Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 18:54:15 05/24/16 Tue
Author: Susan (Final thoughts)
Subject: Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT
In reply to: Casseopia 's message, "Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT" on 16:37:11 05/18/16 Wed

Z Walker wrote: "My relationship with H is different now. We are more connected emotionally but, BUT, I will always wonder if I did the right thing in staying...not for him, but for me and our family."

Thank you for sharing your experience Z Walker. That took a lot of courage. I think I could feel a lot of pain in what you shared...a pain we've all experienced unfortunately. I've learned a few things from my own journey. No 'expert' could explain my intuition. No expert could convince me that my husband wasn't gay. No expert ever made me feel loved or desired. And no expert EVER told me that I deserved dignity, respect, honesty, or even passion. The experts were all about him: his pain, his story, his homosexuality. They had one patient: him. If I'd listened to all the 'experts', I'd still be that same sad woman checking his emails, text messages, and browser history. I'd still be crying myself to sleep at night when he was God knows where screwing God knows who. I'd still wonder after sex if I'd caught something. Staying with him meant a slow death and I knew it.

For me the price was too high. For the first time in my life I put myself FIRST. F*ck him, f*ck his experts, f*ck his addictions, and f*ck his bullsh*t rationalizations why I couldn't be happy. I made a decision, divorced, hurt a bit, found love (and glorious SEX), and would NEVER go back to that pink cage of a sham marriage I had before. Yes it's hard but I'm worth it and I'd NEVER go back to who I was.

I was faced with two choices Cass: place yet another losing bet on a closeted gay man, a liar, a cheat, and an addict or take a chance me. This was the easiest and yet hardest choice of my life. I chose me. Good luck!

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Replies:

Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- still wondering (Amen!!), 23:08:58 05/24/16 Tue
Re: Sexual abuse as a young boy and TGT -- Mary, 00:49:38 05/25/16 Wed