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Subject: depressed 58 year old woman Author: Ruth [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 22:24:13 12/30/09 Wed I am a 58 year old woman who is a dyslexic. Despite my disability I managed to earn an Masters of Arts degree in education; however I never pursued a job in education. My goal was to get the degree not a job. All my life I had hope that things in my life will get better. At this time, I have come to the conclusion that nothing is going to get better. I'm a loser and will always be loser. My self-esteem is so low that I do not know how I am going to ever get past this. I never married because I never ever wanted a man to know how stupid I am. I had many dates and a few boyfriends. When I was younger I had a much better attitude about life than I do now. For some unknown reason, I feel the samy way I felt when I was in grade school--STUPID.Why do dyslexics feel so stupid? Do other people make dyslexics feel inept. Where does this horrible feeling come from? When I was a child, I hated school. Many people like me and would never believe that I am dyslexic. I have many of the charteristics that describe dyslexics. Creativity and imagination are two of them. I often think outside the box and have a quick mind in sizing up a situation. Reading people is my specialty. I would like to know if anyone has any ideas to help me get over this sad state that I am currently in. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: depressed 58 year old woman Author: Carole Miles (happy) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08:47:30 01/01/10 Fri Hi Ruth really sorry to hear you speak about your self as a loser, stupid and inept, these words clearly don’t portray you. You have managed to get an MA and are aware of you considerable gifts. So why have you come to such a dismal conclusion about yours self. I have sat where your sitting now i do understand i’m also dyslexic and have had similar experiences of school as most dyslexics. So believe me when i say that its is only your point of view that is causing your distress, change your view point you change your experience of life. Sorry if this sounds hard or even simplistic its not, it takes hard work but here are a few tips i hope will help you to understand that you have the power to change your experience of life for the better. Use your abilities to read people and will see and you must know that people have issues that block their progress in relationships, work, education etc there are lots of single women out there that have failed relationships, broken marriages, pining over that one that got away and this as nothing to do with dyslexia, it is the default position human equals issues. The mistake i made and others make is that we mix up having dyslexia and being a human being with issues and it all goes in the same pot, but it all gets blamed on dyslexia, if your dyslexic. The work that needs to be done is to unravel dyslexia from the rest and deal with each issue in its own right. Your dyslexia is only a small part of the whole of your wonderful life, think about for minute it if you did not have dyslexia you would not have any problems? all your relationships would have worked out? you would be happily married now? because that what happens if you don’t not dyslexic, as if. I can’t keep writing i have to stop know but i give you one example from my life that demonstrates my point, i was so ashamed that i could not spell (i still can’t) if someone asked or even started to ask “how to spell” i would go blind with fear and i mean literally blind my sight would go all i could see was white and i could not tell if i was upside down or not it was that bad. now if someone finds out i can’t spell i could not care less, i know who i’m, and just because i can’t spell less dose not make me any less of a person. By the way did you know that to be diagnosed a dyslexic you need to register higher than average intelligence, if you don’t have an high IQ than you can’t be dyslexic. So your smart remember that, good luck with your journey i hope that you find pace with your dyslexia, i personally will always choose to be dyslexia because of the wonderful gifts it brings and i enjoy everyday. All the issues i have I’m working thought them one day at a time lol. Good luck..

[> [> Subject: Re: depressed 58 year old woman Author: Wanda [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12:23:01 01/05/10 Tue Your description sounds exactly the way my daughter would describe herself. However, the reality is, she's smarter than the rest of us in the house, to the point that it amazes me sometimes. But all her self-assessments are the same as yours. Her intuition is tops, as is creativity and style. She is a really smart person, and so are you! It shows in your writing. Carole was absolutely correct in her reply. Strive to adhear to it. Change your focus, look at your strong points and utilize them. Also, focus on others more.

[> [> Subject: Re: depressed 58 year old woman Author: Elizabeth (happilly dyslectic) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12:53:14 03/11/10 Thu Ruth, Carole is right. I have been through feeling silly. Learning that I was dyslectic freed me of all my fears. Now I don't care that i cannot spell! Luckily there are computer programs that check your spelling for you. This way I can be a journalist - which I actually am. I can also read people, just like you. My mind also uses out of the mold patterns. There is a lot in common between all of us. I am sure nobody thinks that you are stupid. As for me - I know I am not - I have managed to hide my disability all my life! As long as it is not a severe case, I don't see what is so wrong with dyslexia. It only makes you more distinctive in the crowd!

[> [> Subject: Re: depressed 58 year old woman Author: Don (Interesting) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11:05:41 07/28/10 Wed I am married to a 58 year old female that cannot read or write. We got married when she was 19 years old. I did not realise the problem until she was about 21. Believe it or not tests revealed she was not dyslexic. (1974) I beleive these tests were wrong and they succeeded in ensuring her belief in herself as simply "Dumb". She tried a number of adult literacey classes over the years that made her feel even worse as the students had other disabilities. Our two children were born in the early 80`s. She was determined they would not feel like her. She worked as an irononing & cleaning lady and personally paid for good education as she feared they may inherit her perceived intelligence. Those kids are now double degreed beautiful adults ... anyhow to this day she beleives she is still dumb (but I know otherwise) and as we approach our retirement years she would like to try touching a keyboard & seeking help on the internet. (I am trying again to get her motivated to challenge her demon) She tells me that books designed to help her are childish, dumb and demeaning. Perhaps you can help guide me to help her. (Ithink she would love to read books on animals or even nice romantic true stories on life) I bet you are like my wife. I always use her incredible intuition, particularly when I have to make a judgement that relates to individual people or regarding colour or furniture selection for interior house design. But guess what she still gets very depressed at her work when asked to attend basic training requirements (She is employed as a cleaner still) as her peers & friends become aware of her disability. She is incredibly witty and can dress me down to size anytime with a ferocious tongue - especially at a younger age around menstruation time. As we have grown old together I have fallen in love with her even more. Can you help me help her? She would like to learn in private by the internet. She can only dream about the educational possibilities you have overcome.(she can`t even turn a computor on at the moment, but if I can introduce her to some entertaining type, learning challenges I think she will respond positiveley. Suggested websites would be good. For you to have acheved so much when dyslexic means you will be doubly gifted. You will have developed great ways to hide your fears - but in fact developed great perceptions in other fields. Don`t waste such great Talent - I know you can be of great help to many.

[> Subject: Re: depressed 58 year old woman Author: damefrank [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:27:05 01/03/10 Sun Probably be a relief to you to go help youth who have the same issues you have. This will provide you all the energy you need to succeed yourself! Go to the local college or any school and ask how you can help those with dyslexia. An ounce of prevention.....you know how it goes! The honest truth is that most people pay to get their troubles corrected. If you don't wish to pay, be one of those who helps others who can't pay either...that's what I do!

[> [> Subject: Re: depressed 58 year old woman Author: julia (I agree with damefrank they need to understand) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02:11:51 01/08/10 Fri Your example of been there for them will incourage them. show.that u care as dexlias we still indervidals and your strenghts might bee what they need and as you step out and bee there for them with understanding you may never know how this will help them not give up on themselves and too keep trying too bee all they can.this can and dose happen just because they know some one realy knows.You can and are needed for them too know you might bee the only one that comes into there lifes.that trully knows by exprance others care and are doing all they can to help them with all the knowlage there is now avalable too help that wasent there before and this is increasing as the years pass.by you steping out been there for them in offering to help at a collage or school in any way they belive you can.just by been there for them they will know somehow that you really know and care as you practly do all you can too help them increase there ablitys too learn and express what they know and feel and are traped not been able too.you might never have the oppertunity to express inwords your understanding that you have but as your there for them in there need in a collage schools and after school care where home work is been done.they know your there forethem as you help them that theres a ture passion and understanding that comes from you.in how you are perpared too give up your time for them just by coming aside them in there time off need.and others will see and know what your doing for the younger ones.how you care for them and some might ask you why do care so then there may bee opertunitys as you answer there qs that dexlas are people off worth and much too give too others they need understanding and incorgament understanding too become all that they can become in soicty So step out and indoing so you have so much its in you to give out in so many ways by turning the paid and depression you known into help and understanding and as you do others will know and will ask qs off why what are you doing by helping dexlias in the way you do. as you answer ther qs they will come into understanding of what is need in the life of dexlias and what life like for dexlias.

[> Subject: Re: depressed 58 year old woman Author: Al [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:18:10 01/08/10 Fri Hi Ruth. So sad to hear on your grief. I am 57 years old and have struggled with ADHD; I have signs of dyslexia and an inner ear cerebella dysfunction. I discovered the ADHD disorder when I was an adult, about 15 years ago. What I want to tell you is I am a creative person like you and have been a graphic design for over 30 years. I am also happily married for 20 yrs. As far as my personality I am fun loving and caring. Since my childhood and through the years I’ve always had a very short fuse with a bad temper. Ruth, going back to my creative side I’ve had a great career. I’ve had many distinguished awards and accomplished many things in my career. My self-esteem is very strong and I feel very good about myself. I know I am very smart then again I always feel dumb. I consider myself as a normal person but I do have some mood swings. I am a very quite person and I don’t express much emotion. Since being diagnosed I’ve been on Prozac along with Dexedrine. The Prozac helps control my moods as it keeps me on an even plane. The Dexedrine is used to help me focus, but the Dexedrine drug is also an anti-depressant medication. Through the years during my marriage I have gone through counseling. This has really helped as I’ve gone through many bouts of depression. It’s really frustrating for me not being diagnosed early when I was a child. Now I think it’s more than ADHD. For the past 5 years I’ve noticed that I have a memory lapse that also impairs my speech, my writing, and my concentration. For the past half year I’m getting counseling and being evaluated and that I might have an inner-ear/cerebella dysfunction. Now because I’m an adult I’ve learned through the years to compensate and I get by. What I really think is that, I have a form of dyslexia and that my dyslexic symptoms might be inner-ear related. I’m going to see my internist and will quite possibly see a neurologist. Here is what I’ve found out with this syndrome. There are hundreds of diverse symptoms characterizing the dyslexic syndrome resulting when normal thinking brain and related nervous system processors experience secondary difficulties upon receiving scrambled signals from a dysfunctioning “inner-ear”. The quality and intensity of the symptoms are determined by (1) the specific inner-ear signal scrambled and degree of scrambling into the brain; (2) the normal brain centers receiving these scrambled signals, and (3) the brain’s capacity for descrambling or compensation happens. So these mixed neurological disorders — the brain + nervous system processors are impaired with even a greater difficulty receiving scrambled “dyslexic” signals for interpretation and/or action. For me, possibly with conditioning therapies and new medications can possibly help decreasing signal-scrambling and increasing processing capacity. Here are some of my symptoms and variation characterizing dyslexic tendencies: For me speech becomes dsyrhythmic resulting in starting and stopping. This subtle disturbance, I often become shy and avoid unnecessary speaking. My motor speech response has drifted. Impairing my word memory and concentration mechanics which I lag between intention to say something and the actual motor speech response. For me there are many disturbances for word and thought recall concentrating then a spontaneous speech flow – thus I speak a “loose” rambling and disjointed speaking styles (viewed as scatterbrained). As far as my concentration and distractibility I feel I’m forced to expend large amounts of concentration and effort over relatively short periods of time. I cannot relax or rest my concentration mechanisms thus dyslexic sensor motor and related cognitive and speech errors occur (I have read this). This forces me to struggle constantly to keep my concentration mechanisms going — I forever complain of feeling sleepy, tired, foggy, in a trance, or blocked. I nap as often as I can -- just for five minutes then I feel relaxed with no anxiety. As far as my reading, words are forgotten as rapidly as they are learned. I feel I have severe word-finding and my articulation is impaired. I know I have a memory retrieval problem and have compensated and gotten by. This memory disturbances for word and thought recall complicates the spontaneous speech flow and for me I usually say nothing at all. Ruth in ending I hope my story helps you.

[> Subject: Re: depressed 58 year old woman Author: ruth [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 22:10:40 01/08/10 Fri thank you all for your responses. Al, I can relate to you. I also struggle with speech and articulation. Stuttering and speaking with grammatical errors frequently occurs.

[> Subject: Re: depressed 58 year old woman Author: Sandra (Hopeful) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 16:14:28 01/10/10 Sun I can understand your frustration. My case is a strange one. I was not born with dyslexia. I had meningitis in my 20's which affected my short memory and language. So I know how it feels both ways. I am in my 40's I was diagnosed 3 years ago. I also suffer from a rare immune disorder I have never been able to drive ( I did pass my test at the age of 18), and it has taken me 8 years to complete my second degree ( Fine art at Central St Martins) with a first in my studio work. I am a mixed media artist, and I am told I am very good at it. I do feel down sometimes because I know I am not like most people around me. i have two kids and its hard not to be on top of things all the time. I find difficult to concentrate and be organized, but in the other hand i am very creative, and use images rather than language to express myself. Before the dyslexia I was a very good writer, now it has taken me over 6 years to write my thesis. Its possible to have a life and in spite of the difficulties you can find love too. Don't be ashamed of who you are. Real love has no barriers! Good luck to you, I hope you find all the love you deserve. Sx

[> Subject: Re: depressed 58 year old woman Author: lovely lady b (not sure) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 15:22:15 03/11/10 Thu hi, i am 39 and i am just dealing with my dyslexia. ypur spelling seems to realy good 2 be truth i wish i could spell like u. be strong u be fine if there is away there is a welli think ur smart......