How To Go To An LFN Con (Susan W, you're post brought back so many memories...) (r) -- Susan W.'s La Femme Nikita Message Board

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Date Posted: 01:03:49 08/12/01 Sun
Author: Shirleym
Subject: How To Go To An LFN Con (Susan W, you're post brought back so many memories...) (r)

How to go to an LFN convention:

Fill L's car with costumes for the banquet performance, food, bottled water, and mugs and T-shirts for the charity auction.

Pick something light to talk about on the long drive. Something like... oh... say... the intrinsic good and evil of man and woman as portrayed so beautifully by RD and Peta in LFN. :P

As the trusted co-pilot, be sure to fall asleep at exactly the point when L needs you the most.

Be sure to both drink mass quantities of liquids before and on the drive, so your bladders will be bursting at *just* about the time when there's NO place to go to the bathroom.

Heave a big sigh of relief when you get to Toronto and while on the highway there, change lanes frequently.

Keep changing lanes all the way to your hotel. (I don't KNOW why, ok??!!)

See the tiny little bridge where Michael "went dark" on his motorcycle, evading davenport and Section. (yeeee hawwww! :D)

Dance to "Manana" with the kitchen staff.

Sing The Maddy to Alberta Watson in the back hallway with SCC and L, dressed in a kilt, a swan lake costume, and a tutu with handcuff belt and combat boots.

Bid on a bunch of stuff at the charity auction and end up with a nice purchase for $100 Canadian.

Go along with Minuet and L as they return Carlo Rota's hat (it got lost at the con) to him and watch him do the worker bee dance for you to enhance his flawless directions to a
nice restaurant in the Italian section.

Drive home from the con exhausted, but happy and buy 10 Lindt chocolate bars with Cointreau Liqueur in them at the duty free shop.

Go through customs and have the woman in the booth tell you you'll both have to go see a custom's officer.

Hope to GOD he doesn't ask you what you bought in Toronto.

Customs officer to L:
Ok, ma'am, how much did you spend on purchases on your stay in Canada and what did
you buy?

L: Well, I bought a painting... and a shirt... and some things at the duty free shop.

Customs officer looking at me:
Ok... and you ma'am?

Me (looking for the nearest hole to crawl into):

Umm... well... I bought a refrigerator magnet of an actor for $100.

(Hoping against hope, but seeing that the officer IS about to ask why a refrigerator magnet would cost $100):

And... well you see, it was a charity auction and the actor is naked...
and has all these little... um... (Oh God, just let me die NOW)...
shorts and things you can put on him...

(Officer looking like I have three heads)

... You know...
...like a paper doll??? (:*

*
*
*
*

Start laughing uncontrollably as soon as you're both back in the car.

As you leave beautiful Canada, listen to a tape of Roch Voisine music and cry your little eyes out, knowing you'll never EVER have this much fun again.

(Sigh)

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Replies:

[> ROTFLOL! Do I dare ask who wore the tutu with the handcuff belt and combat boots?? I KNoW I don't dare ask why....! Shirleym, you always crack me up, I'm so glad there's now this board where I can read your delightful posts! -- Daishi, 01:13:12 08/12/01 Sun

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[> [> Ditto, Daishi! :D SCC wore the tutu with combat boots. It was a take off on J'en Suis to the music of the four swans, complete with inflating sporan. *g* -- Shirleym, 23:24:32 08/13/01 Mon

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Shirleym!!! I have to say again what a fantastic performance you ladies put on again this year and glad I was able to stop and thank you personally in the back halls!! Kudos to a job WELL done!! You ladies ROCKED!! sounds like you had as much fun driving to and from the con as you did while you were there. :-) -- Northstar, 14:19:33 08/12/01 Sun

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[> [> Oh, thank you so much, Northstar. :-) It's good to know it came across ok because, with no time to practice together, we never know what's going to happen out there. LOL -- Shirleym, 23:37:35 08/13/01 Mon

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Hey Shirlym, I really enjoyed the presentations by The Little Ops of Horror at the con (my favorite was �I Remember It Well� but I was sitting way way back at the banquet. Is there any chance that you will post a transcript? -- bluemelon, 15:43:46 08/13/01 Mon

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[> [> Sure, Bluemelon. I'll do it little by little as I piece all back together. :D Here's "You'll Be in Section"(r) -- Shirleym, 23:56:26 08/13/01 Mon

YOU'LL BE IN SECTION
(Sung to "Dentist!" from Little Shop of Horrors)

(Little Ops of Horror come out dressed in white lab coats with torture twin glasses and little yellow briefcases.)

When I was younger, just a STRANGE little kid
My momma noticed funny THINNNNNGS I did
Like playing surgeon, but I didn't scrub...
I made my straight jackets a little too snug

And then when all my friends were close to dead
That's when my momma said

{{What did she say}}??

She said, "My child I think some day
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies PAY!"

YOU'LL be in Se-hec-tionnnnnnn
You have a talent for causing things PAIN
{{{PAIN!}}}
YOU'LL be in Se-hec-tionnnnnnn
People will pay you to be in-hu-MANE
{{{IN-HU-MANE!}}}
Your temperments wrong for the convent
And teaching would suit you still LESS
YOU'LL be in Se-hec-tionnnnnnnnn
You'll be a *success*

Here she is, girls, the mistress of the chair!
Watch her open that case - {{{OH MY GAWWWWWD}}}
She's in torture and she's bad enough to be - really good
Who wants their cheeks done by the Marquis de Sade?
It won't hurt...
When she's done

Oh SHUT UP
GET the chair
Here I coooooooooooome!

I am in Se-hec-tiooooooon
And I enjoy the career that I picked
{{{Love it!}}}
I am in Se-hec-tiooooooon
And I get off on the pain I inflict
{{{Really LOVE it!}}}

I THRILL - when a finger gets busted
I swell when they tell me I'm mal-a-jus-ted
Se-hec-tiooooooooon

And though it may cause some undue distress
{{{DIS-TRESS}}}
Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know, I know, Madeline's PROUD of me

Ohhhhhh, Maddy!

'Cause I'm in Se-hec-tioooooooon
And a *suc-cess*

Say Ahhhhhhhhhhh
{{{Ahhhhhhhh}}}
Say Ahhhhhhhhhhh
{{{AHHHH~hhhhhhh}}}
Say Ahhhhhhhhhhh
{{{AHHHHHHHHHHHH!}}}

Now SIT!! :D

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[> [> [> Thank you so very much!!! Can't wait for the others! -- bluemelon, 00:06:49 08/14/01 Tue

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[> ...so did Alberta like the song? (LOL!) Shirley, you are a treasure. I'm going to ditto bluemelon's request if you are able to do that. I loved that song. -- Susan W, 23:45:00 08/13/01 Mon

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[> [> Her exact words, as I remember them were, "WHAT a PISSer!!!" - with a big smile on her face. LOL Here are the words to The Maddy (which we did at CQS2) (r) -- Shirleym, 00:38:23 08/14/01 Tue

THE MADDY (sung to the theme song from The Nanny)

She was JUST a kid until that fateful day when sheeeeeee
Pushed her sister down the stairs in one of those crushing scenes
What was she to do
Where was she to go
She felt like such a baddieeeeeeeeeeeeee!

So
Over the sea to Paris- to the Section's door
She was there to get a job, but O-pe-ra-tions saw more
She had style
She had flair
She could *STARE*!
That's how she became
The Maddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

WhOOOOO would have guessed Red Cell ops lightly fried
Was just exactly what the Section prescribed!

Now the baaaaaad guys are all dyin'
{{{'Cause sheeeeee's so meeeeeeeean}}}
And that Maaaaaad Maddy is smilin'
{{{Such JOIS de vivre!}}}
She's the lady in plummmm when everybody else is turning greee~eeeeee~eeeen
The torture queen from Sec-tion
That Maddy is KEEN!

Yeah!

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[> [> [> Lovin it! Keep them coming! -- bluemelon, 23:38:13 08/14/01 Tue

Shirlym, did you ever consider posting them on their own? I've seen a couple of people interested in reliving the banquet experience. :)

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[> OMG! How could I forget the look on the Customs Agent's face?! He just shook his head with the strangest look on his face and told us to get out of there. Driving is always an adventure :-) -- --L, 12:15:19 08/15/01 Wed

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