From the XU boardroom...(re: Thad's new contract) -- XAVIER MENS BASKETBALL

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Date Posted: 12:16:43 07/30/02 Tue
Author: NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE!
Subject: From the XU boardroom...(re: Thad's new contract)

I thought all would find the following information interesting:
* XU officials believe we will have a big run this year and feel a Sweet 16 and even an Elite 8 is within our grasp
* They feel Thad will be an even hotter commodity than ever (duh).
* XU administrators proactively approached Thad.
* Xavier gave Thad a nice bump in jack.
* They also inserted a �poison pill� that includes significant financial penalties if another college wants to buy Thad�s contract out.
* Thad was a full participant in the negotiations and fully understood the reasoning behind the strategy
* They expect all home games to be sold out

I also had a chance to review Thad�s contract and thought you would enjoy the details:
* XU officials will severely limit Thad accessibility to all non big rollers and make all interactions with him more exclusive in order to try to raise more bucks
* Thad will now only answer to �Mr. Matta,� �The Pharaoh,� or the �Nostradamus of Norwood.�
* He receives $100 each time he refers to himself in the third person during interviews (now known as �the third person clause�)
* The Kahn�s Krazies will have to transport him like Pharaoh�s slaves in �The 10 Commandants� on and off the court
* Mr. Matta will sit on the Blue Blob the entire game.
* The Blue Blob will gently massage Mr. Matta�s buttocks throughout said game.
* At least one Dance Team member must feed Mr. Matta grapes throughout said game and procure him 40�s of �Old E� (or other adult malt beverages) upon his demand.
* Mr. Matta receives 23.4% of all future parking fines and Chief Couch will personally drive him around campus on Mr. Matta�s own gold cart with a Roll Royce grill.
* All future contract negotiations will take place on E-Bay

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Replies:

[> You're going to give one of the dance team members some food and expect that anyone is ever going to see it again? Dream on, those grapes are gone by tip-off -- BP, 14:41:08 07/30/02 Tue

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[> [> Grapes are considered diet chow by The Omega Mu's and would not be consumed by the yard - unlike pizza, ice cream, or other fat enhancing food stuffs. -- NJ! NP!, 15:22:44 07/30/02 Tue

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[> [> [> Matta should have held out and demanded that the each member of the dance team drink two forties of Old E before tip off as well. That way they might actually be entertaining. Fat chicks are funnier when they are drunk, of course so are midgets. -- Homeskillet, 17:26:17 07/30/02 Tue

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[> [> [> All Omega Mu's are required to carry a personal supply of that gooey fruit dip made entirely out of fat and sugar. The grapes are only the dip delivery vehicle. Skillet, don't get me started on drunk midgets. It's too early in the day for a cold shower. -- BP, 10:30:50 07/31/02 Wed

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[> [> I just received an inside scoop that the Blue Blob is actually Chief Couch. He enjoys touching young boys with the giant tongue and he can wack off inside the suit without anyone noticing. So apparently Couch was an integral part of Matta's contract. That must be how he kept his job after discover of the S&M collection. -- Homeskillet, 11:05:36 07/31/02 Wed

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[> You forgot one article in Thad's contract. After seeing AIlen Iverson's momma on the news, Thad demanded that he have his own Posse. That Posse will have follow Thad everywhere he goes and fend off any questions the media asks that Thad does not like. Also the Posse will all have cell phones and must be on them at all times. Even if they are not talking to anyone. -- MANWHORE, 15:24:37 07/31/02 Wed

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[> [> I forgot to mention things you may hear from the Posse. You might hear one say 'Testify' or 'Thats Right' or 'Thats all hearsay' another might be 'Where did you hear that from, Huggins' and similar comments. -- MANWHORE, 15:27:58 07/31/02 Wed

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[> [> [> Mos def. Pimp's gotta have a posse getting his back or else he's jus a chump or a playa hata. My boy jus want to crack a 40 and laugh and have his crew take care of bidness. TESTIFY! -- NOJUSTICE! NO PEACE!, 16:13:02 07/31/02 Wed

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[> [> Manwhore is right, I demanded a posse in an addendum added to the contract after NJ!NP! read it. In fact, NJ!NP! is the slated leader of my new posse, as he has already mastered the lingo. Manwhore forgot to mention my policy on tats. My posse will be elite with a seven tat minimum. -- Thad Matta, 16:16:48 07/31/02 Wed

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[> [> [> Mr. Matta speaks da truth and is da man. A True playa gotta represent and represent his ink wit pride. Y'know what I'm sayin? I'm gonna get me a tat that says "No pain. No Pain." -- NJ! NP!, 16:26:02 07/31/02 Wed

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[> [> [> [> Just make sure Snipe doesn't get in the Posse. He has no street cred at all. -- BP, 08:21:09 08/02/02 Fri

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[> [> [> [> [> How big is Matta's posse gonna be? I hope it's massive, 10-12 strong. I also suggest that he go out and get some real muscle to back him up and make the refs take him seriously. I understand that Mike Tyson is looking for a few bucks. Add Bill Laimbeer after he gets fired from that chick team (what were you thinking, Bill?). Throw in Donald Little with a whiskey bottle and Puppet the psycho dwarf, and you've got the amkings of one mean crew. -- Homeskillet, 13:52:02 08/02/02 Fri

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Oh it will be legit. Thad's posse will be "Hammer sized" and be around 43 peeps. Everybody better recognize and show some respect to The Thad and show his posse much love. -- THE JUST AND MERCIFUL NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE!, 15:41:45 08/02/02 Fri

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[> [> [> [> [> [> How dare you slam the WNBA? I just got the first dunk in the league's history, although we'll forget it took me 6 years to do it. Oh and BTW, I also have 2 dunks in practice. Laimbeer can suck it. -- Lisa Leslie, 20:34:34 08/02/02 Fri

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Actually, the WNBA would be a lot cooler if Laimbeer got his team to start beating the holy hell out of all the other chicks in the league. Cat fights make me sweat in funny ways. -- Homeskillet, 17:46:42 08/09/02 Fri

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