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Date Posted: 31/10/06 8:04pm
Author: Mavis BaconSnout (Pessimistically Optomistic)
Subject: Re: Distributors needed
In reply to:
Professor Barnswallow
's message,
"Distributors needed" on
30/10/06 6:29pm
Professor,
Your device sounds like a wonderful unit, and so narrowly focussed, suitable for a very limited set of functions.
I must admit though, after having to reconstruct part of my house when I purchased firstly the KZ-4X, and the the JimbleJammer 3000, I am a bit reluctant.
You don't mention any weapons capabilities - can I take it then that it has none, or will I buy it only to discover it that its self destruct mechanism is powered by a hydrogen bomb, and that it is more than ready to use it? Does it have any weapons manufacturing capabilities? Will I come home to discover that it has enhanced my home security system with lethal laser beams?
Mavis
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Replies:[> [>
Re: Distributors needed -- Professor Barnswallow (It's safer than the KZ-4X),
31/10/06 9:43pm
Mavis,
Since I am merely a marketing type I have contacted the manufacturer "Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd." in Taiwan. Beloved leader Kim Jong-il assures me that previous products not meeting the EU standards for domestic munitions are no longer being manufactured. Therefore although his note did not specifically rule out lethal laser beams, hydrogen bombs, or any weapons manufacturing capabilities. I think it is safe to say this product would not pose a danger to anyone.
As you can see for yourself, this product is truly unique. In addition to the wonderful features previously mentioned the factory has announced that it will also monitor toast to assure an even browning, and be equipped with a launching mechanism for the waffle’s so that you might enjoy skeet shooting at breakfast time.
As you stated the engineers at "Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd." have deliberately kept the number of functions limited and focused on specific tasks, however a focus group of people probably not unlike yourself had requested the toast monitor and skeet waffle additions. After careful deliberation Beloved Leader approved the engineering changes to meet the market demands outside of Asia.
However at this time we have no distributors in your area, if you would like to become a distributor we would be more than happy to ship a gross of this fine product to your doorstep. Looking forward to your reply.
Professor Barnswallow
Senior Sales Representative
Bedbeger International
Industrial Supply Sales
Nottingham Region
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Re: Distributors needed -- Murphy O`Shazzlehandle,
4/11/06 2:44pm
Professor Barnswallow
You may not be aware but I am currently undergoing a legal battle with Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd after they stole one of my ideas in March of 2003. Having patended my idea , which could best be described as a labour saving device for birds of prey, they, Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd patended an identical device in April of the same year.
The similarities between my device and theirs is strikingly similar. My device is a large piece of 4 by 2 with holes in either end (and in the middle), it also doubles as a pair of long range field-binoculars - as does theirs. My device is totally automated with manual option override fitted as standard, as is theirs, and my device is enscribed with the acronym B.O.B.D (Bird of Prey Device)in luminous mouve indelible ink, as, coinicidentally, does theirs.
My device is also a handy draft excluder, as theirs is too, and my device can be modified to use as a makeshift rounders bat, the same as theirs. My device has a storage facility for arms caches (theirs too) and my device is a shoe horn with a built-in fm radio, so`s their one.
My device is a barometer and geigercounter (ditto theirs) and my device can test the authenticity of 24 Karat Gold from 12 metres whilst submerged in Olive Oil and/or distilled penguin`s piss, it also teaches one how to yodel: "I belong to Glasgow" in D minor, in 3 easy lessons - theirs (incredible though it may seem).. likewise.
My device also picks-up satellite television totally free of charge and every shopping channel, weather bulletings, and live coverage of the London to Brighton Milk Race whilst serving you with a running buffet and copious amounts of the finest wine - all free of charge of course - their`s does too!
Based on the above information do you think we have a strong case?
Kindest regards
Murphy O`Shazzlehandle
Nightclub Doorman and Proud Inventor Extraordinaire.
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Re: Distributors needed -- Professor Barnswallow (Quality Products without Warranty), 5/11/06 6:50pm
Murphy,
You certainly present a good argument in the similarities between your device and the one sold by Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd. However in talking to Beloved Leader we both are mystified how you came across Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd’s device.
It seems our distribution network has some explaining to do, these were made specifically for export to only a few locations as they did not meet EU standards. These were only available in the Tuamotu archipelago and Antarctica from July to August by special order. They are no longer in production due to failing to get EU and ISO approval and generally sluggish sales. If we had done any market research we would have realized that shoes were unheard of on the Tuamotu archipelago and distilled penguin piss freezes at 28 degrees Fahrenheit. In addition in several instances the shoehorn has caught fire due to a fault in the FM radio’s Sony supplied battery pack. The Antarctic tests went equally as bad with ice forming in the holes and explosively flying in all directions when used as a rounders bat, and a malfunction in the 24 Karat Gold detector caused at least 14 deaths when in the extreme cold it started giving false readings of sheathbill droppings causing these unfortunate explorers to drift off on ice flows.
Best of luck with the doorman job and keep up inventing, Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd. is always looking for new products.
Professor Barnswallow
Senior Sales Representative
Bedbeger International
Industrial Supply Sales
Nottingham Region
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Re: Distributors needed -- ILL EAGLE (all smelling evil nose), 6/11/06 9:00am
Murphy,
As an expert on the viscosity of fresh bird droppings (particularly albatross) I feel I am well qualified to comment on your case which involves a highly specialised area of intergalactic patent law.
I think the pivotal point in this case is, what type and model of "Bird of Prey" are we talking about? The Klingons made many different types and models. What was the crew capacity, gross weight, fastest warp speed etc ...
Unfortunately, you have fallen into the trap of all amateurs, and failed to recognise the salient points.
Feel free to consult me again, on matters of intergalactic law.
ILL
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