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Date Posted: 15:50:33 09/09/06 Sat
Author: Rev. Mark McManus
Author Host/IP: 69.144.150.160
Subject: Re: Need Prayer
In reply to: Rev. Sandra Stevens 's message, "Need Prayer" on 01:19:02 09/03/06 Sun


Dear Sister Sandra,

Oh my.. I will tell you, not from theory or academics, but from tear stained experience. You are TOO CLOSE to the situation. This does not deny your desire to minister to those you love, nor your ability to reach out, but simply.. you are too close to the situation to be left unsinged by the issues that they are struggling with.

This happens many times. That's why as a Police Chaplain if a call comes out that is a family member they will bring in another. A Doctor will not operate on his own family, and Police are not allowed to respond to a call involving their own.

My heart was crushed as I tried to navigate by myself an issue with my oldest who returned from Iraq with some serious hurts, and angers. I was speachless. Not intimidated, not ignorant, not deeply and desperately wanting to speak "truth" into the situation. but rather TOO close. Despite the intentions, the perspective, clarity, and even ability to adequatley address the issue at hand is all but either muted, or inefectual.

As well, in a "Marraige" battleground. You Never want to counsel a spouse of the oposite sex, or alone. Mem with men, women with women, and Couples with couples. Lest jealously blind the eyes of truth with the fire of accusation. Pre-marital (Pastoral counselling) is different only with respect to the climate and heart of the process. But this? There is indeed safety in numbers, that we avoid even the "appearance" of evil.

My advice (which is a dangerous term) is to refer these to someone else. Sadly if "you" want reconcilliation for them more that "they" do, or are willing to work through, you are setting yourslef up for disappointment and for the enemy to come in and attack your abilities as a Pastor.

Why do you think domestic calls are so dangerous for law enforcement. The officer will go in to help the abused, and while he or she detains the assulter the victim will smash them on the head with a frying pan, saying "leave my baby alone"!

Domestic scenerios, are some times, very emotional, unstable, and unpredictable.

Detatch with love, but detach, or you end up being the co-dependant fixer who is also the casualty.

There is a fine line between, empowering and enabeling.
Care "giving" and Care taking. It is so common in the ministry.

You DO have the power to pray for them
you DO have the power to love them
you DO have the power to give them referal names

you DON"T have the power to "make them" take the action
you DON'T have the power to "make them" stay together
you DON'T have the power to "make them" change their hearts

As much as we SO want to..especially if we love them.

I would make sure that you are not alone, in any way with your friend. That you let them both know you love them and will pray for them, and will provide any referals should they choose, but other than that, it sounds like it's time to step back. Jesus heals, we don't He's the Savior, we aren't.

And in these scenerios emotions many times blind the eyes of rational truth. Be there for "them" plural... should they reach out down the road, but get your finger out of the wound. We think we are fixing it, but many times we are just agitating it and prolonging its healing.

God bless you sister! Absolutley..God bless you.

Yours in Christ
Rev. Mark McManus

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