Re: Thank you Zombie -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 21:09:50 05/25/16 Wed
Author: Anna (stayed the first time around)
Subject: Re: Thank you Zombie
In reply to: Casseopia 's message, "Re: Thank you Zombie" on 05:25:14 05/24/16 Tue

I have a similar story. I was shocked to learn, about 20 years ago now, that my husband was having an affair with a man. He claimed childhood abuse, the therapist talked about acting out trauma, and my husband was incredibly remorseful. I stayed, and we had a lot of fun (and, incidentally, a great sex life) over the years as our children grew up. I will never regret that choice, even though TGT was exposed again later, about 4 years ago. This time, it was accompanied by alcohol abuse, a lack of remorse, and lots of narcissistic behavior. He became someone else entirely, and I left - another decision I don't regret.
I don't think the abuse made him attracted to men- I think the abuse made him ASHAMED of being attracted to men. What a horrible way to live - ashamed, secretive, scared. I feel tremendously sorry for him, and I agree heartily with the comment that these guys are simply a MESS. So I don't really condemn him; I just don't want all that mess and craziness around me anymore. In the end, I realized that the only way to really help him was to leave him -- our divorce lets him get a little closer to his authentic self.
I share some discomfort with the "He's Gay! Run!" or "He Cheated on You! Run!" feeling of some posts. My situation felt WAY more complex than that. When you need to, run. Trust your gut.

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Replies:

Re: Thank you Zombie -- Z Walker, 10:18:03 05/27/16 Fri