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Date Posted: 10/01/06 1:14am
Author: Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Subject: Exclusive distributors USA/UK
Introducing the Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill.
Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd. Taiwan is pleased to announce the all new Kim Jong-il Grill.
Not like George Forman grill, has self-contained power source and can be completely immersed in water. As a matter of fact must be completely immersed in at least 3 meters of water.
No need to buy expensive supermarket chicken, just expose live chicken and feathers and skin come right off.
Compare features.
Forman grill -120/240 VAC power.
Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill - weapons grade plutonium power
Forman grill - messy cleanup
Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill - AEC will clean up
Forman grill - takes time to heat up
Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill - roasts anything it is exposed to instantly.
Exclusive distributors USA/UK
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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Replies:[>
Re: Exclusive distributors USA/UK -- Twoddly Bobshonks - Minister Domestic Munitions,
10/01/06 5:37am
>Introducing the Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill.
>
>Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd. Taiwan is
>pleased to announce the all new Kim Jong-il Grill.
>Not like George Forman grill, has self-contained power
>source and can be completely immersed in water. As a
>matter of fact must be completely immersed in at least
>3 meters of water.
>No need to buy expensive supermarket chicken, just
>expose live chicken and feathers and skin come right
>off.
>
>Compare features.
>Forman grill -120/240 VAC power.
>Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill - weapons grade
>plutonium power
>
>Forman grill - messy cleanup
>Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill - AEC will clean
>up
>
>Forman grill - takes time to heat up
>Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill - roasts anything
>it is exposed to instantly.
>
>Exclusive distributors USA/UK
>
>Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
>Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
>Attorneys at Law
This grill will need to pass a number of regulatory tests before it can be supplied with an approval number and sold. The following tests will need to be performed and the results submitted for examination to the Dept. of Domestic Munitions.
1. T3523224 - Suitability for use onboard aircraft during a force 10 hurricane, which occurs every 100 years. There are a number of manufacturers waiting for said hurricane to happen so they can perform this test.
2. T2343633 - Suitability for use as prosthetic leg by a Mongolian Reading Sheep. These sheep are extremely rare, the supply having been monopolized by a certain wax cylinder manufacturing company.
3. T6548775 - Suitability for use as an ice cream maker. This test came about after old Martha burned her leg trying to make ice cream with her grill. By ensuring that all grills can also make ice cream we prevent a repeat incident.
Of course these tests are time consuming and expensive to perform, and many manufacturers have found it economically beneficial to come to a special arrangement with myself.
If you wish to avail yourself of a special ministerial arrangment please call me directly to discuss the details.
regs
Twoddly Bobshonks
Minister for Domestic Munitions
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[> [>
Re: Exclusive distributors USA/UK -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.,
10/01/06 6:22pm
>
>This grill will need to pass a number of regulatory
>tests before it can be supplied with an approval
>number and sold. The following tests will need to be
>performed and the results submitted for examination to
>the Dept. of Domestic Munitions.
>
>1. T3523224 - Suitability for use onboard aircraft
>during a force 10 hurricane, which occurs every 100
>years. There are a number of manufacturers waiting
>for said hurricane to happen so they can perform this
>test.
I think we have a solution for T3523224, with the vast store of plutonium I am sure our boys in the lab could arrange a few well placed explosions (over uninhabited area of course) producing up to force 20 winds. This should also satisfy future requirements of T5699987-A the ability to withstand a prolonged firestorm and 3000 rem’s /hour exposure.
>2. T2343633 - Suitability for use as prosthetic leg by
>a Mongolian Reading Sheep. These sheep are extremely
>rare, the supply having been monopolized by a certain
>wax cylinder manufacturing company.
Since Mongolian reading sheep are unavailable I suggest we use Hairy Mongolian Political Commentary Sheep, we have a prosthetic foreleg ready for testing and are working on hoof replacements with three toes and an artificial heart.
>3. T6548775 - Suitability for use as an ice cream
>maker. This test came about after old Martha burned
>her leg trying to make ice cream with her grill. By
>ensuring that all grills can also make ice cream we
>prevent a repeat incident.
T5699987-A supersedes the requirements of T6548775, so if that test were passed this would not be a problem. And who wants glow in the dark blancmange anyway?
>
>Of course these tests are time consuming and expensive
>to perform, and many manufacturers have found it
>economically beneficial to come to a special
>arrangement with myself.
>
>If you wish to avail yourself of a special ministerial
>arrangment please call me directly to discuss the
>details.
In closing lets say we were to drop off £50 in small notes at the usual place and we keep this to ourselves, competition is bad for business after all. And I am sure there would be a tidy sum in it for you should we be the only ones to pass these tests.
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
>
>Twoddly Bobshonks
>Minister for Domestic Munitions
[ Edit | View ]
[>
Re: Exclusive distributors USA/UK -- Twoddly Bobshonks,
14/01/06 10:06pm
Dear Sir,
Let me introduce my company, Nuclear Product Marketing. As you can tell from the name, we market all kinds of products dealing with, or containing, nuclear enhancements.
Our benefits include
1. A streamlined approval process through the ridiculous government approval process - typically we can get a special exemption in under an hour, though fees may apply.
2. We have strong lobbying connections within the government, especially within the Domestic Munitions department.
3. We have many satisfied clients that would otherwise be bogged down in the government approvals process.
4. We can arrange to have your products appear in government offices, especially Domestic Munitions.
5. By using us you avoid all of the problems associated with the governments approval process.
I look forward to fleecing you, er, ah, meeting you.
Twoddly Bobshonks
President
Nuclear Product Marketing
--- Statement of Interest ------------------------------
Nuclear Product Marketing is wholly owned by Twoddly Bobshonks. There is no conflict of interest with his position as head of Domestic Munitions.
--------------------------------------------------------
>Introducing the Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill.
>
>Chiang Kai-shek Heavy Industries Ltd. Taiwan is
>pleased to announce the all new Kim Jong-il Grill.
>Not like George Forman grill, has self-contained power
>source and can be completely immersed in water. As a
>matter of fact must be completely immersed in at least
>3 meters of water.
>No need to buy expensive supermarket chicken, just
>expose live chicken and feathers and skin come right
>off.
>
>Compare features.
>Forman grill -120/240 VAC power.
>Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill - weapons grade
>plutonium power
>
>Forman grill - messy cleanup
>Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill - AEC will clean
>up
>
>Forman grill - takes time to heat up
>Kim Jong-il "Signature series" Grill - roasts anything
>it is exposed to instantly.
>
>Exclusive distributors USA/UK
>
>Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
>Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
>Attorneys at Law
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Re: Exclusive distributors USA/UK -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.,
17/01/06 12:03am
Dear Mr. Bobshonks,
Or may I call you Twoddly?
My associates Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije of Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije Ltd. Would be pleased to meet with you, they have much experiance dealing with crooked political persons in their "old country" I am shure they could show you the ropes (and cement blocks) I think you will find their proposal will make you more than willing to sign the papers required for our venture.
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
[ Edit | View ]
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