THE TRUTH on a recent campus visit -- XAVIER MENS BASKETBALL

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Date Posted: 21:43:47 05/21/02 Tue
Author: THE TRUTH
Subject: THE TRUTH on a recent campus visit

�It has been reported that I was seriously ill--it was another man; dying--it was another man; dead--the other man again...As far as I can see, nothing remains to be reported, except that I have become a foreigner. When you hear it, don't you believe it. And don't take the trouble to deny it. Merely just raise the American flag on our house in Hartford and let it talk.�
- Letter to Frank E. Bliss, 11/4/1897

This weekend I had the pleasure to visit the �wee bit of heaven� nestled between Norwood and Evanstan known to outsiders as Xavier University (OH).
While I am happy to report that the campus today resembles nothing of the school I attended just eight short years ago, there are two things that I noticed that I found quite disturbing.
1.) The statue of D�Artagnan in front of the Cintas Center is truly something to be proud of.(I have been told that the noble, bronze statue with his arm pointed West is what prompted Bobinski to look to Indiana to hire Thad in a move that will go down in Xavier history.) What bothers me about this statue is the bronze plaque attached to it. This plaque reads:
�From a French Lady
Margo M. Moores�.
From who? We received a �gift� from a frenchie and then advertise it. I have written Father Graham to voice my displeasure and would encourage the rest of you to do the same. I have also offered to have a new plaque commissioned that will read:
�TAKEN FORCEFULLY from a French lady,
Along with her virginity and pride
by drunken members of the cartel.�
2.) When leaving the Cintas Center I noticed a large sign by every door that read:
�NO ALCOHOL BEYOND THIS POINT�
Not understanding the sign I became very afraid that the alcohol filled world that I love so dearly had changed dramatically during the three hours I spent at graduation. Panic stricken I ran back into the center and clung to one of the metal fences separating me from a locked concession area. Shaking it violently while loudly repeating my �love of the sauce� I was finally able to get into the secured area where I preceded to suck any remaining beer from the taps.
Without the leadership of the recently canned Chief Couch, Xavier 5-0 was slow to respond but eventual lured me out while explaining the true meaning of the posted signs then the beat me senseless, telling me that �The chief will rise again!�
THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE

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Replies:

[> It seemed like the University had an official policy of political correctness when I went to X. From the Truth's report, they are more than willing to offend me now. Posting such offensive commentary around the Cintas as "No alcohol" (the two dirtiest words in English) and referring to the French as if they were equals is insufferable. I demand justice from the University and a partial refund of my excessive tuition. I at least want some more cash for those books I bought for $300 a pop and sold back for a nickle. -- Homeskillet, 10:47:38 05/22/02 Wed

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[> Y'all gotta recognize the love of the sauce. TESTIFY and I will eat your children! -- NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE!, 13:02:35 05/22/02 Wed

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[> [> The sauce is the key to heaven on earth. I met Ozzie Osborne last night at a dive bar. Bastard said I had to buy him a beer to hang with him. He ended up paying for everything, but it still pissed me off. Ok, it was just a toothless guy who had taken too many drugs, but he looked and sounded like Ozzy. Booze allowed me to believe he was Ozzy, and without the sauce I would have been completely unhappy. -- Homeskillet, 12:01:25 05/23/02 Thu

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[> �TAKEN FORCEFULLY from a French lady, Along with her virginity and pride. That is classic. -- Sniper, 13:01:55 05/24/02 Fri

�TAKEN FORCEFULLY from a French lady,
Along with her virginity and pride

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[> Hey TRUTH, remember that one time when we got drunk togother? That was fun! -- MANWHORE, 11:49:11 05/28/02 Tue

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