| Subject: Re: Motherhood ambivalence? |
Author:
Siannach
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Date Posted: 14:59:06 07/08/02 Mon
In reply to:
Jen
's message, "Re: Motherhood ambivalence?" on 18:16:57 07/07/02 Sun
I understand everything you've said, but I think that its perfectly fine for books to be out there to say a person isn't a bad mother because they feel unfulfilled or selfish from time to time. Everyone's experience of motherhood is different--as different as their children's personalities, their backgrounds, and the size of their family. What works for one person doesn't work for another. This is true for just about anything related to parenting.
I was an exceptionally patient mom when I just had one (special needs) child. People always remarked on it. When I had another child 2 years later, I was a bit busier, more sleep deprived and a little less patient. After the third child, I feel a bit outnumbered. I'm much busier, much more sleep deprived and a lot less patient. I don't have enough hands, eyes, or laps anymore. The scales seriously tipped after the third child in just over 4 years. These days, I don't find motherhood as fun and fulfilling as I used to. I have demands coming from me from 3 directions constantly. The three of them bicker, scuffle and argue nearly constantly in some combination or other. I'm constantly refereeing. Its a whole nother kettle of fish now. And I do feel unfulfilled. I miss reading. Now that the baby is almost 2, I get more time to read, but that doesn't mean that I can. There is so much that I put off until bed time that I can't do it all. I am also so chronically exhausted and stressed (from constant noise, worry over the kids health issues, and just general busy-ness) that when I do pick up a book, I can't concentrate on it. I can't sew or do hobbies that involve concentration, or mess or small pieces because I have to be vigilant. I can't even cook dinner these days!
I know that this will pass and soon I'll have much more self sufficient children and I can start to work on fulfilling myself more, but right now, its on hold. Not because I'm a martyr, but just because of my children's personalities and the number of children I have. I wouldn't give them up for the world. They are wonderful kids and I'm so lucky to have them in my life. They are smart and funny and loving. They make me happy. But I do feel like I've lost myself. I'll find me again someday when they are bigger. But for now, I can't help feeling a bit unfulfilled. You know? I don't think that makes me seriously deranged :-).
>I think people who are "unfulfilled" by motherhood
>have seriously deranged expectations
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