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Date Posted: 12:42:52 01/15/02 Tue
Author: Eric R
Author Host/IP: 66.147.22.185
Subject: The flipside of depression

It's been a long, long time since I've been through here, but for some reason, that's where I wound up today.

The quick summary: I've had chronic to severe depression for as long as I can remember -- particularly bad over the past few years. I tried nearly every med available-- some worked briefly then back to the darkness. I went to a new doctor who wanted to try my on Wellbutrin (He said all my others were seratonin treaters and that's like trying to treat a flu with the same medicine even if it doesn't work the first time.)

Wellbutrin worked much better than I would have ever imagined. I even have those moments of clarity on a regular basis. The weird thing is that depression has masked the fact that I am ADD and have a reading disability for most of this time (but that's a sidenote and there seems to be a pretty big link between depression and ADD).

The problems that I now face are actual feelings. I guess you get so used to having everything in your life muted with guilt, sadness, anger of depression that when you actually feel something it can be kind of strange. I find myself cycling through emotions.. going from being angry to jubilant to sad in a matter of minutes. But I guess the good thing is that I know I'm still depressed but I now have the ability to recognize when I'm slipping.

That's a long way of asking if anyone else has similar problems. I guess I'm finding the hardest thing about being depressed is not being depressed anymore.... Now that sounds strange.

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