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Date Posted: 17:22:09 04/25/16 Mon
Author: Kel
Subject: Is it possible.....
In reply to: Doug 's message, "Who are you and where did the person I know go????" on 07:12:16 04/25/16 Mon

...for you to offer to take your son to all things baseball-related? This would only work if 1) you were planning on going to everything anyway, and 2) you live close enough that it wouldn't be too much of a burden on you. I bet she'll jump at the chance. What she's doing MAY be intentionally hurting you. OR, it could be that she's only into things that matter to her now. And baseball doesn't, even if it's for her son. If the latter is the case, then she will likely jump at the chance to have more free time on her hands.

If she's willing to go that route, then I'd try to include her in the schedule (because even if she doesn't go, she still needs to be aware of your son's schedule for his sake). Give her something in an text or email once per week that tells her when you're picking your son up and where. Set expectations - tell her that you intend to take your son for ice cream or whatever after the game, and then you'll return him. That you'll text her once you leave the ballpark. None of this is a true hardship for you (unless you live far from her), and it means that your son will be at each and every baseball-related event on time, all excited. It will give the two of you something to bond over, too. She need not be involved in your bonding.

I realize that your son loves nothing more than when the three of you can be a unit. But you are not a unit. Presenting him with that illusion may feel good at the moment, but if you're both unhappy or cold toward each other, it's not worth much. I recommend keeping yourselves separate except when COMPLETELY necessary (that means that if she shows to the games, she sits wherever she plops herself down, and you do NOT join her there). If she's hugging him after the game, you wait patiently just outside of their little bubble. Your entire focus is on your son when he sees you. You only need to exchange pleasantries with your ex when the two of you need to speak - or just to say hello (to be cordial to each other in front of your son). That's IT.

What she did was wrong. and it was rude of her to not at least inform you. But don't assume that she's doing it to be hurtful. She may just be a jerk now, and this is the way that jerks behave.

The reason they treat us so poorly after they come out is because it's easier to justify being mean to someone you hate. Plus the resented us for a while anyway - before they came out. Apparently we were the roadblock to their new lives. It's all self-delusion so they can live with themselves. You'd THINK that just being honest and apologetic would be easier, but that's how normal, honest, healthy people think. If she's not those things, then she can't think the way that type of person does. Period.

Best to you -

Kel

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