, pine, sycamore, palm, mesquite, pecan, walnut, banana, artificially introduced kiawe trees from Hawai'i, Chinese plum, fir, sassafras, cyprus, giant African savanna Rafiki-trees...
Below the swayingcanopy lay the riches of the forest. Namely, thyme, woodbine, oregano, silanthro, jalapeno, coffee, rosemary, cloves, paprika, cumin, sage, parsley, cinnamon, the mysterious fajita seasoning, cardamom, peanuts, portobello mushrooms...
Just at the edge of the hazyplains stood Redwall Abbey, languishing in the duskyred sunset, glowing like a burnishedjewel in the rays of the settingsun. The southface of the abbeywall was covered by the type of ivy known as the Virginiacreeper. The cool of fall would turn the leaves into a cape of fieryhue, further adding glory to the name of Redwall Abbey.
Matthias the mouse wobbledcomically past the abbeycloisters with his basket. His oversized novicerobes were gathered in baggyfolds over his largesandals. He came to a suddenhalt.
"Hey, narrator, can ya stop combinin' every single adjective with its noun or verb inta one word? It's really gettin' on my nerves," Matthias called into the air. A group of abbeydwellers cast curious sidelongglances in his direction.
It's the Redwall writing style, so stop complaining!
"Complain, huh. Are you the one who's gotta go runnin' around the woods after a giant rattlesnake?"
Redwall Abbey Warriors are not supposed to complain about their duty! Now just get to the tapestry so you can be lectured by Abbot Morty!
Matthias grumbled, shifted his grip on the basket of Brazil nuts, and continued to teeter down the corridor.
"Where exactly am I goin' with these?"
It's just a plot device.
"And what exactly is a Brazil nut?"
Shhh! Here comes Abbot Morty!
Abbot Morty glided past, eyes wisely downcast, completely ignoringing Matthias. Matthias trod on the edge of his habit, tripped, and went tumbling cowl over tail.
Kabonk!
"You did that on purpose!" Matthias squawked.
Matthias, you are meant to squeak in dismay, not squawk.
Matthias clutched his aching nose with both paws. "I don't know how to squeak."
You're a mouse! You have to know how to squeak!
"You think I spend my spare time squeakin'?"
As the discussion took place, Abbot Morty continued his leisurely pace past the Abbey cloisters, not giving Matthias a second glance.
"You made me fall for nothin'!"
Darn it, Matthias! Quick! Run after him and fall down again!
Matthias scrambled to his footpaws, dashed headlong after the departing Abbot Morty, tripped, and performed a spectacular triple somersault down the corridor, landing directly at the feet of Abbot Morty!
"SQUEAK!"
Abbot Morty blinked curiously down at the prone Matthias. "'Squeak'?"
"Squeak!" Matthias confirmed.
Okay, Abbot Morty, you're on!
Abbot Morty sighed deeply, steadying Matthias as he clambered to his feet. "Oh, Matthias, Matthias, when will you learn to take life a little slower, to walk with dignity? How can you ever expect to enter our Order as a brother when you are always dashing about, grinning from ear to ear like a mad rabbit?"
"Erm...I could be the gym instructor?" Matthias ventured timidly.
Abbot Morty sighed again, even more deeply, and shook his head sadly. He was an elderly mouse, much experienced in the ways of mouselife. He open his mouth to deliver a sage lecture unto Matthias, but paused when the sight of the now vertical mouse met his eyes. He was gazing wordlessly at the great woven tapestry of Redwall, or more accurately, at the centerpiece, a weaving of a mouse in armor.
Your cue, Matthias.
Matthias...
Matthias!
Matthias! Snap out of it!
Abbot Morty waved a paw slowly before Matthias' face. "Helloooooo..."
Suddenly, by some freak of gravity, the long corridor rug rippled like a breaking wave and flipped Matthias's footpaws out from under him. He landed on his face!
Abbot Morty raised his eyebrows. "I've never seen the hall rug do that before."
"Owwww! That's the third time you've knocked me over!" Matthias yowled.
You're not supposed to be hypnotized until you meet Asmodeus. Now start telling Abbot Morty about how you want to be a warrior.
Matthias grumbled. "I'm callin' the police. It's character abuse, that's what."
Speak, whiskered one!
Matthias stared mournfully down at his footpaws. "I'm sorry, Father Abbot. It...it's just...I want to be like Martin the Warrior so much, Father Abbot! I can be all brave and heroic if I could just find his sword. Then I could fight and triumph for good. But, I know, wantin' things that aren't gonna happen is just wasting time. It's wrong, and I'm sorry."
That has got to be the cheesiest thing I've ever heard.
"You told me to speak!"
And that's the BEST you could do?! Gawd! Father Abbot, quick! Save the chapter!
Abbot Morty saluted. "Heeeeeeeere he comes to save the daaaaaay! You know that Mighty Mouse is on his waaaaaay!"
I believe I told you to SAVE the chapter, not make it worse!
Abbot Morty dropped his Mighty Mouse pose with utter dignity. "In other words, Matthias, we are a peaceful Order. We do not go around carving up vermin just for personal glory, as you seem to believe. However, when Cluny the Scourge shows up in the next chapter, I'm sure you'll mature."
Not exactly the most eloquent of speeches, but it works. You go, Abbot!
"Now, pick up those Brazil nuts and let's go eat!"
Matthias grinned, nodded, and followed Abbot Mortimer into the Great Hall, clutching an armload of Brazil nuts.
Hey! Hey! Where're you going? The chapter's not done yet! Come back!
Aw, come on, guys...
Fine! Go eat! I'l just go write about Cluny, then! Sheesh. If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll ask you for a double layered German choclate cake...
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