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Big Pimpin'
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Date Posted: 14:40:46 05/19/06 Fri
Sorry I screwed that last post up.
Q: Went to the Yankees home opener and was using one of the urinals in the men's bathroom. Two stalls over, a guy had his daughter in one of those baby pappoose things around his neck. The guy between us strikes up a conversation with the dad. "So how old is she? Is this her first baseball game? Is this her first Yankees game?" Then he says, while talking stupid baby talk, "I bet this won't be the only time you go to a Yankees game." Just then, another guy walks behind us and says, "I bet this also won't be the only time she's in the men's room," and keeps on walking past. Welcome to Yankee Stadium.
--J. Coyle, Morristown, N.J.
SG: Now this is the stuff that doesn't happen on the West Coast. But you got me thinking -- I have been doing these mailbag columns for nine years now (dating back to my old Web site), and there have been an inordinate amount of men's room stories from sporting events. I even have a personal favorite that happened to me:
A few years ago, the Bug and I had roof-deck seats on the third-base side at Fenway and ended up hitting the men's room together. Because there aren't a ton of roof-deck seats, it's always pretty quiet up there in the concessions and the bathrooms ... so if you ever wanted to do something a little, um, risky, that's the place to do it. Anyway, we're using the urinals and Bug looks in the mirror and notices that, in one of the stalls behind us, there are two sets of legs, and let's just say that they're facing each other and one of the people was crouching. It's impossible to overstate how excited the Bug was about this -- he looked happier than a third base coach ready to congratulate someone who just hit a walkoff homer.
We both finish our business, and I want to go back to our seats, but Bug refuses to leave because he wants to see how cute the girl is. He won't be denied. So now we're just hanging out in the men's room pretending to wash our hands for a few minutes. Finally, the door to the stall opens ... and two of the ugliest, scummiest people on the planet walk out of there. You know how you feel when Carmela and Tony start making out on the "Sopranos"? Multiply that by 200,000. Even worse, the girl has one of those cutesy, "Uh-oh, looks like we were caught" looks on her face. We couldn't have fled out of there fast enough -- it was like we were leaving a crime scene.
So here's my question: Why hasn't this turned into its own Web site yet? Doesn't everyone have one bizarre bathroom story from a sporting event? Just in the last month, someone sent me cell phone photos of Danny Ainge peeing in a urinal and glancing over in horror right as the picture was taken, and someone else sent me a YouTube video of a drunk Cubs fan doing a Rick Dempsey-style, face-first slide through one of those long urinal troughs. Shouldn't we be putting this stuff in one place?
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